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Non-retentive MAG
Troubled mood and troubled mind
in a metronomic swing
contort the force of humankind
in a way that it can sing.
Pluck and play to swing and sway
with no sense of relief,
these keys convey my sad display
of discouraged disbelief.
My stupid hands will play their plans
a hundred times all wrong,
my spirit cries through heavy eyes
as I end my tired song.
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As a pianist who learns far better by ear than by sheet music, I wrote this in distress when I came to terms with how my low retention affects my music. After all 11 years of playing both in lessons and by myself, I still can't sight-read above level 3, and while I can learn complex pieces strictly by ear, it takes at least a month to learn one simply because of how my brain learns. I'm a musician, but not treated as such when I can't sightread a song in a day or it takes me over a month to fix all the mistakes in a piece. It's hard to feel competent in anything with low retention, and perhaps some will be more merciful in their judgements if given a chance to understand that.