OCEAN
   
When I was young back in portugal I was always by the ocean, it was my painkiller after my dad left me when i was born, my mom getting sick and not caring any more, my brother off with his pregnant girlfriend and my sister getting killed. After all of that I resulted to alcohol and drugs, the ocean didn't seem to help as much anymore. I would go to the ocean from as soon as i got up to sometimes midnight. When my mom found out she said she thought i was gonna drown myself( i had thought about doing that). A year later my mom and i moved to america. my mom married  my step-dad turns out he's abusive. when i got to my new school i got bullied by both teachers and students cause you know no english. it was bad in 6th but worse in seventh, it had been 2 years since i had been to the ocean. soon the alcohol and drugs weren’t enough. my daughter seria died from an early stage of cancer when she was 2. i had found a new drug it took the numbness away, its called SH for those who don't know it means i cut. whenever i did it i always thought of my sister and how she felt when she was killed. 
*Flashback*(back in portugal)
i was so drunk when i came home i could barely see straight. there was a picture on my door of my sister with a bullet hole through her head and stab wounds all over her body. when i tried to show my mom i couldn't even speak and she thought it was a prank, until we got another picture. she cried for three days and my arm cried for three days(cried blood that is). i sat on the shore and let the waves crash over me hoping for it to was all of this away
*end of flashback*    
everything got so bad nothing could take the pain  away not the alcohol,the drugs,the cutting, not even the ocean. i wanted to die. i attempted suicide 4 times didn't succeed (clearly unless you think i'm writing this as a zombie :p) every time i tried i always heard my sisters voice in the back of my head saying “carmeana your bigger than this clearly and you're stronger than it that might take you some time to believe” just to hear her voice gave me comfort. recently i went to the ocean, i was walking up and down the beach thinking of my sister and how she didn't have to be beat/sold by her husband over and over again. if i was dead we both wouldn't have to go through that. let me explain back where i'm from you are obligated to get married at the age of ten, your parents pick. almost all guys were abusive. my sister was 21 when she was killed so married for 11 years i was only married for 4. we both were beat  and sold a lot. yea i know i have a weird background. But what almost kills you over and over again makes you stronger right. if i had to pick 2 people that could've killed her i would pick her husband or our psychopathic uncle who molested us since we were little. i dont know but if walking on the beach helps me figure out who killed her i will walk every day.

So thats what i did i walked on the beach every day for 3 months looking at the pictures. i tried to see if anything stood out at all but nothing did it was just my sister lying in a corner drenched in blood from the stabs and blood running down her now pale perfect skin. i got so frustrated i took my razor blade out of my pocket and just let my arm cry and cry. when i finally went home i knew i had to ask my mom some questions.
the first one i asked was has anyone in our family got in trouble for……assault, “ you've been watching too much criminal minds”. i just laughed and said yea, she wasn't gonna be much help. i didn't want to tell her why i was asking because it would make her sad and no one but us knew she dead. not even my step dad and his family (they don't even know existed )so i have to keep quiet so i don't have to lie then get beat by my step dad. i had to keep it quiet. i know this might sound sound like some cheesy spy movie or criminal minds but its not ( criminal minds helped a bit :p)

A week later my mom and i went to visit family back in portugal. while we were there i8 kept looking around and how they reacted to me and my mom being there. no one seemed to be acting weird. i went to ocean and walked up and down the beach with my friend markea , she was the only one outside of my mom, brother and i who knew she was dead. shes like a sister to me so i told her everything. i told her about my sister and how i'm trying to find her killer, she told me that it was dangerous , stupid and that she would help me. i told her about who i thought did it and she told me that she hasn't seen her husband around for  a while and that my uncle has been around a lot ever since he heard we were coming that made me scared to be alone in my aunts house. hes still the same she said as we walked home. “ watch where you're walking” a deep voice yelled at me. when i looked  up it was my sisters husband christian. i couldn't speak i was both shocked and furious. “ sorry have you seen my brother around” i asked, he just rolled his eyes and walked away we watched him as he walked around the corner. “ its stupid but yes lets go” markea said, we then smiled and followed him into a bar. ( at 8 you're allowed to drink so yea). we heard a deep voice say “ christian wheres your girl havent seen her in a while.” “shes gone probably not coming back”. after that i was ready to punch the s**t out of him but that wouldn't end well for me and markea. trust me i know from experience i still have the scars.

*flashback (in portugal)*
cristiano came back drunk again. he was being very aggressive (i realize that at that time wasn't the best time for this) i balled up my right fist and swung with all my power. he fell to the floor and was down for about 5 seconds. stupid me i sat there and watched. he flew up and stumbled a little ( drunk remember) and slammed me up against the wall hand on my throat. his nails digging into my neck i could feel the blood running down my shoulders. he punched me 5 times in the stomach, when he let go i fell to the floor crying he kicked me 10+ times after he left i curled into a ball on the kitchen floor.
*end of flashback*
see what i mean knowing  crishtian would wed be either in the hospital or dead like my sister. so i just got us each 5 shots of whatever was strongest that didn't ease the urge to punch him but i resisted. (i wanted to live normally one more day). after me and her got home we smoked a lot until each of our 2 hookah machines were out then we were out…..like a light. when i woke up i had a terrible migraine and my sisters pictures were next to me. i must have looked at them last night and forgot i thought. something was different about them they looked newer. i went to my backpack and the pictures were still there. who put these here then. on the back of the newer ones there was an address to an antique shop and on the other there were directions. the directions said:
go to the antique shop and find the green jewelry box.
take the note out and follow the directions
you will not tell anyone or you'll end up like her
i only had 3 days left in portugal and i was going to spent those 3 days looking for the son of a b****  who killed my sister. i went to the antique shop and found the green jewelry box. there was a little yellow paper inside on the outside of the note it said read outside. i said goodbye to the store owner and walked outside. i opened the note and guess what more directions this time they said:
come to the bar where u were last night
sit at the back table
and DO NOT tell anyone that you're here
by then my arms and legs were shaking. once i got to the bar i did what the note said. while i was waiting i had 2 shots of fireball. no one came for an hour, then i got a call. there was a man on the other line and he just yelled ” run carmeana run” as soon as he hung up crishtian walked in he had a  gun in his pocket. i turned around and ran out the back door. all i heard was yelling. i ran and ran. i stopped to catch my breath then i got a text *see what i mean now meet me at the veira house*     
“move get out of my way” i heard a deep voice yell.

i turned and ran towards the old veira house. finally the yelling stopped, and the veira house was just around the corner. when i got there i looked through the window and it was abandoned. so i ran inside and slammed the door behind me. when i looked around inside i only saw rubble and dark walls. then a voice said “ oh you're here”. i couldn't see anyone( now i was a lil scared) then i heard footsteps behind me i was too scared to turn around. i then felt a hand on my shoulder. a deep voice then said “hai carmean that made it clear who he was “ you disobeyed me carmena now you'll pay” at that second i knew it was my husband christiano and now i was scared for my life.

when he turned me around he said “ you've been looking for your sister and now you're about to find her”” let go of me you bastard” *SMASH* i was thrown across the room into a wall and a pile of broken glass, all i see is blood coming from my back and legs. i tried to get up and run but that wasn't a good idea. *BANG* i collapsed, when i looked at my leg i had a bullet hole in my left leg. the pain was excruciating. when i tried to get up again i put my hand on something cold wet and bumpy. it made me cringe. when i looked next to me i saw a red blood stained body. it couldn't be i thought, when i looked up and saw the face i just froze. i saw long brown hair, pale green eyes, and pale pink lips. a smack snapped me out of my shock. “ i told you you were about to find her” cristiano whispered into my ear “ now its your turn” he said as i felt the barrel of a gun at the back of my head. as i turned around the barrel of the gun was at my forhead “ wait wait i know how i want to die it'll be slow and painful for me please” “ what is it” i showed him my cuts and scars “ well i see you have been slowly killing yourself for me is that the way you want to die” “ yes”. he pointed to the knife on the table while he got on the phone. the idiot forgot to the gun on the table. i got the gun and put it to the back of his head “ i have to go” he said then hung up the phone. “ you killed my sister you bastard” *BANG*. the gun dropped out of my hand as i wobbled out the door. when i got home my aunt took me to the hospital. when my mom came to see me i told her that i found her my mom was in tears of joy we buried her a week later. on her headstone it said:
LALUNA VEIRA QONSWELO       october 12 1994-september 6 2013
LIFE CUT SHORT BY A BULLET!