Throughout my whole life, I have been taught that as you grow up, you date people and then when you find “the one,” you get married. That fantasy is about the worst thing you can teach a little kid while they are growing up. I believe that marriage is war and let me tell you why.

Over the years, divorce has become more and more common and I happen to be a victim of what divorce can do to a kid. One day in 2010, I walked into the kitchen and smelt my favorite dinner being made. Chicken tacos with a side of Spanish rice. Yes, I remember the fabulous meal we devoured that day. I remember everything from this day vividly. My dad didn’t make this meal very often, so it felt like a special occasion of some sort. My sister and I demolished our tacos and Spanish rice in no time and suddenly I realized my parents' facial expression. This indeed was a special occasion.

My mom and dad looked at each of us and took us into the living room. They sat us down and explained that they were getting a divorce. Before this, my sister and I thought we were just moving, but we were actually splitting into two houses. I turned to my dad and saw the tears well in his eyes and I immediately burst into tears. I had only ever seen my dad cry once, so I knew this was serious. That summer before first grade was one of the hardest summers of my life. My parents tried to brush over the divorce like no big deal, but my family was breaking apart and I knew that life would never be the same. People may say that you can’t really understand the effects of a divorce at that young of an age, but I knew exactly what was in store for me for the rest of my life. 

The years to follow would include two Christmases, split birthdays, chaotic Thanksgivings, and practically two of everything else. Sounds great and all until you experience it. I would never have my whole family at a holiday or important event. My family was cut in half and there came times where I had to choose one side over the other.

I remember in elementary school, kids used to ask each other who their favorite parent was and I always thought it was weird. How could you have a favorite when they are so different? It’s even worse when you have to pick a favorite at certain points in your life. “Who do you want to trick-or-treat with this year?” asked my mom. How was I supposed to respond? No kid should be forced to make a decision like that. 

You think having divorced parents as a kid is hard? Try having divorced parents as a teenager or young adult. I’ve never realized how lucky kids are who have parents that are still together until high school and college. Parent nights and parent weekends have always been super awkward for me. I had to pick one parent to go because they couldn’t stand to be in the same room. Also, the guilt you get from picking a parent for these events is heartbreaking. I love both of my parents so much, so it sucks to be put into this position. 

When your parents start dating after a divorce, it’s only a recipe for disaster. The person they start dating tries to parent you and you’re like, “Woahhh hold up. You’re not my mom/dad and you never will be.” This may sound harsh, but divorce makes you very protective and possessive of your parents. You feel like you are scrambling to keep a hold of what remains of your family and at this point, any change is bad. 

My dad recently started dating this girl that I’ve known practically my whole life and it has been terrible. At first, it was nice because he seemed happy and she was sweet. However, things in their relationship moved very quickly and I noticed that their relationship was toxic. I quickly found out that my dad’s new found love was psycho, but unfortunately they were already engaged before I realized this. I would wake up to them screaming and arguing about something that isn’t even important. If they were arguing about little things that don’t matter, I can’t imagine what would happen if they had something real to fight about. My dad is fifty-three years old, so I can’t tell him what to do, nor should I be responsible for this. They are now married and I am scared of what the future holds. I don’t want to see my dad go through another divorce, but I’m afraid that is in his future. 

Marriage causes couples to hate each other. I am not trying to be a love hater, but it is true. You never spend so much time with someone as you do the person you marry, or at least in most case scenarios. For me personally, I get sick of everyone after a certain period of time. Being tied to someone for the rest of your life is just you asking to be miserable. 

Maybe you could say getting married once is fine, but after that fails, just stick to dating. My dad is on his third marriage now and I am still speechless. He is a really smart guy, so it doesn’t make sense why he would be making decisions like this. Financially it doesn’t make sense at all because if this marriage doesn’t work out it will really affect my sister and I. I’ve always wondered why he felt the need to marry her. They could just keep dating and act like they are married. There is no reason to sign a paper to make it legally official. A relationship should be between two people, not two people and the state. 

All of the problems that my parents divorce has caused for my sister and I is enough for me to never want to get married. A legal document isn’t going to change the way I feel about a person, so I really don’t see the point. Especially picturing me potentially causing this pain for my kids in the future. I know my parents didn’t plan to get divorced when they got married and had me and my sister, but you never plan for divorce. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s the only option you have, which is why I think people should just leave the state out of their relationship.

On the other hand, I have heard many stories of marriages working out wonderfully. Sure they have their hiccups, but some turn out to be true love. My grandparents for instance have been married for almost fifty-four years and have been a great inspiration for me. My best friend’s parents are college sweethearts and have an amazing relationship. Sometimes marriage works out just as it should, but more cases than not, marriage should not be up for discussion.

Marriage is war. A war causes a bigger divide between two opposing sides and even when it ends, there are still major consequences for it occurring. Even once the messy parts of a divorce are finalized, the consequences of this decision never go away.