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Words of A Broken Heart

April 30, 2011
By cali_writer2011 BRONZE, My City, California
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cali_writer2011 BRONZE, My City, California
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If life's a book, my heart's the pen."

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i stare at this blank white page
all that comes to mind is you
i know i set you free
i was first to let go
because of my insecurities
and fears of pain
little to my surprise
my loss was her gain
even after we said goodbye
i still ached and cried
just wanted to know why
all the resentment i felt
still can't cover up my feelings
i still want you next to me
i want you to call me your baby
is it wrong
for me to want what she has
are your feeling for me really gone
while my heart is broken
is yours fully heald
i don't want what we had to be
a faded memory
i can't let go
i refuse...

© Yisrawayl G., Philadelphia, PA

The author's comments:
one day i was sitting in class and i started to think about all the feelings and words i keep hidden within my heart. so i opened up my notebook and began to let them out...
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 5 comments.

cali_writer2011 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 5 2011 at 8:44 pm
cali_writer2011 BRONZE, My City, California
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If life's a book, my heart's the pen."

View profile
thanks for telling me about the grammar errors. sometimes I just type a little too fast. thanks for checking out my poem though and i will be posting more:)
cali_writer2011 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 5 2011 at 8:43 pm
cali_writer2011 BRONZE, My City, California
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If life's a book, my heart's the pen."

View profile
thank you both for reading it! also thanks for telling me about the grammar errors i can't believe i didn't see them lol but thanks again and ill be posting more poems soon:)
RFrocker23 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 4 2011 at 11:36 pm
RFrocker23 PLATINUM, Ballwin, Missouri
22 articles 1 photo 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

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Very deep. I can really feel the frustration and kind of hopelessness behind this.
WritingSpasms said...
on Jul. 4 2011 at 7:42 pm
WritingSpasms, Los Angeles, California
0 articles 0 photos 121 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Devils run when a good man goes to war.&quot;<br /> - River Song from Doctor Who (Ep. A Good Man Goes to War)

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This is pretty good. I can feel the emotions as I'm reading, which is always something you want readers to feel when they're reading your poem. :) But, unless this is really how you wanted it to be formatted, there are I's that needed to be capitalized. And there are other grammar mistakes that needed to be fixed.
CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Jul. 4 2011 at 7:22 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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I can really feel the heartbreak in this poem.  But your grammar and spelling are very distracting.

1.  "I" should be capitalized.  Not capitalizing it looks lazy.

2.  "Are your feeling for me..."  'Feeling' should be 'feelings'.

3.  It's spelled 'healed', not 'heald'

4.  "I don't want what we had to be"  This is a bit confusing.  You might want to rephrase it.