You’ve seen it in movies, tv shows, and other forms of pop culture -the, quite frankly, overused cliche of the “quirky”, tomboy protagonist combating the vicious, girly bimbo. In everyday life, you may have heard phrases such as “I’m not like the other girls,” “Girls are so much drama,” or “I’m one of the boys” being thrown around in casual conversation. At the surface level, these examples are seemingly harmless, if not completely normalized; however, they speak volumes as to how society views women and femininity as a whole. 

As society progressively becomes more inclined to challenge the concept of gender, such as critiquing toxic masculinity or fragile masculinity, it neglects subtler forms of toxicity, particularly internalized-misogyny. Throughout the past few years, a profusion of body-positivity and anti-slut shaming campaigns have inundated our media, and, albeit they have a positive message, they simply provide a bandaid for the symptoms rather than analyzing and providing solutions to the root cause of these issues: The internalized misogyny in which we have been indoctrinated with throughout our lives. 

Combating the patriarchy and advancing towards gender equality has no single, objectively correct path, and the process as a whole raises questions. Is there an inherently right way to be a feminist? Is embracing typically feminine ideals intrinsically patriarchial? There isn’t a clear answer to either of these questions, but they lead to a broader conversation about self-reflection. We have become so desensitized to casual misogyny that we don’t even think twice about the sexist undertones of deceptively innocent comments or actions. In the movie “Mean Girls” the villains all fit into a stereotypical image of femininity. In “10 Things I Hate About You” Kat’s reluctance to conform to female ideals is juxtaposed with her sister’s girliness. In a sense, we have been conditioned to view “being like other girls” as a negative trait that should be avoided like the plague at all times. 

In my own experience, I went through a phase of my life where the quality of being unapologetically feminine felt like succumbing to the negative stereotypes of the catty, dramatic antagonists I’ve grown accustomed to seeing in teen movies, or the ditsy, submissive side character who didn’t have the acuity for a unique thought. Even though the process of gaining self-awareness, elements of my misogyny still aren’t completely unlearned. Male validation and how men perceive me affects my self-esteem and image, regardless of how trivial it is. I still take guilty pleasure when I’m told I’m not a “basic” girl when I know that there shouldn’t be any shame in having similar interests as other women. Unlearning and reeducating myself on my misogyny has not been an easy feat; however, it is a necessary step in fully and whole-heartedly supporting other women. 

I believe that pertinent issues like slut-shaming and body-shaming stem from the patriarchy and our own patriarchal beliefs. As women, we have been conditioned to partake in a constant competition between each other and amongst ourselves, even if we aren’t fully aware of it. The judgment of other girls for their “short-comings” or jealousy of their “attributes” in a male-dominated society stems from our lack of education against our misogyny. Normalized and accepted misogyny is a very slippery slope that quickly progresses towards intolerance of other women. Why should we perpetuate the narrative of the patriarchy so casually? 

Femininity, in our society, is not glorified to a full extent. Obviously, certain aspects of it, usually pertaining to beauty standards, are put on a pedestal, but personality traits associated with it are viewed as inferior to those associated with masculinity. According to Psychology Today, typical assumptions made about women are that they are irrational and over-emotional, compared to men, who are thought to be more pragmatic. Although blatantly untrue, the depiction of this stereotype has pervaded our society and contributes to aspects of sexism. “Tomboys” are glorified such as in Stephan King’s “It”, yet men who embrace femininity, such as Harry Styles on the recent Vogue cover remain a subject of controversy. 

At the end of the day, completely erasing our own misogyny, though an idealistic goal, isn’t realistically achievable on our own. Reeducation and unlearning the normalized sexism that we have been taught are steps in the right direction; however society as a whole needs to change how they view and portray women who embrace their own femininity before we can come close to fully killing the MCP (male chauvinist pig) inside of us.