Lili put one foot in front of the other as she went along her usual route. In her hand she held a brightly colored leash that belonged to her beloved dog, Daisy. She had decided, as she usually does on pleasant days, to stop by a dog park and let Daisy run around and play with other dogs. Lili unhooked Daisy’s restrictive leash and let her run in the small gated area. She watched from afar as Daisy greeted new friends and played. Lili found a small area near a tree where she could sit on the grass while still being able to watch her baby.

She felt alone, but not in a peaceful way. The last time she was here she was not who she is now. The last time she had walked Daisy she wasn’t alone. (Now I am sure that you are starting to understand what I am referring to). Lili is widow. Her husband, Sam, was the love of her life and Lili knew once he passed that she would never be able to move on. She was used to doing everything with him, they were still young and had big plans for the future. Unfortunately, Sam had been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of lung cancer.

As Lili sat she started to remember how she met Sam. It was a chilly autumn day and Lili had decided to stop by a bakery on her way home from work. She had purchased a chocolate chip cupcake and a sugar cookie adorned with royal icing and sprinkles of multiple colors. She sat on a bench outside, she pulled out her cupcake and began to devour the sweet pastry. Suddenly a man, whom she would later know as Sam, approached her.

“I’m so sorry to intrude,” he began “but I saw you from across the street and, I don’t wanna sound creepy but, I think that you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. So, if you’re free on saturday night, I would like to take you on a date.”

“Ummm…. “ Lili debated in her head before giving him an answer. He had some charisma that drew her to him but at the same time she was not sure what to say. It is important to note that Lily Banks, Banks being her maiden name as she was not yet married, was a very cautious and shy person. But now back to Lili’s response which she said very quietly. “I’m free for lunch.”

“Ok, great, then we can meet here at 12… oh, by the way my name’s Sam.” he smiled and held out his hand that she shook gently.

“I’m Lili,” she replied “it’s very nice to meet you.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” he smiled “I’ll see you on Saturday” he waved and then he disappeared into the city. Lili was left with a feeling of shock. A man, an attractive man, who was nice to her, had just asked her out on a date. You can imagine that Saturday morning she was very excited for her scheduled lunch with Sam.

Time had flown by, 10 months to be exact, and Sam had proposed to her. It wasn’t such a grand proposal, Lili was not one for elaborate surprises, but it was beautiful proposal nonetheless. And the ring was not blinding or the size of an elephant, but it was a ring that she deeply loved. So they got married, it was not a big wedding that many would have wanted but they had their family there.

Now Lili’s memories went to about 8 months ago when Sam was diagnosed with lung cancer that she could not remember the long name of. She remembered how hard treatment had been on him. She remembered how they had felt when the doctors told her how long he had. And most of all she remembered a certain conversation…

“Honey?” his hoarse voice was so different then what he had when they met.

“Yes?” she responded.

“When I go-”

“Please, don’t talk like that.”

“I don’t want you to be sad everyday that I’m not there.” he said, ignoring her protests “Please, I want you to meet someone else and be happy with him. I don’t want you to live in sadness your whole life.”

Lili had remembered the pain. Lili had remembered the sadness. Lili had remembered when she went to wake him from a nap. Lili remembered how it felt that he never did. Lili cried. She cried and cried. She knew that people would be staring at her questionably, but she did not care. She cried. She cried until her eyes felt dryer than a desert.

When she had somehow regained some sense of calmness, by Daisy coming over and cuddling with her, she started to realize something. She missed him, she missed him a lot, but he wouldn’t have wanted her to be sad all the time. He would’ve wanted her to accept it and move on. Yes, it hurt, by god it hurt, but he wouldn’t have wanted her whole life to just be focused on missing him. But she knew that she wouldn’t continue on her life because of him, but for herself too.

She had to learn to live her life without him. She was barely 29, she still had a full life ahead of her. She had to learn to live despite the pain. She had to go on with her life. She had lost him but he would still be in her heart. In a way, she was not alone. Smiling, Lili got up, took Daisy’s leash in her hand, and walked back to her apartment.

Where is she now? She’s happy, she still misses him but she didn’t put her dreams on hold because she lost him. If anything, it just pushed her to pursue her dreams as he had always encouraged her. Daisy is also doing well also, she recently had puppies.