The day after I died I floated around my small town. I had already dropped by my old house to see my parents, Lisa and Paul. They were clearly upset, but that was to be expected. I had already felt bad about what my parents were going to feel like when I decided to blow my brains out. What I was curious about was how others had reacted. I bet everything at school was just as it always had been, normal. They weren’t going to miss me. There was no way in hell that they were going to miss the small nerdy girl who was tortured every day at school.

But when I got to the school, no one was there, except for the teachers and police. They were all in the conference room talking about my death. Silently, I stood in the corner and listened. It wasn’t like they could see me. I was a ghost.

“I can’t believe she did this to herself,” my homeroom teacher Mrs. Hanson whispered.

“You can see how upset she was,” Principal Peterson sighed. They had my suicide note on the table in front of them. I closed my eyes and remembered writing it. It was the day before I pulled the trigger. I had finally had enough when one of the boys at my school gave me a black eye for accidently stepping on his foot on my way to lunch.

I’ve had enough. Everyone tries to bring me down, hurt me, and destroy my life. I can’t take it anymore. Everything is falling apart and my life is going down the drain. I’m sorry to my parents for doing this to them. I know it hurts to know that your daughter is killing herself, but I can’t take this anymore. I love you guys and I’m sorry.

I opened my eyes and looked at the people sitting around the table. They had canceled school because of me. Okay, that was understandable. I killed myself in a classroom in front of a ton of other kids. That wasn’t the brightest idea. I should have like, hung myself in my closet or something.

So I left the school, since I wouldn’t see anyone else there. All of the students had to be at home. I wanted to wait until tomorrow so I could see what they do, now that they have all this free time on their hands. As I left the school grounds, I saw several other ghosts. Most of them were old, probably waiting for spouses so that they could go to the afterlife or something. I wasn’t religious, so I wasn’t sure where we went.

Some of the ghosts were my age or younger. A few were in the twenties or thirties; they died in car accidents or something. Not all of them had lived in this town when they died, but it was their hometown. Well, at least that was what I had heard from other ghosts. The ones I talked to anyway.

There was a boy that I saw just floating around alone outside of the school. He had dark brown hair and near black eyes. The boy was wearing a hood that covered most of his longish hair (some of it stuck out from under the fabric) and wore beat up jeans and old sneakers. I floated over, tucking a strand of my black hair behind my ears.

Most people thought ghosts were pale and lifeless, but some of us were actually quite fun. I on the other hand was one of those ghosts that relished in the fact that people might actually miss me and regret what they did to me in my former life. A lot of the ghosts were sad that they had left their loved ones behind, but there were some who just lived for the now, but they usually went away the quickest I heard. That was probably why everyone thought we were evil, crazy, or just sad all the time. They never got the chance to meet the fun loving ghosts.

“Hi,” I said softly to the boy.

“Hey,” he mumbled.

“I’m Anastasia Vargas, call me Ana.” I extended my arm so he would shake my hand.

The boy looked up and stared into my blue eyes. “I’m Nathanial Russo.” I dropped my hand when he didn’t make an attempt to shake it.

I smiled. “Can I call you Nate?”

“No,” the boy said simply. He turned away from me. “I advise that you keep away from me.”

I cocked my eyebrow and moved to float in front of him. “Why?” Nathanial looked up again and sighed.

“Because I fall hard and fast, and it never ends well. I’ve broken a lot of girl’s hearts since I ended up like this.” Nathanial made a motion to himself.

“So you think I’m going to fall in love with your bad boy looks and emo personality?” I asked, more than a little shocked.

Nathanial gave a small, sort of evil, laugh. “Almost every ghost here has an emo personality sweetheart.”

I laughed. “I am not your sweetheart.” I rolled my eyes. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

I had to find out what this guy’s problem was.

Nathanial had a major problem. I just sat in my old room for the rest of the day, trying to commit it to memory. I knew that I would be moving on soon, so I wanted to remember everything about my old life. Well, the good parts anyway. My bedroom was one of those good things. It was decorated the way I wanted, with pink and purple striped wallpaper (little girlish, but I liked it when I was fourteen). And my bed was small and fit in my bedroom perfectly. Everything matched, which I liked, since I was a neat freak.

My books were my favorite part of my old room. There had been rumors that there were new lives after we moved on, that we were reborn. So I wanted to remember my books for good. They were the best part of my life. They got me through the hardest points in my life, well, except for the part where I killed myself, but that was because I couldn’t take the bullying anymore.

“Nerd,” Daniel Olson, also known as Dan, called out.

“Loser,” his friend Reid O’Conner laughed with him. I clutched my books closer to my chest and hurried down the hall. Reid stuck his long leg out and I tripped. He started cackling like a witch, his group of friends joining him. Besides Dan and Reid, there was Spencer DuPont and Corey Mullen. They all looked alike, like they were brothers. Their eyes were all different colors though. My books went flying as I fell forward. The boys laughed as I gathered my things and hurried off.

The only reason I knew they had different colored eyes was because they raped me two weeks before I committed suicide. I was after school working on a project and they pulled me out of the library and took me to the bathroom. I never told anyone, well, unless my diary counted. It wasn’t exactly a diary, just a journal. I wrote every damn detail in their, including their names. Actually, I had started thinking about suicide that day. They had been so crude to me, hurting me and destroying my will to live.

“Hey,” Nathanial was suddenly behind me. I shrieked and spun around.

“I may be a ghost, but I can still have a heart attack!” I exclaimed. Nathanial laughed that evil little laugh again and pushed his hood down. His hair was dark brown hair and was longish, but not long enough to put up in a ponytail or anything.

“That was funny,” Nathanial just kept laughing at me and smiled.

I gave a frustrated sigh. “Are you bipolar?” He was all “Don’t get to close to me” one minute and all funny and laughing the next.

Nathanial shrugged. “I don’t know. I died twenty frigging years ago.”

“Oh,” I looked down at my floor. I was never going to feel the soft carpet on my feet again, the feel of skin on mine. Actually, most times there was skin on mine I was being harassed and bullied at school.

“You know, you can feel stuff,” Nathanial said suddenly. I looked back up and stared into his eyes. “We may be ghosts, but we can still feel.” He gave me a small smile.

“How did you die?” I asked softly. Nathanial ran his hands through his hair and looked down.

“My father murdered me. He’s still in jail. I’ll never see him again. I went to his trials and everything. I wish they had given him the death penalty. My little brother was standing there when it happened. I don’t know where he is, he’s gone and I’ll never see him again either.”

I floated back a couple of inches. “Wow. I mean, wow.”

“You know, you’re sort of famous in this area you know, well, ghost wise.” Nathanial floated closer to me. Surprisingly, he reached out and grabbed my hand. I could feel him, he wasn’t warm, but he wasn’t really cold either, sort of in between. Nathanial pulled us down until we were standing on my carpet.

“I am?” I asked as Nathanial let go of my hand. “And how do you do that?”

Nathanial gave me a lopsided smirk and sat on my small bed. “Yeah, you are. There hasn’t been a suicide in this town for years. Suddenly there’s a rumor that a teenage girl killed herself at her school. That’s you, right?”

So my death was spread through the ghost world too. Cool. “Yeah, I killed myself yesterday. I don’t know . . . I don’t know why I did. It was stupid. I should have just reported the boys. I should have,” I trailed off. Nathanial got up, a worried expression on his face.

“What happened Ana?” he whispered softly.

“Can I pick things up?” I asked, thinking about my journal. Nathanial nodded and I went over to my desk and pulled out my journal. I flipped to my last entry, the day of the rape. “Read this.”

Nathanial took the book and read. His face turned from shocked, to disgusted, to so angry I thought his bipolar head would explode. “Is this why you killed yourself?” I looked away and covered my eyes and sobbed.

“It wasn’t just the rapes. They tortured me for years, physically, emotionally, sexually. They destroyed my life. I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought that, if I killed myself, I would get a fresh start.” I turned away and flew out of the house and towards the school.

“Ana!” Nathanial called out as I hurried away.

I didn’t listen, but I hurried away. Before I could make it halfway to the school, a hand pressed down on my shoulder, hard. I felt myself falling, even though I tried desperately to keep my feet off the ground. “What do you want?” I swirled around to face Nathanial when we landed.

“Ana, you didn’t have to kill yourself because of those boys. I sort of watched you for a long time. You’re smart and funny and nice. Anyone would have been lucky to be your friend.”

I was shocked that this boy would watch me, nerdy little me. “Y-you really watched me?” He nodded. “Well, if you really did, then you noticed that I didn’t have a friend in the world.”

“That was because you wouldn’t trust anyone.”

“Well, I didn’t trust anyone because every time I did I got hurt.”

“Don’t worry Ana. I left the journal on your desk, open to that page. The cops will arrest them, I promise you. You will get justice, just like I did.”

“But I wasn’t murdered.”

Nathanial touched my shoulder again. “Parents, especially mothers, will do anything to know exactly why their sons or daughters committed suicide. Your mom loved you, right?”

“Yeah,” I sighed. I bit my lip and shook my head. I was starting to regret the suicide. “I’m going to go somewhere. Do ghosts need sleep?” I was going to have to go to Nathanial for everything. He had been a ghost for twenty years.

“Only if you want to,” Nathanial said with a smile. He flew away, waving as he went. I bet every book I own that he would be reserved and emo like the next time I saw him.

The next day, school was in session. At the beginning of the day was a memorial for me. My funeral was for Saturday, which was two days away. There were pictures of me everywhere, from kindergarten all the way to this year. I went from a little girl in pigtails and missing teeth, to a nerd with round black glasses and hair cut to my chin.

“You were a cute little girl,” Nathanial came up behind me.

I jumped out of my skin. “Holy s*** Nathanial! Do you have to do that every time you talk to me?”

“Sorry.” Nathanial had his hood up and a reserved look on his face. Yep, he was his old emo self.

“What happened to the bright smile and soft words?” I asked jokingly.

He rolled his eyes and looked at my principal. “Every time one of you guys die I show up to the memorial, then the funeral.”

I looked at him. “Why?” That was weird.

“Cause I want to know what the kid was like and how people treated him and stuff.”

“That’s weird.”

“I know.”

The principal started his speech. “You all know why we’re here. Anastasia Vargas killed herself two days ago in a classroom. Some of you witnessed it; others heard what happened through other students. But I know some of you tried to help, calling emergency services while others did CPR.”

I didn’t remember that, but maybe that was because I was dead and disoriented.

“Anastasia wrote a suicide note explaining the abuse she went through here at school. The cops are investigating things that might have driven her to the suicide. If anyone’s name shows up, they will be questioned and possibly arrested for driving Anastasia to her death.”

A girl, Natalia Gallo, stood up and nearly screamed out, “Call her Ana! That’s what everyone else called her!” She sat down and covered her face with her hands. She was one of the girls in the classroom when I had committed suicide. Natalia was one of the few girls who didn’t torment me, but she ignored me, which was almost as bad.

“Well, Ana was a straight A student and a nice girl. She was fun loving, but didn’t have any friends. I’m disappointed in those who humiliated her every day. Ana didn’t feel safe.”

The principal continued on and on about me. Nathanial gave a small smile as he listened to small stories from my childhood. “Looks like one person cared about you at the very least.”

“You think the principal cared about me? Um, not really, he didn’t even know my nickname. Everyone called me Ana.” I twirled my finger around my hair and looked over my outfit. I had on a simple white dress; my real one had to be drenched with blood. There weren’t any other articles of clothing around here, so I was guessing this is what I would wear until I moved on. Nathanial was wearing the same clothing he had on the day before as well, so I guessed that we stayed in the clothes we died in. There were a couple of people in hospital gowns, which had to suck to be in. They didn’t have any pants or underwear. I was so glad that I died in my favorite outfit. I would hate to live years in something I hated.

Nathanial sighed and pointed at sobbing Natalia. “No, that girl over there seemed to care. She’s the only one here crying and upset about your death. The other kids, look at them, they’re biting their nails or texting their friends. Even the teachers don’t seem to care.”

“Yeah, you’re making me feel better,” I said sarcastically.

“That’s not what I was saying I was doing. I’m just pointing out the truth.”

“Yeah, well, the truth hurts sometimes Nathanial.” I sighed and blew a strand of hair out of my eyes.

He chuckled. Honestly, this boy was frigging bipolar or something. “You can call me Nate if you want.”

“Nah, Nate doesn’t fit your personality.” I giggled and almost fell over, forgetting that I was at my own memorial.

Nathanial pushed his hood down and smiled at me, shaking his head. It seemed as though when he put his hood down he was in a much better mood, more . . . enthusiastic and kind. “You better fly,” he warned. I flew up and through the ceiling (did I mention flying through things was totally awesome?) and towards the parking lot. Nathanial caught up with me and practically tackled me, while we were still in the air.

“Why did you chase me because I said that Nate doesn’t fit your personality?” I asked.

“Cause Nate was my nickname when I was alive.” I immediately felt terrible.

“I-I’m s-sorry. I d-didn’t know,” I stuttered.

Nathanial reached out and held my face in his hand. I pulled away from him and looked away. “It’s okay. You didn’t know me when I was alive. Hell, you weren’t even born yet.” He reached out again to touch me.

“No Nathanial. I’m an idiot. This is why I stay by myself, so I don’t get hurt. I’m socially awkward and I don’t have a clue how to fit in. Not even in ghost world.” I flew off and left Nathanial standing there with a shocked look on his face.

I was curled up in the park when Nathanial found me. “You’re not an idiot, but you are socially awkward.”

“Thanks.” I turned away from him. “Don’t try to help me.”

“But I want to. You’re the only person I’ve let in for a long time.” I looked up and stared into his dark, sort of empty, eyes. Nathanial was sad, that was the only way I could describe it.

“Why do you trust me Nathanial?” I asked, standing up. My feet were bare (because I sort of discarded my shoes before I shot myself) and the grass was very soft, but sort of wet. Spring in Maine could be cold, but it was pretty warm today.

Nathanial rubbed the back of his neck. “I trust you because . . . because I feel a connection with you Ana. I don’t know why or how, but I feel this connection with you. Like I have to know you or I’m going to go insane. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“Sort of,” I said softly. “But I just want to move on, get out of here.”

“There are two ways to officially leave this stupid ghost world. I’m guessing you weren’t told. Most people are told how to get out of here when they die. I guess you’re one of the people who have to ask everyone else about everything.”

“You’re getting off topic Nathanial,” I warned.

He laughed. “Sorry. Well, a ghost either has to be truly happy, which is never going to happen for you because of the guilt and the anger you have over your suicide. Or a ghost has to have truly loved when they were alive and wait for the person they loved to join them, or they can fall in love here. That’s why I chase ghost girls. I’ll never be truly happy, since I was abused then murdered by my own father.”

“Wow, so I basically have to fall in love with some ghost boy to get out of here? How often do teens die around here?”

“Not often, two in the past twenty years. That would be you and me, but there are plenty of adults who die daily and are around. Even ghosts who aren’t from this town show up. I have gone to other towns to watch memorials and funerals; it’s just sort of my place. To watch over those who have died,” Nathanial explained.

I sighed heavily and scoped out the area. There was a playground for kids in the corner and some benches for parents to sit on and talk to other parents about their kids and stuff like that. A couple of old picnic tables sat outside a chain fence, they looked like they were rotting, but that was probably from the snow that had just recently melted away.

“I want to move on, so I have to fall in love with someone.”

“Come on, a fortune-teller died a couple of years ago. She likes helping ghosts find a way to the next life.” Nathanial took my hand and pulled me up.

“Why doesn’t she move on?” I asked.

“Because she doesn’t want to fall in love and she wasn’t happy when she died.” Nathanial gave me a sad smile. “She always told me I would fall in love before my father died. So I still have a long while left.”

We made our way through the town to an old woman who was floating outside of an old abandoned building. “Nathanial! How are you? Have you fallen in love yet?” she asked. This had to be the fortune teller.

“Not yet Mrs. Lebanon,” Nathanial gave a small laugh and pushed me forward. “New girl in town,” he added.

“Hello there dear. What’s your name?” Mrs. Lebanon asked.

I stammered out, “I-I’m Ana.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Ana. I’m guessing you want a prediction?” I looked at Nathanial and he gave an encouraging nod. Once again, I thought of this guy as bipolar. He can go from reserved to peppy in two seconds flat.

Mrs. Lebanon whispered, “I know, his mood swings are terribly annoying.”

“I heard that!” Nathanial laughed, doubling over and holding his stomach. I thwacked him upside the head and followed Mrs. Lebanon into the abandoned building.

We sat in the dark with only a few candles to keep the room lit. “Now, I only tell people who they will fall in love with, or what their next lives will be like. Which one do you want to hear?”

“Who I’ll fall in love with,” I answered. I had never really fallen for anyone, since every boy in my school had been a jerk to me, especially those four boys.

Mrs. Lebanon closed her eyes. “When I was human it was much more difficult to tell fortunes. I had to use all this equipment, now I can tell someone’s future by just thinking about it.” She opened her eyes and smiled. “You will fall in love with a boy your age, he is already dead. He wonders by himself a lot of the time and his mood swings are terrible.”

My blue eyes widened. “You’re telling me that I’m going to fall in love with bipolar out there?” I pointed towards the door.

“I’m not saying any names dear. Now you may want to hurry, Nathanial can be very impatient.” I floated outside, not really paying any attention.

“What did she say?” Nathanial asked as I went right past him. I opened my mouth to say something, but I didn’t know what to say, so I kept going. “It can’t be that bad Ana.”

I took a deep breath and said, “She basically said I was going to fall in love with you.”

“What? She said my name? She never told me the name of the girl I would fall in love! All she said was that she had glasses and black hair. And that she was alive at the time, but she was going to die soon. And . . . and,” Nathanial trailed. “Mrs. Lebanon was describing you,” he realized.

“Well duh! And she described you to me!”

“Shit,” Nathanial swore. “We’re nothing alike.”

“We are both depressed and died by the use of a gun,” I pointed.

Nathanial looked deeply into my eyes, his holding some emotion I couldn’t place. “We can’t,” he whispered. “We can’t be the soul mates Mrs. Lebanon thinks we are.”

A pang of rejection shot through my undead veins. Tears stung my eyes and all I wanted to do was run off and cry. “I have to go.” I turned away from him and flew off. I wished at that moment I could commit suicide all over again.

I went back to my old room, running my hands over everything. My diary was no where to be seen. My parents found it! I left my room in a hurry to find my parents. They were downstairs, reading my diary, the very last entry to be exact.

“Oh my God,” Mom said, covering her mouth with her hands and choking back a sob. “She wrote about a rape. She didn’t even tell us.”

“She did say she was ashamed of herself for letting the boys get their hands on her,” Dad sighed, running a hand over his face. His eyes were filled with angry tears as he continued to read about one of my last experiences. “We have to bring this to the police.” Dad jumped up and walked out the door. I followed behind him; I wanted to see what would happen to the boys.

My dad was a reckless driver, even more so when he was upset. I was glad I wasn’t alive and in the backseat, he would have killed me. Okay, he wouldn’t be doing this if I hadn’t killed myself and if Nathanial hadn’t left my diary open on the desk. I caused my parents more pain by not going back and putting the diary back on my shelf. Would they have still read it?

When Dad pulled up to the police station he hurried inside, my diary clutched to his chest. It was totally embarrassing that everyone was going to know the contents of my diary, but it would put those nasty boys behind bars.

“I know why my daughter committed suicide,” Dad nearly growled, slamming my diary on a desk.

“Because someone read her diary?” the cop asked.

“No,” Dad snapped. “Four boys in her school raped her. She wrote about it in her diary. Their names are Daniel Olson, Reid O’Conner, Spencer DuPont, and Corey Mullen.” The cop took my diary from my father and started flipping through pages. “Last entry,” Dad added.

This was actually turning out pretty good. The boys who had driven me to suicide would be arrested for my rape. “We will bring these boys in immediately.” The cop stood up and asked a couple of cops to go with him to the high school.

They couldn’t be arrested until they got a warrant to do so, I think. But I knew that they could bring the boys in. I followed the cop who had my diary and sat in the back of his police car. I had always wondered what the back of a police car looked like. Since I never got into any trouble, especially with the law, I never knew what it looked like.

It seemed to take forever to get from the police station to the high school, but it was only a ten minute drive. When the cops got there, I floated in through the wall and waited at the main office. I knew the cops would go their first to find out where the boys were.

“Excuse me, but do you know where we can find Daniel Olson, Reid O’Conner, Spencer DuPont, and Corey Mullen?” the cop with my diary asked, he was reading off a piece of paper Dad had written the names on before they left.

“All the students are at lunch. May I ask why you want to see the boys?” the lady at the front desk asked. She was a nice person, very sweet and caring. I had forgotten her name though.

“They are suspects in a rape case,” the cop said simply. He asked for directions to the cafeteria and was on his way. As I followed the cops I looked up and down the halls. There were a couple of girls scattered about, some talking about my suicide, others crying about it. Some were just talking about the latest movie that had come out. One girl in particular stood out to me. It was Corey Mullen’s sister Veronica. She was leaning against a wall, her face in her hands.

I went right past her, she was probably just traumatized by the suicide, and she was another of the girls in the classroom when I shot myself. Maybe I should have done it in the bathroom, and then maybe I wouldn’t have traumatized so many people. The police finally made it to the cafeteria and announced that the four boys should come with them.

They all got up and made their way over to the cops. “What do you want?” Dan whispered.

“We need to talk to you about Anastasia Vargas.” The cop with my diary crossed his arms and stared daggers at the boys. I took a peek at his name tag. His name was Richard, okay, that was easier than calling him “the cop with my diary”.

“What about her?” Spencer asked, crossing his arms as well. He had dark blue eyes; they had terrified me in that bathroom.

Richard sighed. “Come on. We’ll tell you on the way to the station.”

“No way,” Dan growled. “We’re not leaving school. You talk to us in the hall, not at your stupid station.” Dan had the darkest eyes, almost black. They had terrified me the most. Dan was the most violent with his rape. Suddenly, a flashback of that day overtook me.

“Ana, come with us,” Dan ordered, grabbing my elbow and pulling me up out of my chair. I was in the library, working on my history project. It was due next week and I still had a lot to do.

“Why?” I asked. Reid, Spencer, and Corey stood behind them, each with a poker face. What were they going to do to me?

“Just come on.” Dan pulled me out of the library, his friends following him. I tried to twist out of his grip, but I just couldn’t get away from him. “You keep squirming and I swear to God it’s going to hurt more.”

I didn’t know what they were talking about. But when we came to a set of bathrooms that were out of order and rarely used, except when people were smoking or doing drugs on school grounds, I got really suspicious. But I was too scared to make a sound, let alone voice my suspicion.

“Take your clothes off,” Don said, shoving me into the bathroom.

“No,” I squeaked out.

“Then I guess we’re going to have to take them off for you,” Spencer cackled.

Fear was coursing through my veins as I backed away from the boys, getting ready to scream. But Reid jumped forward and covered my mouth while Spencer and Don pulled my clothes off. Corey stood in the corner, looking sad and remorseful. He had to be sorry that he was letting them do this to me. Why wasn’t he running for help?

Dan was first. He pulled his pants down and pushed me down to the ground. I tried to fight him, but he held my wrists above my head while Spencer and Reid held my feet down. I was virgin, so it hurt like hell when he slammed into me. A cry of pain escaped my lips, not good. Dan slapped me and continued with his work.

My heart pounded against my ribcage as he held me down and violated me in the worst way possible. It hurt; I know I had to have bled. Corey looked ready to shove Dan off me and get me out of there, but he didn’t move. All he did was stand there and stare with a look of pure disgust on his face. He wouldn’t forgive his friend for this. Even though I knew he hated me, he still didn’t want to do this.

I looked up at the ceiling, trying to concentrate on anything, anything, but the boy on top of me. When I would close my eyes, Dan would slap me and I would cry harder. So I kept my eyes wide open, no matter how much it hurt. The lights burned my eyes and the faint stench of urine and smoke filled my nostrils. I was sure I was going to be physically sick. The smell was horrible, disgusting, and barf-worthy. Ugh, I wanted to die right there and then. Then they would all be arrested for my rape and murder.

At that moment, I realized that none of them seemed to have a condom. What if I got pregnant? I couldn’t take care of a baby! My parents would kill me, ask who the father was. I wouldn’t know though! There were four boys here and each of them had an equal chance of getting me pregnant. Oh God, I hoped that this was an off month, or not my time of month to get pregnant.

Dan held my hips and shifted his position. I continued to cry, silently though. I didn’t want to be slapped again, or worse. They said if I made any sort of sound it would hurt more. I didn’t want it to hurt more. My body naturally responded to Dan and I was horrified. I was being violated and I responded in a way I didn’t want to. Dan laughed, “Ha, look, she likes it.” The others, beside Corey, laughed.

When Dan was done, pulled up his pants and shoved Reid forward. “Your turn man,” he laughed. Reid’s eyes were hazel, a pretty color when you’re not being raped. Tears coursed down my cheeks as I tried to get away. Corey was still standing in the corner, the same look on his face.

“Help me,” I mouthed. Corey shook his head and turned away. Reid took his turn, and then Spencer climbed on top of me. They continued to take turns with me, but then they practically ordered Corey to take a turn with me. He was the gentlest, silently apologizing with his bright green eyes.

“Man you’re weak Corey. Have you ever had sex before?” Dan shoved him off me. Corey shook his head and pulled his pants up. He finally walked out the door, leaving me with three boys who would rape me for hours before they were finally done with me. My parents grounded me for a week when I got home, since I was two hours late. But I couldn’t tell them what the boys had done to me. It would break their hearts.

“Ana, what are you doing?” Nathanial’s voice said from behind me. I jumped and nearly went through the ceiling, literally. “Are you okay?” He gently turned me to face him and when he saw the tears, he reached out to wipe them away.

“No.” I turned away from him.

“Ana, please, tell me what’s wrong.”

I turned my back on him. “I relived the rape.” Nathanial turned me around again and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. Strangely, I felt comforted. My body, or whatever it was, started to shake with fresh sobs.

“Shh,” Nathanial soothed. I pulled away and crashed my lips onto his. We had only known each other a couple of days, but I had to do this. Mrs. Lebanon said we were meant to be together. I had to know if it was true. My heart swelled in my chest and I felt queasy. Nathanial gently laced his fingers into my hair and pulled me closer.

I kept crying, even as our lips moved together. Nathanial mumbled soothing words, his hands traveling up and down my back. He gently pulled away and kissed my neck and bare shoulder. “Nathanial, I’m so sorry,” I hiccupped.

“Why are you sorry?” he kissed me again, cutting off my sobs.

“F-for r-running away,” I answered. Nathanial pulled away slowly and leaned his forehead against mine.

He stroked my cheek and nuzzled my nose gently. “It’s okay. I sort of upset you.” Nathanial gave a small, goofy smile. “Mrs. Lebanon was right.”

“I guess she was.”

I sort of avoided Nathanial until the day of my funeral. It was a Saturday and hell was it warm. Mom and Dad were crying, and so were a couple of other kids. Corey was there, wearing a dress shirt and nice pants. He had a tie on and looked incredibly guilty. Finally, he was regretting what he had done to me.

Nathanial came out of nowhere and stopped in front of me. “Hey,” he smiled, leaning in to kiss me. I turned away and held my hand up. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t Nathanial. I, you, we just,” I stuttered. “We can’t be together; we’ve known each other for what, half a week?”

“Are you breaking up with me?” he asked. I felt horrible; I was breaking Nathanial’s heart by doing this. I just shook my head and turned around. “Ana, you know we’re meant for each other. Mrs. Lebanon described me to you and you to me. We’re supposed to be together. Ana, please,” Nathanial begged.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.” Nathanial hurried away without another word.

I didn’t even stay for my own funeral; I went back to my old house and cried on my bed. “Oh dear,” a soft voice rang out. I curled up tighter and buried my face in my hands. “You broke Nathanial’s heart. He’s back to the way he was before he started spying on you.”

“What do you mean?” I sat up and faced Mrs. Lebanon.

She gave me a soft smile, one that a knowing grandmother would give. “Well, Nathanial was alone and depressed, even as a ghost, before he started watching you six months ago. Then, well, he changed. He was moody less often and was happier. But now, his hood is back up and the reserved look has returned.”

“I broke his heart, didn’t I?” A fresh set of tears stung my eyes.

Mrs. Lebanon nodded and hugged me to her. “But you’re not ready to love yet.”

“Maybe not,” I muttered.

For two months I stayed away from Nathanial, instead I traveled around the town and watched other people, especially Corey and Veronica Mullen. Corey had admitted to the police that he and his friends had raped me, but that he had left soon after. I actually felt sorry for the kid. Even though he had taken apart in it, he was sorry and felt terrible about what he did to me. Mrs. Lebanon didn’t talk to me again, and neither did any of the other ghosts in the area. It was the first time in a long time I heard that anyone had refused a true soul mate in the ghost world. Every day I cried, for the lost love, for the suicide, for the hurt I had caused, and for the hurt that I felt. “Why?” I asked myself every day. I would sit under the tree in the park and cry as I rocked back and forth. I was so sad, so angry, and so guilty. How many people was I going to hurt? One day, I worked up the courage to ask an unknown ghost girl if we could make people see us. She seemed reluctant to talk to me, but answered my question anyway. “Yeah, you just have to think really hard about the person you want to see you and it’ll work.” So I went to the small county jail the boys were being held in before they went to court. Since they were all eighteen, they couldn’t go home. Their parents hadn’t even tried to bail them out. They were on their own. I went to Corey’s cell and stood in the corner. Just like the girl said, I thought hard about Corey, and about me wanting him to see me. Corey looked up from his bed and gave a little shriek. “Ana?” Yep, he could see me. His eyes were wide and I think he had peed himself. There was a wet spot running down his jeans, that usually would have made me giggle, but this was a serious matter. “Hi,” I whispered. “W-what are you d-doing here? Are you haunting me because of, of the r-rape? Because I’m so incredibly sorry,” Corey stammered out. “Sh*t, this is what I get for being an ass. I shouldn’t have. I’m so sorry.” His body shook with fear as he stared into my unfeeling eyes. I had no feelings for him right now, this was serious and I had to stay unemotional. I ran my hands through my hair. “That’s sort of why I’m here Corey. I’m forgiving you. I just wanted to ask why you didn’t run for help. Why didn’t you tell them to stop?” This had been nagging at me for two months. “Why didn’t you ask me when you were alive?” He continued to shake and look at me as though I was his impending death. Honestly, why did everyone think that ghosts killed people? Okay, I was one of those people too. I had always thought that ghosts killed people and haunted houses, like in those movies. “I’m the one asking the questions here.” “Sorry,” Corey mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, I w-was scared. I, I knew you were hurting, but they were my friends. When they said that they were going to rape you, I swear to God I thought they were joking. I swear to God. I’m sorry God, please forgive my sins.” Geeze, he was religious. “Then, suddenly, they were actually doing it. I wanted to puke and run out of there, but my feet were glued to the floor. When they told me to rape you, I thought that they were going to hurt me if I didn’t. But I was as gentle as I could get. I swear Ana, I swear that I’m sorry and that I wish I had never done it.” Words were falling out of his mouth like vomit. He was telling me he was sorry in his own way. But I had already forgiven him. But I would never forgive Reid, Spencer, and especially Dan, the evil mastermind behind it all. I had one more question that needed answering. “Why did you and your friends bully me so much that I wanted to die? I killed myself because of the tormenting.” “Oh my God, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that it was the teasing, I thought you were depressed or something. I thought that you were having home troubles or, or. I can’t believe I did this. It’s my fault you’re dead.” I took a deep breath, tears welling up in my eyes. “No Corey, it’s not entirely your fault. It’s also Dan’s fault, and Reid’s fault, and Spencer’s fault. And everyone who watched me suffer day in and day out, is at fault as well. But you cared enough to want to stop it. But Corey, that’s not enough. You have to actually stand up and say something if you really care.” Corey shook his head and started screaming curse words and hitting himself, “Sh*t! Why did I have to do this? I’m such a frigging idiot! I’m a frigging retard and a bastard.” “Corey, calm down or the officers are going to come and take you away.” I reached out, but decided against touching him. He took a deep breath and stopped hitting himself. Instead, he looked away, his face twisted with what seemed like self hate. “I’m sorry.” “I have to go now Corey. But before I go, tell me why.” “I don’t know, and I didn’t want to do it. I laughed along and teased you like I was told to. But I never wanted to do it. Just to let you know, I thought you were pretty cool. I’ve liked you for a long time Ana. I just wish I had said it before you died.” “Goodbye Corey,” I smiled and closed my eyes, relaxing my mind. Corey looked around, a shocked and somewhat sad look on his face. “Goodbye Ana.”

After the meeting with Corey, I knew that he never wanted to hurt me. Hell, he even liked me a bit. Maybe I could have had a real friend if he had worked up the courage to by kind to me. I smiled to myself and made my way to my parents’ house. I had to tell them goodbye, the right way. There were a few other people I had to visit after, but they weren’t as important as Corey or my parents.

Mom was sitting on the couch, crying while Dad just stared at the floor. They had been like that for a long time. “Mom, can you see me?” I asked. She didn’t say anything, so I tried harder. “Mom, Dad, can you see me?”

“Ana!” Dad cried out. “Holy s***, how, how?”

“Ana?” Mom looked at my face. “How, what, how?” she couldn’t complete her question. She shook with fright and probably disbelief that her dead daughter was standing in front of her. Okay, I had to be quite see through, considering the fact that I was a ghost.

I gave a sad smile. “Hey guys.”

“Oh my, I thought you were dead!” Mom jumped up and tried to embrace me, but nearly fell over. Her eyes were full of tears; some were already making their way down her cheeks and to her legs.

“Sorry, forgot to warn you, I’m a ghost.” Mom moved back to sit on the couch next to my father.

Dad ran his hand down his face and looked at me. “But we’re Christians; we’re supposed to go to heaven if we’re good people. You were a good person, why aren’t you in heaven? You’re supposed to be in heaven Ana. What did you frigging do?” My father had always been critical. If I did something he didn’t like, he thought the devil was in me or something like that.

Like when I wanted to learn how to play guitar instead of violin. He thought that the type of music I liked at the time was the devil’s music and was going to corrupt my brain or something. Man, he was overprotective and crazy.

“Because heaven isn’t real Dad, we lived, and then we die and become ghosts. Then we have to have been really truly happy when we were alive, or we have to have fallen in love in order to move on. But I was never truly happy and I never fell in love when I was alive, so I have one more chance. I have to fall in love before I can move on.”

Dad gave me an angry look. “Heaven and hell is real young lady. But you did something so horrible even the devil wouldn’t even accept you. What did you do? Tell me what you did!”

“Nothing Dad, everyone ends up like this. I never did anything, I was the victim! I was raped four damn times! And you can’t even feel a little sorry? I was a good girl Dad. I was a good Christian Dad. I did everything I could to get into heaven, until I realized that it doesn’t exist.”

Mom suddenly changed the subject and asked, “What do you mean by ‘move on’?” I took a deep breath and tried to forget the anger.

“I will be reincarnated as a different person. I might be happier than I was when I was alive. And the boy I fall in love with will be reincarnated at the same point. We will be reborn in a different time, possibly years from now. You could be dead by the time I’m alive again. Me and the boy I fall in love with will be different people. But we’ll be together in some way. Whether that is lovers, friends, or siblings, we’ll be together. It depends on how much we love each other and what our relationship was like.” I was trying to concentrate as I threw up all the information I had picked up from random conversations other ghosts had with each other.

Mom and Dad just shook their heads. I could feel my concentration fading. It was hard to continue pushing myself to make people see me. “I have to ask you so many things,” Mom whispered. “I want to tell you how much I love you and ask what you’ve been doing, who you’ve met. And most importantly, why you took your own life,” Mom continued.

“That’s why you are stuck like this! You committed suicide, so the devil decided to do this to you! God could never forgive this sin. You may be forgiven, but He will never accept you into heaven,” Dad screamed, jumping up.

“I have to go now. I can’t, stay. And Dad, screw you.” I knew I had faded because my mother was eagerly looking around the room for me, calling out my name. I just shook my head and decided that visiting the other people would be a waste of time. My head was throbbing from the concentration. I didn’t even know that ghosts could get headaches.

“Bye Mom. Bye Dad. I love you both and I’m so sorry.” I knew they couldn’t hear me, but they had to know. I had come back to try and say goodbye, but I knew they wanted to know about why I was still in their world. Instead, it turned into a big fight with my dad and my mom barely saying anything at all. I never answered any of her questions, and I sure as hell didn’t win that fight with my dad. If I had been alive, I would have been grounded. At that moment, I knew I had to go see Nathanial again, and apologize. I took off towards the school at full speed, knowing that he was going to be there, his hood up and his face reserved.

He was there, leaning against the school. His cheeks were stained with dry tears and his eyes were red. Nathanial was still upset, even after two months. My heart pounded in my ears and my stomach was in my throat as I slowly walked towards him.

“Hi,” I mumbled softly.

“Hey,” he said, turning away from me.

“Nathanial,” I started, but he cut me off.

“Call me Nathan, less of a mouthful.” He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest.

I twirled a strand of hair around my finger and bit my lip. “I was thinking Nathan, and I um, I’m so sorry about what I said. I, I . . .” I trailed off. I didn’t know how to say that I loved him. It took me two months, but I had finally realized it.

“Ana, tell me what you want to tell me.” Nathan turned his eyes boring into mine.

“I love you,” I blurted.

Nathan folded me into his arms and kissed me hard. I pulled away and looked at him. “What now?” he asked, he sounded angry and impatient.

“How can you forgive me?”

“There was nothing to forgive you for Ana. You were trying to work out your feelings. Yeah, it hurt like hell, but you had to think. I love you too.” This kiss was gentle and sweet, but much too short.

We were in love, and we both knew that we would move on together.

The girl, who had once been Ana, was now Mary-Kate. She was born to Corey and Lilly Mullen. And the boy, who had once been Nathan, was now Mason. He was born to Lucas and Natalia Wilson. Now, Mason and Mary-Kate were twenty and married with a little girl on the way.

“I love you Dad,” Mary-Kate smiled, looking up at Corey.

“I love you too honey.” Even though Corey was a registered sex offender, his wife loved him, his friends loved him, and he had a great job and family. There was just a hint of familiarity in his daughter’s eyes. Like he knew her from a past life, but he knew he was just being silly.

But Corey knew the truth, even if he never admitted it.