i. just so you know:
my heart is not in this. i
think it was lost somewhere
along the way in this
thing
we used to have, but we
lost that too, so i’m
not sure it matters anymore.

i think, maybe, you took
it with your (broken) promises
and too-perfect hair and
love that would never last.

ii. i would cry, silently, in
my bedroom for that
last leaf on the tree in
our backyard.
you would catch me, sometimes,
and you’d wipe my tears away
on the sleeve of your stained
cotton shirt and say,
“next year. next year,
sweetheart,
i promise it won’t be alone.”

you lied.

iii. when you aren’t here, it
is always harder for me to dream.
my sleep is always blackness, and you said
that was okay, as long as
there were no nightmares.

if you still care, i want you to know that
i prefer the fear to the
nothingness.


iv. missing you really sucks.