My dad picked out my name for me when I was a baby. My mom says that he found it in a baby book. “Are you sure the name on the front of it didn’t say calendar?” I joke. 

My name is April, yes, like the month. And no—I was not born in April. My name was just picked from a baby book on a random day in 2005. 

My name is super feminine, like the daisies you put in your pocket while you walk through a sunny field. I feel like the opposite of my name. A dark navy sky with a bright full moon. And stars sprinkled across like snowflakes. 

However, there is one thing about my name I like. Out of all the people in my school (2,000 students), I am the only April. Not many people can say their name is as unique as mine.

In Latin, my name means  ‘to open’  flower buds. The Flower buds blossom and create beautiful works of art.  But if April showers and May brings flowers, what do I have—other than puddles?

April reminds me of a sunny, humid day in July but to everyone else, to me, it means a gloomy rainy day. Nothing more than thunderstorms. April to me means the colors pink and yellow, twisted together through a loop. My name tastes like cold freshly cut strawberries on one of the hottest days of the year. Not to mention the smell of freshly peeled oranges, like the ones my mom would give to me when I was sick. 

But the name April represents the wrong person. I am not my name in the same way my name is not me. The name Tobias is a name I wish was chosen for me.

Tobias reminds me of cold packing snow and the feeling of warmth in your ear and cheeks when you walk back inside. The reddish blush that brushes across your face in contrast to your pale skin. Strong and comforting compared to the name April. Navy blue, a strong but almost calming color. 

Both names give me different personalities, colors, and feelings. For now, I want to be reminded of the fleshly peeled oranges and the hot summer days. But maybe someday I can reinvent my name. Something that is both navy blue and yellow twisted pink.