Today i learned something pretty important about life. More specifically, about the kind of people that sometimes show up in it. I think of them as "friends." You know who I mean: the ones who smile at you now and could stab you in the back as soon as you turn around. But the next day they'd be reading the eulogy at your funeral. Oh, sure, they might not always be the ones who'd push you to the ground and kick you and spit in your face and walk away. They're the ones who might trip you from behind. Or the ones who see you on the ground with your arm outstretched and walk away, acting like they didn't see, and go laugh with someone else over how hilarious it was. These are your so-called "friends."

And up til today, sure, I knew some people like that. But I guess maybe I'm naive or foolish because I always assumed there was a limit. I consider myself a generally tolerant, compassionate person, and I don't mean that in an arrogant way. It's what I really do think. It may be because I don't like to get in people's faces, but I usually give people a break. I know not everyone gives in as easily as I--that wouldn't be good. But the other extreme is selfishly trampling over everybody you know and abusing them for your own benefit, which is obviously not desirable as well. I know that people will always be abused, in the sense that they are taken advantage of. I know that people will always be two-faced. I admit that I myself am at times. But I didn't realized the extent to which it could go. I am now beginning to realize that the world is not as pretty as I thought.

I always assumed that when someone was at their wit's end, when they were exhausted or feeling poorly or depressed or sad, that this must evoke compassion in even the basest human soul. Because I thought that's what was basically human: compassion. But I've started to realize, through small incidents (nothing horribly dramatic), that this human compassion and the ability to, every once in a while, give someone a break, may not be common to everybody. There are times when I've been tired and sick and riding an emotional roller coaster all day long, and I ask someone to just humor me and give me back my stuff, please, I don't want to play games, or stop staring at me, please, or let me sit by my friend just once, please...and I thought, honestly, that at least once I would get a response of, ok, ill play along since youre feeling awful. But it didn't happen. I was on the ground and stretching out my hand and politely asking please, can i have this one small happiness? And the one of which I aked this just laughed and walked away.

I only asked for something small. Something trivial. I'm not even upset that I didn't get it-I'll live. Like I said, the situations are never of life-threatening importance. What bothers me is the attitude. The fact that people actually can be so completely selfish and not once consider giving up something for someone else. That they can be so dominating and cruel to get what they want and not care if they hurt you, if they are leaving you for dead...and two seconds later they're gone, laughing, pretending like nothing's wrong. They are just unable to comprehend the idea that something which may be a minor inconvenience to them may be a huge relief to someone else. They can't think beyond themselves. It sickens me, it really does.

Now I'm not saying everything's this black-and-white, because it's not. And I'm not saying I'm perfect, because that's definitely not true either. What I'm saying is that maybe the world would be a little place if we could all give each other a break, eh? Though now I realize that there are people who are so willful and unashamed that this will never happen. I know I'm extremely selfish at times. But I realize that I am, and usually I try not to be. There are some people who are just desensitized, who don't even realize how they are acting... Or maybe they do, and they do it because they think they're right. the think they're justified in never going out of their way. They think they've done nothing wrong. And maybe this is the case regarding the things that have happened to me. They were all trivial. And nothing was actually "wrong." They just had the power to make someone else happy. And they never did. It's the small things in life that make a difference. Which is why sometimes its better to give of yourself...especially if it's only once and you have many other opportunities to make yourself happy.

It may sound like I'm not over the small, petty things that happened to me. But I am. My so-called "friend," who urges me to tell her secrets I didn't want to tell her and then mocks me for them in front of others, she's not my friend. And though she may think that something about her may make up for her spoiled, only-child syndrome and her lack of compassion and ability to care about other's feelings...she's wrong. So that's why, in the end, I will be the one laughing at her.