I walked through the heavy white doors with a familiar feeling of hopelessness and despair. They were supposed to have the most renowned doctors in the world at the Anderson Cancer Center, but I wasn’t convinced. I’d been here at least twenty times in the past two years. I was sixteen when they told me I had cancer, and as I walked in that day, I knew I was nearing my end. The brain tumor had done nothing but transform me into the ugliest, emotionless, most spiteful human being- if you could even call me that. They told me to live day by day, hoping for the best. I did not complied. I anticipated the worst, because I knew that was exactly what was coming. I hated chemotherapy. Treatments made me look horrendous. My hair was completely gone; I said goodbye to it after my first treatment, two years ago. My skin had become ghastly white in color with deep black circles residing under my eyes. I became a scrawny, limp little boy. My parents tried to support me the best they could, but it was no use. I knew nobody could ever love a creature like me. I was hideous. I came to the hospital that day in preparation for my surgery down the line. I had a month of preparation ahead of me and I was completely dreading it. The doctors assured me that I wouldn’t survive more treatments after that. This would be their last attempt to remove my brain tumor. I thought it was stupid. Why even try? I knew that even if I survived this surgery, nobody could ever love a sick, cancer-ridden guy like me. I was miserable, not to mention disgusting to look at.

“Carter?” My mom shyly called me. Her eyes were almost as drained as mine. I felt sorry for her, almost as sorry as I did for myself. She had to put up with me every day. She had heard me scream and curse at the top of my lungs. She always had hope for me, even when I didn’t.

“What?” I snapped at her. I immediately felt bad.

“We’re in a new room this time, 307.” I wasn’t surprised. They moved me to different wings of the hospital all the time. They were trying to find someone who could help me. I wished they would just realize that nobody could help me. I was a lost cause. I walked past my mom, not even glancing at her. I didn’t know why I was so mean to her. I was just so angry all the time, so I took it out on anyone and everyone. I secretly felt bad, but I would never reveal that. As I walked to my new room for the next month or so, I noticed the same depressing sights as usual. Those stupid posters on the walls were so ironic. “You can do it!” “Stay positive!” “Laughter is the best medicine!” Despite these positive messages, people died here every day. I figured it was just a matter of time until I became one of them.

“Can I go get you something to eat, dear?”

“I’ll go” I offered. I knew my way around the hospital pretty well. The cafeteria was in the west wing; a four minute walk at the most. I had to constantly be aware of my thoughts. If I spaced out, even for a minute, negative thoughts would soon consume me. It happened more often than not. I hated passing people as I walked. I knew that they were staring at me. They’re eyes would typically go wide when they saw me. I looked like death. I knew it, and apparently, so did everyone else. I would usually ignore the looks and gawking eyes. I grabbed a hotdog and some Lays Chips and walked to a secluded table. This food was always gross, but I ate it anyway. As I was engrossed by my food, I noticed some girl staring at me. “Some girl” would be an understatement. She gave off an optimistic, pure, angelic aura. I had never been so captivated in my life. Fury quickly oppressed any and all blissful thoughts that I had for this mystery girl as I noticed her continuous gazing.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” I spat out at her. She didn’t look shocked at my outburst. She didn’t appear to be scared or frightened at all. She remained calm, and continued to look at me. Her eyes were a deep blue. They were so beautiful compared to my faded, empty brown eyes. I looked at her, questioningly. After what felt like ages, she began to collect her things off of the table and stand. Part of me was relieved that she was leaving. One less person to stare at my ugliness, I thought. Another part of me, a part that was completely foreign, was disappointed. I would probably never see her again. But both parts were silenced as she swiftly made her away over to my isolated table and sat directly across from me. What the hell is she doing? I thought. Once she sat down, she pulled a notebook out of her bag. She then pulled out a water bottle, grapes, and a pen. I was so confused.

“Make yourself at home,” I stated, staring at her with one eye brow raised.

“I intend to,” she finally spoke. Her voice was that of an angel. The words that escaped her perfectly plump lips sent chills up my spine. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. Why did this stranger, this beautiful stranger, have such an enchanting effect on me?

“What do you have?” She asked so bluntly, snapping my mind out of its endless rambling.

“What?” I couldn’t believe she just asked me that. No ‘hey’ or ‘how are you;’ she just flat out asked me something so awkwardly personal.

“You’re sick right?” I nodded, still unable to find the words to respond to this beautiful creature.

“So, what’s wrong with you?” I usually wouldn’t have even acknowledged her. She was rude and nosy; a person prying into my personal life was not something that I appreciated. But I was intrigued and attracted, so I responded honestly.

“Glioblastoma.” She raised an eye brow and pursed her lips.

“A brain tumor,” I clarified. She nodded her head. I expected a look of pity, an apology, something. I received nothing but silence in return to my confession. I realized that she wasn’t very sympathetic. She was the first person who didn’t feel sorry for me. I liked that.

“How ‘bout you? I mean, you don’t look sick or anything. What’s your excuse for being in this hell hole?” This received a small chuckle from her. I noticed that her teeth were perfectly straight and white. No way that this girl could be sick.

“My uncle is having open heart surgery,” she said informatively.

“Oh.” I didn’t really know what to say. I didn’t want to pity either so I just left it at that.

“It’s minor, he’s gonna be fine. He just needs a couple weeks rest, that’s all,” she announced reassuringly.

“That’s good, I guess.” I didn’t really know how to do this. I didn’t know how to have small talk. Once I was diagnosed, I really fell out of touch with everyone. I didn’t have friends anymore. I didn’t want friends anymore.

“Do you…wanna see him?” She asked, reluctantly.

“Sure.” I was completely caught off guard. I had no idea what was going on, but for some reason, I followed her as she got up and began to walk.

“I don’t really remember how to get there…”

“What room?”

“242.” As the numbers escaped her lips; I began moving in the familiar direction. I knew every inch of this hospital like the back of my hand. We continued walking to the room in complete silence. Then, finally, she spoke.

“Wow, you really know your way around this place.”

“Been here long enough.” I felt my arrogant attitude creeping back up on me.

“When did you find out?”

“Two years ago.”

“How many times have you been here?”

“Too many…” When we reached the door to room 242, I paused. I was unsure if I should even go in at all. I felt as though I was invading something really personal for her.

“It’s okay.” She clearly knew my dilemma. I slowly and nervously opened the door. Behind the door lay a middle aged white man sleeping in a hospital bed. I couldn’t get my feet to work once I was in the room. I just stood there. He looked so peaceful. She walked over to his bedside and began talking. I didn’t know if I should listen or not. I saw her eyes well up with tears so I decided to wait outside. As I turned to walk towards the door, her soft hand embraced mine. We didn’t speak. She led me over to her uncle’s bedside and picked off where she left off. She talked to him for the next ten minutes. Although she received no response from his unconscious body, she continued to talk. That was the first time I witnessed pure hope and faith. It was beautiful. I began to realize that she truly was an angel.

We walked out of the room hand in hand. It was so amazingly comfortable. We stood outside the room in silence for a good five minutes before she finally decided to speak.

“Thanks…” She began. “For that.” She nodded her head towards the door.

“No problem…” I paused, realizing that I had forgotten to get a crucial piece of information from her.

“Bay,” she announced. Her name was almost as beautiful as she was.

“Carter,” I replied. Bay nodded and smiled back at me. I didn’t even realize that I was smiling in the first place.
We went back to my hospital room after that. It was empty; my parents had left me to bask in my misery by myself. We talked for hours; at first we talked about stupid things. Favorite movies, television shows, embarrassing moments. Eventually, things got to a more personal level.

“Are you scared?”

“Scared of what?”

“Dying.” She immediately looked as though she regretted what she had said. She quickly moved to sit on the ground, as if she was scared of what my physical reaction to her question might be. I slowly followed her and sat next to her on the floor.

“I used to be,” I sighed. “But then I realized that it’s coming whether I want it to or not. Now, I’m just miserable.”

“Miserable because you’re sick and can’t do anything about it?”

“That’s how it started. But as I got sicker, I got more hideous. I mean look at me; pretty repulsive huh?”

“I’ve seen worse.” Her eyes twinkled with every word. I didn’t feel self conscious or ugly when I was around her. Bay made me feel like the old me; she made me feel alive.

“So what’s wrong with you?” I mimicked her words to me from when we were in the cafeteria.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re sweet, compassionate, beautiful, nonjudgmental; I’m starting to think that you’re too good of a person for me.” She blushed; as did I. I’d never spoken so highly of someone in my entire life, especially to their faces.

“Oh no, I have flaws; I promise.”

“Prove it,” I challenged. I didn’t exactly know where I was going when I said that, but I sure as hell loved where I ended up.

“I’m wreck-less,” Bay admitted.

“Oh really?” I raised an eyebrow in suspicion. “How?” She raised an eyebrow, emulating me. “Show me,” I dared. And that’s exactly what she did. Bay slowly moved her face to mine, pausing to give me time to pull away. But pulling away was the last thing I would have done. I shifted my face towards hers and closed my eyes languidly as our lips touched with a simple spark. She wrapped her hands around my neck and ran her fingers up and down my bald scalp. I quickly positioned my hands on her waist and pulled her so she was straddling me. A groan escaped my throat as she licked my bottom lip. Our tongues danced in perfect harmony as her sweet minty breath took over my senses. As the need for air became more prevalent, I slowly pulled away. She stared at me with her beautiful blue eyes as she breathed quickly and heavily. It seemed like she needed some air as well.

“Told ya.” Bay smirked at me as she placed a quick peck on my swollen lips.
“I guess you did, didn’t you.” I was still slightly out of breath.

“I should go…” She frowned looking at the clock on the wall. “My parents are expecting me to spend more time with my uncle before we go home for the night.”

“Oh..yeah, of course…” I tried not to sound disappointed, but Bay was intelligent; she could undoubtedly see past my façade.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” she said with a smile. My eyes immediately lit up with excitement. Bay quickly walked out of the room, uttering a gentle “goodnight, Carter” before she shut the door after her. I sat on the floor for another minute before I dragged myself up and into bed. As I lay in bed, the only thoughts running through my mind were Bay. This was the happiest I’d been in years. Bay was happiness.

She came back the next day and the day after that. It became a routine. We were together all day every day until the late hours of night, which only amplified my feelings for her. Sure, I was slowly getting sicker, but I didn’t care. Bay made every aspect of my life so enjoyable that nothing could keep my spirits down anymore. We shared childhood memoires and intense secrets. One night, our silly sharing game took an interesting twist, turning an ordinary night into the greatest night of my life.

“Alright, alright, your turn.” She laughed when I finished telling her a story of how I peed my pants in third grade.

“Okay…um,” I thought long and hard. I knew what I wanted to ask, but was still unsure about asking it. It was a question I had worn on my lips for the past two weeks. Tonight, I decided, I would ask.

“Who was your first?” I asked reluctantly. I felt rude for prying, but I was so damn curious.

“First what?” She replied. I laughed at her pureness.

“You know…first person you did it with…” I felt silly for not simply saying “slept with,” but I didn’t want to offend her innocent nature.

“Sex?” She asked with a sly smile. She let out a quiet but beautiful giggle. I assumed it was directed at my immature word choice.

“Uh,” I scratched the back of my neck, uncomfortably. “Yeah.”

“I’ve never had sex…” She admitted. She seemed ashamed. I was shocked, but also relieved. The fact that she was untouched only made my desire for her burn stronger. I slowly pushed her soft hair behind her ear. I stared deep into her eyes and knew what my next move was. Bay knew it too, and seemed all too willing. We gradually made our way to my hospital bed. I gently laid her down and positioned myself on top of her. I hadn’t even touched my lips to hers yet and was already filled with pure lust. I wanted her so badly. I wasn’t sure if she wanted me, though. I still couldn’t believe she liked me in the first place. I was a disgusting looking creature. I looked sick 24/7 and yet, somehow, I had managed to win the affection of the most beautiful girl in the world. I loved Bay with everything I had. I truly believed that Bay’s love was more powerful than any Chemotherapy treatment I could receive.

My lips found their way to hers and the firework show erupted. My hands explored her body as my lips ran up and down her neck. When her hands made their way to the button on my pants, my lips froze and my eyes widened. I knew what was about to happen, but I decided to be a gentleman anyway.

“Bay,” I groaned. “Are you sure; I can wait.”

“I’m sure,” She said huskily as her lips met mine with an immeasurable fire. Every nerve on my body exploded with passion as she slid my pants down to my ankles. I slowly pulled her top over her head, teasing her as my tongue journeyed down her toned torso and stopped right below her belly button. As her eyes rolled back in her head, I lazily removed her jeans. The rest of our clothes soon followed as our lips tongues to fight for dominance. As I stared at her naked body I realized that I had fallen in love with an angel.

“I love you,” Bay breathed through our passionate kisses. I pulled back, in shock.

“You- you what?” No, I had to have heard her wrong. I’m sick, I’m dying, and I’m ugly. Nobody could love me.

“I love you, Carter.”

“It’s wreck-less to fall in love with a dying guy,” I teased.

“It’s wreck-less to fall in love at all,” she replied in a serious tone. “But I love you more than anything in the world.”

“I love you too, Bay. I’ve never loved anyone or anything, but I love you.” She smiled and smashed her lips against mine.

“I love you, angel” was the last thing I whispered before I entered heaven, experiencing pure ecstasy over and over again throughout the night.

She left sometime during the night. I was too dazed with pleasure to remember when but I remember her face as she left. Bay wore a look of happiness. Not the type of happy you get from earning a promotion or getting a good grade on a test. She wore a look of pride. She seemed so utterly satisfied that it made my heart skip a beat. This girl really had changed me. I went from being the most miserable creature on the planet to the happiest guy in the world within the duration of a few weeks. But in the back of my mind, I knew that all of my worries had not fled. I still had my surgery coming up and was as frightened as ever. I wasn’t scared for me, but for Bay. I knew that I wouldn’t survive this, but I couldn’t leave her. I wouldn’t. I slowly drifted off into a peaceful sleep, only to be woken up a few hours later by a burning sensation in my throat. I jolted up and healed over the edge of my bed, vomiting up what seemed like an endless amount of blood. As loud beeping sounds around me picked up in pace, doctors rushed in.


“Carter, Carter, can you hear me?” I heard a doctor yell from in the distance. Everything was becoming so blurry and faint. My eyes began to close.

“He’s going into shock” was the last thing I hear before I coasted off into a deep sleep.

When I finally realized where I was, I was confused for various reasons. I vaguely remembered losing consciousness at all, let alone what events had led up to that. But I was confused for an entirely different reason as well, a reason which had me more terrified than I had ever been in my life. That reason being, I wasn’t in pain. No pain, zero, none. My body was completely at ease. I looked around the room and saw Bay staring at me with pure and utter fear. I knew she must have been so worried about me.

“Hey, pretty girl,” I went to say. I tried, but no sound came out. Not only did was I completely mute, but my lips wouldn’t even open. I attempted to move my hand to touch my immobile lips, but my arm remained still. I tried to scream, but nothing happened. Bay remained in the same state of worry and fear, and I remained still and lifeless. That was when it all clicked for me. I came to the realization that even an angel as pure and powerful as Bay couldn’t defy fate, and even a love is strong and irrevocable as ours couldn’t have saved me. But I also realized that I had loved. I loved Bay with more heart and soul than anyone had ever emitted before. I also realized that I had been loved. I was ugly, I was miserable, and I was loved. Bay was the most beautiful creature that ever existed. She used her hope and faith to transform my inner beast into love and courage. Bay was a true angel and out of anyone in the world, she chose me- that was all I ever needed.