She is my everything, she always has been, ever since the day I first set eyes on her. Now she is the only living part of me left; the rest of my soul decayed a long time ago. I no longer feel the pain, the need to vomit, the agitating ache in the pit of my stomach. I feel less and less human every day. She is all I have left. She is all there is that I have to hold onto to stop myself falling into the abyss of my growing insanity; even then, this is all for her anyway!

I signed the contract with my own blood. At that moment it bound to me as much as my heart did to her. The deal was sealed and in that moment I became exactly what we both defended our relationship from; negativity, resistance, enclosure, everything that put metres between us; but that just didn't seem to matter anymore. She was alive, and that was all that mattered. I cannot let her die; not even just for her sake, but for mine. To allow her to die when I was the one who gave up so much just to extend it, it would be a fate worse than death.

I am a monster and she is the only human part of me left. I merely own the shell of what was once a fine young man. Now the shell is hollow and lifeless with nothing human about it. I am a monster! I cannot be human, surely? To be human is to feel; all I can feel is her, nothing else matters. I cannot think. I cannot concentrate, I wish I could, but I'd be being selfish. All that matters is sustaining her life!
As much as I fear for my inhumanity, I must be human though, surely? My heart longs for her, with every throbbing second, with every aching minute, and every excruciating hour! I am tender in her presence; I calm, I slumber and I love; it's so pure, deep and total, there is nothing so heavenly on this Earth. It is our love that I fight for every time I venture out to fulfil my part of the bargain. So once again I ask myself, does that make me human? Surely I am a man; to sacrifice so much for someone you love, doesn't that make me human? I wish I knew, at least then I would know what would become of me.

My feelings still grow, even as I am almost completely consumed by it all. My love simply grows as I feel ourselves connecting more and more, by the bond of the life we share. Unfortunately, we no longer share as much as we used to. The sea of depression is drifting me away from her island as I sit aimlessly on my hopeless raft. Everyone has their bad days; your relationship is tense, your work is full of pressure, and your hands just hold on just that little tighter as your chocking the life out of your second victim of the week; that is when you have had a bad day. The contract only asks for a single soul a week, any extra is a waste, yet, I still do it. Sometimes I go too far and I cannot help but take more souls than I thought imaginable. It is then, when I truly give into the urge, that I become the monster.

I wish I could tell her everything, all that I have done for her, but she would never believe me; not that in order to preserve the contract, her life, souls must be consumed, or she, along with the contract, will be lost to the furnaces of hell. Even if she did believe me, it would destroy me, for she would never justify killing, not in anyone's name, and especially not hers. The look of disgust upon her blues eyes and soft skin would wrinkle her pure expression until it would petrify me to oblivion.
No, I cannot tell her. I must grit and bare this on my own; it is my responsibility, it is my curse. I just have to hold onto whatever humanity is left inside of me that she somehow brings out. I must hold onto it and never let it go; for holding her is like holding onto heaven, and that purity is bliss. Heaven is bliss for those who are condemned, it is their dream and symbol of redemption, but I am a monstrosity among men, and I will be consumed by the souls I eradicate, up until the day I fall back into hell.

When I struck the deal I thought I could manage this. I was desperate, I was in pain. My own heart tortured me into submission. I wish I could be strong enough to follow through with such a bargain as I have placed upon myself. In reality though, I was a coward in the skin of a killer, one who could never repay the endless debt.
What would happen when I became too frail and old to kill again, what then? Would I finally have to let her go? Never! I cannot even bare that thought, it is too hideous, too repulsive!

His life faded away as his eyes dimmed and closed, giving closure to his life in a single rampage of brutish stabs. It was a messy kill. It was sudden and I was in a rush.
For once I thought I couldn’t kill anymore, it was Sabbath day and she had fallen ill, she was in excruciating pain. I was sure her organs were failing her; they needed the life only I could grant them.
I held on tight to the body, hugging it into myself. Together we vanished into the floor as a burning star shape pulled us down. I threw the body down on the rippled rough circular ground that we had landed on. I dragged the body behind me and flung it into the lava that surrounded my island, like all the others that were placed around this hell. The body burnt and flames spewed up to surround my island of rock. The heat was immense, my brow was sweating and my mouth lusted for water. The flames rose higher and higher; I could feel his burning fury before he had even spoke.
I collapsed to my knees in sorrow. In his presence I could only give into the reality of what I was; his follower, his minion, his satanic disciple; I was nothing less than the enemy of Christ and all the good that he stood for.
The thought of Christ had reignited my sanity and I pleaded to the fire surrounding me “surely there must be another way?”
“The debt is constant! The deal is your on-going punishment!” spoke the demon that hid among the flames, with his hot fiery breath shivering all over me, with every terrifying word that made my petrified body shudder.
“But…” I whimpered.
“Silence!” his voice roared with the flames as they rose even higher, burning quicker and more violently as it wavered into my island, almost greeting me with a kiss of coal and a spit of lava from the pool that bubbled below. “You dare to question my generosity?” he beamed once more, his voice of flames calming, but still violently raging among themselves.
I had immediately surrendered, lowering my head to the towering furnace muttering sorrowfully “no, no, I’m sorry, forgive me.”
With his mocking confidence he disheartened me as he whispered at my ear with a tight flicker in the blaze “you know this is the only way.” I shuddered, but held my ground, trying not to show any weakness in his presence, it would only encourage him otherwise. He continued to creep his sinister whispers into my ear “you belong to me. Your soul is blackened, tainted by sorrow and despair, but above all guilt”.
That word lingered in my head; guilt. Guilt consumed my heart, punishing me for my actions.
The fiery beast continued to torment my fearful mind. He raised his voice to a serious tone, but one that spoke truthfully “the contract clearly states that the debt must be paid, either by the constant stream of souls, to my lavish domain” he spoke with an arrogantly wicked sense of pride “or by giving up your soul to me.” I felt his warmth radiate from him as he smirked and peered into my soul longingly. He craved my soul, but he was smart; he knew I would bring him more souls, some of which might have sinned more, hence prolonging their taste.
The prolonged silence ended as he remembered the blasphemous third option, he chuckled deeply and added “or, you could end all of this right now” my eyes lit up with hope “by giving me her soul!” I disregarded that option immediately; I would never do that, not ever! I wouldn’t, even if she begged me. Call me selfish, but I just can’t let her go; I would rather her live, more than anything.

“Death would be too good for you” he chuckled and smirked. The warmth of the fire rose in his glorious prosperity as he had outwitted his inferior puppet of hell; me. “If you were to give me your soul in payment for her life, the contract shall cease, and I will punish you beyond the most intense torture that you could possibly imagine.” I gulped heavily. If humans still had a tail, mine would have been between my legs. I turned my back on the inferno that fluctuated in the devils laughter; it was infuriating and sickening to see how he had manipulated me!
I was infuriated by being such an easy target! How could he do this to me? The answer was obvious; Lucifer’s good heart lay dormant under the skin of Satan, his reincarnation, spawned out of the blood of angels and mankind.
I realised the time had come, I had to tell her! At that moment a man stepped into my path, a blade held to my stomach. I immediately backed away with my hands up. I slowly crept back into the darkness of the shadows in the alley. Little did he know of his fate; little did he know of whose path he had stood in; little did he know of the mistake he had made! I slowly pulled my hood down. I lifted my head and he shuffled back disturbed and wide-eyed. The darkness consumed him in a single gulp. My red eyes had designated my target. My own blade sunk into the side of his throat before he could even scream. His body collapsed. I briefly caught him as I awoke from my monstrous trance of savagery and death.

I was panting as I repeatedly scrubbed the bar of soap against my palms, watering it with his blood. The white sink was staining! I was panicking; even then, after so many kills, nothing adapted me to cleaning it up.
It just happened so suddenly. I had no control of it! His life evaporated before I realised what was happening.
There was a sudden bang on the door! I dropped the soap and leapt to the door, holding the handle so it could not be used. She had heard me. I did not know what she was doing back so early, but I could not let her see me like this, it would destroy her; it would destroy me.
"What are you doing in there?" she demanded. I froze, I could not mutter a sound, let alone verbalise an intelligent lie. The silence created suspicion, the suspicion brought doubt and distrust; the same scenario that had been separating us for months.
"Open this door now! Come on. What are you doing?" she sounded so scared. She was fearful for my health, for my sanity, for everything about me. The changes in me had become obvious, and she was worried. I heard her lean up against the bathroom door and slide down as she burst into tears, her paranoia getting the better of her. "Please" she begged in sobs. Her desperation was at its peak; she just couldn't handle the distrust and pain of losing me.
I opened the door. Her eyes widened as she noticed the splatters of blood on my shirt. I raised my hands peacefully, hoping she would stop, but it only revealed my blood stained hands! The horror on her face was unbearable to see! It was a mixed reaction of shock and fear. She screamed at the top of her voice. The sound of shrieks filled the apartment until it died away almost as quick. She collapsed on the ground laying still and calm. She was so silent, so peaceful, yet the screams still rattled in my head.
I sat there next to her, watching her sleep. I held her hand, stroking her skin with my thumb. Her eyelids flickered and she inhaled deeply. I retracted my hand and I snuck away silently. I could not bear to see her distraught face once more.

"Once you do this, there is no going back. Just remember that!"
I ignored him, pleased with myself as I continued to roll up the scroll. I held it together with the thin red ribbon that wrapped around it. I held it in my hand, glaring at it. It had been the reason why I had kept going for all these months; it had been the reason why my humanity was dying; it was also the reason why I could no longer put up with it. I tossed it into the fire! The scroll lit instantly, burning in the blazes of hell.

She thought it was all just a dream, right until she found me in the spare room. I was hid underneath a hooded cloak hunched over a packed suitcase. She reached for me, I backed away suddenly, avoiding her as if her warming arms were a curse. No words departed our lips. She was no longer scared for she knew I feared something far worse. She surrounded me with her comforting touch, reluctantly I relaxed into her grasp. She gently tugged at my hood, peeling it off slowly. She almost let go of me in the shock! I sat there on the floor, unable to look at her. She gawped at me, speechless. The still burning flesh on my scalp sizzled as daylight hit me. My entire body was burnt to a crisp. My skin was black and red as my flesh was still burning from hell. My soul bonded the deal, as I burnt it, I burnt too. I made the choice to lose her and become the horror that laid inside me. My soul had become tainted, and in payment of my debt I was presented with the curse of living as the demon I had become.
I would be hated by man, not for being a demon, for they did not know what one looked like, but because of my looks. I no longer looked like a man; my features were bare, my human image was nonexistent and my soul despaired to suffer immortality in this frail state. I looked and felt like I was chewed up and spat out by hell! My body was the reflection of my inner war.
My skin crumbled against itself as I tightened up into a ball on the floor, unable to look upon the Earth that would immediately reject me, stealing away the one thing that I done this for. I waited for her to run. I did not dare look, I could not give her the sense of hope, not when there was no longer any left. Our time had come, our relationship was over, she could not be with something so hideous.
I felt the sharp cold breeze as the door was left open, until it shut. I looked up. She had sat next to me, her arms around me comforting my torched remains. I had not been so comfortable or relaxed in such a long time. I doubted it though, it could not have been real, surely she should have left me? It was too good to be true! It was real though. She sat by my side and warmed my uncertain heart as I told her everything. She did not judge, she did not flinch away, she did not talk back or argue, she just listened and softly caressed me through the blanket she had placed over my naked body.

By the time I had finished talking it was I who was ashamed and in tears, it was I who could not bear to see myself. She just sat there granting me with a soft smile. It had been an achingly long time sat on the floor and I couldn't help but change positions to face her better. It was at that point, when she looked into my eyes that I expected her to dart for the door again, to run from the evil she despised; but she didn't. She pulled out her necklace from between her breast and placed it delicately in her hand.
She had never taken it off as long as I had been with her, ironically she thought it was the thing that saved her from the crash. It was a thick white cross outlined in silver all the way around. It was a beautiful piece, but to her, it was more than that. It was a reflection of what she believed in. She wasn't a Christian, she wasn't a believer in god either, but she was a believer in their morals and their teachings of faith and good.
She placed the necklace around my neck and settled it down on my chest. I looked at her with gaping eyes, and she merely smiled and kissed my forehead, unafraid of what I was.

Minutes passed and finally she spoke in her soft caring tone "what you done, you done for love, and there is no greater battle than for those you care for. You were manipulated." I looked away as the guilt returned. She quickly grabbed my chin and pulled my gaze back to her. "But we are done with him now, he can no longer hurt you, or me. I still love you." she looked away. I saw her pain, I was petrified, what if she did not mean it? I opened my mouth to speak, but she interrupted "my time has passed already, I do not want to live a life given to me by the devil, I just can't." in all the despair that she spoke of, she only said it in hope.
The ceiling suddenly began to shine in a bright white light. I shielded my eyes, while I clutched her hand. She began to rise, floating up to the beacon that drew her to the heavens. "I am sorry my love, but my time is long overdue." she had floated out of reach, and her hand slipped out of my extended arms!
I let her go gladly. I knew this was what she wanted. I owed her that much at least. I couldn't help but let her go either, to hold her back down would be too selfish to be classed as love.
Without realising, I had begun to float as well. I had caught her up as we rose out of the light and into another world, hand in hand. I smiled up at the bright sky, watching her lead me away from the darkness in my soul.
It finally struck me, after all these years of calling her my angel, the reality was, she was my guardian angel, my guide to steer me away from the darkness. I smirked to myself and I looked at her once more. As my smile shone in the glowing radiance of our surroundings, I knew, she had succeeded.