I’m still afraid

To fully love you.

I’m scared
because sometimes
I just look at you
and the words bleed through my heart
and travel fast through my veins
infecting the rest of my body.

And when you tell me
That you love me
I cannot imagine,
I cannot fathom,
It is crazy to even think
That I could ever love anyone else
The way that I love you.

I am utterly terrified
Because although
You tell me that you love me
You say that we are too young
to be very serious.

And what I feel for you
Is entirely made of serious
thoughts and emotions.

You tell me one thing
And act the same way

AND THEN

You speak these heavy words
That break through me
Like I am nothing.
Like we are nothing.
Like what we feel means NOTHING.

And I am afraid
Because I don’t want you
To be afraid of getting serious.
Because I don’t want you
To deny that what we have might be serious.




But I am more afraid
That you will realize this.
And that your fear will consume you
And drive you from me.

I am terrified
Because I do not want to lose you.
You are my best friend.
You are the one person
I don’t fear judgement from.
The one person I can utterly be myself around.

I know that we are young
That we have our whole lives ahead of us
And that there are so many
Other perfect girls out there for you
And many things for you to experience.

But I’m afraid
That you are the one.
And I’m scared
That you won’t give in to love.
I am utterly terrified
That you will slip back into the apathy that once consumed you.

I am afraid
Because I love you fully
And I love you truly.
Everything about you
good and bad,
Because even your bad is good to me.

I love you.

And I don’t want us to be afraid anymore.