“In just a few months you'll be long gone” my teachers remind us constantly. I used to get really upset when anyone reminded me that it wouldn't be long before I would be forced to venture out into this so called real world. Our whole lives always revolve around the future, especially during childhood. I can remember being in elementary school and their entire focus was to prepare us for middle school. In middle school the hounding of what you want to do with your life begins. There were so many warnings all through out my years in school; If you can't do this you will never make it in middle school or you'll never get into a good high school and even survive those four years if you don't try harder. Naturally, high school is the worst for being reminded of the future. I do partially understand that, in a way, if you don't prepare for the future, you won't really have one. However, what If I don't fit into the majority? There is no written rule that states if you don't go to college directly after you graduate you will become a nobody. What If I'm just not ready yet? What if I simply need an extra year to figure out what I want to do and where I want to go? Is there really something wrong with that? This year I set out on a big mission. Unlike many of my fellow classmates I realized this was my last year of free education and deliberately designed my schedule to challenge myself. My mission was to challenge myself, but still have the best school year I've ever had. I made the decision to just be seventeen, a senior in high school and forget about what's to come for now. I failed.

At the conclusion of summer, I was very motivated and excited for my senior year. To put an emphasis on how happy I was, this is the status I posted online regarding the upcoming year: A new school year is coming up and some of us are going into middle school, some of us are entering high school, some of us are in our last year. I am a senior. Everyone comes to me and instead of asking if I am excited for senior year, they jump straight to what my future plans are. My advice to all of you is to tune that out and focus on right now. If you're in eighth grade, just forget about high school for now. If you're a senior, forget about whatever college you plan on going to and focus on making this the best school year of your life. Go into this school year with your head held high and live it like it's your last because it is. You will never have another first day of school like this, you won't have anymore homecomings or small town high school Friday football nights, you won't have proms, and I could go on. You should join a sport and give it everything you have, put your heart and soul into it. Watch yourself grow physically and emotionally, make friends with people you normally wouldn't pay attention to, smile at everyone, be nice, friendly, helpful, complain a little less, think about what you'd like to change in your school to make it a better place, be the one to actually make a difference, and have fun, but be mature. Be a leader for the people that are younger than you. When your school has games/events, invite your old friends, new friends, your whole family... Lets make a high school function look like it would have back in the day. Have school spirit, and participate in every spirit day. Challenge yourself to do new things and open your eyes to all of the opportunities around you. Get really close to a teacher and actually get to know them as a person. One day soon, in the blink of an eye, its all going to be over because if our whole lives went by this fast, I know this year will fly by, but at least when it's over I will be able to say I lived it up to everything it could possibly be.

It took a very long time for me to realize that I was wrong. Everything I said was moving and sweet, I will give myself that. Honestly, when I re-read it I felt a little inspired, even now. Senior year isn't meant to be your best year of school though, it's merely a passing through. I had a talk with a teacher a few weeks ago and I told him how defeated I felt this year and asked If I should still onto my hopes. He broke it to me, “Senior year is rarely ever a good year for anyone. This is the year things change. What you thought would never happen, will. You should try to have more fun outside of school.” I resented those words of wisdom he gave me. “How could a teacher basically tell me to give up on this being a good year.” I thought to myself.

What do I even mean by good year or bad year? We all have different meanings and feelings towards what that would be. Personally, I trace the ending of last year to a chain of unfortunate circumstances and events. At the end of last year during my softball banquet, something happened, that I won't name, in which caused my coach of four years to make the decision to never coach softball again. It really broke my heart to see her in pain like that and to know I won't be able to end the only sport I played since freshman year with her as my coach. Then, at the beginning of this year there was a very upsetting event that occurred involving my favorite teacher. The attitudes of people surrounding me went downhill, teachers didn't seem to enjoy their job anymore, and we missed an endless amount of school due to the weather. The worst part was trying so hard to fix something and realizing nobody actually cares what you have to say because you'll be gone soon anyways. Even now, I still love this school. Although, this is a bad year to me, I understand this could be the best for someone else. The true and only reason I view this school year in such a negative way is because I had so many great years in the past to compare it to.

As it is said, the journey counts more than the destination in the end. Freshman, sophomore, and junior year are the journey, while senior year is the ending. This is what we've been working for this whole time. The interesting thing about high school is how you feel like you've been there forever, but certain days from even freshman year seem like they happened just yesterday. I'm coming to terms with life and accepting that time will go on even if you don't want it to. I came into this school a crazy fourteen year old, now I am turning eighteen in a few months. Needless to say, I've changed a lot. All of these memories started to flash through my head and I began to wonder if people remembered who I use to be. Does my ninth grade math teacher remember when Jenna, my best friend, and I ate lunch with her and I told her my entire life story, a time in life before we really developed a filter? Does my coach remember me giving her an attitude and trying to fight back, only to burst into tears? Does our grade counselor remember all the times we came to him with the pettiest drama? Do they remember the days of making gifts for teachers in Graphic Design just so we could leave to deliver it? Does the strictest teacher in my school remember yelling at Jenna and I so many times for being in the hallways when we were supposed to be in class? Do they remember the gifts, the lessons learned, all of the special memories? Do they remember how I used to look and who I used to be? Knowing that I left my mark on the school and the people in it will make it so much easier to leave.

When I imagine myself walking across the stage to graduate, I don't hear the claps, but rather I feel them. I realize that a handshake won't be good enough to express myself, it will have to be hugs and tears. Although I don't like everything that has been done in this school, I love every teacher and student. Contrary to what I used to believe, I have learned that it's better to have something special to cry about and leave behind, than to think you spent the rest of your childhood somewhere for it to mean nothing. These are the people, these are events, and this is the knowledge that has transformed us from a kid to an adult. Our time here is not done quite yet; There may be wrongs to make a right, there may be broken friendships to mend, there are still assignments to do, prom dresses to shop for, and maybe even a few more lessons to learn. This is a great time and not a time to be sad. We don't need to worry about what type of school year this was, our only concern at this point should be to to create our own happy ending. If you believe and have faith, you won't have to do much. Happy endings fall into place on their own.