I really like the plotline and the ideas behind this story. It really is an interesting story and I hope you are planning on continuing it. 

Now some suggestions!

First, there are many typos and a few grammar mistakes, but it isn't anything too serious and I'm sure you can easily catch them when you read back through this.

Second, there are some places where the dialogue is a bit awkward and unrealistic, so maybe go through and read the dialogue once more and smooth out those statements.

Thirdly, you write this story in multiple POV's for all the characters and while that is not a bad thing necessairly, here it leads to confusion because each section/chapter will contain multiple POVs. Perhaps you should dedicate a chapter/section for each character and his/her POV.

I would love to know what happens next so keep on writing. Hope I helped!

I like it, but it hurts my eyes too much to read it because it isn't spaced properly in paragraphs and the dialouge isn't spaced properly either. If you had that straightened out I would be able to read it. I am really sad...

...that I have to give this story up.

I like it so far. :) I hope you post more soon; you left it at a total cliffhanger!!

The dialogue was kind of hard to understand near the end (in terms of who was talking) especially since each time a person spoke, you didn't start a new line. It didn't make it impossible to read, though.

Keep writing!

Maybe you could check out my realistic fiction novel, The Formation, and let me know what you think? Thanks :)