~Look on the bright side

I woke in the morning, and for one moment, I thought that I was back home, that the light shining through my eyelids was from my bedroom window in the city, that the sheets were mine that I had washed yesterday, that I would get up and start making drawings and paintings before going downstairs to eat breakfast at an empty table.

And then that moment passed, and I realized I was in a dusty attic in the countryside, sharing a house with my awful cousin and her parents. I sighed, and got out of bed. I had no idea as to what time it was, all I knew was that it was the early hours of the morning, and I made a mental note to look for a clock that no one would miss.

I threw on some tan trousers and a cream colored blouse, grabbed my satchel for my drawing supplies, and then slipped silently out of my room.

A long time ago, I realized that if I slipped out of my room in the morning before anybody woke up, then I could go to the kitchens and take an apple, then stay out in the barn or in the field for hours, and no one would come looking for me.

I slipped through the silent house to the kitchens. I poked my head in through the doorway slowly, then, determining that no one was in it, I slipped in and grabbed two apples from the bowl sitting on the counter. I went out through the back door, and was greeted by the dew, still fresh from the night, glittering on the tall grass, making it sparkle. I strode through the field behind the house, and then sat down amidst the damp flowers, and flipped to a blank page in my sketchbook.

I sketched there for hours without moving an inch.

A stroke there, a mark there, and a splash of color there…

And you had the wildflower field, with a light pink wildflower jumping up from the corner.

Another picture later you had Matilda, holding her stomach laughing, just as she was yesterday.

Another, and you had a lake with little dragonflies and reeds surrounding it.

Drawing has always been an escape for me, ever since I was little. As the years have gone by, I’ve gone through many different books and coloring materials, and I’ve only gotten better at it. I have the option of doing charcoal drawings, or colorful, pastel drawings. I can do abstract drawings, realistic ones, and when I have the time and materials, I can even do oil paintings and watercolor. 

But the materials can be expensive, and my mother and father are reluctant to buy anything for me, other than the bare necessities. When my mother refused to buy another sketchbook for me, I went out and sold my drawings to people for a year before I had enough to pay for it. I promised that I would never take no for an answer when it came to my drawing. I vowed that the world could take everything from me, my dignity, my food, my freedom, my sanity even, but not my art. A slow smile spread across my face as I remembered my fervor with which I made that promise.

I love drawing so much because even when it feels like the world is against me, I can always draw the world as it is, and get lost in the worlds that I create. I run away in the brushstrokes, and I fly in the color, I swim in the depth. I feel invincible. And no one can take that away from me. No one can take my creativity, or my mind, or my hands. They can take my sketchpad, my drawing supplies, all of it, but they can’t take away what makes me, me.

After at least a couple of hours drawing in the field, my stomach protests the lack of food I’ve eaten. I pack up all of my supplies, and stretch out my back as I stand, and make my way back towards the house.

I stride up to the backdoor, then slowly push it open. When I don’t hear someone yell immediately, I stick my head in, and look around. It’s clear, I think, and I step through the door, shutting it gently behind me. Just as it shuts, I hear a clang of a pot to my right, I whip my head towards the noise and see a cook enter into the room. I throw myself behind the counter in the center of the room and pray that she hadn’t seen me. I assume that she remains ignorant to my presence, since she continues humming a merry tune quietly under her breath.

How am I getting out of this one? I think to myself as I hear the metallic clang of pots and pans. 

I could just admit to the cook that I came in the backdoor, but if my parents, my aunt and uncle, or god forbid Elizabeth, figured out that I wasn’t in my room all this time, they’ll surely find a way to make sure I never go outside ever again.

I shiver in horror.

I look over to the door that I need to go through to get to the hallway, and my heart deflates as I realize that she’s standing right next to it, and that there’s no way I could get out without her seeing me. I slowly shift myself so that I can put my eyes just over the counter to get a look at her, and I come face to face with an apple.

And just like that, I have an idea.

I take a very small bite of the apple, and then toss it at the pantry door that sits directly behind me, but far enough to my left that she can see it. It makes a small thud, and I hear her stop whistling. Just as I had hoped, she can see the bite in the apple from where she’s standing.

“Oh for heaven's sake… Rats again?” She mutters, and I hear her start walking over to the pantry to pick up the apple. I crawl quickly around the other side of the counter, and then sprint quietly out the door.

I let out a shaky breath that I had no idea I’d been holding, and try to calm my heartrate as I climb the stairs back up to my room. I make sure to glance at the huge grandfather clock on my way up to discern the time, and startle to realize that it’s nearly luncheon. I was out for longer than I thought… I hurry to my room and shut the door, and make sure to get into an outfit that doesn’t have dirt on it.

I sit in my room and continue my drawings where I left off in the field. I draw a clear sky, a cloudy one, a happy person, a sad one, I draw the countryside as I saw it riding in the carriage. I seem to sit there for only minutes, but by the ache in my back and hands, I can tell it’s been longer.

Then there’s a knock at the door.

I startle and drop my pastel. I lean down to pick it up as I set my sketchbook next to me on my bed, and hurry towards the door and open it, and come face to face with a servant.

“Your mother and the rest of the family are expecting you downstairs immediately for dinner Ms. Bennet.” She reports dutifully. Dinner? Already? I look down at myself and see my dress has some patches of dirt and grass on it. I feel her looking at it too.

“Could you just give me one moment please?” When she nods begrudgingly, I shut the door and dash to the mirror. I grab a midnight blue dress, throw it on, then put my hair in a bun, tying it off with the bow that matches the dress.

Mother always has a servant come and fetch me to eat dinner with all of the family, and much as I hate it, I know that it’s not optional. She’s under the impression that I just don’t eat breakfast, which is partially true, I suppose, so no one comes to fetch me in the mornings. Dinner is the only time I’m expected to be presentable, and I don’t know why she bothers. Sometimes I wish that she didn’t.

I tie the last bow on the back of the dress, take one final glance in the mirror, and open the door.

“I am ready.” I say respectfully, and ignore the little twinge of sadness that it’s not Matilda who is escorting me down.

We descend into the lowest level of the house into the dining room for lunch, and everybody else is already seated and chatting. I take my seat next to Elizabeth quietly and don’t make eye contact with anyone. Uncle Wallace is seated at the head of the table with his wife on his left and my father on his right. My mother is seated next to my father, and Elizabeth is seated next to her mother, and I sit next to Elizabeth with no one across from me.The table is long, and can seat at least ten more people, so we only take up about half of it all together,

I get through these family dinners by staying silent with my head down, never making eye contact, and only responding when spoken to. Last time I tried to join the conversation, even a little bit, Elizabeth ate me alive, and she managed to get me punished with no dinner for 3 nights in a row. I’ll never make the same mistake again - The hunger pains were awful.

The servants bring out the appetizers the moment my butt touches the seat, and the smell is intoxicating as all the different warm breads, butters, and jams are set on the table. My mouth waters, and I pray that my stomach doesn’t make a loud noise.

I serve myself once everyone has already served themselves, and take only what I know I can eat. As I eat, I tune into the conversation my mother, aunt, and cousin are having. I could listen to my uncle and father, but they’re almost always talking about politics. I can’t be part of the conversations, but sometimes it can be interesting enough to just listen. 

“The newest gowns in the line are to die for, Esther.” My mother was saying.

“It must be absolutely lovely living in the city, Aunt Roanne.” Elizabeth says in her sickly sweet voice, and I cringe.

“Oh it is darling! Every new gown, all of the juicy gossip, it’s all in the palm of your hand! It’s quite the entertainment.” My mother responds. “You should come and stay with us sometime, and I could show you around.” I nearly choke on the bite of bread that I had just put in my mouth.

“Oh that would be lovely, Auntie! But I wouldn’t want to intrude, and besides, where would I stay?”

“Why, you could have Evelynn’s room! I’m sure she wouldn’t mind moving for a month or two.” She offers without even looking at me, and if she had, she would have seen the look of absolute horror on my face. For the second time in two days, I blurt without thinking.

“I doubt that my room would be to her satisfaction, Mother.” I say, and the three of them all turn their attention to me.

“And why ever not?” My mother narrows her eyes, and I know that I have to make this convincing.

“Well, it’s hardly the spacious rooms that Elizabeth is used to. There’s nearly no space to move around, due to all of the clutter. And the bugs are awful as well.” I add for good measure, and I try to act casual as I take a small bite of bread.

“Oh dear.” Aunt Esther breathes. I see my Mothers cheeks flame red, and I realize my mistake. And so does Elizabeth.

“Oh Auntie,” She begins, and I know from the shift in her tone of voice that this is going to end badly for me. “I’m sure that Evelynn’s rooms are lovely, and that she’s just ungrateful for all that you’ve given her. I could last a month in a smaller room than I have. I’m always grateful for a place to stay.” She says, batting her eyes and everything. I nearly groan as I see my mothers eyes narrow on me.

“Evelynn, you are disrespectful and ungrateful for all that your father and I have given to you. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“I’m sure that she didn’t mean it, Auntie. She’s just worried about my wellbeing, isn’t that right Evelynn?” She turns to me, and I know better than to take the bait.

But I have no other choice.

“Not for your wellbeing, just your comfort Elizabeth.” I mumble, and then turn back to my food. They go back to their conversation as the main course is served, and I’m relieved that the attention is off of me for the moment.

But I know better than to let my guard down. Elizabeth never offers me a way out unless she’s bored, and wants to drag out my torture. If she had let that keep going I would have been sent off to my room for the rest of the night, and she knows it.

“So, have you caught the attention of any boy yet, Elizabeth?” My mother inquires.

“As a matter of fact, I have!’ She exclaims. “He’s the son of a Duke, and he’s extremely handsome.” She blushes slightly, giving her an innocent look, and my mother makes a noise of delight.

“He and his family stay in town for summers, and in the past year we’ve managed to make quite a few business deals with them involving Wallace’s oil company, including the betrothal of Elizabeth to the Duke's eldest son, in exchange for more land to build drills on.” Aunt Esther chips in.

“He seems to take an interest in me, actually, and I may even marry him out of love! One can only hope.” Elizabeth says dreamily, and I have to resist the urge to roll my eyes. I don’t think I’ll ever understand all of the gossip-y, dress-y, boy-y stuff that girls my age are into.

“Oh Evelynn!’ Elizabeth gasps, and I startle. “That was horrible! Why can’t you just be happy for me?” She started to tear up, and I panic. I didn’t say anything! What did I - Oh. She’s framing me, I realize, and I know that no matter what I do, this’ll end up with her winning, like always, but, like a fool, I try to salvage this anyways.

“I am happy for you, Elizabeth.” I say, desperately.

“Then why did you say that awful thing just now? About no boy ever wanting me?” She wipes tears from her eyes, and I feel the color leave my face as it goes as pale as the white linen tablecloth.

“Evelynn! You will respect your cousin! Go to your room now, and don’t bother coming down for dinner for the next 3 nights.”

“But Mother! I-”

“Are you talking back to me?” She raises her voice, and I feel myself shrink, and I have to blink back tears.

“No, mother.” I say.

“Then do as I say.” She commands, and I get up from the table, and hurry away from Elizabeth's sniveling.

It happened so fast, is all I can think as I drag my feet up the stairs. She gets more creative every year. 

I shut my door behind me, and I lean my back up against it as I finally let loose the tears I’ve been choking back for days.

I imagine an ocean on a cloudy day, but the rain falling comes in the form of two large droplets. My tears seem to fill up the ocean in my imagination as I despair for the weeks to come.

~ A trip to town

I wake up with my back against something hard, sun streaming through my eyelids. I open them slowly and blink furiously at the brightness. I rub my swollen eyes as I sit up and wince at the sharp pain in my back and neck.

I must have slept like that, I conclude as I get up slowly and walk over to my small stand up mirror. My eyes are puffy and bloodshot from crying, and I turn away from my reflection and grab my sketchbook. I take a seat slowly on my bed and take a deep breath before letting my hand just guide the pencil.

I don’t know what I’m drawing until it’s finished, and I realize I’ve drawn the ocean I imagined in the midst of my despair. The sadness is more like a dull throb from a day old cut now instead of a knife piercing my heart.

I lay down on my bed and hug my sketchbook to my chest as I drift off into sleep once more, a place where Elizabeth doesn’t exist, and I’m free to run amongst the flowers, to say what I wish, to be who I want to be.

~ ~ ~

I’m shaken from sleep by something, and as I’m trying to figure out what woke me, I hear an impatient knock on the door.

I rise from bed slowly, taking my time gripping the door handle and opening it.

The look on Matilda’s face as I open the door is something that I would like to draw later. She looked slightly annoyed at having to knock multiple times, then she looked worried, and then, as she saw my tear stained face, all of that seemed to melt away into sympathy.

“You’ve been crying.” She states simply. I just nod. She pushes lightly against my shoulder, allowing her to enter the room and shut the door. “There’s been gossip going around this morning..”

“What time is it?”

“10 o’clock.” She responded, and I nodded. There was a pause in the conversation as she shifted from foot to foot.

“Well?” I prompted, and she seemed thankful for the invite.

“Well, it’s about the dinner last night.” She says, and my head drops to my chest as my shoes suddenly become interesting.

“Oh.” I whisper. I don’t want to have to think about this anymore, but now, every servant on the estate probably knows. They always seem to know, somehow.

“Did… did you really say something awful to Elizabeth?” She asks, and like a flash of lightning, suddenly I’m furious.

“What do you think, Matilda?” I snap, and I see her flinch back from my tone. I instantly regret losing my temper. “I - I’m sorry.” I say, and I turn towards the window. “It’s just that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, she always wins.”

“Who wins?” She asks cautiously. I pause, and then just shake my head sadly.

“Never mind. It’s not important.”

“Do you mean Elizabeth?” Matilda continues, heedless of my dismissal. I realize that I’m not going to get her to drop the subject, so I tell her everything.

“Yes, Elizabeth. You may not believe it at first, but she’s quite dreadful. Ever since we’ve been coming here for the summer, Elizabeth seems to try her hardest to get me into as much trouble as possible. She’s the star of the family, always shining bright, always the center of attention. I’m more like a piece of dust, not wanted, and swept away, cursed when there's too much of me.” I say, and I close my eyes as I feel them welling up again. “Its-” I choke up and I have to swallow before I can continue. “It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have snapped at you, but it’s all so hopeless. I can’t do anything but sit quietly and take it.” I start crying in earnest now, still looking out the window. “I hardly said anything to Elizabeth for the whole dinner and she still managed to get me into trouble.” My sobs are audible now and I walk to sit on my bed, wrapping my arms around myself as I cry. I feel the bed dip, and then an arm snakes around my shoulders.

“I thought there was something amiss, you seem too kind to say anything upsetting. I figured if your parents are so awful, they would probably have me fired if they figured out you had a friend.” She says quietly once my sobs had quieted somewhat. “I think I know something that could cheer you up though.” She says, and I look up in interest.

~ ~ ~

“You’re sure this’ll be good enough?” I ask skeptically.

“Definitely. It fits you like a glove, if I do say so myself.” Matilda says proudly. My tears have long since dried, and as I gaze at my outfit, I feel like a bundle of nerves.

“This uniform is itchy.” I remark as I scratch at the servants attire.

“Yeah, but it’ll be worth it.” She walks over to me and fixes my hair in front of my face, that way I’m not recognized.

“So, to reiterate, there’s a horse in the stable named Zander, and that’s the one you take once we get you out of the house. Are you ready?”

“Ummm…”

“Good.” She says. She grabs my hand and drags me out of my bedroom.

“What if someone sees me?” I ask fearfully as we descend the stairs to the second floor.

“Just act casual, and let me do the talking.” She responds without breaking stride. I hurry to catch up with her.

“What if someone recognizes me?”

“They’re not going to, but if they do, run.” She says as we pass Uncle Wallace’s study.

“Yeah, but-”

“Hey, you two. Come.” My heart skips a beat as I recognize the sound of my Uncle’s voice. Matilda freezes, then pastes on a smile as she turns. I stay out of sight by the doorway, and hope he doesn’t ask for me.

“Mr. Clifton.” She says respectfully, and my heart is threatening to beat out of my chest. Could this get any worse? “What do I have the pleasure of helping you with?”

“I need to see my daughter immediately. Fetch her for me, would you?” Yes, it can get worse.

“Yes Mr. Clifton, right away.” Matilda says again, and then speeds off down the hallway as I struggle to catch up. “Change of plans,” She says to me quietly. “You’re going to go out the front door, then round the house to the stables, while I fetch Elizabeth. Got it?” She whispers.

“Ye-” I start, but she’s already speeding down the hall, leaving me all alone to get out of this place. I look around me, and then take a deep breath as I try to walk like I know what I’m doing.

I walk to the banister with my head down low, touching my chest, and then carefully descend the stairs. I make sure to look into each doorway before I go by, trying to get to the front door without being seen.

No such luck.

A hurried servant scurries out of a doorway in front of me, and her eyes light up as she sees me. I try my best not to panic as she walks over to me, and to look like I belong here. Act casual… I make sure my arms are firmly at my sides and make my face as blank as possible.

“Hey, you! Yeah, can you go grab the tray of tea from the kitchen? You know how they are, have us running around all the time.” She says and rolls her eyes playfully. I giggle nervously despite my precarious situation: It sort of just bubbled out. I never knew being disobedient could be this much fun. 

“Uh, sure. I’ll get that now… yeah.” I say, and turn on my heels, headed towards the kitchens. What am I doing? The front door is the other way! Now what am I going to do? I have to get back to the foyer! I chide myself as I push open the door to the kitchen.

“He - Hello?” I call tentatively. I look around the kitchen for anyone cooking, or who happens to have a tray of tea, but there’s no one.

“Ah! Finally!” The cook says from the doorway behind me, and I nearly jump out of my skin. She chuckles.

“Jumpy aren’t we? Here, take this, and hurry! No one likes cold tea.” She pushes a tray into my hands smiling, and I can’t help but smile back at her as I grip the wood, trying my hardest to balance it against me.

“Thank you. Bye.” I say awkwardly, doing a little shoulder shrug instead of a wave as I slowly walk out of the room, concentrating on the tray, making sure the tea doesn’t spill.

And then it occurs to me that I have to deliver this. 

I pale about 15 shades as I gulp. This is a disaster! It’s either my mother or my aunt that need this, and no matter how much of my face is hidden, they’ll still recognize me! I panic as I get closer to the archway, trying to walk as slow as I can. Then, like my guardian angel and savior, I see Matilda walking down the stairs.

“Matilda!” I whisper-shout, and she looks over at me in shock. She glances around us before she walks over to me.

“What are you still doing on the estate? You’re supposed to be riding into town already!” She hisses at me.

“Well, I-”

“Is something wrong ladies?” The girl from earlier walks up to us. My mind draws a blank, and I’m just about to blurt out the truth, when Matilda comes to the rescue.

“Well, she took my job! This is what I get paid for, not her. She should be tending the stables, but instead, she’s dawdling around delivering tea! Zander and Farron and Gregonvillia are probably starving!” She scolds me, and I blink. “I’ll take that, and now you, go and do your job!” She says as she all but snatches the tea away from me.

“Hurry up!” The servant girl says, and Matilda speeds off with her towards the archway. 

I stand there blinking for a moment processing how rude Matilda just was, but then I sigh in relief. She just saved me, I think gratefully. I stride as quickly as I can to the grand double doors, and then shut them behind me as softly as I can make it. Then I sprint to the stables around the side of the house, and run into the barn, stopping to catch my breath with my hands on my knees. With my lungs still burning and gulping air, I find the horse with the nameplate that reads Zander.

“Hello Zander.” I say as I lead him out of his stall. I learned to ride horses in the city, and I rode fast out in the countryside when I was younger, but then Elizabeth had gotten me in trouble and I was forbidden from riding, but I’ve always had a soft spot for horses, so I’m hoping I can still ride. 

I tie Zander’s rope to one of the fence posts, and then grab one of the saddles from the wall. He neighs.

“I know I’m not supposed to do this, but I think I’ll go mad if I stay in this house a minute longer.” I say as I put his saddle on him. He just scoffs and paws the ground. “I have to escape this place, even if it’s just for an hour, and I need your help to do so.” I say as I finish with the last buckle. I grab the bridle as well, clip that on him, and then I lead him out of the stables and mount him. “Alright.” I whisper as I click my mouth and tug at the reins. Zander dutifully trots off towards the gates. The tension builds all the way to the gates, and peaks as I hop down from him and reach for the gates. A part of me really expects the gate to just not open, but I breathe a sigh of relief as they dutifully swing on their hinges. I lead Zander through, but I step cautiously, and when no one starts shouting my name back at the house, and no hounds start chasing me, out for my blood, I heave yet another heavy sigh. I give a little cheer of elation as I shut the gate and swing up onto Zander once again. “Away we go.” I yell as I snap the reins. Zander dutifully speeds off towards the town.

He takes off  through the woods, and I hesitantly let go of the reins. When he stays the course, I throw my arms up over my head and whoop in excitement. I’ve never felt this alive before! The wind blowing in my hair and the movement of Zander beneath me is enough to split my face open in a wide smile. I’m never going to give this up again.

The path from the manor to the town is a long one with many twists and turns through the woods, but there’s only one path, so it’s nearly impossible to get lost. What if I do get lost? Matilda would know I didn’t come back, but how would she tell people I was missing? She would get in trouble for helping me get out. I think all of this with a frown, and I grab onto the reins again and pay attention to where we’ve been, and how much farther we have left to go. But then I see a light up ahead, rushing towards us.

Then I see the town come into view, and I yank on Zander’s reins. He comes to a halt with a whinny and gets back up on his hind legs for a brief moment. I gaze out over the town.

And immediately, I’m in love.

The hills roll, and like boats on the sea, the houses roll down and up the hills, made of stone blocks and wood. The townspeople bustle around like busy ants. The town looks like something from a fairytale story as the sun shines down on the dew-covered fields that seem to stretch endlessly in all directions. Besides all of this, the town is actually quite large, and as my eyes trail up the town, I see it - on top of the biggest hill for miles around, is the biggest house I’ve ever seen. It has to be at least twice the size of the Clifton estate, and unlike the Clifton estate, looks beautiful, and welcoming, instead of foreboding. It’s made of red brick, and white pillars frame the house and windows. The house almost seems to have arms that come forward from the tallest part of the house to jut out the front, creating a rectangular space in its embrace, where even from this distance, I can see vibrant flowers growing under its care.

I only have a couple hours to spend around the town, and I plan to make the most of them. I’m going to draw the people, the buildings, the huge estate on the hill, everything, so that I can relive it from my bedroom, and maybe hang some up on my walls to brighten the place up a little bit more.

But this place is nothing short of enchanting, and despite the struggles that I had to undergo to get here, despite the dangers for me, already I find myself plotting ways to come back. 

I ride Zander into town, down the roads, and I watch all of the activity in awe. It truly is like an ant hill. It certainly has all the activity of one. People are walking left and right, some have stopped to talk to each other through the windows of houses. I hear a yell to my left, and I look to see a man selling fish in a stall, yelling about his cheap prices. I continue down the path with a wide smile on my face, and see a stable. I ride up to it and jump off Zander.

“Hello! We’ll keep your horse safe while you’re traveling around town! You can come back to get him whenever.” A girl in stable clothes says, and I thank her as I give her Zanders reins. Once she takes him away, I turn to look around. Suddenly, I’m overwhelmed at the vastness of this place, and I don’t know where to start. I think for a moment, before heading into an alleyway. I make sure no one is looking before I reach down the collar of my dress and grab my sketchbook form where it was stashed against my chest, and then for my pieces of charcoal that I stuffed into my shoes. Then I rejoin the throng of people, and I go back to where I saw that man with his fish. I sit on a bench that is across from him, and start to draw his features. 

As I sit there, hunched over my sketchbook, I breathe in the smells of this place. Sometimes you smell manure, sometimes you smell freshly baked bread, and other times you just smell the fresh breeze that blows up the street from the fields, but I enjoy all of it, every aspect of this new and unfamiliar place. 

Once I’m done with that picture, I move on up the street and to the bakery, and I draw a mother and her daughter sitting on the bench outside the bakery. 

“Looks like we have an artist in town!” I hear someone behind me say, and I turn around to see a man of 40 or so with short curly hair graying at his temples, wearing an apron with paint splattered on it. He has some paint on his nose that I doubt he knows is there, and his smile stretches across his entire face. “Not many come through here! Did you just move here?” He asks, and I’m surprised that the people here are so friendly.

“I… I come here most summers.” I say truthfully.

“Well, where are you staying?” He asks. Immediately I realize I don’t want anyone to know who I am, that I’m related to the Clifton’s at all. Surely the people here know their name?

“I would prefer not to say.” I say, and I give him a small smile.

“Ah, sorry. I know, I come on strong sometimes. You know, I run a shop in town that sells art supplies. If you ever needed anything of that sort, then I believe I’m the only place in town that sells it.” He chuckles, and I smile.

“I’ll be sure to come by.” I say.

“I’ll look forward to it! What’s your name?”

“Evelynn.” I say without hesitation as I take his outstretched hand.

“Walter, at your service.” He says and flashes me a grin. “Hope to see you around Evelynn.” He says, and continues on his way. I smile as I continue to draw the mother and daughter together. I watch them closely, and I feel a pang of longing for something like that, someone to wipe the crumbs off of my cheeks, someone to stare at me with such adoration and pride. My smile turns bitter, but I continue to draw them. I want to get it perfect, so I can always remember that not everyone in this world is as monstrous as my family. I don’t know why that came as a shock to me, but suddenly I feel cheated, and unsatisfied. Maybe I should seek out more opportunities like this one, where I can see the world as it really is, instead of through my mother’s lens she forces over my eyes. Ones where I can meet people, decent, kind people, who can teach me things other than how low to hold my head, and when to bite my tongue.

As I flick the last T in my signature, I look up at them again, and this time, my smile is truly genuine.

 ~ Cafe Smith

Everyday after that first life-altering one, I go out to the stables under the pretense I’m a servant taking care of the horses. Since I do it so often, I actually do feed them and shovel the manure before I go, since no one’s going to be sent out here to care for them because they think I’m doing it. It’s not that much of a burden either. On the contrary, I enjoy the time to myself for a couple of minutes before I ride out to town. 

On the 5th day of sneaking out, I get done with taking care of the horses, and then I take Zander out into the town and head to the art supplies store. 

“Good morning, Walter.” I say cheerfully.

“Good morning Miss Evelynn! How have your new pastels been treating you?”

“Oh, they’re lovely. My others were nothing but nubs. I can’t ever thank you enough.” 

“Please, anything for an artist in need.” He grins, and I smile as I set my stuff down. Over the course of the week, I got to know Walter much better, and it was nice to know another artist that understood what it was like to get lost in the art you create.

I talk with Walter about everything and nothing at all, and it feels like having a caring father, someone that I feel like I can confide in.

When I walk out of the shop, for the first time ever, I feel as though there's a light in this world, something to live for. I feel like I could spread my wings and fly away into the sky, never to be seen again, happily soaring without a care in the world. 

But I’m brought back to earth so fast my head spins as I crash into something. I fall on my butt and give a yelp, trying to reorient myself.

“I am so sorry! Are you hurt?” A voice from above me says, and as I look up, my breath doesn’t quite make it to my lungs, because it’s a boy. I didn’t crash into something, rather someone. Before I can even process it, I’m already searching for the details in his face, the beauties, the simple imperfections. He’s the most handsome boy I’ve ever seen. His eyes are a beautiful shade of sea foam green, his hair a dark chocolate brown that falls into his eyes, his skin sun kissed, and beautiful. 

“I - I’m fine. Just, not watching where I was going.” I respond, breathily.
“Same with me.” He chuckles softly and stretches out his hand to help me up. For a moment the light is behind his head and his eyes seem to sparkle with mirth, his hand seems to have rays of light framing it. He looks unearthly to my eyes.

I reach for him slowly, and when our fingers touch it’s like a shock wave running through my body, like I was just struck by lightening. I grasp his hand more firmly and he pulls, bringing me to my feet relatively gracefully. I look into his eyes intensely without meaning to, and I blush furiously when I realize that he’s looking back at me the same way. I blush even harder when I realize that I’m still holding his hand. We let go of each other quickly and step away awkwardly, the magic of the moment shattering like glass, and I drop my gaze to my feet. I look up in time to see him doing this adorable thing with his hand, holding the back of his head in embarrassment.

“Is there… something on my face?” He says, and I didn’t even know if it was possible for me to blush harder.

“No.”
“Then why are you looking at me like that?” He says chuckling nervously, and he makes eye contact with me, and I say what's on my mind without even thinking.

“Can I draw you?” I blurt out, and he blinks. “I… I like to think of myself as a good artist, and I like coming into town to draw people… and things. Your eyes are gorgeous, I’ve never seen a shade like that before. If… if you’re busy or this is too odd, you can say so.” I got quieter, and then looked at my feet waiting for him to try to deny me politely.

“Uh, alright. I suppose I don’t have anywhere I need to be.”

“Really?” I look up, and smile shyly.

“Yeah. Under one condition.” He says, and my heart sinks. “You can’t have me do any ridiculous poses.” He says, and he makes a pose like he’s holding a sword and shield, looking heroic, and I laugh. Not a giggle like I’m used to, but a full body laugh that overtakes me and to my pleasant surprise, it makes me feel lighter, like I just shed some sort of chain.

“Deal.” I say, still holding my stomach. “How about we sit on the bench?” I say and point to the bench that’s just outside the art shop.

“I get to sit down?” He asks surprised.

“Do you want to?” I ask, confused. 

“Yes…?” He says, unsure, and we both take a seat on the bench. “Every other artist that has drawn me has always made me stand up.” He shrugs.

“How often have you had people draw you?” I ask as I start making the shape of his face on the paper. 

“Only a couple of times.” He says, and then both of us go silent for a moment. Then I look at him and frown.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?” He looks at me quizzically.

“You’re so…stiff.” I say. “You don’t have to look serious, or sit stiffly. You can move around a bit. Just relax your face. You look like you’re staring at a house that’s caught fire.” I say frankly, and we both look at each other for a moment before we burst out laughing. When he stops laughing and his face relaxes, I start drawing again.

“Better?” He says playfully.

“Better.” I agree, and I start with his facial features. Then he smiles a little, and I draw that on the paper. We sit there in silence for a little while while I finish up. The drawing shows a little more than half of his face, and his neck and chest, but nothing below that. It’s more of a profile, but I love it all the same.

“All done.” I say, and I hand the sketchbook to him. I suddenly find myself worrying that he won’t like it, that he’ll just laugh at it, but all of that vanishes as he sits up straighter to get a better look at it, his face filled with astonishment.

“This is incredible!” He exclaims, and I blush a bit.

“I… I try.” I say, and he shakes his head, looking at me.

“Don’t sell yourself short. This is extraordinary! It looks exactly like me!” He says absentmindedly, staring at the paper intently. “I mean…I love it for its bluntness.”

“Bluntness?” I question, curious.

“It’s just that… well I told you I’ve been drawn before, and they all paint me how they think I should be, not how I actually am…”

“I like to draw everything as it is. It gives me clarity. Everything has a flaw, and if you exclude it from the drawing… well it’s not the same.” I shrug. He’s silent for a moment before he holds out his hand.

“My name’s Ben.” He says, and he grins. My heart skips a beat as he looks at me like that, and I smile.

“Evelynn.” I smile too, and I shake his hand. The same shock goes up my arm at the small bit of contact, and I try to shake it off.

“Do you… want to go for lunch?” He asks, and I beam.

“I would love that. I didn’t have breakfast this morning.”

“That simply won’t do!” Ben says, and he hops up from the bench, and once again offers his hand to me. I grasp it quicker this time, and I walk next to him down the street as he leads us through the throng of people.

“The place that I’m taking you is my favorite place to eat lunch, and to get some coffee. It’s pretty cozy, and not usually very crowded.”

“It sounds lovely.” I say, and he grins. We walk together until he stops outside of a small cafe.

“This is it! Cafe Smith.” He says, and holds the door open, gesturing for me to go inside. I step through the door, and immediately the sweet scent of coffee hits me. The windows let all of the light through, and the place is just the right amount of cozy, making me feel instantly at home. There’s only a couple of people in here, most reading the newspaper and drinking coffee.

“Benjamin!” A booming voice calls from behind the counter, and I look to see a burly man with dirty blonde hair and a debonair smile.

“John, good to see you!” Ben replies, and the man named John rounds the counter to give him a firm handshake, then pulling him in for a clap on that back. “It’s been too long.”

“Yes it has!” John says, and then he sees me, and his eyes go wide. “And who’s this?” He asks, and when I realize that Ben’s waiting for me to answer, I reply.

“Evelynn.” I smile as confidently as I can, trying to match his energy.

“Well Evelynn, I’m John, humbly at your service.” He bows, and he very dramatically gets down on one knee, takes my hand and kisses my hand. I blush furiously and smile shyly. It feels good to be noticed, better than I ever imagined it would. But when I glance at Ben, his sour face puzzles me. John is already off the floor and continuing on, and Ben shakes his head to dispel whatever that was, but I don’t think I’ll soon forget the way his face screwed up, how he looked like he was trying to burn John with his eyes.

“So, a table for two then?” John asks, and he winks at Ben, who chuckles.

“Yes, John, but it’s not like that.”

“Are you kidding? She’s perfect for you!” He says loudly, and this time, I’m not the only one whose cheeks flame.

“John…” Ben warns, and John puts his hands up in surrender.

“Alright, alright. So, you want your usual, I’m sure, but what does the lovely lady want?” He asks me.

“I’ve never been here.” I say.

“Here.” He says, and he reaches for a menu on the counter, then hands it to me. “Now, your table’s in the corner, and you can have as much time as you need to look over the menu.”

“Thank you, John.” I say, and he smiles.

“Anything at all! You two enjoy.” And I don’t miss the way he winks at Ben, and how he in response rolls his eyes but blushes lightly. We make our way over to the table, and as soon as I sit down, I giggle.

“What?” He asks.

“Your friend is… eccentric.” I say, and it doesn’t help me stop laughing. He smiles as well, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “You both seem well acquainted. How long have you been coming here?”

“Since I was old enough to walk. His father and mine are good friends, so we’ve known each other since we were tots. John’s father used to run this place, but then he hurt himself, and had to stay home. That’s when John took over.”

“Oh no! Is his father okay?”

“Yeah, he just had a bit of an accident falling from a ladder a little while back. Now they both run it together, like a father son thing they do. It worked out well for the both of them.” He shrugs.

“Well that’s good.” I reply, and then look out the window to the bustling streets. I watch as the people hurry to where they need to go, and how some people lazily strolled and talked to a friend.

“I’ve never seen you around here before. Did you just move here?” Ben asked, and I turned away from the window, and suddenly I’m a bit nervous.

“Something like that. I… come for the summers.”

“Same with me, actually.” He says, surprised. “I’ve come here with my dad and my brothers every summer since I was born. That’s how I know John.”

“How did you guys meet?” I ask.

“I can barely remember it, it was so long ago.” He scrunches up his face, and I hold in my giggle. “I believe that his father and mine got together, and he brought John with him. They introduced us, and we hit it off. We got into so much trouble.” He says wistfully, and I smile. “It’s hard to leave him at the end of every summer.”

“How far away are you normally?”

“Normally, I’m in London, continuing my studies, but the air is so filthy I can barely stand it. I much prefer being out here in the open. What about you?”

“The air is filthy in the city. It’s nice to get away from that.” I say. If only my life weren’t so wretched, I could enjoy it better.

“Yeah, but I meant where you lived.” He smiled teasingly, and I blushed a bit.

“Oh! Sorry, umm, I live in Winchester.”

“Not far then!” He exclaims, and I can’t help but smile too. Maybe I could see him even if it’s not summer? I don’t dare to hope. 

“So what did you want?” He asks, and I startle.

“Sorry?”

“To eat?”

“Oh! I haven’t even looked at it!” I pick it up and start reading. “Umm… the cheese and bread sounds good…?” I say, and he nods. 

“It’s very good. I’ve had it before.”

“Then that’s what I’ll have.”

“What about a drink?”

“Just water.” I say, and he nods again. There’s a silence for a moment before he speaks again.

“So you come here for the summer, but who do you stay with?” He asks, and I tense up. I have to be careful with my words.

“My… parents and I stay with my aunt and uncle.” I say cautiously, and I know it doesn’t go unnoticed by him.

“So do you like your aunt and uncle?” He asks, and I contemplate whether I should tell him the truth.

“I-”

“Hello again!” John interjects, and again, I notice Ben’s slight reaction, but then it’s gone. Even stranger. “What have you both decided to eat?”

“My usual John, and I believe that Evelynn wants the bread and cheese.”

“And water.” I add softly.

“Of course! I’ll have it done in a moment.” He says, and then he strides off.

“You were saying?” Ben prompts.

“I was just going to say that my aunt and uncle aren’t the nicest people.” I shake my head sadly. “I think that I would be able to enjoy this all more if they weren’t so cruel.” I say truthfully, and I see his face fall.

“That’s a shame. What, may I ask, makes them so cruel?”

“Well, I also have a cousin, and she’s the gem. My parents and hers fawn over her, and I suppose that just leaves no room for me. My punishments are harsh, and unfair, while Elizabeth gets off with no repercussions. I often go to bed without supper for the smallest things, like making an un-ladylike noise.” I sight. It feels so good to say something instead of keeping it bottled in like I always do. I see bewilderment on his face before he shakes his head to clear it.

“That is awful. I wish that there was something I could do.” He says sadly. 

“Well, there is something.” I say tentatively. He perks up immediately. I almost back out, but I force myself to be bold. Remember, you have to live your life, not the other way around. 

“I… I’ve only been in town for a couple of days now, and I still get rather lost. If… I had a friend who could give me a tour, that might be excuse enough to stay away from the house a little while longer?” I suggest quietly with a shy smile. He smiles at me with a smile that makes my blood rush and my heart start pounding in my chest.

“I would gladly show you around.” He says enthusiastically. His smile is like the sun's rays, bathing the world in warmth. Once again, I get lost in his eyes, and I feel like I’m flying over an ocean, waves cresting and showing that beautiful sea foam color…

“Annnd here’s your food!” John all but yells, and I think I come close to having a heart attack.

“Thank you John, it looks delicious.” Ben says, and I recover myself.

“Yes, it really does. Compliments to the chef.” I smile.

“Why, that would be me! It is my pleasure to serve madam! Bon appetit!” And he retreats for what should be the last time. I find myself giggling yet again.
“I’ve never met anyone so loud. In the best possible way.” I say, and Ben laughs.

“He is definitely something, but he’s the best kind of friend. Loyal until the end.” Ben says. He tucks into his food, which looks like some sort of smoked fish. We eat in a comfortable silence, only filled with the sounds of forks scraping plates. We sit and chat for a little while before Ben procures money from his coat, setting it on the table.

“See you sometime soon John!”
“Good-bye my friend! Until we meet again! And you too m-lady!” He yells, and does a little bow.

“Good-bye John.” I smile, and Ben and I walk out of the restaurant. I breathe in the town again, and when I look over at Ben, he’s studying me curiously. Then he smiles.

“So, this is your official tour! Where would you like to go first?” He grins, and I return it.

~What is this?

I flop down onto my bed and let out a contented sigh and smile as I gaze at the ceiling.

I was out in town with Ben for hours, and it was too easy to lose track of the time. He was an absolute gentleman, and he showed me the parks, the bakery, the many ponds and lakes, where the best food is, where the best stable service is, everything I could possibly imagine. The most enjoyable part of being in his company for so long was being able to speak so freely. He seemed to like me for who I was, and I didn’t feel any pressure to impress him or to be obedient or to keep my head down. I held it up the whole time and he still laughed and talked with me just the same. When I realized what time it was and I said I had to go, he told me to meet him at Cafe Smith tomorrow at noon, which excites me to no end.

Matilda doesn’t even knock before she opens the door, and she definitely doesn’t ask before she plops onto my bed like she owns it. She’s completely silent for a couple of moments before she gasps loudly.

“Oh my god.”

“What?” I say, startled. I sit up quickly, but only see her beaming face.

“You’re in love, Evelynn!”

“What? No.” I dismiss that.

“Yes! I see that look on your face!”

“What look?” I try to school my expression.

“The dopey smile! You’ve fallen head over heels!

“Matilda, I’m not in love, I just met him today.” And then I cringe. Rooky mistake.

“Evelynn!” She shrieks, and I resist the urge to put my hands over my ears. “You have to tell me everything about him. Is he tall? How long is his hair? What color is it? Oh, is it soft?”

“Is it soft?” I mutter to myself in amusement.

“How does he smell? Is he kind? What am I saying, you wouldn’t like him if he wasn’t kind.” She talks so fast that I can barely keep up with what she’s saying.

“Matilda!” I say over her rant. I take a deep breath before I try to satisfy her. “He… He’s gorgeous. His eyes are this sea foam green color, and his hair is just long enough to get into his eyes, and it’s the color of melted chocolate.” I say dreamily, and I think that she may explode. “He’s so kind, and compassionate. He took me out to lunch, and we just talked the entire time. Then he gave me a tour of the town, and we got muffins to eat in the park…” I trail off as I think about it.

“He sounds dreamy… You must really like him.”

“Yeah- wait, no, Matilda, it’s not like that.” I snap out of it.

“Evelynn, do you even hear yourself? Of course you’re in love! I know that you couldn’t get that smile off of your face if you tried. That’s love.”

“But… I only met him today.”

“Then it’s love at first sight! Even more romantic!”

“That only happens in fairy tales.” I dismiss, but Matilda just shakes her head.

“Obviously not.” She says, and the way she raises her eyebrow in challenge makes me pause. Am I in love?

“I wouldn’t know.” I whisper quietly, and I see her face fall.

“Oh, Evelynn… I’m so sorry. Your parents… You know what? It’s their loss.” She says confidently. What I wouldn’t give for a thimble full of her confidence. It seems like she has a bottomless well full of it.

         “Thanks, Matilda.” I say. I look at her with as much thankfulness as I can possibly show. She just waves her hand like it’s no big deal and stands up.

         “I have to go and clean the kitchen. I lost a bet, so I have to do it for a friend. Don’t get lost in your head without me.” She says playfully, and I smile. Once she leaves, my mind immediately goes back to Ben, and I’m absolutely horrified at the little giggle that escapes me. I think of the way he held the back of his head when he was embarrassed, the way he flips the hair out of his eyes, the way his smile seems to light up the room…

At that moment I realize that Matilda was right. Of course she was.

“I’m in love.” I whisper, and then I get up and go to the mirror, and sure enough, that goofy smile is still there. I grab a bit of my hair and twirl it in my fingers. I turn slightly so I can see more of myself. Does he love me? The question popped into my head, and my smile immediately disappeared. Is it even possible? After all, who could ever love me? I’m a nobody. I drag my feet back to my bed and curl up with my knees tucked into my chest.

There must be some reason that no one in my family likes me. What if he realizes that he doesn’t like me either? I think, and I sigh sadly as I shut my eyes. I’ll go back out into town tomorrow and see him and try to show him that I’m worthy of love.

~ ~ ~

I wake up early the next morning and slip into my servants uniform, putting the last pin in my hair as I’m walking out the door. I’ve done this everyday since that first almost-disastrous escape attempt, but thankfully, nothing really concerning has happened since then. I’ve gotten better at acting, and looking like I know what I’m doing.

“Good morning, Rose!” Someone calls me by my cover name merrily, and I turn to see a servant girl named Genevieve.

“Good morning.” I say with a smile as I continue walking towards the front door. I’ve gotten better at acting, but that doesn’t mean I want to start a conversation with one of the servants. Too much pressure.

When one of the servants asked me what my name was, I saw roses in a vase next to me, and gave her that. It is a lovely name, so I don’t mind, and nobody thinks any better of it.

I get to the stable, tend to the horses, and then hop onto Zander and ride out of the estate through the front gates. Once I get into town, I hand my horse off to the stable Ben said was the best, and then walk to Cafe Smith where we ate yesterday. A dreamy smile makes its way slowly onto my face, and I imagine what we’ll do today as I dodge passersby in the streets.

The little bell rings as I push open the door to the Cafe, and I make my way to the back table.

“Evelynn! Good to see we have another regular coming in here!” John says from behind the counter.

“It’s good to see you too, John.” I respond. “Has Ben come in yet?”

“Nope. I’m assuming you’re waiting for him?”

“Yes.”

“Well, not to fear, he’s almost always punctual. Annoyingly so.” He adds with an eye-roll, and I giggle. “You know, him taking an interest in you is a pretty big deal.”

“Why?” I inquire.

“Well… he’s-” John starts, but then the door chimes as someone walks in. I turn and I see Ben come in with a certain bounce in his step. Am I the cause of that? I think giddily.

“Hello, John.” Ben says. “Is E-“ He turns and sees me, and then he smiles. Something flutters in my chest as his whole face lights up, and I swear the room brightens along with him. “Evelynn! You’re early! Earlier than me.” He says, surprised. John mumbles something about ‘soulmates’ as Ben walks over to me.

“So, do you want to eat first, or walk first?”

“Walk.” I say, and he nods, holding out his arm to me.

“Then we’ll be off.” He looks at me with a content smile on his face as I take his arm, and we walk out of the Cafe. We walk down the street, arms linked, and I feel him take a deep breath in. When I look over, he’s turned his face up to the sky with his eyes closed.

“Is that why you crashed into me?” I joke without even thinking, and his eyes shoot open as he laughs.

“I believe it was you who crashed into me, not the other way around.” He retorts playfully.

“You would be mistaken.” I say.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“I may have just to agree with you.” He relents. “It’s hard not to enjoy the weather in the countryside when compared with the gloom in London.” He says wistfully, and I hum in agreement. He was right, the weather was especially good today, the sun shining, a light breeze blowing. 

“It really is lovely outside.” I say, and I gaze around at the town as we walk by.

“I’ll miss this when I leave.” Ben says sadly.

“When are you leaving?”

“A month or so from now.”

“Oh.” I say, trying not to show how much his words hurt. It hits me like a sack of potatoes that this isn’t going to last forever. Some part of me says to just end it now and save myself the hurt, but the larger part knows I just don't have the strength to do that. I’ll enjoy it while it lasts, I decide.

“Well, we have until then, right?” I say shyly, and he chuckles.

“Yes, everyday until then.” He agrees. We walk for a bit longer before he breaks the silence once again. “Have you heard of the ball that's coming up?

“No.” I say, and my eyes find him again.

“Well, it’s going to be the biggest ball that’s been hosted in this town for a long time. It’s going to be held at the Duke's estate, the house up on the hill.”

“I’ve seen it. It’s very pretty, like nothing I've ever seen.” I say.

“Yes, the estate is incredible. The ball is in 5 days. Would you… would you want to go with me?” He asked.

“Me?” I ask incredulously. Why out of every girl in town would he want to take me?

“Yes you.” He smiles, and I beam. But then my face falls.

“I would love to, but I’m not sure if I’ll be allowed to attend.”

“Why? It’s open to everyone in town, free of charge.” He asks, bewildered.

“It’s not the money, it’s my parents. Most of the time they hold me back from events like that. I don’t know why, perhaps they just want to be rid of me for a night.”

“That’s awful!” He exclaims angrily.

“Yes, it is.” 

“Well, couldn’t you… you know… sneak out?” He suggests cautiously. I hesitate.

“I… I’ve done it before, but never for a party.”

“What would be the difference?”

“Every time I’ve snuck out I’ve disguised myself as a servant. But for the ball, I would have to be wearing a gown.”

“Ah, I see.” He says sadly. I studied him, the way his lip turns down slightly, upset, but trying to hide it. I didn’t want to be the cause of his sorrow, not now and not ever.

“I…I have a friend on the estate that might be able to help me get out…” I say slowly, and I see him perk up.

“I don’t want you to get punished for trying to sneak into a ball.” He says, a clear warning to me, but the beginning of an idea was starting to form in my head, taking shape into something beautiful, but just out of reach.

And then I did something that I never, in my wildest daydreams, have ever done.

I smirk, and say: “You’re not in trouble if you don’t get caught.” I see his surprise, and he returns my grin with one of his own.

“I didn’t know you were so mischievous!” He says, rich with anticipation.

“I don’t get to indulge very often.” I say truthfully, and something darker flashes across his gaze.

“Your family sounds awful.” He says, unashamed.

“I may have to just agree with you.” I say, quoting him, and he laughs. He leads us into a park, and stops to take my hand.

“You know, every other girl I’ve been introduced to is nothing like you. They’re either so sure they’re better than everyone else, or they measure every response out to the ounce before they speak it aloud, and it’s infuriating.” He gives my hand a squeeze, and I squeeze it back.

Being around Ben is like a breath of fresh air after holding my breath all of my life. The things I say, the things I think, the way I act, it’s all different around Ben. I go from the obedient daughter to the playful companion, and it's the best kind of change. I feel like I can just be myself instead of holding back my thoughts, controlling everything down to the way I place my feet on the ground as I walk. I’m bold, and carefree around him, and I won’t ever give it up again.

In a rare moment of confidence, I go on my top toes and give him a peck on the cheek, and I see his cheeks flame red to match mine. I look at my feet bashfully. I pluck up my courage once again and explain.

“I feel like for the first time in my life, I can just be myself. I owe that to you.” I mumble. He’s quiet for a long moment.

“I… it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to loosen up. My father is trying to find me a suitable bride, and get me ready to inherit his title, and I feel like I can hardly catch my breath.”  He sighs and says, “I hope that you can get away for the night. It’ll be boring without you.” He admits, and I look up.

“Really?”

“Really.” He took my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. My cheeks flame, but I force myself to keep eye contact with him.

~ ~ ~ 

I take the reins from the stable hand and mount my horse, ready to head back to the manor. I’ve already been gone too long, but I can’t find it in myself to care as I think about Ben. His face, his words, and his actions bounce around in my head like an incessant chatter. And what on earth was I thinking, pecking his cheek like that?! But a dreamy smile slips onto my face as I think about it, my lips on his soft cheek, the way his cheeks flamed up, the way he stumbled over his words. I feel almost giddy, knowing that I have that effect on him.

As Zander trots up the path back to the estate, I think back to last night. I was asking myself who could possibly love me? Well, I’m beginning to think that maybe Ben could love me for me? Could he learn to love me, not in spite of who I am, but because of who I am? 

And for once in my life, I dare to hope.

I open the gate and lead Zander through, then mount him again and ride him the rest of the way to the barn. Once I secure him in his stall, I make my way back to my room, where I discard the maids uniform in favor of one of my comfy dresses.

It strikes me then, that even if I do manage to get out of the house, I don’t have anything to wear to a ball. I didn’t pack anything suitable because I figured I would be sitting out, like I normally do. I start to look through the dresses that I do have.

“What are you looking for?” Matilda from behind me, and I yelp, jumping a foot in the air.

“Matilda, you nearly gave me a heart attack!” I scold her, but she just laughs at me, and I can’t keep a straight face as I relent.

“Sorry.” She says, insincerely. “What are you looking for?” She repeats, and I sigh. Sensing that this was a long story, Matilda took a seat on my bed.

“I was out with Ben today, and he mentioned a ball that’s coming up. He… He asked me to it, and-” I was cut off abruptly by Matilda’s delighted shriek.

“He asked you to the ball?!”

“Yeah, but-”

“Oh my goodness, Evelynn! This is amazing! You’re going to be swept off your feet, dancing through the night, and I-”

“Matilda, wait, there’s a problem.”

“-will be, wait, problem?”

“I’m not allowed to go.” I say, and she just smirks.

“Evelynn, you’ve been sneaking out for weeks now. You’ve gotten good at it, it won't be a problem.”

“But how am I going to sneak out to a ball?” I say, exasperated. She just looks confused. I sigh. “I would need a dress, which I don’t have, I would need a ride, which I don’t have, I would need an excuse to leave the house other than a servant, because how often do servants wear ball gowns? And to top it off, I would also need to avoid my family, because there’s no possible way they aren’t going to be at this ball. It’s supposed to be the biggest ball they’ve thrown here in years! And the ball is 5 days from now! I can’t do it!” I exclaim, and Matilda looks horrified.

“You didn’t say no, did you?!” She exclaims. I let out a frustrated noise, something between a growl and a sigh. That’s all she took away from that?

“No, I said that I may be able to sneak out.”

“Why, if you think you won’t be able to?” She asks, and I look down.

“I couldn’t bear to say no.” I mumble. She’s silent for a moment, and then she gets up from my bed.

“Evelynn Bennet, I will get you to this ball, through heaven and hell, you have my word. You deserve this one good thing in your life, and I won’t have it any other way.” She says resolutely, and her face sets in the most determined look I’ve ever seen in my life.

I gulp.

~Through Heaven and Hell

For the entire week Matilda and I rush around, make plans, scheme, pull strings, and most other things to get ready for not just sneaking out, but sneaking out not under the guise of a servant. We both agree that I’ll have to leave the house as myself, which makes things infinitely harder, because I not only have to lie about where I‘m going, but who I am in the first place.

Together, we managed to come up with a plan to get me out of the house, but it was shaky at best, and absolutely outrageous at worst. It cuts just about every corner, providing about a thousand opportunities for something to go wrong, and for me to get caught.

But it was the best we had.

The last thing that we have left to do is find a dress for me, one suitable for the biggest ball that’s been hosted here in years, and well, I may have been a tad picky as well. Sue me.

“What about this one? I found it in the pile of the clothes Elizabeth is getting rid of, and I think it may fit you.” Matilda says.

“I don’t like the color of it. Too pink.”

“Well, what about this other one? The green would look really good on you.” She offers again, but I shake my head in disapproval.

“That shade is all wrong.” I sigh in frustration. I lay back onto my bed and put my hands over my eyes.

“Hey, we’ll get it right, we just have to keep looking!” Matilda says, calling in her endless supply of optimism, but even her high spirits weren’t enough to boost mine.

“The ball is tomorrow, Matilda! How am I supposed to find a suitable dress? None of the ones we’ve found will be any good!” I exclaim in despair. She’s silent for a moment.

“Do you want to tell me what this is really all about?” She says, knowingly, seeing right through me.

“Well I wasn’t lying…” I start, mumbling, “Those dresses are hideous.” I say, and Matilda chuckles as I continue. “But… What if I get there, and Ben regrets not asking a prettier, easier girl, like Elizabeth? I’m certain there’s no shortage of beautiful girls for him to spend an evening with…” I trail off as I see the anger flash in her eyes, and I know that I made a mistake, but I don’t know what it is.

“Evelynn Bennet, you are a beautiful girl, and unlike most shallow girls, you’re gorgeous on the outside, but even more so on the inside.” She says, scolding me. “After everything you’ve told me about your knight in shining armor, I have a hard time believing the only thing he sees in you is how pretty you are, or your manners.” She finishes, daring me to argue.

“I hope you’re right.” Is all I say. She sighs in defeat and gets up from the bed.

“You should go into town today. It might help you clear your head.” I agree eagerly, and I grab my maid's uniform that Matilda washed for me. As I’m riding through the gates of the estate, I laugh as I realize that this has become so easy for me, almost a habit.

I walk through the town aimlessly, just enjoying the weather.

When I was little, I was always heartbroken that my parents wouldn’t let me come to the parties. They always said that I would be a nuisance, or that I would trip over my feet or do something that would embarrass them. I always insisted that I wouldn’t, but they never gave me a chance to prove myself. They always dismissed me as an inconvenience, a mistake, and I started to believe it. 

But when all hope had seemed lost, I got my first pad of paper and pastels.

The first things that I drew were messy, and unrefined, but they were mine, and they were beautiful. Ever since then, I knew that I must be worth something if I could make beautiful things come to life on paper. So even though people always dismissed me, called me an inconvenience, I just stood there and took it, knowing that I was more than they made me out to be.

My feet carry me to Walter’s art store, and I smile as I step inside, the little bell dinging to announce my presence. 

“I’ll be with you in just a - ouch! - moment!” I hear Walter call from the back of his shop, and something heavy thuds to the ground. What was that noise? I think as I wait patiently for him to come back, and when he does, he’s holding at least 10 different bottles of paint.

“Good morning, and welcome to - oh, Evelynn! It’s you!”

“Good morning, Walter. How are you today?”

“I’m very well, thank you for asking.”

“Whatever do you need all of that paint for?” I ask, and he beams at me.

“The Duke himself asked me to supply his artists with paints for the decorations they’re putting up for the ball, so I’ve been running around like a headless chicken all day trying to mix all of the right colors!” He exclaims, and I giggle.

“Even the Duke recognizes you! That’s quite the honor.” I say.

“Indeed! I can’t let him down! I must get all of these paints to him within the hour!” He starts around the desk, but then stops. “But I always have time for my most loyal customer. Tell me, what did you need from me today?” He asks. I didn’t really need him for anything really, and I’m about to say so, when I think of something.

“I… I’m looking for a dress that I could wear to the ball, and I’m having trouble finding one that suits me. I know that it’s not your expertise, but do you know where I might find one?” I ask. He slowly sets his paints down on the desk, and he taps them with his pointer finger as he thinks.

“You know… I may have something that would fit you. My daughter moved to the city a couple years ago to continue her education. She left some of her gowns here because she couldn’t bring them with her…” He taps his chin with his finger, and then turns on his heel, rushing up the stairs that lead to his living quarters. I wait in anticipation for him to come back down, and when he does, he’s holding a large box. He sets it down on the counter and opens it.

“There’s a couple in here, but I have one in mind that would look positively striking on you…” He mumbles, and then exclaims as he holds up a dress.

My breath stops as I look at the rippling, midnight blue fabric. It wasn’t like all of the ones Elizabeth had, with all of the gauze and too-bright colors. It was all blue, but the fabrics were layered, and each layer was a slightly darker shade of blue, making the fabric look like it went on forever. The sleeves were short and puffed at the shoulders, and the neckline swooped modestly at my collarbone.

“It’s gorgeous…” I say in awe, and as I reach to touch it, I’m surprised at how light the material seems, and how soft it is.

“It’s yours if you want it. Tabatha grew out of it a little while back, so it’s just been sitting in her room.”

“I… I can’t accept this-“

“Nonsense! Go upstairs and get changed into it, and we’ll see if it fits you!” He says enthusiastically, and I smile as I make my way up the stairs, careful not to drag the dress.

I slip out of my maids outfit, then slip the dress on over my head, and it’s just as light as I thought it would be. I run my hands down the dress and watch it under my hands. It feels truly magical under my finger tips. I tighten the corset just slightly, and when I turn around I startle when I see my reflection in a full length mirror on the wall. 

The beautiful fabric hugs my small body, making me look fuller, and I couldn’t deny that the first thing I thought was: Wait until Ben sees me. I blush furiously and shake my head to banish those thoughts. For the first time in my life, I look at my reflection in that mirror, and I feel beautiful. 

I smile as I hold up the skirt as I head down the stairs, and Walter gasps when he sees me.

“Ah! It fits you like a glove, my darling! It’s official: It’s yours to keep.” He says, and instead of trying to be polite and deny it, I just smile.

“Thank you, Walter. Thank you so much.” I throw my arms around him, and I feel his arms circle around me in a warm embrace.

“You’re most welcome!” He exclaims, and we break apart. I end up taking the dress off and putting it in a cloth bag that Walter said he didn’t need anymore. We had a quick cup of tea together before I helped him load his cart up with paints to take to the Dukes estate.

“That’s all of it.” Walter says, swiping at the sweat on his brow.

“You’re going to have to mix more for the shop.” I remark.

“Yes, but being known for this is good for business.” He says, and he turns to me, smiling. “You know, I would bet my most expensive set of brushes that every eye in the ball is going to be on you, my dear.” He winks, and I blush a little.

“I can’t ever thank you enough.” I say, and he waves me off.

“You don’t need to thank me in any way except putting that dress to good use. Good-bye now!”

“Good-Bye, Walter.” I grin as I wander down the street. It’s too early for my meeting with Ben, so I walk around town for a bit to kill some time.

It’s a very hot day, but the breeze blows strong, helping to cool down the streets, and making the heat wave bearable. I personally love the warm weather, and the wind refreshes me. All of the ladies dressed in those heavy walking clothes though… I shudder.

As I turn the corner, I see a large crowd of people are gathered in the street, and I look around trying to see what they’re looking at. I hear yelling, and I push my way through the crowd to the front to see what the commotion is about.

In the center of the circle that the people have made around them, there are two people, a little boy, probably about 10 years old, and he’s getting yelled at by a man much older than he is. The boy has dirt streaked on his face, and the man is dressed in an expensive looking waistcoat, making the class difference obvious.

“Give it back you little wretch!” He yells and steps forward into the little boy's space.

“I didn’t take anything!” The boy says, obviously trembling.

“So you’re a wretch and a liar!?”

“I didn’t steal from you!” The little boy says desperately, and the older man sneers. 

“I don’t believe you. You’re a petty thief, and I will get it out of you.” The older man grabs the boy by the collar of his shirt. I see the fear in the little boy’s eyes, and the anger in the older man's. 

No.

But before the man can strike the boy, an authoritative voice rings out through the crowd.

“Put him down!” Ben yells, and every head turns towards him, the little boy looking at him with wild eyes, and the man narrowing his gaze.

“Oh yeah? And why should I?” He says. I hold my breath, not knowing what Ben would do next.

“Because if you don’t, I’ll call in the authorities and have them deal with this matter.” Ben takes another step closer to the man. “Drop the boy.”

“He’s a thief!”

“We all heard you the first time. What, pray tell, did he take that is so important to you?” Ben says coldly, and I can’t help but admire his courage, standing up to a man bigger than he is. The man looks sheepish all of a sudden, and mumbles something unintelligible.

“Sorry?” Ben coaxes, obviously having heard it the first time.

“4 pence.” The man says, only slightly louder. Ben and multiple people in the crowd scoff at this. 4 pence? That’s hardly enough to buy a loaf of bread!

“Well, this can be easily resolved.” Ben says, and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out 4 pence and hands it to the man. Then, leaving the man to gawk, he leans down to the boy. “You shouldn’t steal. It’s dishonest. Run along now. Buy yourself something to eat.” Ben says, and he slips the boy some more change. The little boy doesn’t waste anymore time before he scurries away. Then Ben stands up and addresses the crowd. “Go about your business.” He says, and the crowd around him starts to dissipate. When I look for the big brute who threatened the boy, I realize that he slipped away while everyone's attention was focused on Ben.

I weave my way through the crowd to Ben, and then take his hand. Ben jumps and turns to address whoever grabbed his hand, and then smiles when he realizes it’s me. My heart does a little flip in my chest like it always does.

“You saw that?” He asks, and I nod.

“You’re very brave.”

“I try to be. That man had no right. Now if that little boy had stolen a 65 year old pocket watch that was irreplaceable I could understand it, but even then, that man should have gone to the constable.” Ben says, and I giggle.

“Do you want to go to Cafe Smith?” I ask.

“I could use a drink - I’m parched.” Ben grins, and I take his arm as we walk the short way to the cafe.

“What’s in the bag?” Ben asks once we’re seated in our usual booth.

“A dress, actually.” I reply. “For the ball.”

“So you’ve found a way to get out?” He asks eagerly.

“I think so. It’s a ridiculous plan though. I’m just going to have to hope that everything goes off without a hitch.”

“Well, tell me all about it.” He leans his head into his hands, and I start to tell him the plan.

~ ~ ~

“So, it’s risky.” I conclude as we’re walking out of the cafe.

“Yeah. You better hope you have luck on your side.” Ben says playfully, and I laugh. I hook my arm through his, and we set off in the direction of the park.

“It’s quite exhilarating, sneaking out, I mean.” I say, absentmindedly. Ben is silent, and when I look back at him, he’s looking at me in concern.

“Something wrong?” I ask.

“It’s just…” He starts, but I hear a familiar giggle coming from around the corner. I gasp, and pull Ben backwards and into an alleyway that we just passed.

“What-?” He tries, but I put a hand over his mouth, and his brows furrow. I turn us so that his back is to the opening, and I pray that they just pass us by. I look over his shoulder cautiously, my heart beating so hard I could feel it in my ears.

“I have the perfect dress for the ball tomorrow, I’m just waiting for him to ask me.” Elizabeth says, and at the sound of her voice I stop breathing.

“It’s kind of strange that he hasn’t yet.” Her friend replies, doubtfully.

“He will. Did you hear-” And then they went out of earshot. I sigh in relief, and drop my hand from Ben’s mouth.

“Evelynn what was that for?” He shoots at me immediately.

“I just didn’t want them to see me.” I say.

“Why?”

“We’re just not friends.” And also because if Elizabeth finds out that I’ve been sneaking out for the past couple of weeks, I’ll never see the light of day again.

“Okay…?” Ben says, and then shakes his head and holds out his arm. I take it, and he leads us out of the alleyway and back into the street, towards our park. “So speaking of the ball, what is our plan should the worst happen?” Ben asks.

“If… If something happens, and I get caught, I won’t be at the ball. So, if I don’t show up, it’s not because I didn’t want to come. You know that, right?”

“Of course. I’ll wait for you, and once all of the guests stop coming, if you’re still not there, I’ll assume that you got caught, and I’ll see you the next day.” He smiled. I forced my smile and quickly looked away. He doesn’t have any idea how serious this is for me. I may be being a bit dramatic. I’m not going to be hung or anything, but if I get caught… It’ll be awful for me. I’ll probably go without food for days, maybe even be forbidden from going outside at all.

Because if I get caught, odds are it won’t be so easy to escape next time. I may not be able to see him again.

But the thought of dancing with Ben at that ball is enough to force me to take the risk. If I succeed, this’ll easily be the best night of my life.

But if I don't…

“I can’t wait for the ball. I haven’t been able to relax in a little while. Evelynn… I really hope that your plan goes off without a hitch. It’ll be fun to have you there.”

“I really hope it does too.” I say, truthfully.

~ Hope and Hope Some More

I was sitting in my room, staring at the dress hanging on my wardrobe door. It just turned 8:00, and the ball is starting in 30 minutes.

This is it.

I get up slowly and approach the dress slowly, like it was a wild animal that might pounce at any second. Once I put this dress on and step out my door, there’s no going back.

‘It’ll be fun to have you there.” Ben’s voice rings through my head, and I grab it and put it on, determination fueling me. Once the dress is on, I go to the mirror and twist my raven black hair into a bun, tying it off with a dark blue ribbon that matches the dress.

I hear the door open behind me, but I know it’s Matilda this time.

“Ready?” Matilda asks, nervous. Her being nervous doesn’t help me calm down.

“No.” I respond, and we both laugh nervously.

“It’ll be fine. Nothing is going to go wrong.”

“I’ll keep telling myself that.” I grumble, and I follow Matilda out of the room.

Matilda snuck around the manor and found out where everyone in the house was so that we didn’t have any accidental run ins. Elizabeth is in her room getting ready for the ball still, though she’ll be ready very soon. My mother and father are in their chambers, also getting ready for the ball, and my aunt and uncle are with them.

Matilda and I sneak down the stairs, and stop on the landing just before the double doors.

“Okay. Do your thing.” Matilda says, and she speeds off.

And then there was one.

I sprint to the window on the side of the double doors and look out, waiting for the carriage to arrive. As I sit there, waiting, I pray that Matilda is able to hold my family up. Matilda managed to convince the servants that the family was in need of two carriages this evening, and that one had to arrive earlier than the other. I’m just hoping that they actually scheduled the carriages to come at different times.

My heart sinks as I see both carriages come into view at the same time, the horses clopping through the gates.

“We’re ready to leave!” I hear my aunt say from the second floor, close to the stairs, and my heart rate speeds up.

“What about your gloves, ma’am?” Matilda says.

“Oh! Silly me! Elizabeth, go get in the carriage while I-” I didn’t hear the rest of what she said, as I was already speeding out the door and to the second carriage. I run up to it, about to get in, when the driver holds up his hands.

“Woah there! Who are you?” He says. He’s pretty young, maybe a couple years older than me.

“What do you mean? I’m a Clifton, and I need to get to the ball immediately!” I say, in my haughtiest tone of voice. The carriage driver just frowns at me.

“I was told that the family would be here too…” He trailed off, looking at me suspiciously. My heart sinks. This was not part of the plan! He was already supposed to be leaving with me in the carriage. I take a deep breath, and then let it out.

“Can I tell you a secret?” I say, completely going off script in a panic. This had to work, otherwise Elizabeth would see me out here, and I would be dead. He seemed close to my age. Maybe he would understand my situation?

“A secret?” He repeats, confused.

“I’m not really supposed to be going.” I whisper, conspiratorially. “I was forbidden by my parents from going, but all of my friends are going to be there! Please, I just need a ride! No one would ever have to know! You’ll still get paid!” I say desperately. He thinks for a moment, but he must see something on my face that makes him relent, because just when I think I’m doomed, he says:

“Get in.”

I jump into the carriage and slam the door. I sigh in relief. I did it! I think. But just before the carriage sets off, Elizabeth opens the front door and sees the carriage. I duck out of view, thinking there’s no way she can’t hear my heart beating, even from a dozen paces away. No, no no…

“Hey! Stop!” She commands the driver, and he dutifully stops the carriage. I’m gonna get caught. This is the end for me. I think, and I shut my eyes tight. “What’s the meaning of this?” She demands.

“There was a mix up, ma’am. They hired two carriages instead of one. I’m on my way out now.” The carriage driver says smoothly, and my eyes fly open. He lied for me? I hold my breath as I wait for Elizabeth’s response.

“Very well, be on your way then.” She says, and I let out a sigh of relief as the carriage speeds off.

It worked. It actually worked, is all I can think as I sit back up and wait to arrive.

~ ~ ~

I feel the incline as the carriage heads up the hill towards Duke Alcott’s estate, and I’ve never felt so nervous, or excited, in my life. The carriage gets into the line waiting to drop off their passengers. I scoot over in the seat, and gaze at the mansion, towering over me. The mansion is even grander up close, none of its elegance diminished by distance. The glittering lights in the windows and the shadows of the guests moving about gives a sort of magical feeling to those who gaze upon it. Looking up at it, my hand suddenly itches for the feel of a charcoal, to try to capture this beauty. I settle for remembering it.

It takes several minutes to get to the front of the line, but when we do, we’re quickly admitted, and the driver stops, the horse pawing the ground as I open the door to the carriage and step down. I gaze up at the beauty and the grandeur of this giant place. I can’t possibly imagine living in such a place.

“I hope you find your friends.” The driver says from behind me.

“Pardon?”

“The people you’re meeting?” He says, confused, and I remembered the lie I told him. 

“Oh! Yes! Those friends. Thank you so much for the ride, and here.” I say as I hand some pounds to him.

“Much obliged.” He says, and he snaps the reins, speeding away. I don’t hesitate before I join the throng of people walking up the stairs, the feel of my feet on the ground holding me to the earth. When I get to the top, I gasp in awe at the sight of the massive ballroom.

There are huge marble pillars holding up the ceiling like strong arms, and if you look up farther to the ceiling, there’s a huge crystal chandelier casting rainbows all around the room. The people are dressed lavishly in glittering gowns of silk and expensive waistcoats, everybody looking their best for the Duke and his sons.

But as I look around, I feel overwhelmed by the amount of people here. How am I ever supposed to find Ben?

I walk into the crowd, towards the drinks, biding my time for me to find Ben.

But ultimately I didn’t have to.

“You look stunning.” I hear someone say from behind me, and when I turn, I come face to face with a man. He has a mustache and a monocle, along with a hat wearing a very modest waistcoat. 

“Oh! Um, thank you. You are…?” I say, as politely as I can, and he looks startled. Then he laughs.

“Is my disguise that good?” He says, and he reaches up for his face, and removes the mustache enough for me to see the smile that I know so well.

“Ben? Oh my goodness! I didn’t know it was you!” I say, embarrassed. He just laughs and replaces his mustache.

“That means it’s working. Come on!” He says, and holds his arm out to me. Ben leads me to the other side of the ballroom towards a secluded corner. He glances around quickly before he takes a key out of his pocket and opens the door. Then, he holds the door open for me and quickly walks through behind me. 

“How do you have a key?”

“Friends in high places.” Is all he says. I hold back a huff of frustration.

“Why the disguise then?” I say, and he hesitates for a moment, and my spirits drop.

“It’s alright. You don’t have to tell me.” I say sadly, and I start to walk down the hall. It’s not like he’s obligated to tell me anything.  I think to myself. It still hurts that he doesn’t trust me though.

“I… It’s not like that.” He says as he walks after me. He lays a gentle hand on my arm as he clears his throat. “I… I don’t mean to sound self conceited, but I suppose that I’m at the age where girls fall over themselves to impress me… It gets rather tiresome. I just wanted to be with you tonight, no distractions or jealous girls.” He says sheepishly. “I’m sorry.” He takes a sudden interest in his feet. There’s a stretch of silence before I respond.

“So you mean to tell me that you put on a disguise, to avoid girls?” I ask, smiling, and when he looks up and sees my face he seems relieved.

“You’re not mad?”

“Should I be?” I say, confused.

“I suppose not.” And he sighs in relief, a dazzling smile following it. My legs feel like they turn to rubber under the gentle weight of his smile, and I have to force myself to stay upright as I walk. I don’t know if he has any idea what he does to me.

We walk around together, laughing and teasing as he leads me through the halls of this massive manor. Every once in a while, he’d stop to point something out and teach me about it.

“Look at this! This is the line of Duke’s in the past.” He backpedals through the hall and points to the pictures as I follow him. “This is the oldest one of the Dukes. This Duke commissioned the clock tower in town, and this one was the one who had this manor built. Oh! And this one was the first to marry a commoner.”

“How do you know all of this stuff!” I say, giggling.

“I learned it in school.” He says dismissively. “Every kid does.”

“How many of them actually remember this stuff?”

“Slim to none.” He says, flashing me his debonair smile. My breath catches halfway down my throat. We start walking again.

“There’s so many rooms.” I state as he shows me yet another room field with statues.

“It feels like it would take years to see them all.” He says in agreement. “Say, you normally dress in a comfortable dress, but even those materials are hard to come by…” He trails off, and he doesn’t need to continue in order for me to know what he’s asking.

“My family is fairly wealthy. I just prefer to be comfortable. I don’t normally need to get dressed up, since my family keeps me back from most gatherings.” I say.

“I still don’t see why your parents would want to keep you locked up.” He fumes, and a little smile appears on my face. It’s nice to have someone who cares.

“I don’t normally want to attend gatherings anyhow. My idea of a good time is curled up in a window seat with my pencils and my sketchbook.” I say dreamily.

“I think you’re the first girl I’ve ever met that likes drawing.” he says chuckling. “Your idea of a good time sounds very peaceful.” He says wistfully.

“How many girls have you met?” I ask. He looks taken aback for a moment, then he screws his face up in thought, which does strange things to my heartbeat.

“I’ve been introduced formally to quite a few… maybe 10?” He says, absentmindedly. We walk in silence for a minute more.

“And why didn’t you bring one of them to this ball?” I whisper, and Ben stops walking in front of one of the huge rectangular windows that line the corridor, surprise written clearly on his face. 

“Pardon?” he asks, but I know he heard. The question has been on my mind since the moment Ben asked me to the ball, maybe even since the moment I met him. 

“Why me? Out of every prettier girl, every one of them with nicer gowns, more money, why do you want to spend time with someone like me? ” I whisper. There. Every doubt that I’ve harbored since the moment I met him, out in the open, and Ben seemed to be taking a moment to absorb everything I just said. He takes a small step towards me.

“Evelynn, you’re asking all of the wrong questions.” He chuckles softly. “The question isn’t why I would choose you over other girls, the question is what makes you different from those other girls. Evelynn, people always fall over themselves to try and please me, and frankly, it’s exhausting. You’re not like the other girls that I’ve been introduced to. Not once have you tried to woo me, or impress me. You just act normal around me, and that makes you wonderful to spend time with. And let's not forget about the fact that whatever you think of yourself, you’re 10 times that. 10 times smarter, 10 times funnier, 10 times more beautiful. Maybe it’s just me,” He whispers, and I realize that he’s gotten close enough to caress my cheek. His touch sends a shock through me, from my cheek, to my toes, and then back up again, making me shiver. “But to me, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world.” He says, and I realize that I have tears rolling down my cheeks. I bring my hand up to wipe my face, but he beats me to it, wiping them away so tenderly that it makes a whole other bout of them tumble gently down.

“In-“ I try, but I choke up. I try again. “In all of my life, I’ve never had someone tell me that I’m more than just a burden.”

“They’re just jealous.” He says, so assured, and the smile that stretches across my face stretches from ear to ear. I laugh a little and look down, slightly embarrassed by my tears, but he brings my chin up using the hand that is still gently cupping my face.

“I’m sorry.” I say, reflexively.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Not now, and not ever. To answer your question earlier, I asked you to this ball because I love you Evelynn. Nobody else, no matter how much money they have, will ever compare to you.” He says, and then his mouth is pressed against mine.

I think my heart actually stops working as his lips brush against mine. It’s barely a kiss, but it holds so much promise that I find myself wondering if someone can explode from passion. He moves away slowly and scans my face for a reaction. My face heats up as I break into a shy smile, and I inch closer to him. He seems to understand the hint, and he lowers his lips to mine again.

This kiss is more assured, more pressure against me, and I could drown in it. His lips move against mine like soft butter as they do a dance with mine, which respond in kind. I sigh into him softly, and I hold him tighter. 

Anyone could walk in at any second, the small part of my mind still functioning insists. 

But the Ben-drunk part of my mind, being much larger and more dominant, just feels giddy at the thought.

He breaks the kiss slowly, and our eyes open, looking at each other. There’s an awkward silence that stretches between the two of us, and I feel the blush start to seep into my cheeks once more. I almost let him go and step away, when he smiles.

“This is definitely not allowed...” He laughs. I laugh with him, a little awkwardly.

“If someone found out about this…” I trail off. He shakes his head.

“Let's not think about that.” He says, and gives a little fake shiver that makes me laugh. He steps away from me, but keeps a hold of my hand. I feel uncertain. Maybe he regrets it? Don’t people do things in the spur of the moment and then wish they hadn’t? But my uncertainty is slayed as his thumb strokes the back of my hand. He gives me a warm smile, as if reading my thoughts, and I know that he doesn’t regret it.

“Come on. I have something to show you.” He leads me through the twisting halls of the mansion. We’re silent, but the silence is no longer awkward, or tense. I look at him, and he gives me a smile from the corner of his eye.

“Where are we going?” I ask as he unlocks another doorway.

“You’ll see.” He says elusively, and I just shake my head. The door opens with a small click, and we walk through.

My mind is officially so far gone, that there’s almost no way for me to ever catch it again, because as I spin in a circle in wonder, I realize I’m standing in a gigantic library, filled to the brim with shelf after shelf after shelf of books. I run to the center of the aisles to look down, and there must be at least 20 aisles of just books. And then when I look up, I see that there's a second story balcony that overlooks the library, and I can see even more shelves up there. My breath escapes me in an awestruck sigh. When I breathe in again, the smell of parchment overwhelms my senses.

“It’s amazing isn’t it?”

“Yes.” I respond breathily.

“This is my favorite room in the entire manor, if you can believe that.”

“I can believe it.” I nod. It would be my favorite room too. I can just imagine sitting in one of those cozy little corners, drawing. At that thought, I suddenly ache for my sketchbook. I turn around and Ben is closer to me than I thought he was. My heart rate speeds up once more as his lips touch mine. I sigh into his mouth and let my hand drift up to his cheek. Just as he deepens the kiss, there’s a sound from the other side of the library.

“Who’s there?” Someone calls, and both Ben and I go completely still. “Whoever you are, being anywhere but the ballroom is strictly prohibited!” The person exclaims, and the sound of their voice gets closer. Then Ben is pulling me from the room, our footfalls echoing impossibly loudly against the walls.

“Run!” Ben whisper-yells.

“Get back here at once!” I hear the voice say from behind us, and I squeal as we dash through the halls, heart beating even faster than when Ben kissed me. He navigates the twists and turns like he’s been doing it since he could walk, and soon, I don’t hear the sound of footsteps chasing us anymore.

“We’re not being followed.” I say, and Ben takes a quick glance behind us before he slows his pace.

“Even so, I have somewhere we won’t be found.” He walks to the end of the hallway we’re in, and then flings open a door, gesturing for me to walk through, and I gasp as I enter a greenhouse. 

The greenhouse in and of itself is wonderful, with an assortment of rare and beautiful flowers as well as ferns, but if you keep looking beyond that, there’s a vast field that seems to stretch forever, with the stars spread over top of it like a beautiful blanket. Looking straight out at the field, there’s a tree that would cast shade over the spot during the day. I smirk.

“I’ll race you!” I yell, and I take off running.

“Hey!” I hear him yell behind me, and I hear his footfalls as he pursues me. I laugh and throw my arms out as I run, embracing the cool night breeze. I feel so free running through the grass, all the expectations of a proper young woman falling away from me. 

I make it to the tree, but move past it before I throw myself down onto the grass, looking up into the night sky, and just moments later, Ben lays down next to me, and slips his hand into mine. It’s silent for a moment, and I sigh contentedly. With my eyes I trace the stars and the grass tickles my hands as we lay there together.

“Do you know much about constellations?” Ben says, looking at me, and I shake my head. “Well, that one there is Orion, and that one is the Big dipper, and the little dipper.”

“Did you learn this all at school?”

“Some of it. Most of it, I learned myself. The library is absolutely full of knowledge.”

“How much time do you spend here?” I ask, surprised that he would be able to just walk into the Duke’s library.

“Uh… I’m welcome anytime. Most people aren’t.” He says, and looks back at the sky. I shake my head, letting his weird mood slip away. We’re silent for a long while, just staring at the sky. If the sky is so huge, and so beautiful, then maybe there’s a place out there somewhere where I can be loved and appreciated.

Someday.

~ Floating

The entire rest of the ball went by like a dream, dreams of holding hands and kissing in corners of hallways. I’ve never heard of people doing something so scandalous, but it felt good to forget propriety and manners for one night. Ben and I both decided that I needed to leave earlier than most of the guests so that I wouldn’t run into my parents on the way out, so when I went to find my carriage, there was not a soul in sight. When I finally get back to my room, I just flop down onto the bed, my limbs ceasing to function.

I’ll change in a minute, I think to myself.

But when I shut my eyes, I fell into a deep sleep in moments, still fully clothed. 

~ ~ ~

I wake to the sun in my eyes, and I blink slowly. My memories from last night don’t rush back to me, or hit me suddenly, rather they come back slowly and tenderly, as if it were all a dream.

But I know that it wasn’t, because as I sit up I recall that I went to bed with my dress still on. When I realize this, I sit up rather abruptly and rush to the full-length mirror. I gaze at myself as I have so many times before, and this time, I sigh contentedly as I waltz back to my bed. Just as I sit down, again there’s a soft knock on my door. I panic, knowing that Matilda wouldn’t knock.

“Evelynn? Are you up?” I hear Matilda say through the door, and I sigh in relief. I do too much sighing these days… I think as I open the door for Matilda. 

“Why are you still in your gown?” She asks immediately.

“I fell asleep before I could take it off.” I shrug. “How was your night?” I say, desperately trying to change the subject before she starts to interrogate me. By the look on her face, it didn’t work.

“Probably not as eventful as yours! If you think you’re going to get out of telling me, you’re mistaken.” She points out, and as we sit on my bed, the interrogation begins.

~ ~ ~

All throughout that day I felt as if I was on top of the world. Long after Matilda had to go back to work, I journeyed out into the field to draw, and I tried to remember everything I saw last night. I drew the manor as it looked when I was in the carriage, the carriage driver, I drew the ballroom, I drew the long, winding hallways, and I also drew that library. I even drew Ben as he was looking up at the stars from our position on the soft grass, pointing out the constellations. I take care to get each stroke of my pencil to capture the magic of the moment, each soft line a piece of me being absorbed into the drawing. I spend hours on just that one drawing, trying to perfect it, but even as I look at the completed piece, knowing that it's some of my best work, I realize for the first time in my life that a picture, no matter how skilled the artist, couldn’t capture the feeling, what it was like at that second.

But the drawing is truly beautiful, I conclude, and I decide that I’m happy with it regardless. It will be enough to remind me that, even as my life returns to normal, there’s good in this world.

I look up at the sky and see the sun inching across the sky, getting ever closer to the west, letting me know that I have to go and get ready for dinner. I gather up my supplies into my little satchel, and I make my way slowly back to the manor. I enter through the kitchen as I always do and sneak back to my room. I put my art supplies down on my nightstand, and then grab a dress out of the closet, going through the motions to get ready for dinner.

I’m almost ready, when I realize that my rubber is missing. That’s the only one I have left… I think, and I chew my lip. Is it worth the risk? To go back down and look for it? It could be anywhere.

I suppose it could have slipped out when I was going up the stairs… I ponder, and I decide that as long as I’m careful, I can go and look for it. I step out into the hallway, shutting the door behind me as I creep out of my room and down the hallway towards the staircase.

I hear something behind me, and my heartbeat spikes as I spin around, but when I look around, I don’t see anything there. You’re just being skittish. There's no one there. I reassure myself, but I still stare at the space behind me for a couple of moments longer. I could have sworn that I heard… I shake my head and continue on. 

I can’t believe my luck as I spot my pink rubber on the staircase, just as I thought. I rush to pick it up, and then hurry back up the stairs to my room.

But just as I’m about to round the corner to the second staircase, I hear someone walking down the hall. I hold back a shriek of terror, and launch myself into the nearest closet. I listen as the footsteps go by me, and I sigh in relief.

Which is quickly snatched away again as I realize where I am.

Elizabeth’s room.

Elizabeth's room. 

I scurry out of the room just as fast, if not faster, than I went in, practically running for my room. I sprint in through my open door and refrain from slamming it behind me. 

I take a moment to catch my breath, panting, not believing how lucky I was not to get caught. I let out my breath slowly, and make my way further into the room, when I notice something strange.

“That’s not how I left that…” I murmur as I approach my very open sketchbook. It’s open to the drawing of the ballroom, which is even more confusing. I was sure that I had closed it. Come to think of it, hadn’t I shut my door too? As I ponder this, I realize there’s only one possible explanation.

Someone came into my room while I was downstairs.

Relax, it was probably just Matilda. She most likely looked for me, and then when she realized I wasn’t here, she left. She probably just forgot to shut the door. I reason. But why would she go through my sketchbook? Maybe she was unsatisfied with the answers I gave her earlier? I frown. I’m upset that she would do that… I trusted her to know that my sketchbook was like my diary… I don’t want anyone to look through it. 

I decide that I’ll talk to her about it next time I see her.

Suddenly, there’s a pounding on my door. It’s hurried and urgent, and I make my way quickly to the door and open it… to find a very distressed Matilda. SHe rushes into my room without waiting for my permission, and I shut the door.

“Evelynn, you won’t believe what I saw…” She panted, trying to catch her breath. “I came to look for you… earlier, but the door was… open already…” She’s trying to get it out, and she’s just about to continue, when we both hear a sound from down the hall. I step out of the way, ushering her into the room.

“Open already? So it wasn’t you who was in here?” I hiss, trying to keep my voice down.

“Gods no, Evelynn! I always knock! It was-” She’s about to give me a name when we’re interrupted by a tap on my door. I give Matilda a look, and she goes to hide under the bed. I open the door to find another servant.

“Your family is expecting you.” She says curtly, and I nod. She looks over my shoulder slightly, and then asks, “Who were you talking to?”

“No one.” I say at once. She doesn’t look convinced. “I…talk to myself sometimes. It’s a pastime… something I do all the time. Yeah.” I lie, most likely unconvincingly, but it seems to do the trick. The servant seems to rid herself of her suspicions, as she motions for me to follow her. I don’t risk looking behind me, for fear that she may begin to suspect something once more. I follow her down the stairs.

I’m stepping down to the ground floor, and as I look out the window at the drive, I see a carriage, and I know that it doesn’t belong to the Cliftons. Strange… I think, but I shrug it off as I reach the bottom of the stairwell. The servant stops outside the dining room and I nod to her as I enter. I step into the dining room.

 And I freeze, my lips parting in an O.

“Ah, Evelynn, so nice of you to join us.” My mother says.

“And we’re joined this evening by the Duke’s son, Benjamin Alcott.”

My heart stops beating, my legs feel like jelly, my brain can’t comprehend what I’m seeing. I don’t want to believe it. I can’t believe it.

It can’t be…

Sitting right next to Elizabeth is the son of the Duke. He turns to face me, and I see the same horror on his face that I’m sure is on mine.

Because it’s Ben.

I’m frozen. I can’t move, I can’t think, I just want to disappear. My life is crumbling around me, leaving me with nothing but rubble in its wake.

“Stop gaping like a fish out of water, Evelynn.” My mother scolds me, and I shake myself. It’s impossible. Ben can’t be the son of the duke. And he can’t be betrothed to Elizabeth.

But he is.

Even I couldn’t deny the fact, since he’s sitting in our dining room, staring at me in shock.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.” I force my mouth to work. It feels like my tongue is sandpaper.

“Likewise.” He says, and I can tell this isn’t any less of a shock for him. My body and my mind both feel completely numb as I take the empty seat opposite Elizabeth, and I stare down at my plate, refusing to look at Ben.

How could he do this? I think to myself. Then I realize. He knew he was betrothed to Elizabeth already, yet he still kissed me in that hallway, still led me around by the hand, still smiled at me like I was the most precious thing in the world.

And it was all a lie.

I nearly sob as I start to understand. All of this time I thought that I had found somebody different, someone who liked me for who I was. But in the end, he’s the same as everyone else I’ve ever met.

Cruel.

At this point, the appetizers were being served, and I nodded to the servant behind me in a mute thank you, as I still refused to look up.

“Are you feeling well, Evelynn?” Elizabeth asked innocently, and I mumbled something incoherent as a yes, but she didn’t accept that. “Must you look down at your plate? It’s bad for your posture, you know.” She says, and keeping my face as blank as I can make it, I tilt my head up to look Elizabeth in the eyes.

“I didn’t get much sleep last night.” I say simply. Technically it’s not false. I didn’t get much sleep last night, but that’s because I was at a ball kissing Ben. My heart twangs painfully as I remember that none of that was real for him.

I hope that my excuse will satiate her, but I have no such luck. 

“Why ever did that happen? You didn’t stay out too late did you?” She asks innocently enough, but I can see the evil glint in her eye.

It’s the glint she gets when she knows something. An icy trickle of fear snakes its way down my spine, and my breathing stops. I notice her mother is listening in on our conversation.

“I don’t think I know what you mean.” I say, but I can’t keep the panic from my voice. I swear I see a smirk before she smooths her face over, back to the innocent little girl.

“Well, I saw you enter the ball last night. You looked stunning.” She says, and I see my mother turn over.

“You must have seen someone else. I wasn’t there.” I grasp desperately to the lie, but I know it’s too late for me. Against my will my eyes flicker to Ben, and he still looks shell shocked, and confused, with some worry. My gaze darts back to Elizabeth, and this time, I know that I don’t imagine the look of immense pleasure on her face.

“No, I’m sure it was you.” She says simply.

“Is this true, Evelynn? Were you at the ball, even though I forbade it?” My mother says in a dangerous tone. I’m tempted to lie, but I know that no matter what lie I tell, the end result will be me in deep trouble.

“You never expressly forbade it, mother.” I say, trying to go for an innocent tone, but even to me, it sounds like begging. My breath was coming in short pants, the fear gripping me and squeezing the air out of my lungs.

“I thought my wish for you to stay in your room would be enough to get the point across. You’re a disgrace to this family, and you’d do best to assure that you don’t leave your quarters again for the end of this trip.”

“But Mother-“

“Are you talking back to me?” She says, incredulously, and I sense the danger of the situation. I shrivel in my chair.

“No, Mother.” I say, hanging my head.

“And in front of company too…” My mother mutters. Louder, she says, “go to your room. You won’t eat tonight. I’ll deal with you later.” She waves her hand dismissively, and I refrain from retorting, running, crying, anything. Instead of those things, I quietly rise from my seat. When I look at Ben, I reel backwards. In his eyes there's at least hundreds of different muddled things. He looks horrified, and angry, like he wants to hit something, but also desperate, and sad.

Just a day ago, not even, I would have thought he was angry for me, but I know now that he doesn’t really care. I take one last look at Elizabeth’s smug face before I sweep out of the room. I plan on running up the stairs, to cry into my pillow, bury my feelings, like I always do, but just as I reach the bottom step, a voice makes me freeze.

“It’s unfortunate that you’re so easy to manipulate.” Elizabeth says, and she does nothing to hide her evil smirk as she seems to glide towards me.

I say nothing.

“The moment I saw that drawing I knew that you’d been there.” She says, and suddenly, everything clicks. Elizabeth was who had been in my room. And she had seen the drawings. She didn’t seem to know about Ben, so maybe she hadn’t seen any of him. “I’m surprised that you managed to get out without any of us seeing you, but I’m sure you had help from someone. Maybe that young servant girl… What's her name again? Madeline?”

“Matilda.” I whisper, horrified.

“Oh yes, that girl. She seems nice enough. I’ll make sure that you never see her again.” Elizabeth says viciously, and I can’t help the small, broken sound that escapes me.

“Why?” I whisper.

“Why what.” She says coldly, and at this point, she steps up to the staircase, and meets me at the first step. Her couple of inches she has on me seem like miles as she towers over me.

“What did I ever do to make you hate me?” I ask, and she chuckles.

“You probably don’t even remember, it was so long ago.” She says, breathily, then her tone sharpens viciously. “But I do. The first trip you and your parents ever made here, everyone fawned over you. You and your perfect blue eyes, you and your raven black hair, you and your delicate little hands. I was never good enough. It was always Evelynn, Evelynn, Evelynn.” She says, bitterly. I don’t ever remember a time like that, no matter how hard I try. “So I framed you. I made them hate you, like the little monster you are, until all they saw was a disgrace, a burden. Nothing. Definitely not worth a second thought.” She says, and I hit the banister as she steps forward to crowd me against it.

“And don’t think for a second that I didn’t know about you and Benjamin. I had a feeling you might be up to something, and my little trip to your room proved me right. You’ve been running around town with my betrothed. All these years, I’ve waited for you to make a mistake. To try something new, something positively scandalous. And all that waiting had paid off. You’ll never come back from this when I’m through. As I said, it’s so easy to manipulate you.” She grabs my arm, ignoring my yelp, and she drags me towards one of the statues in the hall.

“No.” I whisper.

“I can make your life miserable, Evelynn. Just. Like. This.” She lets me go and pushes the statue until it topples over. I think I scream, but I can barely hear myself over the cacophony of noise as that statue shatters, as it pushes over another, and then another, and then another. I sink to the floor, and when I glance at Elizabeth, she’s crying, and turning towards the entrance to the dining room-

Where both of our parents and Ben are standing, slack jawed at the mess that littered the floor. 

“Oh Evelynn!” Elizabeth says, taking a shaking step back from me. “Why would you do this?!” She cries, and our parents stares turn hostile as they fall on me.

“I- I didn’t-“ I try and gasp. I feel like there’s walls closing in on me, like my breath is being choked out of me. I look to Ben, and I see a seemingly infinite well of sadness. 

“Evelynn Bennet. I have no words.” Elizabeth’s mother says. “I always knew you were troubled, but this?” She gestures to the room, and then her eyes go glassy. I turn to see my mother and father, but my mother is missing. 

I soon figure out where she went.

My mother comes striding down the stairs, ever poised, ever graceful, with a book in her hands.

Then my heart stops.

Then it screams.

My blood runs cold, then hot, then cold again.

My sketchbook. 

I shoot up from the floor.

“Mother, please. I’m begging you, don’t take it away-“ I’m sobbing, there are tears in my eyes, and on my cheeks.

“You had the chance to beg. Now it’s too late. You’ll go to a boarding school. They’ll sort you out in a way that, I realize now, I can not.” She says, sadly, and takes my sketchbook in both of her hands.

“Mother, no. No. Mother please!” I’m yelling, I’m dying.

And then she rips it.

I watch as the papers flutter delicately to the floor.

I rush over to them, making it to the papers before I collapse. I’m touching the paper, desperately.

My sobs are now racking my body, causing me to shake uncontrollably. My heart feels like someone has put a dagger through it, and now they’re turning it around, shoving it deeper.

I’ve lost everything.

“Go to your room.” My mother commands. I really try to obey, I do, but my legs won’t work, they won’t carry me away. It feels like there’s an insurmountable pressure, holding me to the floor, my arms the only thing stopping me from just laying on the floor. The way my body aches for the loss of everything I’ve ever cared about makes me feel like I’m on fire, burning alive, and my sobs aren’t just of mental pain, but physical too. I’ve never felt anything like this anguish. I feel like I’m not even in my body anymore, like I’m floating. Someone is grabbing my arm, pulling me up from the floor. Someone slaps my cheek, but I keep my eyes firmly shut.

All I can think about is Ben.

Having tea at Cafe Smith.

Walking in the park.

Eating muffins together.

Laughing.

Smiling.

The feeling of happiness.

It seems so far away.

Eventually, I think everybody leaves, and I’m alone, still crying softly. Then there’s a hand on my arm. I flinch, but this person is gentle. Murmuring to me. It takes tremendous effort to open my eyes, and I see the distraught face of Matilda. I throw my arms around her, hugging her tight. She’s the only thing that isn’t gone, but as I think about what Elizabeth said, a fresh bout of tears makes me tremble.

Eventually, Matilda gets me to move, and I no sooner feel the press of my pillow, than I’m asleep.

 ~ Ben ~

~A word

The moment I saw Evelynn walk through that doorway, I realized just how much of a fool I’d been. She seemed just as shocked as I, but throughout the dinner, she seemed angry. She wouldn’t look at me, no matter how hard I tried to catch her eye.

And then Elizabeth brought hell down upon her.

I had known that her family was awful, but I didn't realize just how incredibly horrible they were. I thought she was forbidden from going to parties, but being forbidden from leaving the house? It’s dreadful! It’s a scandal! How is someone like Elizabeth allowed to come and go as she pleases, but Evelynn isn’t?

I saw the fear in Evelynn’s eyes once Elizabeth got talking, and how both of their mothers eyes snapped over to Evelynn.

But the worst part of all of it was the acceptance in her eyes. When she finally glanced at me, I was trying to tell her to do something, but she just cast her gaze away, and agreed with her mother. I’ve never seen Eve look so small, so obedient. It put an indescribable ache in my heart.

I knew from our first meeting that I had very much fallen in love with this girl. She was so light spirited, so amazing, so kind.

So I didn’t believe for a second that it was Evelynn who destroyed the foyer. In fact, I know that it wasn’t.

But all I could do, throughout the dinner and the fiasco in the hallway, was stand there. Every bone, every fiber of my being screamed at me, begging me to help her, to help her, to comfort her, to do anything but stand there. But I knew that anything I did would only make it worse for her. Then her mother ripped her sketchbook, and the way Evelynn sobbed, and howled… I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, not for the rest of my life. She spiraled, and even as her mother yelled at her, trying to get her up, Evelynn didn’t do it.

Or maybe she couldn’t. I think.

Eventually, they gave up and we all went back to the dining room.

But as the conversation gets going again, Elizabeth strikes up a conversation with me that makes my blood boil.

“I wonder if she’s still pitifully crying on the floor.” Elizabeth says, carelessly, and that’s the last straw.

“Her mother ripped her sketchbook. Did you expect her to snap out of it and jump up laughing?” I say, angrily and without thought. But before my very eyes, I see her face twist into a sneer, her innocence all gone.

“She got what she deserved for taking what’s mine.” She says, and for a moment I’m confused. And then it strikes me, like lightning from a thunderhead. She means me. That I’m hers.

Never. I snarl in my own head, and I even surprised myself at the viciousness.

“You trashed the hallway, didn’t you? And all of that stuff you said… you knew that would get her in trouble.” 

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” She says, innocently. But as I look closer, I notice the triumph, the malice in her expression, and I know that I’m right.

She did it on purpose.

I felt as though the room was rocking back and forth, and I realized what Evelynn must have known all along.

Her family is not just awful.

It’s cruel.

I stand up suddenly in my chair, the wooden legs scraping against the floor, and every head turns towards me.

“I suddenly feel ill. This meal has been excellent, and I thank you for your hospitality, but I’m afraid that I must leave. I fear I may be developing a fever.” I put my hand gently on my forehead and clutch my stomach, all for show.

“Oh dear. Yes, you may go home, Mr. Alcott. I’ll have a servant escort you out.”

“No need.” I say quickly. “Again, thank you. I’ll be sure to repay your hospitality.” I lie, and I turn and try not to sprint out of the dining room. I’m sure if I looked behind me, I would see confused faces, but I hoped not angry.

As I walked away, there was a beginning of a plan forming in my mind.

“Marquess Alcott?” My carriage driver questions, most likely confused as to why I’m back so soon.

I promptly ignore his unspoken question.

“Take me home.” I say in commanding tones. I normally wouldn’t use that tone of voice with one of the servants, but I was still shaking with rage from the dining room. It was all I could do not to hit something. How could they do this? How could they make my dearest Evelynn despair so much? I knew just from the first few of our meetings that Evelynn was quite close to my heart. I told her everything, things I had never told anyone before.

Except that I was the son of Duke Alcott.

And I suppose, for as well as I knew Evelynn, that all of this time, she also hadn’t disclosed who her family is, probably for the same reason I hadn’t told her mine. I was aware that she became cautious everytime the topic of our families were discussed, but I thought that she did that to try to get to know someone without the pretense of social status, like I was. I never once thought that she may not have told me because she was afraid. Afraid of what her family would do if they found out that she had been sneaking into town.

And I had most likely just witnessed her living nightmare.

Because now I understood it all. I understood that she had taken a gamble with me. She was willing to risk getting caught by her family to spend time with me, and for a while, in the imaginary universal card game, she was winning.

And then she went all in. The ball. The ball that I probably unknowingly pressured her into going to. And then her elaborate crafted scheme went down in flames, because Elizabeth saw her. I still don’t understand how that could have happened. Evelynn was nearly unrecognizable in that gown.

As I sit there in the carriage, I remember what I felt when I saw her. Because that gown… It was unlike anything I had ever seen. It was probably because she was the one wearing it, I concede, but no one could deny that she looked absolutely stunning in that dress. I’ve never felt so in love than I had in that moment.

Well, maybe when I was in the hallway.

The way her lips had felt… What we had done was positively scandalous. If anyone found out, both of our reputations would be in tatters, but I couldn’t possibly bring myself to feel guilty, or regret what had happened, because of the way that she had looked, standing there in that hallway, looking gorgeous, but still doubting herself.

I had never seen a more beautiful girl, with her raven hair, soft as feathers, her expressive blue eyes, her little petite figure, charcoal under her fingers… 

And just like that, I made a choice. I couldn’t leave her in the clutches of that evil family, and I certainly couldn’t continue my betrothal with Elizabeth, not after what she had done to the girl I love.

But in order to make my dreams come true, I need to talk to my father, so the moment the carriage comes to a halt on the drive, I throw open the doors and sprint through the halls. Maids and other servants, and even one of my brothers gaped at me as I flew through the halls, going through the twists and turns I knew so well. Once I made it to the door, I still knocked until I heard my father speak. I opened the door so fast someone could have gotten whiplash.

“Ben, what-?”

“I need to have a word with you.” I say, panting. My father is a tall man, always dressed in tasteful clothes, with a nose buried in a book. Even being busy, he always made time for me and all of my brothers, but I still recall the day, not too long ago, that he had called me into his office. There  had sat Mr. Clifton in one of my fathers comfortable armchairs. Clifton had proposed the idea of the betrothal, and my father had thought it was a splendid idea.

I had not. 

I didn’t want to be forced into a betrothal, but ultimately, I went willingly into it, although reluctantly. My father had given me a talk after Mr. Clifton had left, about how good a match it would be, how much I would love her…And how proud my mother would have been.

My mother passed away when I was 10. My younger brothers at the time were ages 8, 7 and 5. 

Thomas, being the youngest, didn't remember her very well, but the two older ones, Henry and James, did, along with me.

But it was the thought of my mother that made me go along willingly with the betrothal, even when I had met her and I decided I didn’t like her, much less love her. All in all, it was not shaping out the way I had imagined. I had always held onto hope that I could marry for love, but this betrothal had dashed those hopes, dumping water onto the embers of a dying flame.

And then I met Evelynn, and… Presently I set my face, determined. I had to make my father understand.

“What did you want to discuss, Ben?” My father asks warmly. He gestures to one of the plush armchairs, and I sink down into it gratefully, but didn’t waste my breath with a sigh.

“I’m in love.” I say, with a lack of a better place to start, and the shock on his face was clear. “And not with Elizabeth.” I add, and I wait for his response.

“I see. Continue.” He says, sensing there was more I needed to say, like he always does. I take a moment to collect my thoughts before I oblige him.

“I was in town when I met her. Dad, she’s amazing, really. One of a kind. She’s kind, and caring, and honest, and an artist. She’s everything to me.” I say. I’m about to continue when he interjects.

“Is she interested in the money in our family? How can you be sure that she’s not wooing you for that reason?” He questions, not doubting me, but trying to make me think. I gulp.

“That’s what has me distressed. I screwed up. Badly. I - She didn’t know who I was until today.” I admit, and I scowl at my lap. “I was a fool. I didn’t want to tell her that I was the son of a Duke. I wanted her to get to know me, for me, not because of my money. For the most part it worked. Neither of us knew who the other was. We knew our names, but certainly not our families, or status.”

“Oh dear.”

“Oh dear indeed. I asked her to the ball, which she accepted, but told me that she wasn’t allowed to attend parties. She said that her family forbade it. But she still said she would try to sneak out, just so that we could spend time together that night.”

“Don’t tell me you…” My father looked distressed now, and it only took me a moment to realize why.

“No! No, we didn’t… nothing like that happened.” I assure him, and he relaxes into his seat. “I just showed her around. I took her out into the gardens, we looked at the stars… It was quite romantic.”

“But you didn’t do anything?” My father asks, raising an eyebrow at me. I felt blood rush to my cheeks, and I knew that was answer enough.

“I may have kissed her.” I mumble. I expect to be reprimanded, but instead he only chuckles.

“My poor boy, now you know what it is to be lovestruck.” He says, obviously amused, to my chagrin. “But what does any of this have to do with you being back so early, and in such a hurry, at that?” My father prompts.

“Well, as you know, the dinner I went to tonight was hosted by the Cliftons, and the last thing I expected to find there was Evelynn.”

“As a maid? A servant?” My father offered.

“As Elizabeth’s cousin.” I say flatly, and I watch understanding dawn on my fathers face. “Worse still, the dinner was a complete disaster, because of Elizabeth. Somehow, she saw Evelynn at the ball, and she told Evelynn’s parents and hers about it. Needless to say, I can now understand just the extent at which Evelynn is trapped. Her family is cruel, plain and simple.” I rant. “They reprimanded her, tried to send her up without dinner, and then Elizabeth framed her by pushing over statues and breaking them.”

“How do you know Elizabeth did it?”

“Because only her and Evelynn were out of the room, and I refuse to believe that Eveylnn would do such a thing. And, once we had gone back to the dinner table, Elizabeth said some disturbing things, like how Evelynn had ‘gotten what she deserved for taking what’s hers,’, or something of that nature. I assume she means me.” I say. My father hums in agreement. I can tell that he’s gathering his words, so I don’t speak as he puzzles the whole thing out. Finally, he speaks.

“So what is it that you want, Ben.” He asks, and looks at me imploring me. The way he was looking at me, I got the feeling I was being tested in some way. I take a deep breath.

“I’ve seen with my own eyes that Elizabeth is cruel, and I know in my heart that I’ve fallen deeply in love with Evelynn. I’m asking - No, begging you to please, break off the engagement to Elizabeth Clifton, and to give me your blessing to pursue Evelynn Bennet.” I say in a rush, and I let it sit in the air. The silence in the room becomes deafening, and I can hear my own heart beating in my chest.

“Let me get this straight.” He says slowly. “You became betrothed to Elizabeth Clifton, then fell in love with her cousin, and now, you want to break off the engagement to Miss Clifton, and create a new engagement to Miss Bennet?” He says, cocking his head at me. I nod, and he seems to process this a moment longer. I hold my breath as I wait for his response, and I feel a bead of sweat go down my back.

“I will break the engagement to Miss Clifton as soon as possible.” My father says at long last, and I could nearly weep with joy. “However,” and he holds his finger up to halt my thanks. “I want to meet Evelynn Bennet myself, and be formally introduced to her parents before we make any decisions regarding her.” He says.

“But her parents despise her. We won’t make any headway.” I say.

“But it’s the thought that counts, and, as much as I don’t like it, so do appearances. If I’m going to give you my blessing to marry this girl, I want to do it properly, in a proper setting.” He says, and stands. I follow suit, and he rounds his desk to rest his hands on my shoulders.

“My boy, I still remember the first time I saw your mother, so I know how you’re feeling. If we want this to work out the way we want it to, then everything must go perfectly, and it must happen quickly.” He warns. “It will be quite the task to break away from the Cliftons, especially considering that you now aspire to marry another member of their family.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes.” I say immediately.

“She’s been left out of the limelight for so long, but she will now be dragged into it. So, no more secret meetings… but I wouldn’t protest to you seeing her one last time to discuss this.” He says, and I nod in understanding. I fully intended to save her from her family, meaning that I wanted to marry her. I should ask for her permission first, otherwise, I’m no better than anyone else in her life: controlling, and cruel.

~ ~ ~

Later that night, I tuck into bed, and extinguish the candle on my night table. I shut my eyes fully intending to drift off into sleep, but my mind is very much awake.

I didn’t want to be cautious. I wanted to get her out of there now.

I should meet with her as soon as I can, I decide, but that begs another question. How could I get a message to her? Surely she wouldn’t try to venture out just after something so crushing. No, she would most likely be trying to lay low, so to speak. I lay in bed for what feels like hours, trying to fall asleep. I drifted off at some point, but I don’t remember when.

The very next day, I headed to Cafe Smith, hoping that she would magically be there.

Of course, she wasn’t.

I waited for another hour, and she still wasn’t there.

After an hour and thirty minutes of waiting, I resign myself to the fact that she isn’t coming. I stand up from our table in the back with a sigh, and head to the counter.

“She didn’t show?” John asks, surprised.

“No. I didn’t expect her to though.” I mutter.

“What happened?” He asks, and he sets the glass he was polishing down to give me his full attention. For a moment I consider that maybe I shouldn’t tell him, but he’s my best friend. Still, he needs to keep the secret.

“You have to promise not to tell anyone. My dad and I are dealing with it, but if it becomes public, it’ll be a whole lot harder.”

“Now I have to know. I swear on my honor as a gentleman that I won’t tell a single soul.” He holds his hand up to his heart, and raises his other up. I smile a little as I recount everything that happened last night.

“I told you, you should have told her sooner!” John scolds me.

“I was a fool, I know. But I didn’t want her to judge!”

“What do you have to worry about? Evelynn obviously loves you.”

“But how can I presume that she would want to marry me? That’s the problem. I don’t have any way to get a message to her! For all she knows, I believe that she pushed over all of those statues, and now I’m just as cruel as her family!” I raise my voice a little, and then look around to see if anyone heard that. My heart drops a little when I see a girl looking at me, eyes wide in shock. I mutter something unforgivable under my breath as I turn back to John.

“Look, if you see Evelynn come in here, tell her that I need to talk to her.”

“There may be a better way to get a message to her.” The girl who was looking at me said. “I happen to have an idea.” She says, and she sits in the vacant seat next to me at the bar.

“I’m open to anything at this point. What could possibly go wrong?” I sigh in defeat, and gesture for her to present her idea.

“Well, my name is Matilda, and I happen to be friends with Evelynn. She’s told me all about you, Ben.” The girl named Matilda says, and I sit up straighter in shock.

“You know her?” John and I ask in tandem, incredulously.

“I do. I’m her personal servant. Technically she’s not meant to have one, but I took it upon myself to be hers. She seemed lonely, so the first day she arrived, I made her acquaintance. In fact, the only reason you know her at all is because of the plan that we made up together to sneak her out of the house each day.” Matilda shrugs like it’s no big deal.

“So you could get a message to her!” I exclaim. For the first time, there might be some hope of this working!

“Yeah, but you’ll have to send one now.” She says sadly.

“Why?”

“Because I’m being fired.” She says, and she scowls.

“What?!” I exclaim, panicking. This girl might be the only way I could possibly contact Evelynn, and she’s being fired? “Why?”

“From your story that I definitely wasn’t eavesdropping on, you were at the dinner with the Cliftons last night. You saw how Evelynn got up and left, and then Elizabeth followed her? Yeah, well, while you were sitting at an awkwardly quiet dining table, Elizabeth was threatening Evelynn. One thing she threatened to do was get me fired, simply for being friends with Evelynn.”

“That’s preposterous!” I say, angrily. “For the life of me, I don’t understand how it took me so long to realize that Elizabeth Clifton is such a vile person!”

“You said that you wanted to marry Evelynn? But you’re engaged already.” John points out.

“My father says that he’ll call it off, but in order to get his blessing to propose to Evelynn, he wants to meet her. But I don’t even know if Evelynn would even want to marry me. I don’t want to force her into anything, otherwise, I’m no better than her family.”

“Speaking as Evelynn’s best friend, I think that she would love to marry you, especially if it means getting as far from her family as possible. From what Evelynn’s told me about you, she seems to believe that you’re a really amazing person.”

“But does she still think that? I mean, I kept the biggest, and probably most important, piece of information about me a secret. I had meant to tell her, but then she found out in the worst way possible - From her cousin.” I feel my face contort in response to the physical pain my thoughts are causing me. “She wouldn’t look at me when we were at that table, and I’m afraid that because I was such a fool, not wanting her to know who I was, like we were in some romantic story, I’m losing her.” I admit, and I look down at the bar and run my fingers through my hair. John and Matilda are both silent for a long moment. Then I feel a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“You care a lot about her, Ben. That’s more than any member of her family can say. Evelynn has been wronged so many times in her life she perceives it as normal. I haven’t seen her since I helped her back up to her room last night, so maybe she does believe you’re awful, but that’s all the more reason you need to talk to her. I think that if you tell her everything that you’ve told me and your friend here, she’ll forgive you.” Matilda says softly, and I look up at her.

“You think so?”

“I know so.” She affirms. “Now, we just need to find a way to get you in contact with her. I can help you, but the moment Elizabeth convinces her parents that I need to be fired, they’ll send me packing. We need to act now. Today, even. And I think I have a plan.” She says. “But we need to get your father on board with it, and we need you too.” She points at John.

“Me?” He points to his own chest.

“Yes, you. This is going to be a proper breakout.” Matilda says deviously.

~ Evelynn ~

~ Alone Together

I didn’t want to move, didn’t want to breathe. The pain in my chest was nearly too much to bear. I had lost everything. In one fell swoop, Elizabeth had put me right back at square one, and then put me at zero.

I wanted to draw.

I wanted to sneak out.

I wanted Ben. The pain of that thought forces me to close my eyes. My eyes had long since dried of tears, but the sticky trail of tears was still clinging to my face.

I don’t think that I’ve ever felt such pain in my life. It was hard before in the years I used to come here, with no Matilda, no Ben, no elaborate escape plans…

But having it, having it in my hands, and then having it ripped away again… I sobbed again, curling even tighter in on myself.

I wonder if Ben feels sorry for me, or just feels betrayed that I didn’t tell him who I was. One part of me scolded myself. You weren’t the only one with a secret, it whispered angrily. The other half of me whispered just as feverishly, you can’t really bring yourself to hate him. You both kept things from each other. That was true, I conceded.

Suddenly, I wished that I could just run away. Run away into the countryside and never return. I could run with Ben.

Ben is someone important, with important responsibilities. He’s also betrothed to Elizabeth, who is far prettier than you, one side of me wailed. I actually flinched in pain. He’s betrothed to Elizabeth. I wonder how long he’d known that.

Maybe he’d known it even before he met me.

But then why did he give me any of his time? I felt a little bit of hope. Maybe he was just toying with you, being cruel, like everyone else, that voice whispered again, but I banished it from my head. I opened my eyes and sat up slowly. Ben wouldn’t purposefully try to hurt me. He was probably just as oblivious as I was when I walked into that dining room.

I think back to what I saw in his eyes when they briefly captured mine. All those emotions I saw in his eyes…

Could they all add up to one single emotion?

Regret? I dare to hope. Maybe he regrets not telling me. Or regret that he knew me. I banish that thought too. I still refuse to think that Ben is that cruel. Even Elizabeth probably couldn’t pretend to enjoy spending time with someone for months just so that it would come toppling down on them.

No, Ben is a good person, and I won’t believe otherwise until I have proof of the contrary. I realize quite suddenly that I simply must see him. I need to talk to him, ask him my questions, convince him that Elizabeth is the one who pushed over the statues, and Elizabeth who said all of those things on purpose to get me into the deepest kind of trouble.

And I knew that if I was sincere enough, I could get him to believe me.

         I got out of bed and got dressed into a comfortable dress, tying the bow in the back, and then settling down with my sketchbook to draw. Instead of drawing one picture, I draw multiple in one, like a collage of small drawings filled with scenes from the fateful dinner. Elizabeth’s face, Ben’s fancy clothing. The expression on his face. I let my hand do the drawing instead of my head, and when I stare into his eyes when I’m done, I know that he believes me. That I can convince him.

And then my door slams open, and to me, it almost seemed like it came off its hinges. I yelp in surprise as a figure rushes into my room and shuts the door behind him.

“I don’t have much time, Evelynn.” Ben says, out of breath, and before I can even gasp, or ask him why he’s here, he hurries on. “From that first time I saw you on that bench, I knew that you were special, and as I spent more time with you, I realized that I loved you. That I loved you with everything I was, that you are the person that I want to spend my life with.

“I was an absolute fool for not telling you who I was, or who I was betrothed to already, but I was so afraid that you would either scorn me, or want to get even closer to me, but only for the status. I didn’t want to let the dream that was you drift away from me. And then of course, there was last night. I faked sick the moment we went back to the dining room table, but not before I realized that Elizabeth is truly a narcissist, and a clever one at that. I know that it was her who pushed over those statues, and I know now just how awful your life is here. I’m here to tell you that I’m sorry for everything, and to break you out. My father just dropped all of this news to your family downstairs, so… there’s that. Also…” He paused for the first time he burst in, and then took steps to be right in front of me. He took my hands in his and he got down on one knee. “You’re the best thing to have ever happened to me. I know if this seems too soon, but… Would you marry me? I could get you out of here, we could go live somewhere else in the countryside, a small little town. You could have your own art studio, you could paint all day and we could take strolls in the town…” I see his eyes begging me, and my own tear up. “It would be just the two of us, together, there would never be someone to lock you up or starve you ever again. But of course if you don’t want to…”

“Yes.” I manage to get out, and I see his face fall.

“So that’s a no?” He says, and his eyes fall and he goes to get up.

I sink down onto both of my knees and throw my arms around his neck, laughing and crying at the same time.

“That’s a yes.” I mumble into his shoulder. His arms come around me and hug me tight.

“I love you.” He says.

“I love you too.” I sigh.

“I’m going to get you out of here. Come on.” He pulls away from me to look at me, and I see the determination shimmering in them. I don’t know who leans in first, but then we’re kissing and it doesn’t matter. Nothing does.

Ben is going to get me out of here. My life is going to change for the better.

I’m going to be free.

We get up together, and hand in hand, we walk out of my room. I only have my sketchbook in hand as we travel through the house. My mother, my father, my aunt, my uncle, and Elizabeth are all standing at the foot of the stairs in a heated argument, but the moment they hear our footsteps, they go silent. I see one by one as their jaws drop, their eyes lighting up in understanding of what was happening. I see a man standing by the door in a nice waistcoat, and I have a feeling that it may be Ben’s father, Duke Alcott. The look on his face is something in between pride and amusement, and I can’t blame him.

This has to be one of the best moments of my life.

Ben and I stride past my family without a word, and Matilda opens the door for Ben and me.

“This is my official resignation, Mr. Clifton.” She calls back, and then she shuts the door. There’s a carriage parked in the drive, and I’m delighted to see that John is the one driving.

“How is it, Evelynn? Walking out on them all like that?”

“It’s amazing.” I say truthfully, and I squeeze Ben’s hand.

“What now?” Matilda asks the both of us. I look at Ben, and he looks at me, smiling. We both turn back to Matilda.

“We don’t know.” We chime, and we laugh together.

And as we get in the carriage and we trundle off, I turn around and take one last look at my prison. It strikes me that not long ago I was arriving here, thinking that I would never escape. I laugh to think of what my past self would say if someone had told her that I would be driving away in a carriage with a Duke and his son, along with two of my best friends.

But I don’t need to imagine my freedom anymore. I finally have it.

~Epilogue

I sit on my stool in the sun-lit room with my paints in hand, and I continue my painting that I started yesterday evening.

Ever since the day that I walked out of that horrible house, I’d never felt more free in my life. Since Ben’s father is still alive and very well, Ben doesn’t have any obligations as Duke yet. In light of this, Ben and I have bought a lovely little cottage in the countryside with nothing but miles of fields all around. Ben is still continuing his studies, but the arrangement is set so that he only has to go to the city every so often to turn in his work and to take his exams. We only have a cook and a girl of all work, so the house is usually quite quiet, which we both decided is the way we like it.

I never once imagined that my life could be so perfect, and even two years later, I still can’t believe that this is my life. I keep expecting to wake up and be back in the clutches of my awful family, but everyday I wake up next to Ben, surrounded by people that love me, and people I love just as much. Ben kept his promise, and after we married and got this cottage, he had a lovely art studio built that has windows all around to act as walls. I’m able to open these windows and let the breeze in just as easily as I can shut them and protect everything from the elements.

It truly is wonderful.

I add a finishing touch to my painting, and I sit back to admire it. It’s a painting of a sky, not a sunset, but late afternoon. A few clouds floating across the canvas. It’s simple, more simple than what I usually draw, but I love it all the same.

I pick it up and move it to dry, and just as I’m wiping my forehead, I hear the door open.

“Good morning, Ben.” I smile at his morning hair, and he yawns.

“And good morning to you too, Evie.” He walks over and pecks me on the lips. “Why do you insist upon getting up so early?”

“It’s 8 o’clock!”

“But you get up at 7!”

“I like to see the grass in the mornings, and take a walk before it warms up.” I shrug. “Why do you sleep so late?” I tease, and he just smiles and shakes his head.

“I think that Cathy is making pancakes.”

“I hope so!” I say, dreamily, and Ben laughs.

“Come on. Let’s get ready. Remember, Matilda and John want to see us today.”

“Oh, I nearly forgot about the dinner date! Who knew that Matilda and John would fancy each other?”

“I did.”

“You did not!”

“I did! They’re practically the same person, just one is a girl!” He says, and I giggle.

“I can definitely see it. You think they’ll get married?”

“Without a doubt. You just watch.”

“We can ask them when we see them today.” I say, and I take his hand as he leads me to the kitchen. We greet Cathy and we take our plates of pancakes with us.

You see, there’s a lone tree that rests not far from our house, and we always walk out to it together to eat breakfast. It’s one of the many things that I love about each day I spend with Ben.

We sit and eat and chat under the shade of the great tree, and I smile as I look to the cloudless sky, and think that there’s nowhere in the world that I’d rather be.

~ The End