Unfortunately, today is not a good day at the News Stand. On most days, the news is good such as a planet just discovered space travel, or brand new life forms have evolved on a far distant planet but not today. And what do you know, it’s the Earthlings again. I get to the News Stand and the only news available is about how the humans on Earth are on the brink of a global nuclear war. Great, this is not how I wanted to spend my day. Now instead of hanging out with some of the new souls,hearing their life stories, and getting to know them, I have to come up with a protocol for what’s going on with Earth and how I’m going to handle it. Despite what I’ve said earlier, war on any planet is when I might interfere depending on how bad it gets. Nuclear war, obviously will end up needing My assistance at some point. What to do? Do I play it by ear and see what happens in the next day or so, or do I do some further investigating? Hmm, well this is a nuclear war, and despite how small and insignificant the planet is, it would be a shame to watch Earth go out in such a destructive way. I guess I better do some further investigating. That I means I have to pay myself a visit to Earth and see what’s going on down there first hand. Dang, this is trip is going to take up the rest of My weekend, but I guess it’s for the best?


You don’t have to be a genius to know that I’ve only visited Earth once in it’s entire length of existence. The period of time when I visited Earth was during the Holocaust and World War II. I still feel a little guilty to this day, but the reason the Holocaust got so bad was because I was partying hard during the majority of the what would have been the 1930’s and 1940’s decade on Earth. When I finally got around to checking the Universal News Stand after that long party, everything was a MESS! Let me tell you, fixing a planet at war with an army that is attempting to kill off an entire population of humans, is NOT fun when you’re hungover. You’re probably thinking, “But God, you’re all-knowing!” Yes, that is true, I do know everything, but that can be a real pain in the divine buttocks sometimes, so occasionally I like to turn it off and NOT know what’s going on. Yep, I confess: I am an all-knowing deity whose willfully ignorant.


So, now that I got the plan all figured out with what I’m going to do about this Earth dilemma. It’s time to take a little interstellar travel through the Cosmos straight to our troubled little planet. First, we have to travel down the Spirit Tunnel. The Spirit Tunnel is the long doorway connecting the spirit realm, A.K.A Heaven, and the real world. If you have ever heard stories of life forms who almost died and claim they were traveling through a tunnel to a bright light, that’s the Spirit Tunnel. The Spirit Tunnel is easily the best thing about traveling into the real world. Imagine a curvy, loopy tunnel covered in bright lights, colors, fractals, flashbacks from your recently departed life, and an overwhelming sense of happiness and belonging. Heaven is the soul’s true home.


I exit the Spirit Tunnel at the edge of the Milky Way Galaxy. It’s a good thing that space travel isn’t as evolved as it should be in this galaxy. Since I’m taking the form of a human on this planet, it would look pretty weird for anyone to see a random human floating through space.


I finally make it to the outside of Earth and now must decide where I’m going to go to get the best observation I can of these strange humans. The best course of action is to visit the two countries that are on the brink of war and compare. America will be the first stop, The Middle East will be the second. The best place to get my observations of Americans is an airport. There’s lots of people and things going on so it’s the perfect place to people watch. I decide I’m going to go to LAX in California. Right before I teleport there, I need to dress the part. As much as I love wearing a bathrobe and sandals all day, I have to somewhat blend in. I dress myself in a blue and white flowered Hawaiian shirt, khaki cargo shorts, tube socks and sandals. Sandals are always a must wherever I go. My hair is dark brown, messy and unkempt, I’m wearing aviator sunglasses and I have a handle bar mustache. There’s no reasoning behind that, it’s just for shits and giggles. For human standards, this isn’t exactly the normal appearance, but I think it’s humorous that all the people giving me weird looks have no idea that they are looking at God and judging the way I dress.

In a blink of an eye, I am in a bathroom stall at the Los Angeles Airport. This is the best place to casually teleport onto Earth because of the privacy aspect. I sense that there are two other humans on the outside of the stall, so I flush the toilet, to make it seem like I finished my business, I wait for them to leave and I walk out. I look at myself in the mirror and admire the image I’m portraying myself as. I’m the only one that knows I’m God on this planet. To everyone else, I’m just a strange looking man with a handlebar mustache. The Ultimate Disguise.


I exit the bathroom to a massive airport filled with humans EVERYWHERE. Tall humans, short humans, black humans, white humans, skinny humans and fat humans. Some humans are together in families, some are alone. This is a very interesting species, a judgemental one as well. I haven’t even made it past the Sbarro Pizza and the Cinnabon and I have already gotten dozens of dirty/strange looks from passing humans dressed in slacks, button up shirts and Bluetooth headsets as well as concerned looks from stressed out mothers with their children.. I expected this from them.


I find a nice place to sit down and people watch. My seat is right next to the security check to get on planes and a television for passengers waiting for their flight. The show on the television is all about the possibility of a nuclear war with Iran. I see clips of Ali Khamenei, the supreme leader of Iran, clips of bombs exploding in Afghanistan. clips of American soldiers invading the Middle East and clips of nuclear weapon manufacturing labs. Wow, this place is a mess. Satan has taken a toll on this planet


I turn my attention to the security check lane to board planes. I take note of the fat TSA officers religiously searching, poking and prodding through various people’s belongings like a pig sniffing through mud. And then something catches my eye. I notice a white guy, dressed the same as most of the men in this airport. Suit, briefcase and a cellphone. He steps up in line, the security guard briefly pats him down, in a very unconcerned manner and then the man goes on his way. The same thing happens again with a white female. Next in line is what appears to be a Middle Eastern man, but for all we know he could be from anywhere. The carefree look on the security guards face immediately changes to a defensive, protective look. He looks at the tan skinned man and sternly says, “Excuse me sir, can you please step over here for a random search?”

“Random.” Yeah right.

It’s probably time for Me to make a little interference in this unfair situation. As the security guard is desperately searching and searching for something to hold against this poor innocent man, I step up and nicely say, “Excuse me sir, why exactly are you searching this man?”

“This does not concern you, please go on your way sir,” the guard says.


“It doesn’t, but I noticed you are only searching this man out of everyone who has gone through you. And there were a lot more suspicious looking people than him.” I say.


“The TSA is required to initiate random searches at any given time and it just so happens it fell on this man,” he argues back.


“I doubt it, I think the reason, you are searching him is because of what has been on the news lately,” I say. “You’re racially discriminating against him. I can assure you he isn’t a terrorist.

“Sir, I’m warning you, if you don’t step back and let me do my job, there will be trouble.” the guard angrily says.


“Oh that’s okay, I’m fine with trouble. Because, I’m not going away until you let this man go on his way!” I argue back, while placing my hands in my pocket to show him I wasn’t moving.

The next thing I know the guard shouts at me while tackling me to the ground. On top of me, he calls for backup and within minutes, I am violently hauled off to the interrogation rooms. In the interrogation room, I am stripped search and ruthlessly interrogated about where I came from and why I was so adamant about standing up for the Middle Eastern man. Throughout the entire investigation, the main thing they wanted to get out of me was my religious affiliation. They were convinced I was a Muslim. They held up the Quran, asking me questions about it, and so on. I was pretty pissed and annoyed at this point. After three hours of questions, the TSA finally let me go. I am God and I am now on the No Fly List in America for being a suspected terrorist. It’s ironic that the some of guards were wearing cross necklaces and those Jesus fish pins on their shirt pocket. I’m still laughing.

My laughs at the situation that just occurred does not last. The laughs start to fade as a horrible truth and realization hits me like a bus.


Is the idea of religion what started this mess?

Is religion why people hate each other?


IS RELIGION WHY AN ENTIRE PLANET’S POPULATION IS ABOUT TO DESTROY ITSELF?


I am disgusted These humans have a beautiful planet all to themselves, endless possibilities and the true potential of a happy peaceful place to exist and all they worry about is what happens after they die and what OTHER PEOPLE believe in. I am currently sitting in a bathroom stall, thinking over the circumstances of this situation. With this new truth in mind, there really isn’t a need to go to the Middle East anymore. If I went there portrayed as a white man, the same thing would happen except I would be the one being discriminated against or possibly killed. Christians kill Muslims for being Muslims and Muslims kill Christians for being Christian. Both religions are hypocrites and it makes me sick. I need to get off this planet.


I am now in space looking over Earth. This is what humans need to see. If every human could see Earth from space, things would be different. It really is a shame. Despite what I’ve said about Earth, it still is a beautiful planet. Everything in the Universe is beautiful. Satan just really put a dent in this place. And I should probably say this now, but Satan isn’t actually a real being contrary to what humans believe. The truth is, Satan is the hate and destruction life forms can bring to their home planet, each other and themselves. Satan is present inside all life forms. There is no hell. Being alive is the real Hell, but loving one another and living in peace can help put out the flames. Every single passing day, life forms have the power to defeat the Satan inside them. It is possible to achieve for everyone, but on Earth, it is never going to happen.


I have now made my decision.

Judging by the circumstances on Earth and the state it is in right now, I know my decision is the right one. Instead of helping the planet out and fixing their little problems like I did last time they were in a World War, I have decided to let the planet destroy itself. It won’t take long either. It’ll be gone by this week. Yep, that is right, I am God and I’m not stopping Earth from being destroyed. I should feel guilty, but I really don’t. Because in the Grand Scheme of things, Earth doesn’t matter. Earth is just a tiny spec of dust compared to the other things I have in my Universe. Nothing will change when it’s gone and that’s that.


Three days have passed, I am standing at the Universal News Stand and I have just learned that Earth has been destroyed. Gone. Obliterated. Forever. And even at this very moment, I still have no remorse for what I did. I am not the one to blame. And the human souls in Heaven with Me right now have came to terms with that as well. So that’s that. Earth is gone, The Universe is still in motion. And like always, life as God is still pretty great.