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self portrait
August 13, 2009
i painted a man
with distorted features
fringed by incessant streaks
and eyes dripping of despair.
there was a soiled mirror
intended for introspection
and a washbasin for cogitation
beneath a clamped wristwatch.
the man was static, melancholy,
clutching his head
in a defeated manner;
a classical pose, one might say.
and for this purpose, i will divulge
that the man is me.
you see, there was simply
no one left to paint
since everybody else has died.
© Alison L., Longs, SC
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 14 comments.
Yoodle15 said...
on Nov. 11 2009 at 12:08 pm
The details are awesome! =) I love all of your works! Bet you have a great writing career ahead of you!
ThereIsAlwaysHope GOLD said...
on Oct. 26 2009 at 5:57 am
the last line was a real surprise.
well done, this is an awesome, original piece :)
well done, this is an awesome, original piece :)
carolinesell PLATINUM said...
on Oct. 18 2009 at 5:17 pm
i agree, the end was surprising.
i like it though--it is very original.
:) great job!
i like it though--it is very original.
:) great job!
SilverDawn GOLD said...
on Sep. 21 2009 at 5:52 pm
wow, the last part was indeed a surprised and the detail you used is awesome. great work! (:
TheUnknownGuest GOLD said...
on Aug. 24 2009 at 8:50 pm
This is pretty good. It fits well.
Writerzhand GOLD said...
on Aug. 24 2009 at 6:31 pm
This is really cool and deep. XD. Love!
Joanna said...
on Aug. 21 2009 at 5:00 pm
I can't believe the talent you have with words. Like EdytD, the last line really suprised me. I don't know what to say. You are beautiful and amazing, my friend.
wombatz-rule GOLD said...
on Aug. 20 2009 at 5:16 pm
This poem is really unique and makes the reader contemplate the lines you used--not everything is cut-and-dry, and I like that. Thank you for commenting on my poem, as well! Continue to write. You sure know how to.
LoveLikeWoe DIAMOND said...
on Aug. 20 2009 at 1:46 am
this was amazing. :) and i'm shocked i put your feelings in words. but thanks for the tip and the comment. :)
I really liked how you made the man yourself - I thought that was an interesting spin. Before I read the last line, I had thought that you wanted the reader to relate to the man, alone. The last line is interesting and kind of an odd spin, but it definitely gives the reader something to think about! I had thought that there were other people, but that, say, they were outside - and he was alone in his bathroom, watching them. If you wanted, instead of saying "has died," you can say "has gone," which will convey both death and just absence from his world.
I really liked the dramatic style and strong wording; great job! :D
And thanks for the comments!
I really liked the dramatic style and strong wording; great job! :D
And thanks for the comments!
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