An inevitable time in parents’ lives arrives when they are faced with the dreaded question: “Can I please get a phone?” This is usually followed by pleading, ringing similarly to “but my entire class has one!” After months- maybe even years- of imploring, the bridge is finally crossed. Parents cave, granting their children the gift, and responsibility, of a thousand entities in one small device. What is revealed on the other side of this bridge is an alternate universe - one where at every corner there are predators, drama, addictive algorithms, and manipulative tactics urging the most vulnerable to share their personal information. The initial swipe to open a first device is the match to start the fire. Once fueled by parents, it can never be put out. Children are, from here on out, sure to be found at any moment hunched over, heads hung low, and entranced by the bright blue light begging for the attention of young, susceptible souls. What a twisted world to live in; one where people lack interest in maintaining meaningful conversations because the sweet scent of the internet is more enticing than real-world interactions. So really, could this so-called “gift” given to children for the purpose of communicating with loved ones contrastingly be distancing these familial relationships instead?

Being a parent is an incredibly important responsibility. When entire lives fall in the hands of one or two individuals, it is quite easy to feel overwhelmed and lost. The subject of technology use is one which parental figures often have great trouble handling. Their children place onto them the great burden of making the choice between endangering their little minds by providing access to devices that will undoubtedly detach them from real life, or causing their children feelings of self-consciousness, seclusion, and separation from their peers if not.  Unfortunately, these pressures often lead parents to fall into a trap of society: If everyone else is buying their children phones, then why shouldn’t I? 

It is quite ironic that the same children who beg for technology at a young age, later in life are likely to, according to Jacob Weisberg’s article in the New York Book Review, “express nostalgia for life without it”(3). This observation, frankly, is not surprising. When I imagine vivid, lively memories from my childhood, I rarely envision those having to do with technology. The events that create lifelong memories have come from enthusiastic conversations with friends often resulting in laughing until playful tears filled our eyes, aimlessly running in backyards as though all worries were left behind with the wind- each hill seen as large as mountains, blowing out vibrant candles every birthday while surrounded by cameras held in the hands of warm-hearted family, and more. Still, I would also argue that as I gained access to devices, several fond memories during that time did, in fact, come from the use of technology. For instance, making nonsensical, yet admittedly creative, Imovies with my brother on Christmas and shooting what to any nine-year-old would label as “professionally-edited” videos lip-syncing to my favorite early 2000s pop songs while dancing with costume changes and enthusiastic faces on apps with popstar-esque names like “Video Star” alongside my neighbor are two unforgettable recollections- both largely having to do with technology. Therefore, although Weisberg’s data aligns with my personal experiences in the way that there is a great sense of reminiscence towards a life without technology, I must admit that lighthearted memories have helped shape my childhood through the use of it. 

It is clear that technology has various effects on childhood, but the theme of how phone-usage affects families as a whole is still in question. For one, author Christine Rosen’s acknowledgment that “rates of mental-health disorders are climbing precipitously”(3) brings up the point that families are facing an influx of challenges related to handling children’s mental health issues as of the potentially-technology-related increasing rates. The website for Banyan Treatment Centers urgently conveys the statistic that “rates of depression [have] increased by 52% between 2005 and 2017”(Banyan). It is quite possible that social media plays a role in this, as according to Pew Research, “today, 90% of young adults use social media, compared with the 12% in 2005, a 78 percentage-point increase”(Perrin). The increase in depression rates is proven to be parallel to the rates of social media users from the early 2000s to recent times. Rosen projects that “‘...social-media apps are not designed for children”(1). Unfortunately, with children at an average age of 12.6 years old (Howard, CNN ) getting access to these mature apps filled with dark content, encouragement of reckless behaviors, daily viewing of unrealistic beauty standards, and more, this very well may contribute to rising suicide rates. Mental illness often becomes families' primary focus and takes a toll on parents financially as well as emotionally. In many cases, when children don’t feel their family members are handling their mental illness correctly, this can result in major isolation and resentment, ultimately leading to emotional and physical detachment from families. 

On a smaller scale, phone usage in general acts as a mechanism for separating families. Everything from family vacations to simple daily conversations have been altered. In a magazine cover art piece from The New Yorker, artist Mark Ulriksen depicts a family facing away from a beautiful ocean on vacation. Each member is staring, almost robotically, at his or her electronic device. No one is interacting, and a blank expression is panned across every face as the jaw-dropping view remains unacknowledged. This represents the way in which the effect of beautiful destinations with the intent and promise of bonding families together has been tainted by screens. No matter the age or role in the family, everyone has the same priority: keeping up to date with everything on their phones. Today, we as a society are too concerned with what is occurring through our screens to appreciate the extent of beauty in relationships with one another and in natural life. This tends to harm family relationships, as open communication and eagerness to interact are minimized. 

Recently, in a bored state during a long Thanksgiving car ride to my grandparents’ house as corn field after corn field passed me by, I decided to search for music to add to my ever-growing Spotify playlist. I impatiently skipped through everything from love songs to breakup songs to random rap music until suddenly coming across a solemn yet beautiful melody. The somewhat melancholy piano began and the soft voice of seventeen-year-old Sofia Isella rendered the oxymoronic phrase “turns out all of human knowledge at our fingertips made us dumb.” I soon came to infer the meaning of this truly unique piece as an incredibly harsh critique of the internet and a proclamation of all the ways it has ruined society. One particular line that I found aligned closely with the message of Ulriksen’s New York Times cover reads, “But when everyone's together, everyone's alone, because we look so much better when we're in the phone.” The depiction of a family spending alleged “quality time together,” which in actuality presents each isolated in what Isella describes as a “virtual reality,” suggests that although every member is physically together in the same space, they lack connection to each other, proving ultimately alone without any interaction. This modern lifestyle is incredibly harmful to society as we are unable to simply exist together without the lingering sense of isolation. 

Many other common events in the lives of families serve as prime examples of ways the internet acts as a divider, disconnecting families effortlessly. For instance, what used to be an exciting ritual of discussing school days with parents has now been replaced by children pulling out devices as soon as they arrive home. Family dinners are now rare, and watching Tiktoks or Youtube videos substitute face-to-face conversations at the table. Even toddlers, who ten years ago would have been calmed by their mothers’ touch, are now soothed by watching children’s videos online. 

There have been an overwhelming number of changes in family life since the gaining of popularity of technology use. With these harmful effects have come suggested solutions- some beneficial, others impractical. Christine Rosen presents the widely held belief that it is up to parents to “control…children’s use of these tools.” Her affirmations that “teach[ing] them literacy,” “moniter[ing] screen time,” and “delay[ing] getting them a smartphone(1)” are all beneficial advice is a very rational take. When children are taught limitations on technology use from a young age, they are more informed about its dangers and are more likely to take the matter as a serious topic. However, unreasonable limitations can have the opposite effect on them, causing deceitful behavior and resentment. For instance, harsh screen time constraints and locked applications, accessed only through the request of a parent, are two examples of limitations that will likely cause children to disobey and rebel. Continuing, the Mayo Clinic Staff recommends parents explain to children from a young age “that many types of technology collect data to send users ads or to make money(1)”. This advice is unrealistic considering the comprehension level of the children likely being cautioned. Those who are told this will surely not understand the idea of it and possibly spread misinterpreted information to their classmates and friends. This could also cause potential feelings of panic or fear that should not be placed into their developing minds. Lastly, it is crucial that from a young age parents should limit, or not even introduce, technology to their infants, as discussed by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution, through an article on the website Quarz. She cautions that “The most important thing for little people in the zero-to-three range is interactions with human beings” and therefore anything that “disrupts the timing, or the meaningfulness, or the emotional quality of that interaction can have consequences on both parents and kids and on their relationship.” Hirsh-Pasek presents a strong argument as the following has been proven over and over again: events in early childhood tend to greatly influence individuals throughout their entire lives. Parents who choose to comfort their children with technology instead of affection and words of affirmation are setting them up for failure as they will presumably lack care to interact with their parents as they progress through childhood. 

A common internal battle for parents comes with the irony that although they attempt to scold and/or punish children for producing many hours of “screen time” on their devices, these adults likely spend almost an equal amount of time on devices of their own. A 2016 article published by PBS reports that on average, “parents of children ages 8 to 18 consume screen media for more than nine hours each day”. These statistics were released by Common Sense Media, a nonprofit that studies relationships between family and technology. Parents are quite obviously major role models for children growing up, and if these young minds witness exhibitions of unhealthy internet usage, it is to be expected that they will believe it is ok to replicate this behavior. Critics may argue that parents utilize the majority of the time spent on their devices by completing relevant tasks that are much more important than the applications their children are using. To refute, the same article from PBS claims that “parents devote nearly eight hours to watching movies, playing video games, and scrolling through social media.” These “low-quality” activities, prove to be of the same stature as other online activities that children are being told to spend limited time on or even remain entirely off of. It is necessary for parents to be aware of how they are spending time on their devices and the length in which they are using them. This could potentially decrease children’s phone usage as well and deepen their relationship with one another by cutting out the extremely accessible distractions that are technological devices from both sides- the parents and their children. 

As complex and alarming as it is to consider the lasting effects technology usage has on coming between families, it is possible to improve communication and strengthen the bond between parents and their children through the right balance of parental control, restraint demonstrated by parents by not introducing technology at early ages to their children, and exemplary behavior from parents to encourage proper use of technology. Although changes made by solely individual families will likely never result in an end to this alternate universe of the hazards surrounding technology, through support of parents, it may become safer for children. But until then, the vicious cycle of self-seclusion and danger will continue: entertaining young minds, deeply concerning parental figures, and pulling children emotionally farther and farther away from their own blood.