“Two days…” Elise drifted off, staring at the drapes of her canopy bed, all but thrilled about the inevitable. The dreaded two days until friday, and her least favorite day of the year, her birthday. It wasn’t like getting older was much to look forward to in the first place but what really topped off the feeling was that, unlike the average teenager, Elise had minimal friends. “I’m sure it won't be that bad Lise,” says her phone sympathetically, Her only friend Lae, whom she met by accident at fifth grade camp.

“On the bright side, I'll be there tomorrow for birthday girl shopping!’

I think she noticed I didn't return her enthusiasm because she sighed and said, 

“Lise, lighten up. Get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow.” with that she hung up the phone leaving me to my own thoughts. I eventually gave up, rolled over on my side, and just prayed tomorrow was quick and painless.

“This is not quick and painless” I mumbled, squeezing myself into a dress that I'm convinced isn’t my size. Eyeing myself up and down in the dressing room mirror, the dress is the shiniest thing I've ever seen… and yes I mean that in the worst way possible. Sequins from head to the tip of the dress, not only do I favor a walking disco ball but the dress insists on being the most uncomfortable work of cloth I have ever had the displeasure of wearing. The atrocity that they want to call this dress somehow knows exactly how to itch in the wrong places and scratch in every nook and cranny of my body.

“It can't be that bad Lise” my mom pokes her head in, and i can tell she obviously loves the idea of me looking like her personal walking glitter bomb.

“To spare words, i don't love it” i tried to ease my face, after all i never really do the dress shopping for me. If i had it my way Lae and I would be binge watching our favorite disney movies and making tik toks that we know we won’t ever post. Birthday shopping is something I know my mom enjoys. She always talked about how her and her own late best friend would do everything under the sun and how much she loved and appreciated how she ‘saved’ her teenage years, while she implies that i'm not utilizing mine. 

Listen i'm not one to go against my word, i told my mom i would wear a dress so i’ll wear the dress. I just wanted a compromise, I'm nowhere near the type who likes attention on me, so we settled on a dress of her choice and a more casual outfit of my choice, except it's not my choice. Lae picked out an outfit, wrapped in a bag and told me I can't peek, but to just put it on in the morning with her favorite shoes of mine. As long as it's not a dress I'm completely content with the idea of somewhat dressing up for school, it's only one day, can’t hurt me too bad.

We had only been in the car for maybe all of five minutes and everyone was chipper on the idea of shy ole me finally dressing up and drawing attention to myself. Everyone being Lae, and Mom of course.

“ Earth to Elise!” snapped Lae. “How are you wearing your hair?” she repeated almost too impatiently to hide.

“I mean i don't know” i shrugged, “I mean I was thinking of a curly half up half down.” I truly wasn’t thinking about the hairstyle at all, but i know if i didn't have an option handy i just know i would spend the rest of the night smelling like hair products and being a mannequin head for tomorrow.

“Hmph. Ok, make sure to show me how it looks.” Lae seemed satisfied with that answer, and went back to her phone.

After we drop Lae off at home, the ride back to our house seems beyond long.

“You’re almost 15 snail…” mom’s voice trails off leaving my childhood nickname hanging in the air. “I’m gonna have to start worrying about you skipping classes, friendship troubles, and boys-” she barely gets it out before i interrupt,

“MOMMMM!”

“Snail i'm serious!”

“Make it stop ohh my god my ears”

“Cut it out” she laughs

There it was, her laugh, she’s been so serious. I know why and it’s like this every year around my birthday, it just coincidentally happens to be the week her best friend passed.

“I know i’ve seemed distant, snail,” her words hang heavy in the air.

“It’s ok mom, I know this whole month can be hard for you.”

They were both 17 when her friend was driving home from a party and got struck head on by a drunk driver. Part of me feels like this should’ve had my mom be more weary of my ‘teenage years’ but she’s always pushed me to get out more regardless. My mind races with possibilities and worries and thoughts plaguing my mind imagining the pain mom goes through every year on what's supposed to be a great celebration of her daughter’s life, just for her to be at battle with the memories of when the light left hers. It seems like a selfish way to think, but this year I need her to focus on mine for her own sake.

“Ugh, who knew shopping was such a tiring task.” my body sinks into my bed to the ‘point of no return’ is what mom calls it.

“I just wish there was a way i could restore what she’s lost” i roll over and groan, face down in the stuffed animals i seem way too old to still have. I stretch and get ready for bed, as I'm sure that mom and lae have more planned than they let on. I turn off my light and just lay in bed staring at the ceiling as if a solution or something new would fall through the ceiling and present itself to me. My eyes begin to feel heavy and before I know or can even fight it, I'm out cold.

“This is such a cute outfit.” I hear a voice I can't seem to recognize.

I slowly rise from my bed, trusting that this is just some odd dream and I'm still completely alone in my room. Except it wasn’t a dream, in the farther side of my room stood a figure, but she didn't seem bothered and almost completely unaware that i was even there. She turned around allowing me to catch a glimpse of her face and the rest of her demeanor.

“I’m sorry if i woke you” she says softly, “You were sleeping very peacefully” she breaks the silence with her sound as if she’s known me for ages. Her cheeks seem flushed like she’s embarrassed to have woken me, her big brown eyes compliment her warm skin that favors honey in the sun, freckles that splatter across her face and the bridge of her nose like someone just went crazy with a paint brush, and her long dark hair that curls and falls down and rests barely mid way down her back, besides all these details i still manage to notice the faintness in her presence, she not quite a person but more than just an entity.

“It’s alright.” i sputter out, “Who are you ? How did you get here ?”

She furrows her brow before shrugging her shoulders as if this were a normal occurrence.

“I have no clue how I got here, but my name is Kalani.”

That name rings all too familiarly in my ears , but there’s no way she could be mom’s Kalani. Mom’s Kalani passed away 15 years ago.

My alarm screeches, cutting through the silence like a knife. I hesitate before running to grab my shoes and the bag from the day before, holding today’s outfit of Lae’s choice. After getting dressed I stop for a moment to take it all in. Me on my big 15 dressed in a black plaid skirt, short white top, and matching socks, adding the finishing touch being Lae’s favorite white and black shoes of mine.

“Snail hurry or you’re going to be late!” mom yells from downstairs.

“Just a moment, doing hair!” I shouted back.

For some odd particular reason my head decided to pick today of all days to be complicated with me, after struggling and pulling and nearly giving up there’s a voice from behind my bathroom door.

“I can help if you need it.” called the same soft voice as before.

Shit, if mom sees Kalani who knows what will happen, leaving me little options i quickly make an executive decision.

“Come in.” I say just loud enough for her to hear.

She walks through the door and immediately gets to work on the jungle of curls and tangles.

“I want a half up half down please” I mumble, nervously looking in the mirror.

“I got you.” she says, not lifting an eye off my head.

Before I knew it, she motioned to look in the mirror to show her signs of approval or disapproval regarding her work. I froze in awe, I've never seen my hair look so nice in so little time before.

“I love it, thank you.” I bolted out of the bathroom grabbing my things and down the stairs to mom who was frozen at the bottom of the stairs. I turn to look behind me at Kalani standing at the top of the stairs. I turn back to mom seeing tears well in her eyes.

“Surprise…?” I try to awkwardly smile, what a way to start a birthday.