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House of Clocks
I live in a house of clocks…
A wooden shell of hell, the house wind rocked
A door at the end of the hall is locked.
The court jester just laughed and mocked.
And all the clocks are repeating their tic-tock
All is off queue.
One after the other,
A sound to bother
Watching the clock’s
Tics and tocks.
Time is a circle of repetition
Time is a state without explanation.
The court jester’s repetitious and pointless mimes,
Mocking in his redundant rhymes.
As all the clocks tic and tock in their own times.
Noticed? A clock is a circle, round and round it goes.
When will it stop? Nobody knows.
And when all the clocks end,
Dinging and Donging on the set time, 13 o’clock,
All the cuckoo birds are court jesters; they all mock in rhymes.
All the jesters are following each other in a perfectly ordered chaos.
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This article has 9 comments.
must you bring down someones work?
Why cant you just give advice?
do you feel threatened by this piece of work?
I have read your work which i noticed have n meaning and have the same emotional tone, which i find pathetic.
i only hope for the best for you which is to play in traffic and rid your self from our gene pool.
So please do so.
Also, I would like to thank you all for your positive feedback.
Now this one is for Andrew K.
While I will accept the readers opinion on what I meant by a house of clocks, I would like to add that I was not talking about humanities endlessly redundant lifestyle, I was merely speaking of time and how its preceptions are not limited to the current cognitive capabilities of humanity. notice 13 o'clock?
I would also like to add that you enjoy kicking puppies over fences and killing babies. Have a nice day.
Again you show an amateur carnal craving for perfect rhyme pattern. One problem-- you screw it up. Look at my comment on Story of Sue-- Write free-verse to start. Rhyming is actually much harder and requires a greater mastery of the English language than what you currently possess.
Oh and look! You've added cliché's. Good God, comparing clocks and time to a ceaseless mockery of humanity?! HOW UNIQUE! *sarcasm*
Come up with some more original ideas, write them down on a notepad, then take it home and weave a beautiful poem out of the raw goods. Make sure you pay attention to meter and stress as well, and use some VIBRANT DICTION for God's sake!
Only one thing - the second to last paragraph is a line in a children's song and sounds a little cliched - but the rest of the poem is really original, and is written well. Great job! :D
I'd love if you would comment on my poetry. Thanks! :D
(and, out of curiousity, what did u mean that it's getting published?)
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