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When I Was Little

April 10, 2013
By SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
More by this author
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. <br /> - Maya Angelou <br /> When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn&rsquo;t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out<br /> The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay<br /> If love produced a blossom/I&rsquo;d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I&rsquo;d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven<br /> And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

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When I was little, Daddy would
Hold my hand in his big warm one
He’d tell me, “You’re my Princess!”
And together we’d have grand fun.

When I was little, Mommy would,
Sing sweet lullabies to send me to sleep
No matter how tired she was, wouldn't scold
Even if I woke her up like an alarm beep.

When I was little, everyone was good
No terrorism, No corruption, No calamities
Didn't care who ruled or lived or who died.
Everything seemed bliss, crawling on my knees.

When I was little, I would
Run about with not a single worry
Dad’s shoulders were the highest peak,
There was no rushing and no hurry.

When I was little, didn't know
What vices were, nor how to lie
I believed in all the fairy tales
And dreamt one day would fly!

When I was little, all the world
Was heaven itself! Now I cry:
Innocence, Oh childhood friend, come
Embrace me again, never to say goodbye.

I wish that it would all come back.
If only for a teeny tiny day
So we could make snow angels,
And would play and play and play!

© Sarah Z., Shanghai, China

The author's comments:
I miss that time... Hey Christi! Do tell me what you think.. It isn't strictly a sonnet, but I put it in that category because of the rhyme and the stanza form. Hope you all Like it. Do adorn my writing with your precious criticism!
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This article has 21 comments.

SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on Nov. 18 2013 at 5:35 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. <br /> - Maya Angelou <br /> When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn&rsquo;t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out<br /> The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay<br /> If love produced a blossom/I&rsquo;d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I&rsquo;d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven<br /> And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

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some other *form
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on Nov. 18 2013 at 5:34 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. <br /> - Maya Angelou <br /> When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn&rsquo;t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out<br /> The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay<br /> If love produced a blossom/I&rsquo;d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I&rsquo;d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven<br /> And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

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ehehehe, I'm glad it did. And Thank you for all that. You know, this is one poem I have NEVER been satisfied with and I really do want to convert it into some other from (preferably a sonnet) But let's see where it goes as it is currently being edited. :D I shall InshaAllah submit the new version too :) Thank you so much for all the insight. And I love how you analyzed each component separately. And well, the shifts I was kind of hoping for and since you say they work well I won't change them too much. And once again Thank You Jetta.
TaylorWintry DIAMOND said...
on Nov. 17 2013 at 4:51 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Never fear shadows. They simply mean there&#039;s a light shining somewhere nearby.&quot; - Unknown

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Reminds me of my childhood... (: I miss being a kid. I love your tone shifts in this... they're abrupt but also smooth at the same time. THe whole poem just works. I like how at the beginning you used lower-level words to define a child, but towards the end the narrator itself was defined and you used "bigger" words. Again, with the shifts there. I do think this would make a good sonnet if you could fix up the rhythm and syllables and stuff, but free verse works just as well. I personally love writing in free verse because you can manipulate the poem into any style/mood of your choice. Really nice job on this. (:
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on Sep. 13 2013 at 12:30 pm
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. <br /> - Maya Angelou <br /> When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn&rsquo;t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out<br /> The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay<br /> If love produced a blossom/I&rsquo;d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I&rsquo;d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven<br /> And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

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Hmmm,,, You know I am quite uncomfortable with the overall rythym now that I look at it. Maybe it would've been better off as free-verse... I think I might look at it and edit up stuff some later. Thanks a lot for making me think so hard on it. Your feedback is amazing. hey I posted new stuff, do read :))  tell me if my poetry has gotten better from this one four years old poem :P Love always.
nelehjr DIAMOND said...
on Sep. 12 2013 at 7:54 pm
nelehjr DIAMOND, Lingle, Wyoming
60 articles 11 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

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Okay, I can't really find what I was talking about anymore except the lines "No matter how tired she was,/woudn't scold" I don't know but that one just seems off...I really do love this poem! It's very relateable and brings back all sorts of happy memories. It's also like I can hear you through your poetry. Write on!
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on Sep. 11 2013 at 9:25 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. <br /> - Maya Angelou <br /> When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn&rsquo;t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out<br /> The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay<br /> If love produced a blossom/I&rsquo;d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I&rsquo;d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven<br /> And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

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Oh no, not at all did I take it in an offensive manner. I promise you that. :) Just that it was REAL confusing :P No need to apologize my newest friend :)... And sure. I'd love that feedback whenever you're free.  I do appreciate it.
nelehjr DIAMOND said...
on Sep. 9 2013 at 10:59 pm
nelehjr DIAMOND, Lingle, Wyoming
60 articles 11 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

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Sorry, late night, needin' a shower. I didn't mean that question in an offensive way! I apologize! Um...Can you comment back and remind me to review your peice later?
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on Sep. 9 2013 at 1:26 pm
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. <br /> - Maya Angelou <br /> When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn&rsquo;t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out<br /> The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay<br /> If love produced a blossom/I&rsquo;d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I&rsquo;d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven<br /> And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

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hehehe okay  totally did adore that "oops" :))   And well, this is ancient, I do think it needs a lot of help. And that it's not a sonnet at all. And yes please. Do tell me what parts are weird or not fitting. And well yes, I am a Pakistani. That last question I didn't get, I mean, yes well it's kind of the second official language here so and well, I have posted stuff on TI so yes. I think you might've meant it as a jest. Do explain :P  
nelehjr DIAMOND said...
on Sep. 8 2013 at 9:52 pm
nelehjr DIAMOND, Lingle, Wyoming
60 articles 11 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

View profile
Oops. You just got subscribed to :)
I noticed just a few places that could use some help, however that may be because it was lost in translation. I notice you're from Pakistan. Do you write in english?
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on Apr. 24 2013 at 5:08 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. <br /> - Maya Angelou <br /> When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn&rsquo;t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out<br /> The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay<br /> If love produced a blossom/I&rsquo;d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I&rsquo;d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven<br /> And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

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By the way I want you to read "A Poetess, I?" I'd really like your feedback on that one... Please..
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on Apr. 24 2013 at 5:00 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. <br /> - Maya Angelou <br /> When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn&rsquo;t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out<br /> The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay<br /> If love produced a blossom/I&rsquo;d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I&rsquo;d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven<br /> And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

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Oh I'm ever SO glad that you do. And that it did that. I hoped it would. Thank you for reading :))))
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on Apr. 24 2013 at 4:59 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. <br /> - Maya Angelou <br /> When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn&rsquo;t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out<br /> The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay<br /> If love produced a blossom/I&rsquo;d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I&rsquo;d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven<br /> And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

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I find it VERY useful,,...and yesterday even my daddy was admiring how much constructive criticism you give me when he was checking out my stuff on TI.....Hhahaa yes, it is hard on a touchscreen,.....Once I tried emailing you with it..Gosh the typos... :D Until next time then. LOve, Dua.
Helena_Noel BRONZE said...
on Apr. 22 2013 at 10:19 pm
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;I&#039;d rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I&#039;d rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye&#039;s a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example&#039;s always clear.&rdquo; -Edgar Guest

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I'm glad you find it useful. Im sorry there were so many typos, im using a touch screen and it is very hard to type. Some of my typos were REALLY odd, matire for "Mature", just to name one out if a dozen. But at least you could read and understand me :)
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on Apr. 21 2013 at 11:45 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. <br /> - Maya Angelou <br /> When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn&rsquo;t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out<br /> The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay<br /> If love produced a blossom/I&rsquo;d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I&rsquo;d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven<br /> And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

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Good Idea! WOW thank you for all this amazing feedback! Believe me I read all this three times...well thanks to TeenInk super formatting sometimes it's hard to read it when it all comes like that WHOA! hahaha yeah "beep" was awkward :P 
Mckay ELITE said...
on Apr. 19 2013 at 1:49 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.&quot;<br /> &mdash;Apple&rsquo;s &ldquo;Think Different&rdquo; commercial, 1997<br /> &ldquo;Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn&#039;t understood.&rdquo; <br /> ― Weihui Zhou

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Agreed. :D
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND said...
on Apr. 18 2013 at 3:43 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; <br /> I lift my lids and all is born again.<br /> (I think I made you up inside my head).&quot;<br /> -Sylvia Plath

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I like this :) It reminds me so much of growing up
Helena_Noel BRONZE said...
on Apr. 18 2013 at 1:43 am
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;I&#039;d rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I&#039;d rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye&#039;s a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example&#039;s always clear.&rdquo; -Edgar Guest

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****** sorry, i was trying to say that the last lines on the first needed work, but not much because their was a chilish and innoccent air about them that sorta fit NOT that their was that air about the last of the second that ended in "beep".that line was aqkward******** You do a good job, though! Keep writing! And hey, posting stuf in WW fourm for poetry and lyrics now and again ia a good idea. Just ask me to look at it and il give you the best help i can before you post it officially. I dont mind helping you beforehand.
Helena_Noel BRONZE said...
on Apr. 18 2013 at 1:35 am
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;I&#039;d rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I&#039;d rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye&#039;s a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example&#039;s always clear.&rdquo; -Edgar Guest

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LOL! NO! this ISNT in sonnet! TI likes to glitch out and put things in the wrong catagory all the time, but this time, putting it in "all poems" was okay! Alrighty.... i think this actually needs some work. The stanzas feel a little top-heavy, with the stronger lines on top and weaker lines flowing from it. I solve this by writing the powerful part first with the intend of using it at the end, then writing a rhyming set of lines that leads up and introduces the thought. You dknt need tonwrite like that all the time, just wnen you struggle. Stanzas two, three and five have the most of that top heavy feel. (Three feels like it could be fixed by LITERALLY turning it upside down. Take the last two line and put them above the first two. It sounds stronger. It would lend it more emotional significance, too, tostart the thought with the innocent THEN draw the eyes to the cares of a more matire person, at least fkr that part) In both the first stanza and the last stanza i feel the final lines can use work, but not much. The last of the second, however, was just too akward. They have a childishness to them that sorta fits. The second to last stanza was my fav, its really good. I love the poem's theme. Ive tried, not too well, to delve into childhood and the lost world of innocence myself, not easy!!!!!! So i admire this. Eventhough i aknowlaged the third as topheavy, it is alsk very good, and I especially like the image of the a child playing uncaring on their knees. I think that that one really captures the essense of the poem best, even if i felt the second toblast techhnically best. PS: the rules of a sonnet are VERY strict, but a LOT of fun! How can you play a good game without rules? One dosnet kick out the chalk lines in hopschotch or declare that "safety" in hide and and seek is wherever you feel you need it when running away from the guy whos IT. If there arent rules, kids will make em. As one of my favorite writers said "He will step on every crack, he will hop on one leg, he will force himself to walk on the curb, and with all the solemnity of a priest about his ritual." I think that form is fitting when talking about childhood! Great work, Dua!
ThoughtToner said...
on Apr. 17 2013 at 1:31 pm
When daddy's shoulders were the highest peek! oh how us seedlings have grown, just pretending to watch over postponing a call to another day..:( life, it goes on. Childhood, it's one part that stays in the heart forever!   
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on Apr. 17 2013 at 9:14 am
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. <br /> - Maya Angelou <br /> When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn&rsquo;t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out<br /> The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay<br /> If love produced a blossom/I&rsquo;d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I&rsquo;d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven<br /> And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

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It's so nice to see how you beat everyone else at finding my new work and commenting...Your feedback always makes me so happy..Thank you ever so much Mckay! For taking out the time to read this. And I'm ever so glad I was able to evoke those childhood memories...it was indeed my utmost pleasure. And NO you don't sound like 90 cause if you do then I sound like 100 or something, I talk like that a lot....Ah, but carefully enough not with regret of the time's passing by so quickly but with a smile that we had such a wonderful time... :DD