my heart is pounding
blood
in my ears
everything around me is just
a blur.

my head feels light.
my chest feels so tight.
i can barely
breathe.
i feel sick to my stomach
at the thought
of you.

it’s not hate that grips me
nor lovesickness
not a disease at all.
it is pain
and fear
for you.

i watch you
as i’ve done for years
and i wonder
what happened? to the sweet
innocent friend
who has now morphed
into
Something Else.

something i
don’t know
don’t want to know
can’t know.

you were my very
best friend.
now you’re…what?
cooler? more accepted? more grown-up?
you are nothing.
nothing
compared with what you were
before.

i plead with you
take your hand
beg you to listen.
don’t do this
to yourself.
don’t go where i can’t
won’t
follow you.

you look at me blankly
then turn
away
in disgust
even though
deep down
i KNOW
you KNOW
i’m right.

And i put my head
in my hands
and weep.

you’re gone.