My name is Lacee. For the sake of my own privacy, I will not be sharing my last name. We'll say it's Smith.

I am sitting in my bedroom, wide awake at 3 in the morning, with a copy of Dawkins "The God Delusion" in my lap, opened to page fifty-four. This is a setting, that if "God forbid" (a popular opening my mother uses before stating something horrendous that 'could' happen) my parents, or much worse my pastor, walked in on-- I would be in some serious trouble. This, I suppose, is the exact reason I am here today; a young, devoted follower of Jesus, raised in my picture-perfect Christian home for seventeen years, questioning the very existence of a God I've been taught to fear and love simultaneously. It wasn't that I was unhappy with church. The silly rules (wearing skirts below the knee to reserve our "modesty" and "purity") weren't what pushed me over the edge. The reasons I've previously stated are trivial, and despite the popular belief at my church that teenagers can't see past rules and regulations, they aren't what resulted in the bad taste left in my mouth after uttering statements such as "I'm a Christian". It was the responses I got after timidly questioning why we live and believe the way we do, that "woke me up" and forced me to open my eyes a bit wider. I've just seen the new movie "God's Not Dead" that my fellow members of the church we attend showered with praise and dubbed as a sensational "breakthrough." I especially love the part where, when they run out of evidence to prove the existence of their all-powerful God; they just kill off the opposing atheist. Oh, and he accepts Jesus; but only after receiving the undoubted head trauma one would expect to have after being barreled over by a car. (Isn't it fun thinking logically for once Christians?) But you see, this is the kind of nonsense I've been living with since birth-- we don't question God's existence! The very idea of doubts of this level of absurdity make my pastor shake with rage from his pulpit, while he scolds those of us who dare to use our brains for once. This was the buzzer that turned on in my head when I began to voice my questions and doubts about Christianity. Instead of just answering my questions, thus putting an end to my doubts; I was lectured for not having faith, and "turning my back" on my roots. At that point, I hadn't even turned my head away from anything, but (due to the reaction I got) now I'm so far gone I doubt they could even see the smoke blow over the dust trail I'll leave when I finally tear out of that place. I find it absolutely ridiculous that they expect me to believe the only thing I've ever known my entire life. The world is a big place, and there are several more theories of its beginning than Genesis 1:1. So pardon me for trying to expand my horizons pastor, but I really think they had it right when they said in that glorious movie of yours: *Christians make the best atheists, because they understand what it's like to take the blinders off.*

*paraphrased