When days seem to stick together, and become unrecognizable from one day to the next it seems that yesterday can seem as long as a year ago, and yet thirty-seconds ago at the same time. I wish a lot. I wish for my old life, I wish for something better, but the more I wish the more I realize I am stuck and have no control over today, tomorrow, or the past. However, I do have my ways of helping to control not being so sad all day.

When I read books I always picture myself as one of the characters, and I ask myself if I could have done what they had done. I usually say no when the characters risk death, or romance...even though I really have no clue what romance is. I remember a book, I can’t remember the name but this girl had a special gift for killing, this King orders her around to kill or hurt people at his will. One day this girl says she won’t kill for him anymore and runs out of the kingdom. This is sort of what I did, minus the gift for killing, the King, and the lethal errands. It gives me satisfaction to know that something other than me in the world is going through the exact thing, but worse. It makes me feel lucky that I don’t have it as bad, or have a King’s army on my tail for leaving “the kingdom.” (As a bonus I don’t have to feel guilty, because the characters are fictional. I wish that the characters would pop out of a books I read, so we could compare heartbreaks or experiences. It would be wonderful to have tea with Jane Eyre, and it would be really cool to have an adventure with the Hobbit, or Eregon. I suppose I would prefer Eregon in the end, he has a dragon and the Hobbit just has hairy feet.)

I day dream, I day dream a lot. I dream about what my life could’ve been if we hadn’t of moved. I dream what it would be like if I had friends. This doesn’t help, it makes me feel sad. So, I dream about the future. I dream about where I will live, what kind of house I will have, and what kind of furniture is in it. I dream about friends I might have in the future, I dream about travels that I will make. It gives me purpose when I have next to none right now.

I’m kind of home schooled, so I have time to do anything. I learns Spanish, French, and add about ten new complex English words to my vocabulary a week. I also play harp, and piano and work on getting my music skills better. I’m writing a book too, which I hope will be published someday. That’s about it, plus the occasional school work. This reminds me that I have something to work for. Sure it’s not big, but I view it as preparation for when I go to a different country someday, or play in a symphony with my harp.

These are my remedies for those, “I’m just sick of it,” days. I really wish that I could dwell in a happy place where I can talk to people who understand me, but that won’t happen until I’m an adult, or at least look enough like one. I realized many kids get this feeling when they are feeling down, so maybe my dramatic thinking can help the kids who feel the most different in the oddest of circumstances.