“He didn’t make it.”

Those four words echo in my mind all day

  I tell myself to keep up a façade-not here, not now.

I continue with the rest of the day, but the thought of you lingers in the back of my mind.

 How will I go on without you?

How will your family handle it?

Finally, I make it home;

I collapse onto my bed, the thoughts I have put off for so long cloud my mind.

 All at once they hit me and my emotions control me.

I sob into my pillow and try to get myself to calm down.

I grab tissues by the handful,

crying so hard I am hiccupping;

exhausted, I drift into a fitful slumber.

I go to school the next day and once again the thought of you lingers.

I perform all the correct motions, yet I am not actually there.

I know you would want me to be strong and not cry;

however, there is a pain in my chest that won’t go away.

I feel like I am in a trance as I face your family at the wake.

I look at each of their tear-stained faces and offer my sympathy.

I try my hardest to stay composed and hold back the tears,

a few still find their way down my cheeks

The hardest part is yet to come;

dressed in my best clothes I climb the steps to the old stone church on the hill.

Here gathers all your family and friends,

and seeing each one of them reminds me of you.

At the end of the service, I follow the crowd behind the church to the cemetery.

This is where the hardest goodbye I will ever say in my life happens.

Every day after, the pain lessens a little more yet I know deep in my heart

 I will always miss you.