The Fosters is a show about a lesbian couple. They have 5 kids, including biological, adopted, and foster children. They go through everything that could possibly happen to a family, good and bad. It is an emotionally heavy show and I would not recommend it for anyone under 12 or 13. That being said I got so much out of it. It opens your eyes to how lucky you are and at the same time, you can completely relate. The Fosters has helped me through so many rough times. it makes me feel less alone. So here are 10 life lessons I’ve learned from The Fosters.

#1 Nobody should make you feel ashamed of yourself
Something that’s always been hard for me is getting toxic people out of my life. If somebody's taking away from your happiness, they don’t deserve you. Trust me, it’s hard, and I mean really hard. Sometimes you need to worry about yourself before other people. You are your number one priority.  

I was in this one friendship for a long time. Eventually, we got super close and I told her everything. I relied on her completely.  Then I started to realize that she was walking all over me. I felt ashamed of myself. When I finally opened up it was like she didn’t like me anymore, like she didn’t like the real me. I ran back to her and acted fake. That went on for a while until I couldn’t take it anymore. I ended our friendship. That was hard for me and I still miss her but I had to do what was best for me.

#2 It’s okay not to be okay
To feel whole again, you just need to fall apart. A lot of the time I would have so many thoughts in my head but I was too scared to tell someone. I was always afraid that they will judge me because I’m not happy, but eventually, I realized that it’s okay. Everyone needs to break down before they can start building themselves up again.

When I was in fourth grade and all of my issues started I refused to see a therapist. I remember I had to go for my first appointment at 4 pm. I layed in bed at 12 and didn’t get out all day. I told my parents there was no way I was getting out of bed. Eventually, they made me get out. They told me to go just once and if I didn’t like it I could stop going. I was scared. I was scared to admit all of my issues. Then I realized it was perfectly okay to fall apart. Out of everything, that is the biggest thing that The Fosters has taught me.

#3 Apologize
Being wrong is something I absolutely hate. When I have guilt it never goes away. I overthink every little part of what’s happening. My brain doesn’t stop running. The more I think the more I worry.

When I was younger I would never apologize to people. I figured that if I didn’t admit that I did something wrong, I wouldn’t feel guilty about it. Wow, that was a terrible choice. Guilt is a part of life. Whether you like it or not. It’s okay to be wrong. Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person.

I will always remember this tiny little thing that still bothers me because I never apologized. My uncle has always done everything for me. I love and appreciate him so much. When I was little he would always take me to his work for a Christmas party. “Santa” always came and gave people gifts. I opened up my present and it was a lego set. I was outraged. I was so angry because I hated legos. Of course, I was nasty and complaining the whole night. He took me to this big party and I embarrassed him and ruined it.

Eventually, the guilt started. I refused to apologize even though I felt awful. Now I tell him all of the time how sorry I am but when I was younger I wouldn’t. I never went back to that Christmas party…

#4 No matter who you are or where you come from, you deserve to feel loved
Everyone is worthy of love. It doesn’t matter what mistakes you’ve made, where you come from, who you are, or how you identify, you deserve love. This is something I’ve always felt strongly about especially after watching The Fosters. Love is a feeling that everyone should get to experience.

At my old school, there was this one girl that everyone would make fun of. They would say that she is mean or stupid when she did nothing wrong. She has her differences just like everyone else. Just because her differences were different then there's doesn’t mean that she didn’t deserve love. That always bothered me. I started talking to her more after that, but watching that hurt me. Now it’s definitely something that I think about every day.

#5 Running away from your problems will not fix anything
This is something I’ve always done. When I have a problem, I run away. I let it go and think that everything will be okay. Ignoring a problem and running away from it are different things. In my opinion, running away from it means that you are denying what’s happening and your whole situation, but ignoring it is just trying not to think about it and just letting it play out. I’ve learned to just push through it and everything will be okay.

My family does foster care. Foster care is a huge adjustment. I will always remember the first foster child that we had stay with us for a while.  She was younger then me and we had no clue how long we would have her. It was stressing me out to the point where I was developing shingles. I was so scared to tell people how upset I was and I didn’t want to disappoint my family. Everyone in my family was loving it, except for me. I decided the best decision was to stop talking. It went on for maybe 24 hours before I broke down. I cried for hours and told my family how I was feeling. She left the next day. Everything ended up fine but at the time I was so worried to point where I had shingles. All it took was me admitting how I felt and realizing what was wrong.

#6 You are not disposable
Love is permanent. Nobody can just throw you away. Even if it feels like somebody just threw you out of their life, they still love you.

Sometimes I forgive people too easily and let them use me. I feel like they’re only friends with me on their own time. When they need someone to count on, they come to me. Yet, when I need someone they´re not always there for me. That is a really crappy feeling. I try so hard to help people and to be kind and they can’t return the favor. This is something that I really struggle with, but I always tell myself that I’m not disposable.

#7 Doing the right thing is not always easy
If you can make a decision in a split second then you are most likely not making the right decision. I used to overthink everything. Now I’ve realized that I just need to give it time and the right choice will come to me.

Switching to a new school was a really hard decision. I was scared of the change and I didn’t know what to do. My first thought was no I’m not going. I gave it a month and really thought about it and all of a sudden I realized that I had to this for myself. Change is always hard but I couldn’t let that get in my way. I’m so happy that I did because it ended up being one of the best choices I’ve ever made.

#8 Being kind to yourself is just as important as being kind to others
From the summer going into fifth grade until the summer going into 6th grade, I was extremely depressed. I cared so much about what other people thought of me. Even at the beach, I would sit in bed on my phone for hours and hours. I wouldn’t go anywhere. Not even down to the beach. I lost all motivation to do everything. I would sit in bed for at least 5 hours every day in the afternoon.

I started seeing a therapist and I still see the same one now. Even though my depression went away I still struggle with anxiety. I’ve been diagnosed with separation anxiety, panic-agoraphobia (that means I panic whenever I leave my home), and flat-out anxiety. It’s really really hard but the biggest change that I’ve made is that I’ve had to start being kind to myself. You can’t do nice things for other people before you do nice things for yourself.

#9 Guilt is different than shame
Everyone feels guilty at some point in their life. Guilt is okay and normal but shame is something completely different. There is a quote from an episode that helped me understand and figure out how I was feeling during a really dark time in my life. The quote is “Guilt is the feeling of doing something wrong, and shame is the feeling of being something wrong”. Nobody should make you feel ashamed of yourself.

When I had that bad year in 4th grade I was ashamed. My mom would try to tell me that she loves me and that it will be okay and I would yell at her. I would tell her that she shouldn’t love me and that it would never get better. I didn’t love myself so I didn’t allow other people to love me. Shame is the absolute worst. It took a lot of time and effort to get back to myself. Once I could identify how I was feeling I was able to take a big step forward.

#10 You only live once so make it good
Life is short but you need to enjoy it. My grandpa has always been fond of this rule. Since I was 2 years old he has taught me to jump in the puddles, It’s okay if you get wet as long as you have fun doing it.

He has also taught me to wake up at 5:30 to watch the sunrise every once in a while, to eat loads of junk food on vacations, to blast music in the car, to dive into the ocean with my clothes on, and to break a rule occasionally. Those are some of my favorite memories because I stopped caring about my phone, how much I’m eating, and how much time I have. I was living life to the fullest.

Those are the most important things that The Fosters has taught me. From making the right decisions to self-care, The Fosters has improved my life in more ways than one. I didn’t apply these rules to my life in just one day or week. It took time, mistakes, and success. Of course, I’m still working on them. I hope that I can apply this rules to my everyday life forever. That will take lots of practice but I am excited to see how they will affect my life long term.