Surrounded by deep darkness,

in my room of wickedness,

just staring outside my window, like a kid wanting to play.

Staring at the window makes the time go slow.

Staring at the people wishing I could live that life again.

Staring makes me lose my mind, but

there’s nothing left in me.

I want to be happy again, but I’m stuck in this state.

Sometimes I have the bubbly blues

that feel like waves crashing against my soul.

When closing my eyes: 

I can only dream of black solitary crows.

Memories of my mom's death bounce back,

stabbed to the ground, feeling haunted.

I’m hoping one day the sun will shine again.

She always told me I was the happiest, hopeful little girl.

I know she’s looking down on me and probably isn’t proud.

I want to be with her,

in the marshmallow white clouds.

I want to feel the warm, tight hug she always gave me.

I dream and dream until I wake up,

and realize it’s all gone.