The sun shone as the grass began to soak up the early morning dew. Young miss, Alyson Bennet, lay in her warm, comfortable, multicolored double bed. The balmy rays of the congenial sun reached lazily through the bony cracks in her seemingly antique blinds. “Just a few more minutes”, she mumbled to herself, “You still have a few more minutes.” Little did Alyson know that in the world of younger brothers, a few seconds was the equivalent of countless minutes. Suddenly with a loud clash and an enormous bang, Alison heard her brother David crash out of his bed and down to the floor. The sound of scuffling commenced, and she knew that in the time it took to say a small prayer and bid her wonderfully fluffy divan farewell. He would be there.

Alyson held her breath and kept still as the sound of her brothers heavy footsteps plodded down the hall, and stopped just outside her ingress. His young childlike voice rose in an unexpectedly shrill fashion. “Come on! You promised!!” He squeaked “you said you would come down to the basement and help me today!!” “Ok, ok cool your roll Malcolm” she whispered rolling out of bed, and pulling open the blinds, “I’m coming”. As Alyson opened her door, Devin took hold of her arm, and instigated in pulling her half way down the hall and stairs, she could see a look of pure jubilation had taken over his entire face. “Is all of this really worth it”?, Alyson thought as Devin launched into a monologue and she stepped on a Lego nearly sending herself tumbling the rest of the way across the landing starting a somewhat cumbersome beginning to the day. Upon reaching the basement, Alyson found herself in a state of intense shock. The number of Lego’s in the basement had seemingly tripled since last time she had been there. Slowly the walls began to close in around her as she looked at all the little Lego people. She felt as though she could almost hear their voices. Every time she turned they seemed to come closer to her. The feeling of being surrounded took over and soon Alyson ran up the stairs screaming. As she once again tripped and staggered the rest of the way, she could hear her brother’s voice, joined with a chorus of miniatures, laughing mockingly at her terror. In the areas of health, space, and paranoia how do you think Alyson is doing?

Have you ever stepped on a Lego? There is nothing more painful than waking up in the middle of the night and crumpling to the floor in pain halfway to the restroom, because a Lego materialized on floor six feet from the reach of the light. The hazard they pose to one’s health is truly astounding. Not only are they so brightly colored that they have the ability to blind a man when seen in the sunlight. They are also sharp enough to cripple a person when hit with ample force, and a sufficient size to choke a young child. Lego’s have been known to cause tears to fall, and drops of blood to be shed. Therefore, they are not worth the space the take up.

Speaking of space, Lego’s are one of those toys that can never stay in one place. They appear as if by magic in the oddest, most unexplainable places. No joke, one may begin to question their sanity when they go to butter their toast, and find a Lego nestled in the corner of their butter dish. Once Lego’s have found a way to weasel into your life and home, they will begin a never ending quest to overrun and conquer. Sure it may start out with one little set of Lego’s, but pretty soon they will start to multiply like bunnies in spring. Every nook and cranny of your humble abode shall soon be filled to the brim with these bumpy plastic fiends. Do yourself a favor; never invite a single Lego into your house, or the consequences will be numerous.

Once the Lego infestation hits its peak, one may find themselves in a state of mental panic. Like anything else that is small and worrisome, one will begin looking over their shoulder expecting to see one of these cheeky, foot stabbing, patristic shaped devils sneaking up on them. This eventually wears the mind down to the point of carrying a flash light and broom during the night to avoid an altercation. In extreme cases, a person may begin to harbor suspicion as to whether a fellow family member is planting these colorful, box-shaped needles to induce torture or achieve revenge for a supposed offense against them. If one wishes to romanticize conditions, an imaginative person could picture the ultimate end of the classical society. Sitting wringing our hands in a sterilized, blank, padded room, muttering hymns and producing anti- hex gestures as the doctors in white suits try to reason and desensitize us to the wretched dyed plastic blocks that brought on our demise. All the while through a brown tinted one way window, the Lego master minds and little brothers alike gather together to watch and maniacally at what we have become. Now explain this, why on earth would one willingly let this come about?

Dear friends, the choice by now must be clear, but if not let us simplify. First, all Lego’s are dangerous. They can leave you blind and crippled from midnight mishaps and daylight slipups. Second, there is never a limit on the space they take up. Lastly, the amount of pressure imposed on one’s mind when dealing with these miniature varmints is insurmountable, and often leads one to a life of paranoia. Now a particular point of view has been placed before you, but do not take anyone else’s word as gospel. Answer this question for yourself. Are you willing to risk your health and sanity for a few hours of quiet child’s play?