The Twin

     It was a hot summer day and I was watching my daughter Skylar who was only 2 at the time. It was only me and Sky because my husband Ethan was in the Army. Sky is not like most kids she has the top set of autism and it not easy for her to get along with other kids. Every day I send her to preschool happy but I almost always get a call from the school saying that she is having one of her episodes. When Sky has an episode she gets very angry and distant towards anyone that isn't me, she will push you and try to bite or scratch you so that you will get away from her, she also cries and hates to be touched during an episode. Sky also has epilepsy so when she gets angry she has a seizure and the doctors have given her all the medication they possibly can but nothing has worked, When she is having seizure she will lock up her legs and arms, she will also roll her eyes into the back of her head and she starts shaking really bad. During the summer I decided to take Sky swimming at the rec center by our house. It is a small gray building with glass doors but the pool is big and it has slides just for kids her size so that she can go down them. When we got there Sky was acting a little weird. It was like she would be talking to someone but no one was there. When I asked her who she was talking to she would go quiet for a moment before saying “The girl in the pretty white dress with the pink bow in her hair mamma”. At first, I was okay with it because I thought she had made an imaginary friend so I was glad that she was happy. It was later in the day when we got home and our house isn’t the biggest house ever but it works. It is a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house with a finished basement. My daughter loves going downstairs because when we moved in we put her toys downstairs but when we got home I told Skylar to go and look at her schedule to see what was next. Instead of going to her schedule she ran straight to the basement stairs and was calling to the girl that she was talking to at the rec-center. I was glad that she was making new friends but she needed to look at her schedule. When Skylar gets off schedule it affects her to where it take at least a week or two to get her to get back on schedule.“Sweety what’s on your schedule”  I asked her “Please come play” she yelled down the stairs. I was confused about why this “girl” was in the basement but it didn’t worry me too much. I called Skylar one last time and she got up from the floor and came running to me, I picked her up and we looked at her schedule. Sky has 2 different schedules. 1 for during the summer and 1 for during the school year. We took down her summer paper and looked at it. As we look at the paper Skylar looked at me and said “ Lunchtime mommy” I smiled at her as I asked her what she wanted. “Fries” she said as she jumped up and ran around the house. I gave her a quick glance as she gave me her puppy dog eyes. When she says fries it means she wants to go to Mcdonalds. I couldn’t say no because I asked her what it was that she wanted. “Ok, Let’s go get you some fries” I answer her. We both walked outside and it was a beautiful day 90 degrees and Sky was loving it. We walked up to my Light gray Ford Explorer and i put sky in her hot pink car seat, as i am buckling her in her starts yelling “ochy mamma” and “No touch”. While she is yelling this she continues to push my hands away. I look at her and ask her what  hurts and she points to her side so I pull up her shirt up and notice 3 scratch marks on her left side. I was confused but wasn’t worried I thought she might have ran into something at home so I carefully pulled her shirt back down and buckled her in. We went and got her some fries and she was still calling out for a the girl in the pretty dress. She kept screaming “Come eat or no ice cream” I looked at her and told her to stop and she did. We got home and did the rest of the item of her schedule for the day. It was about 7:45 at night when we went to her room and picked out the booked she wanted to read tonight. After the book I tucked into bed and said goodnight. Almost immediately after I walked out of the room I could hear her stand up in her crib and start laughing. “Sky go to bed sweetie” I yelled from outside of the door. The room went silent so I walked down the hall to my room and fell asleep. It was about 3 in the morning when I heard Skylar yelling and crying. I jumped out of bed and ran down the hall to her room. The door was stuck so I couldn’t open it. “Mom’s coming sweety, Mommy’s coming” I just kept screaming that over and over until the door opened. I turned on the light and grabbed Sky. The room was trashed and destroyed. Her toys were everywhere and her dresser looked like it was thrown across the room, Sky has a pink butterfly model above her crib and it was on the floor on the other side of the room. I couldn't believe what I was seeing there was no way my daughter could make such a big mess, she can’t even get out of her crib let alone through a 145-pound dresser across the room. We walked out into the living room and laid down on the couch until we fell asleep. Me and Sky slept on the couch that night. The next morning around 6 o'clock I heard a little girl call my name. “Alice, Alice wake up” I kept hearing it over and over. At first I thought it was Sky but then thought how could it be Sky she doesn't even know my first name. I woke up eyes wide opened and what I saw scared me a little girl right in front of my face with something around her neck. I couldn’t move and I got super cold and it was like I couldn’t breath. When she disappeared I sat up and rubbed my eyes looking around the room. Sky was still sleeping so I didn’t want to wake her up. I grabbed my phone from under the pillow and checked what time it was and at the same time I got a phone call from a private number. “Hello” I said all so quietly. I waited for a response but what I heard on the phone I will never forget. “Hi mommy, we are just trying to play” came through the phone in a quiet and soft voice. I threw the phone into the kitchen the noise waking Sky up. “You saw her mommy?” she asked me “Saw who baby” I replied “The girl in the pretty white dress” she answered “Yea baby girl I did” I responded “She says it was my fault” She cried “Your fault for what” I responded as I picked her up “why she was not born”At this point all I could do was grab Skylar and hug her. I was scared that whoever or whatever this was it was angry and I did not want to risk my daughter getting hurt. The next day it was just like any other day sorta me and Sky did our normal daily stuff like we always did. It was around Mommy, Daughter time when stuff took a turn for the worse. We both heard a loud noise coming from the basement and it startled Sky, because of her autism Skylar hates loud noises. I grabbed Sky and hugged her but then the noise got louder and louder. I stood up and ran into the bathroom with Sky where we sat for several minutes we then heard a loud bang coming from the other side of the door. This scared my daughter so much that she went in to having what doctors call a Grand Mal Seizure. I was scared that she might get hurt so I grabbed some towels from behind the door and put them by her head. Sky has seizures often but they only last 30 seconds to one minute. Sky seizure lasted 5 minutes before I decided to call the cops. As we were in the back of the ambulance Skylar's blood pressure kept dropping extremely low and her heart stopped beating every time it dropped. After we got to the hospital and into a room Sky finally woke up. “Hi baby girl” I said as I went over to the crib they had set up for her “why is she mad at me” Sky asked “baby did she ever tell you her name” I ask trying to be calm “ I don’t know” she replies as a tear rolled down her eye. “Baby it’s okay” I respond. A knock on the door scared us as the doctor came in. “Hi I am Doctor Richard and I am going to be your doctor today” He said all so nicely “Hi doctor my name is Alice and this is my daughter Skylar” I responded “Hi Skylar my name is Doctor Richard and I am going to take care of you today, Is that okay with you” He asked as he got down so she could see his face. My daughter was still scared after what just happened so I hugged her and told her that the doctor was going to help her and that she could talk to him when he asked her a question. After a waiting for a bit she finally responded “Yes that’s okay”. “Good to know, here I have something for you” he said as he reached into his bag and pulled out a box covered with pretty light pink wrapping paper. Skylar open the box and her eyes lit up so much the if we had turned out the lights it would look like morning in that room. It was a little iPad with pink glitter on the case and a butterfly on the back of it. “Thank you so much she yelled as she gave him a big hug. I have never seen my baby so happy. “I hope you enjoy it, I have got to go but I will be back later” he said. “Baby we have to find out what is going on ok” I said. The doctor walked out of the room and i turned on Sky’s tablet for her. She just sat down and watched shows on her tablet. After a bit of waiting the nurse came in and did her vitals and then left. I walked over to Sky and just watched TV with her. She started to look pale so i stood up and asked her if everything was ok at that very moment my daughter looked at me with the most scared look. She stopped moving and it was like she was frozen, I asked her what was the matter and if she was okay and all of a sudden she lifted her finger and pointed to something behind me and fell back and went into another episode. I called a nurse and we ran to go help my daughter. It was about 2 in the morning when I woke up to talking. It was the little girl again. “Hi mommy, what's wrong” she whispered “Who are you and what do you want with my baby” I stated. “Don't worry mom everything will be over soon then we can be together” she said as she moved closer to me. “I am not your mother and I want you to leave us alone” I replied. Everything went black for a quick second and then she was right in front of me just staring “Why are you trying to hurt my daughter” I yelled “because she hurt me” she replied “How, what did she ever do to you” I asked with anger in my voice “Don't worry,she will get what she has coming. In that very second everything went quiet and then I saw her over by my daughter. She put her hand on her head and her machine went off. I looked up and saw that everything was flatlined. Her oxygen, her heartbeat, her SPO’s, and i started feeling like it I couldn’t breath. I tried to take a deep breath but I couldn’t. I was able to move enough before I passed out to hit the call button and whisper help through the speaker. Everything went black but when I woke up I was in a room and I couldn’t see my daughter. I was so stressed that I almost caused myself to have a heart attack looking for Sky in the room. “SKY” “SKYLAR” I yelled over and over. Doctor Richard finally came and told me that she was fine and that I could go and stay with her. “What happened” he asked “I don't know I can't really remember anything after I hit the remote” I responded “what about before that” he wondered “I think there is a spirit attached to my daughter and I think it is trying to kill her” All I could say at that moment to the doctor was that I was confused on why my daughter couldn't get better I asked him to make sure that she was okay and he walked out. I looked around to see where I was when I noticed a very big window next to me. I tried thinking about how far my daughter was from me and what she was going through. I remembered having a dream when Skyler and I were at the house the night before everything went wrong I saw a little girl maybe just Sky’s age walking around the house I went over and asked if everything was okay and she just gave me a very clean look but she was confused on where she was. I asked if she knew where her mom and dad were and she told me that I was her mom. I looked at her then told her no I'm not I have a daughter that's just about your age. She was so upset that I told her that I wasn’t her mom. All I could do was look at her with a sad look. That's what I hit me when I was pregnant with Skylar. I was supposed to have twins two little girls. My other daughter Addison was stillborn which means she didn't make it past birth. I was wondering if this was the long lost sister the one who never made it. I was going back to Skylar and to ask her if she recognize the name. I walked down the hall to my daughters room and knocked on the door before walking in. When I walked in my heart dropped down to my feet. I saw my daughter hooked up to all these wires. All I could do at that very moment was cry. A knock on the door startled me as I went and opened it. “Hey it is just me” said doctor Richard “Oh doctor you just startled me” I replied. “Is she going to be okay” I worried “Yes she can be taken off the machines now, we only had to put her on them till she stabilized” He replied “Thank god, I was so worried” I responded. A nurse came in and took her off the machine I felt a slight feeling of relief that things could finally get better, I was wrong.

1 week later  

     After we got back from the hospital. Things got worse and Sky wasn’t the same. She was very distant and scared. The slightest noise could cause a seizure and I couldn’t do anything to help her but be there when she needed me. “Hey sweetie, how are you feeling,” I asked. I got no answer so I went and got her shoes it was time for us to go out. I decided to take her swimming. It was a calm day at the moment so I thought she might enjoy swimming. When we got to the pool my daughter got the biggest smile on her face as she kept trying to unhook her own car seat. As we got our swimsuit and floaties she was so excited that she couldn’t stand still. “Sweetie we have to get your floaties on” I stated in a calm voice “Sorry mommy, I want to swim” she replied “I know you do but you need to get ready before you can get in the pool” I responded “okay mommy,” she said as she calmed down. After we got out suits on we went and got in the pool and Sky was so excited. We sawm for about 1 hour and a half-ish. As we were leaving Sky said something that caused me to stop everything I was doing. “Is Addison coming home soon mommy?” she asked. All I could do was look at her and wonder. I never told her about her sister. I was going to at the hospital but I thought she had gone through enough so I didn’t say anything. “Who’s Addison,” I asked “ My sister. She is right there” she replied as she pointed at the front doors of the Rec Center. As I looked at the doors I saw a little girl standing on the inside of the building and just smiling acting that everything was going to be okay but honestly in my brain, I thought we were in danger. I should have told Skyler about her sister sooner but I felt like it would just make her feel bad. Sky didn't do anything to make her sister die all she wanted to do just be part of my family.  I feel bad for doing everything that I  did. I wonder if I would have told Skyler sooner none of this would have happened. I feel like I failed as a mother, you're supposed to keep your kids safe from everything that you can but I couldn't even see my kids safe for myself. I just feel like I did something wrong. Maybe if I would have paid more attention to myself and not everyone else my daughter could still be here today. Then again maybe God just needed her, it's God's choice when to take somebody. It should have been my choice to stop it. When we got home we ate lunch and did everything like we did nothing really weird happened to us. Though I noticed that for the past I don't know hour or so Sky has been sitting in front of the basement door again. She did it when we first encountered Addison. I walked over to her to make sure everything was okay, she pointed down the stairs and as I look down there I saw a little girl just standing there I didn't know what to do so I told Skyler to come on and we tried to go to the kitchen but is like everywhere we went Addy came to. I finally told Sky what happened and that she did have a sister but that God needed her more than we did. I explained to her that it wasn’t her fault and that it just happens sometimes. 

   It has been almost a year since that happened. My husband is back and Sky loves having her dad around, and I also love having my husband here. I told Ethan about everything that happened over the past year and he couldn’t believe it. He told me that while in the army at random guy came up to him and handed him a letter and told him that Addy loves him. He read the letter and he said it brought tears to his eyes, and when he went to thank the man he was gone. I asked if he still had the letter and he said he never got rid of it. Here is what the letter said

Dear Daddy,

Hi, I miss you so much. I think that I should go see your mom now she is here with me and she is so nice. I thought that it was sissy’s fault that I didn’t get born. Grandma told me that it wasn’t anyone’s fault and that it was just what God wanted. I am sorry that I scared sissy I hope she can forgive me. Mommy is very mad and I made her mad. I never wanted anyone to get hurt. I guess I have my mommy’s attitude and your eyes. I hope that we can see each other soon. I will come and visit on the holidays and birthdays if that's okay. You can always talk to me and I will do my best to answer. I hope you won’t forget me because I can never forget you and sissy and mommy. I am so sorry that I hurt mommy and sissy. I promise to do better at being a good girl. Grandma says it is time to go and see God and Jesus. Maybe I can even see mother nature. I love you, daddy. Tell everyone at home that I said I love them. Bye Daddy

Forever here

    Pumpkin

    When I read this I started to cry. My husband’s mom passed away 1 week before I had Sky, and the whole Pumpkin thing made me cry even more. While I was pregnant with the girls my husband gave them both nicknames. Sky was his little Star and Addy was his Pumpkin because she was the chubby one according to him and the ultrasound. I am glad that my baby girl is happy. I will never forget her and I will make sure that Sky grows up to know about her sister. I love you baby girl and I promise that I will never forget you.