What better way to spend time during the holidays than to have fun with your whole family? Well, it is hard to truly enjoy family time in Korea. Most families carry out ancestral rites called jesa during the holidays, but in recent times, younger people are arguing that jesa may be outdated. Although its original purpose was to respect and remember our ancestors, it has become a heavy burden for many families today. This burden is especially heavy for women, who are often expected to do all the cooking and cleaning, while the men just play and rest. Therefore, during Chuseok and Lunar New Year, many women express their worries on blogs, and after the holidays, Internet cafes overflow with posts about bitter family quarrels. Although respecting and remembering our ancestors is a good thing, we should do so in ways that are more convenient and gender-equal.

Jesa is a traditional ritual that is usually practiced on Chuseok and Lunar New Year, Korea’s main holidays. The family offers food to their ancestors to remember and respect. While this ritual is meant to show respect for ancestors, it can be a tiring formality for women. Usually, men bow and put alcohol on the table, while the women stay in the kitchen to make the food, wash the dishes, and clean during the holidays. Many women also think, “Why should we remember ancestors who are not even related to us?”

This can cause much family conflict during the holidays. Many relatives have the perception that women should be constantly cooking or cleaning. This leads to fights and arguments, mostly with the woman’s mother-in-law and husband. There are many more divorces during the holidays in comparison to divorces in everyday life. Since this happens every holiday, some people have even petitioned for the government to remove holidays altogether.

Thankfully, my family usually has a good time during the holiday. Everyone evenly distributes the housework, thus working more quickly. Each holiday, my cousins and I gather around to make all kinds of jeon, Korean vegetable fritters. We usually help out with the meatier ones, and we have fun patting them into shapes like triangles, stars, and hearts. After covering them in flour and eggs, we grill them until they become hot and crispy. It was hard work, but I was happy thinking about my family, and our relationships grew stronger through this short but peaceful time together. After all, isn’t that what holidays should really be about?  

Traditions are a touchstone of our culture. However, we should adapt to our circumstances. We are living in 2020, and things have changed in the past hundred years. Although jesa is an important tradition, it can be burdensome for women, and therefore cause lots of family arguments. Holidays should be a time to learn more about your family and relatives, and share happiness together. Let’s talk about new ways to enjoy our holidays. I’m not saying that we should remove jesa completely, but we should practice it within a modern context. First, we should have a way to bond after jesa, such as playing games or relaxing at a restaurant. Preparing for the rites can be tiring, and de-stressing can help us relax and reconcile afterwards. Secondly, we should evenly distribute all the cooking and cleaning, so that no one will feel overwhelmed. Jesa is not the only way for us to respect our ancestors—getting along peacefully will probably make them just as happy.