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Intro (Love and Rain)
March 28, 2009
Rain falls down
Like diamonds
And we slowly fade
Into the puddles
Into a prism of light
Unrivaled
In simplistic beauty
Everyone looks down
At us in the wetness
Expressionless
As they go on their day
In black
And gray suits
The streetlights guide our way
And we walk in place
To the never ending serenity
Of what we’ve become
Cars roll on by
And sparrows sing
In the trees
We grasp each others hands
And let the rain fall
On the asphalt
As we look up
To the gray sky
And smile
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 15 comments.
Sasha-Bear PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 19 2009 at 3:01 am
i love that its so personal. it makes me want to experience everything. its hard for me to write happy thoughts and turn it into art, you do it awesomely. keep going.
MalloryComer BRONZE said...
on Aug. 19 2009 at 2:17 am
This is great! ; ) My poems are no where near as good as this.
write1994 said...
on Jul. 16 2009 at 3:40 pm
i love this so simple yet lovely
RachelEliza PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 13 2009 at 7:46 pm
its very passinate in a simplistic way. but i agree with an earlier comment posted; it could use a little work on th elining. but all in all its beautiful, it makes me want to be a drop of sterling rain.
awesomeaugust GOLD said...
on Jul. 13 2009 at 1:07 pm
I think you definitely accomplished what you wanted to and more. Great poem
Good job! Great job w/ the emotion. On the fifth line, since you say "into" on the fourth, I would take the "into" out and instead just leave "a prism of light." If you put a comma after the fourth line, it's a metaphor - you are comparing the puddles to prisms of light. I would also add some commas to show where you are continuing a line and where it's a new idea.
I agree w/ David C. - if you put in some concrete, original imagery, the poem could be great. Good job!
I'd love if you looked at some of my poetry. Thanks!
I agree w/ David C. - if you put in some concrete, original imagery, the poem could be great. Good job!
I'd love if you looked at some of my poetry. Thanks!
on Apr. 9 2009 at 9:33 pm
wow, that was really good. i agree that in some parts it was kind of choppy, but overall, the message comes across great! btw adam, this is lindsey from atyp! :)
tragicxharmony SILVER said...
on Apr. 8 2009 at 5:12 pm
this is good too, the only thing i have to say is that the line breaks are a bit choppy in some parts--work with it a little, and i agree with the artistic comment too.
project827 GOLD said...
on Apr. 7 2009 at 1:44 pm
(to David C.)
that actually is not a bad idea. I'll have to get one of my artistic friends (cause I'm definatly not one) to do that.
that actually is not a bad idea. I'll have to get one of my artistic friends (cause I'm definatly not one) to do that.
pickleperfect3 said...
on Apr. 6 2009 at 8:11 pm
It is an amazing poem. It takes you someplace i think everyone is trying to get to in their lives without knowing were they are heading.
Flame16 said...
on Apr. 6 2009 at 2:42 pm
Cool. I like it. Nice feel... very non-dark.
I love the gaze, and if you had an artistic friend (or you yourself) who could draw this out to any sort of decent imagery, I'd be amazed and would want to see it. It's short and the words you use are nothing too out of the ordinary, but that's part of what makes this pretty amazing. Well done.
