Iris

Saturday, November 26th, 2016 09:05 a.m.                            North Morte Police Station

“Spencer was always a happy kid. She was the one who kept me smiling and laughing, but something changed two months ago, and I was never quite sure what it was until it was too late. She was different. She never smiled, and she was always listening to music with that damn hoodie pulled over her head. We always told each other if anything was going on. I’m her twin sister for God's sake. She should have told me what was wrong - I could have helped.”

Spencer

Monday, November 7th, 2016 12:05 p.m.                                 North Morte High School

My life is different

I don’t care about anything anymore

No one understands

not my mom,

my dad,

my little brother,

Iris

No one.

So I stay quiet

because if I were to say something

They wouldn’t side with me,

they would side

with him.

They would make my days worse,

which is hard to do

because now,

I hate school,

I hate sports,

I hate my classes,

I hate English and history and calculus,

                         especially calculus.

Iris

Saturday, November 26th, 2016 09:06 a.m.                             North Morte Police Station

“We had calculus with Mr. Hart every seventh block, and every seventh-period class, things would get worse. Something about that class made her tick. She used to love it. She would raise her hand, participate and sit at the front of the class. But, after she changed, when we went to calculus, she would only pull her hoodie further over her head, play her music louder and count the minutes until the bell rang and she could leave.”

Spencer

Monday, November 7th, 2016 12:45 p.m.                                  North Morte High School

I never pay attention,

what’s the use.

Since that day,

I feel no desire to do anything.

I just needed to ask a question after class.

5 minutes was all I needed

but he took 10.

He made me late.

“Better get going” he sneered

I needed help.

I didn’t understand the equation,

but he only confused me

and he broke me

and he

he

h-

I can’t say it.

I won’t.

If I say it, it becomes true, and

it isn’t true.

Not him, not my teacher, he wouldn’t,

not to another woman,

or another teacher,

or another student,

He wouldn’t.

It is only real if you say something,

so I stay quiet

and as he told me,

I get going.

Iris

Saturday, November 26th, 2016 09:07 a.m.                                 North Morte Police Station

“She was so good at hiding everything. Especially the night before - no one knew what was to come. When we came home after school, she seemed so happy. Something had changed again. I thought she was getting better. She laughed more that night than she had in awhile. We used to share a room; most twins do when they are younger. For some reason that night, she wanted to have a sleepover, with me, in my room. ‘Like good old times’ she said. We snuggled up in my bed and fell asleep giggling and talking about the future. I remember her asking about what I planned to do, my future job, the college I wanted to go to, my husband. I should have asked her about her future - it could have given her hope.”

Spencer

Monday, November 7th, 2016 6:34 p.m.                                                Home

Extreme calmness,

a new sense of happiness,

relief.

I’ve made up my mind.

I’m done, and I want to say goodbye.

To my family,

to Iris

Make sure she knows I was happy,

in the end at least.

Spend time with her.

A sleepover.

One last one, like good old times.

I need to know that she has a future,

a plan,

without me.

I need to know that she is going to be okay,

even after I’m gone.

She falls asleep next to me,

happy

I lay awake next to her,

ready.

Iris

Saturday, November 26th, 2016 09:10 a.m.                                    North Morte Police Station

“Sick. Spencer woke up happy, but she had a stomach ache, and her head hurt. She said it was her period coming and she wanted to stay home for the day. My mom was reluctant to let her stay but gave her Gatorade, a bottle of Advil, and a hot pack then left for work. I left for school a little while later with my dad and little brother. She hugged us all so tight and told us she loved us. That’s the last thing she said, ‘I love you, Iris.’ ”

Spencer

Monday, November 8th, 2016 8:19 a.m.                                               Home

They are gone now.

I’m ready to go.

Ready to jump over the edge

and fall into something new.

But before I fall

I need to tell them why.

Iris

Saturday, November 26th, 2016 09:12 a.m.                                   North Morte Police Station

“I came back from school that day, November 8th, and my whole life changed. I was so excited to see Spence, the night before was so fun but when I walked in the door my head filled with my mom’s screams. I followed them into Spencer’s room -  I’ve never run so fast in my life. She was collapsed on the floor screaming. Holding onto Spencer with one hand and the note she left us in the other.”

Spencer

Monday, November 8th, 2016 9:42 a.m.                                               Home

It’s time.

I’ve said what I need to say,

and lived as long as I can bare.

I pull on my white dress

and lie down.

A glass of water in one hand

and a handful of Advil in the other.

I start.

One, Two, Three

I cry

but not because

I want to stay.

I cry

because

I love them.

Four, five, six

I hope

they forgive themselves

and move on.

I hope

they know

I needed this.

Seven, eight, nine

I breathe

out all the hate

and in peace of mind.

I breathe

one last breath

before they take me.

Ten

I leave.

Forever.

Iris

Saturday, November 26th, 2016 09:17 a.m.                                   North Morte Police Station

“I called 9-1-1. The ambulance came but it was too late, and there was nothing they could do. We cried that whole night and the day after and the one after that. I cry every day. A piece of me died that day. The only thing keeping me going now is fulfilling her final wish.”

Spencer

Monday, November 8th, 2016 8:27 a.m.                                Home

Dear Mom, Dad, Iris and Sam,

I love you. I need you to know that. I will be gone by the time you read this and I’m sure you have so many questions like why I had to leave you and hurt you and change your lives forever, so I will try to explain. I was raped. Mr. Hart raped me. I stayed after class one day after school to ask him a question that I was confused about on the homework that day. He pushed me into the coat closet and ripped off my clothes and confused me and hurt me and changed me - he raped me.  And I won’t tell you why he did it, because that still confuses me. Once he was done he straightened his tie and looked at me as he fixed his hair with that evil grin on his face and told me I “better get going.” It made me feel worthless and dirty, and I couldn’t say anything to you because I partly blamed myself for the rape. I am not sure why but I felt like it was my fault. Maybe I was dressed to skimpy or came off too friendly. And eventually when I realized it was his fault it was too late to say anything, so I kept it to myself. Now I can’t stand the idea of him. I can’t keep living my life with him in it, seeing him everyday and ignoring my confusion and praying that one day I will forget, when I know I will never forget. I couldn’t stand it anymore, I hope you understand.

Iris, this next part is for you. I know you will hate his guts. And I know you will want to tell him you know. But don’t tell him. He can’t know you are working to put him away. Instead, take this note to the police. Tell them everything you saw, tell them my story and show them this note. Hopefully, they will believe you. I’ve looked it up, and rape is enough to send him to prison for at least ten years, and he would lose his job. I know that to you this might not be enough but, there are so many other girls like me who could be raped or, sadly, maybe even have been. So many people get away with rape every single day, so, please, Iris, don’t let Mr. Hart get away with this. Put all your anger and sadness and frustration and tears into making him pay for what he did. Don’t let him do it to someone else; he can’t do it again.

I love you forever, I’m sorry.

Spencer