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Craving an Extraordinary Existence
I want to chase a spiritual existence. Not one condemned by rules of an overpowering spirit but a life where my soul chooses the direction my feet travel, not my brain. I worry I won't be monumental, I won't create my own thoughts. I don't want to conform to the opinions of others I want to be the first drop of rain. My biggest fear is to end up ordinary. Molded by imagination and guided by the magnificence of an unbelievable world I want to behold all knowledge. To write sentences that would make Mark Twain quiver in jealousy. I know as of now I am a failure, a slave to self pleasure. Unable to say no to society's rules, scared to be uncomfortable. I hate that I am a coward. I want to follow the ways of Thoreau, Emerson, even McCandless's the dead boy from Into the Wild. Why do I lack self discipline, motivation, and confidence. There is no source to blame but poor will. I wish to fathom the truth behind the stars, the freedom of tall peaks, the tranquility of roaring rivers. I want to be unique in every sense of the definition, compare me to none. I want purpose to be abundant among me, happiness in its simplest form. I give little care for the directed world, the “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I crave change but yet anything uprooting devastated me. Im a contradiction of some sort, a soul controlled by a cowardice mind. Reason overrides whim, and laziness wins over pure adventure.
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