I love paradoxes. Phrases like ‘jumbo shrimp’ and ‘beautiful noise’ and ‘nobody goes to that restaurant because it’s too crowded.’ Phrases like those always make me laugh. People are paradoxes, too. They’re so strong yet so fragile. So confident yet so insecure. So selfish, yet so dependent on others. And I laugh at this, too. But not in public.


I don’t consider myself to be a part of the group I describe, because I’m something of an anomaly. We’re all unique, of course, but I’ve never found someone even remotely similar to me, not really. There are people who, over the years, I’ve found things in common with-people who I enjoy the company of. But I’m not like them. In all of my fifteen years, I’ve found that most people share the following similarities.


*They enjoy discussing their day; things like what they did, what they wore, what they watched, for hours on end.


*They in some point in their lives-mainly during the teenage years-measure their self-worth based on others’ opinions. ‘If a boy doesn’t tell them they’re beautiful, they must not be,’ is what they think.


*They want to be acknowledged, to be unique, special, but still to fit in and have the admiration of others. (This is a paradox.)


*They follow the arbitrary norms of society simply because they are the arbitrary norms of society. (Questioning these is ridiculous and stupid and not allowed.)


All of these similarities are things I lack, things that make me feel as though I am an alien. I abhor chitchat. To me it is boring and pointless, but I put up with it because I don’t want to seem rude, even though, to me, it is rude to converse about something that the other isn’t interested in. But since I’m supposed to like casual conversations, I’ll be rude if I discuss what I want to discuss, and these things are


*Religion

*Politics

*Physics


Things that people should care about, but don’t. Well. The first two are things that people should care about, but don’t. It’s funny how people care so much about their religious convictions but actually don’t know anything about their religion. Really. 90% of Christians haven’t even read The Bible. They base their life on something they haven’t even read. Politics are important for reasons that don’t need explaining; they affect everyone. But no one really knows about it-not teenagers, and especially not three-fourths of the adults who are voting. And physics-well, I like physics. It’s a science, which means it is logical, orderly, and predictable, something I like. But quantum mechanics defy the laws of physics, and thus are illogical. They’re paradoxical and beautiful and mind-blowing. That ‘something’ could come from ‘nothing’ is practically unfathomable and I get giddy just thinking about it.


Self-worth is something that is rare in this day and age. I’ve seen countless people abandon themselves for something they think will make them whole, but doesn’t. It’s extremely sad and I feel regret for them every day. The worst part is that they don’t even realize what they’re doing to themselves. I had low self-confidence when I was much younger, due to teasing and such, but I have come to accept and be comfortable with myself since that time. I am happy with myself. This is a rarity nowadays when it should be something very common. But you know what’s funny? It’s that I’m the strangest person of them all and I’m the one that’s comfortable in my own skin. However I feel awful when my friends begin to lament and cry over boys (or the lack of them.) I wish I could empathize with them. I wish I could say the right thing to make them realize how amazing they are, as everyone is, but nothing I say is ever right enough to help them.


People want to make a difference in this world. I actually do as well, so maybe this shouldn’t have been on my list. However, making a difference so that I may be remembered is not my top priority in life. Quite honestly I don't care whether or not I'll be remembered. I just want to live my life to the fullest and to learn as much as I can. 'This is so selfish!' you exclaim. Well, I know that by doing whatever I enjoy, I will benefit something or someone in some way. And this is the point of life, I think. To enjoy yourself and benefit others in the process. To want to be remembered is what's selfish.

The thing that confuses me the very most about people are the rules that they follow. They say 'bless you' when someone sneezes, even though the archaic phrase was uttered during a time when people thought demons were what caused one to sneeze. They exchange insincere 'how are yous' and 'fines' because it's considered courteous. Conversation is supposed to be fluid and harmonious, abound with nuances, but just in case you don't catch them, you should still understand what you can and can't say. Don't discuss religious affiliation, income, or anything too personal like that. Of course if you want to talk about how you hate your parents or how your ex-boyfriend just left you, that's perfectly acceptable.

I don't really understand people, but considering I, myself, am a person, I must be the biggest paradox of all.