I looked at Mr.Hiroto. I was sweating and shaking slightly while thoughts ran through my head like crazy, “Valentino Arredondo, tell me why haven't you turned in your project you are about to fail this class. If you do not turn it in you will not pass this class.” I sighed with relief “I am so sorry Mr. Hiroto I will turn it in as soon as possible. It is all done and complete.” 

    He nodded in agreement, I quickly ran off with my things heading to my art class I was still shaking slightly as the thought of Mr. Hiroto finding out what I did in the bathroom repeated in my mind the endless possibilities kept replaying such as him calling home and my father yelling at me telling me I was worthless and instead of doing this I should just get it over with. I teared up a bit as I entered the classroom, I sat next to Xeno who was already doing something with a bit of clay. I leaned on him. “Hey.” 

     I looked at what they were doing and soon looking at them, they gave a soft “Hi.” In response I smiled and held their hand under the table. I looked over at the board and saw a sheet of paper lying on the teacher's desk. I assumed we’d be finishing up the sketches we started last time. I yawned softly, as I grabbed my sketch book out from my bag and turned to the page of the sketch of my sister I had done for this class. I began to work on some details soon I let go of Xeno’s hand to draw they looked over and smiled back and began to work on the sketch as the teacher began to ramble on about what and what not to do when doing a sketch such as too much detail, I listened as I sketched out the face details such as her nose, eyes, and ears, I watched as Xeno sketched out their portrait of me, I smiled softly as I saw them doodle little hearts around it, I quickly looked away as they looked over at me they aren't really a verbal communicator more of a look and body language or even notes, I leaned on them as I watched them draw soon I had slipped them a note that read “Hey, wanna hang out after school?”  

   They looked at it for a minute and nodded in response. I smiled and for the rest of the class, I watched them draw as we slipped notes to each other every few minutes if the teacher hadn't looked at us. Once the bell rang for lunch we both headed upstairs to get our things for lunch then back down stairs to eat outside under a tree if it wasn't muddy nor raining, as we did so I felt some people look at us. I brushed it off as the invisible audience, but I looked around and saw people whisper and point at me I looked at Xeno sweating a bit as I felt like everyone had been judging me and him all at once, as we made our way outside to eat lunch the area and vibes felt off but I thought “Maybe i'm just paranoid? I don't know if this is just too much for me “ 

    I looked at Xeno who was on their phone. I gently tapped their shoulder as I whispered “Hey dude I’m going inside for a bit.” They looked at me and nodded. I got up as I headed towards the doorway. I was stopped by this girl, her hair was bright green and she had piercing’s almost everywhere on her face. She stared at me for what seemed like a good minute “I like your style!” she smiled as I didn’t know what to say. I stood silent for a moment. “Maybe she’s joking?” I thought as I had let out a nervous laugh “Oh um thanks?” She seemed confused at my response “Hey no need to be so nervous! I'm Moth!” 

    I smiled as I headed to go inside once again. “Nice to meet you Moth, I’m Valentino.” She smiled as I walked inside, I looked around for the male bathroom closest to me. I had soon spotted one but it was busy since it was lunch. I walked through the hallways while I tried to find a restroom that wasn’t as busy as the last. I had soon found one I rushed in as I ran to get into the last open stall to try and calm down. I sat there for what felt like hours as I tried to resist to claw at my arm like the street cats used to. I soon felt a bit better after a couple of minutes, but that didn't last for long after I returned back to lunch.

I peaked around the corner of the wall as I rushed back outside for lunch as I had been in the bathroom for over twenty minutes as I did so I was stopped by a group of about five to six people including the guy from earlier in the day.

  “Uh, excuse me?..” I looked around anxiously not wanting to say anything that might offend them, they all looked at me as I stepped back feeling surrounded by them.

  “Look it’s the tranny, think you're tough huh?” shouted one of the girls in the group as they all surrounded me like vultures, I looked at them shocked, I have never heard anyone call me that before. I was scared yet mad at them for thinking they can just do this to me.

  I spoke up “I’m sorry? What did you just say?” I had a hint of anger in my tone yet said it so quietly not to seem mad yet not too scared.

 The girl looked at me “I called you a tranny, can’t you hear?” she chuckled as she repeated herself once again, I scoffed softly as I turned the other way to go outside from the other exit, but they pulled me by the collar, as it knocked me to the ground.

  I looked at them as I got up. “Okay now that was just unnecessary-” I was cut off by a hard punch to the gut as I gagged. I soon fell to the ground  as I held my stomach as the snickered, I teared up, I looked up at them as one of them decided it would be a great idea to kick me in the stomach once they did. I vomited on the floor. They all looked at me surprised that i had vomited, i sat there looking down I had started to cry as I had felt stupid.

  I looked around as I saw everyone, they all laughed and snickered at the scene that had happened. I saw others whisper to one another as one of the girls in the group rushed to get a teacher I guess. I just sat there as I contemplated why I even showed up today.

 “Oh god, are you okay?” I looked behind me as I heard a low pitch gravelly voice, I looked at the tall male that had been standing behind me since now I examined his features. He had pale skin and curly ginger hair, his style was more punk, he had reached his hand out to help me up.

  “No, no I’m not okay.” I replied with a low softened voice, I grabbed his hand trying to get up in the state i was in, I stood up shaking all over as I felt like i had just vomited all of my organs out onto the floor. I looked down embarrassed as i didnt want others to see my cry because ‘men don't cry.’

  “Okay let's get you to the nurse okay?” The male had finally said something I looked at him as i nodded  as I followed  him to the nurse's office as i knew i’d be going home since I had vomited, as we arrived at the nurse's office i had to tell her what had happened so they could call home and explain to my dad why he had to come get me again from school for the third time this month.

  The nurse looked at me shocked about what had happened. “Oh dear, let's make sure you're okay first before we call home.” I nodded in agreement as I sat down on the cold metal counter like an examination table. I sat there waiting as she looked around for something to give me.

  “My god what is taking him so long..” I sat outside of the office as my father was signing me out talking to the people up front, as I scrolled through my messages with friends my dad had walked out.

 “Come on, let's go Rosa.” I sighed as I got up as I grabbed my things following my father out to the car. As I sat down I sat my phone down in the ashtray as my father started yelling at me “How could you vomit on the school floor!? THEN TELL THE WHOLE SCHOOL YOUR A GUY?” I teared up not as I could not stand him yelling.

  I mumbled “I told you dad I am a guy, and I couldn't help it..” I looked away as he continued to throw a tantrum about it.

  “God I wish you were never born..” He mumbled but it was audible enough for me to hear, I looked over at him, surprised he actually said that I tried to think about what to say.

  “And I wish you weren’t my dad.” I said back to him, as I smiled softly as I looked out the window as I waited to see our house so I wouldn’t have to continue to listen to his little man tantrum for much longer, as we pulled into driveway I tried to get out oh but of course he locked the door so i couldn’t get out.

  “Rosa, we need to talk about your attitude and behavior recently..” I looked at him confused trying to find out what he was talking about.

  “Uhm, what?” I responded in a soft tone as I looked at him with a confused expression “What behavior and what attitude?” I unlocked the car door and got out “The only problem I have is you in my life and school.” I slammed the door walking inside as I sat my things down at the front door.

  “Rosa! That is no way to speak to your father!” I heard him shout behind me as I headed upstairs to my room. I groaned, annoyed with him and how he’s been acting like this since I came out as trans even though it's been like two whole years since that. 

  “Then how am I supposed to talk to you since you dead name and belittle me every single day, you're not my father and never was. You ruined it.” I slammed my bedroom door as I sat on my bed, I looked at the pictures on my wall. I remembered how it used to be before everything happened. 

I looked through the pictures I had all over my walls. I saw pictures of me as a child, some from when I first started school back in Spain I smiled, “Oh those were good times.” I started to tear up but before I started to cry I heard a loud banging on my door.

  “It’s your favorite sister, let me in Val!” I heard Nica shout on the other side of the door but she had started to meow??

  “Why are you meowing dude-” I chuckled while she continued I guessed so I’d let her in my room “Nica you’re not getting into my room by meowing by the way.” 

 She huffed and started to try and open the door yelling “Valentino I am your favorite sister so let me in your room right now!” She started to whine and meow more and more until I finally opened the door for her.

  I looked at her while I tore up an old picture of myself. She sat down beside me, “So what do you want to talk about?” I looked at her confused but she just looked at me with a concerned look on her face. 

  “Val, I want to know are you really okay? Like are you actually mentally okay?” She held my hands as she looked me straight in the eyes.

“Um, yeah yeah I'm fine!” I blatantly lied to her face but I guess she knew I did as she let out a long hard sigh.

“Valentino Arredondo, I am your sister do not lie to me I can tell when you are, please just be honest with me.” She looked at me as it seemed like she was about to cry. I sighed as I shook while I tried to find out what to say.

  I took a deep breath “Nica, I actually do have something to tell you..” I started to tear up. “I’m not actually okay, I’ve been doing things to myself to try and get those thoughts of killing myself out of my head but it only fuels them more.” I had started to cry mid sentence.

She looked at me “Oh, Val… I am so sorry you have to go through this, I’m here for you, so what's wrong?” 

  I looked at her “Nica be honest, do I really seem like a man to you? Every time I look in that mirror all I see is a girl that wants to be something she’s not..” 

 “Valentino, you did not just say that you are the strongest man I've ever met in my life! For one you are a man and for two you don't need to be thinking like that!” She patted my back soon she pulled me in for a hug “Val you are man to me, to mom, and to your boyfriend-”

  I pushed her away “Nica! He is not my boyfriend for the last time me and Xeno are just really really close friends!” I covered my face while I wiped my tears away, I was a bit flustered at my sister's comment.

 “I'm joking bro calm down, but besides that you are man hermanito.” She smiled as she got up off my bed 

 I looked at her “Well it wasn’t funny you dumb dumb now get out of my room before I tell mom you didnt go to school today with Nicholes” I smiled at her last comment before she left which was “Recuerda que eres un hombre Valentino” 

  ‘I guess I do have something to live for now huh?’ written at 4:17 pm, I looked at my phone later in the night seeing that from February, oh how I wish I thought that now.