You’ve probably heard of superheros, or maybe even some villains, who can control the weather; the sort of superhumans who can cause storms or move the clouds with their minds or start a strong wind with the flick of their finger. You’ve seen them in movies and t.v. shows, or read about them in books, but then there’s me. I’m just a normal seventeen year old girl, I stay up a little too late and eat a little too many pancakes, I go to a normal school and I have a normal boyfriend, everything about me is normal; except for the fact that my emotions control the weather. It’s not really a superpower though, more of a curse actually. I’m not sure when it started or why, but the things I feel have an affect on the world around me in a way it naturally shouldn’t. It doesn’t happen all the time I’ve learned, only when the emotions are in full view at full strength, and it doesn’t mean that normal weather patterns don’t carry on without me controlling them. I’ve also found that my feelings have been having a stronger correlation as I’m getting older and my emotions start to become a little more intense as I go through this thing called growing up.

Like right now, I’m doing some last minute touches on my hair for my senior homecoming dance, problem is my boyfriend hasn’t talked to me since yesterday afternoon and he was supposed to come pick me up fifteen minutes ago. James and I have been together since the summer before junior year; we’ve had our ups and downs but nothing has ever happened like this before. He isn’t the type to go ghost, especially not to me and especially not during something like this. I take my phone out of my purse and call him for the fourth time in the past half hour, it rings and rings and rings before I hear the tone to leave a message. “Hey,” I sigh. “It’s Taliah. I don’t know where you are and I’m starting to get really worried, I’m going to head to the dance and hopefully see you there… Love you, bye.”

I shove my phone back into my purse and flick the bathroom light off. I grab my keys off my dresser and call out to my mom as I reach the door, “I’m going to the dance now, I’ll let you know when I’m on my way home.” She turns the corner from the kitchen as I grab the handle and attempt to make my escape, but she’s faster than me.

“Where’s James, isn’t he picking you up?” she says as she wipes her flour covered hands on her jeans.

“Don’t know,” I confess. “But I’m sure he just forgot or something came up, I’m going to go meet him there.”

“Okay, have fun” she smiles but I can see the worry in her eyes. I turn away from her and look down as I step out onto the porch and walk down the driveway to my car. I chew on my lip as I start the engine and back out, I turn on the radio and focus on the music until I reach my school. Before getting out, I check my phone but see no new notifications. Worry builds up in my chest as I shove my phone back in my purse and walk up the concrete steps, the sound of my heels filling up the empty space.

I pull the door open and step into the cold hallway decorated with plastic gold streamers and walk carefully. Walk. Toe, heel, toe, heel, toe, heel. Breathe. In, out, in, out, in, out. I wipe my sweaty palms on the sides of my satin dress and try to coach myself through the emotions that were forming without reason. So what he hasn’t talked to me since yesterday afternoon, we aren’t just a date to the dance he’s my boyfriend and has been for 14 months it’s not like he would just ditch me, right? I take a deep breath and step into the room at the end of the hall, the air was immediately three times thicker and loud music with too much bass flooded my ears. I squint in the dark lighting and scan the crowd of drunk upperclassmen, couples who already were getting WAY too physical, and freshman running around with their friends spilling dixie cups of punch. I groan as I walk to the side doors that led out to the garden, the spot where the skater boys and wannabe soundcloud rappers hung out for the entire 2 hours after paying the overpriced ticket to get in. I walk over to James’ best friend, Lucas, who is sitting slouched over on the bench next to the bushes looking down at his phone.
“Hey, do you know where James is?” I ask him nervously.
He glances up at me then back down at his phone, “I don’t know, pretty sure he went straight to the afterparty at Payton’s place. Why don’t you ask him, he’s your boyfriend not mine.” I sigh and look down at my feet as I speed walk out back to the hallway, trying to think up of some sort of explanation for him not only failing to pick me up, but failing to tell me why. Tears start to well in my eyes as I focus on my sparkly silver shoes that James didn’t want me to wear because they made me appear as tall as him.
I step outside and look up at the dark clouds beginning to form over the once clear starry sky and sigh. “It’s okay, everything is going to be okay. You’ll just meet him at the party and talk to him there.” I say to myself as I got in my car, as I shut the door my phone starts to ring. I pull it out of my purse and look at the screen, it’s him.
I immediately press accept call and before I can even open my mouth to ask hello I hear his voice, “Heeyyy…” he trails. He’s drunk, and I can almost smell the alcohol through the speakers.
“James, where the hell are you? Why didn’t you come pick me up?” I ask angrily as I turn my key that fires up my car.
“Look, Taliah,” he hiccups as I swing out of the school parking lot, “don’t come to Payton’s, okay? I’m not there, well I was, but I’m not anymore. I’m going out with some friends and I’ve been doing some thinking the past while…”
My throat tightens and I clench my fists around the steering wheel as I start to speed down the road, “What do you mean? Where are you going? I’ll meet you there and we can talk.” I say with a sliver of hope left holding me all together.
He hiccups again before saying, “Don’t bother.”
“What do you mean, ‘don’t bother’, do you not want to talk? I’m so confused...what’s going on James? Please tell me you’re not about to just throw everything away right now,” my voice cracks and I notice raindrops starting to fall on my windshield as I go 50 in a 30.
“Bye, Taliah.” He says and hangs up.
I take a staggering breathe in and hold my breath for a minute as it all sets in. Memories of us flood my mind. Memories of butterflies and sweaty hands holding each other for the first time, memories of soaking his shoulder in tears as he comforted me through my darkest nights, memories of nauseatingly sweet compliments and carnival food, memories alone in my bedroom when nobody was home trying things out for the first time, memories at school and on the beach and at eachothers grandparents houses meeting the family...but those memories are just memories now and nothing else. All of those memories bring us back to this one very moment, this moment of sitting alone in a speeding 2004 Toyota Camry while rain starts to pour down and winds pick up. Alone with nothing but a broken heart and all of these Goddamn memories. As I finally exhale, I scream. I squeeze my eyes shut and hug the steering wheel as I sob and thunder starts to mock me. I feel every bone in my body shatter with sadness. My fingers tingle with adrenaline and my heart pounds furiously under the ashes of my ribcage.
I try to turn up the radio to cover my audible cries and the screeching winds and pounding thunder that it’s causing, but instead of music all I hear is some weather reporter. I roll my eyes, expecting it to be the same story of a sudden thunderstorm and advising everyone to shut their windows and stay indoors, but it’s not. It’s a hurricane warning. The man states that it’s not too severe, and that it may weaken or dissipate before really hitting us, but that it is strongly advised to take shelter and remain very cautious and alert for the next several hours. I punch my steering wheel and try to steady my breaths as sheets continue to cover the earth. I hear my phone start to ring and snap my head to see who it is, it’s my mother. I answer it to her franticly asking where I am and to come home right away. I explain to her that I’m already almost home and that I’m fine. As I end the call I see the picture of James with his arm around me as I hold the sign that he made to ask me to the dance we were supposed to go to tonight, and I feel the emotions start to rise up inside of me again. I think back to that day; I had just gotten done receiving extra help from my calculus teacher after school and was walking to my car when I saw him standing there with a bouquet of sunflowers and roses, holding a sparkly sign reading “Homecoming?”. I remember the happiness I felt in my heart and the warmth I felt on my forehead as the sun beat down over us. Who knew it would come down to this?

I pull into my driveway and run into the house, using my purse to instinctively protect the hair and makeup that I’ve already completely destroyed on the ride home. When I get inside I fall into the couch, my thoughts are louder than my mother yelling at me to come seek shelter downstairs and are louder than the news playing on the television in front of me. There’s a whirlwind of sadness and anger and confusion twisting inside of me and I understand now why I’m causing such destruction. But what I don’t understand yet is how on earth I’m going to fix it.

I snap back to reality and rush downstairs with my mother, scooping up our cat Maya on the way. We sit on the cold floor under a big fuzzy blanket as we listen to the storm outside and struggle to get used to the musty smell. My mom checks her phone every five minutes for updates and jumps three feet in the air every time we hear thunder. I try not to pay much attention to her or to the storm outside, instead I try to focus on attempting to stop it. I stare blankly at my lap as I mindlessly pet the sleeping ball of black and white fur curled under my arm, and try to focus on positive things. I try to think about the fresh start I’m getting with James leaving, but it only results in sadness from the things that I’m losing. My eyelids are heavy and burn with sorrow. I hear the rain become heavier, I bite down on my lip and hold my breath trying to come up with an immediate solution. I squeeze my eyes shut and feel my cheeks start to tingle as my lungs crave air. I taste warmth on my tongue and realize I have bitten my lip so hard I broke skin; I touch my finger to the cut and stare at the splotch of red on my finger. I study the colour, the shape of the drop, the scent of the blood. I do nothing but sit and look until my breathing finally calms and my mind goes static.
I open my eyes and lift my head from against the washing machine, I look over to my mother who is curled up asleep in a pile of blankets and Maya laying in the curve of her neck. I stand up slowly and walk up the stairs and crack open the front door. The street illuminates and reflects the soft sky as the sun starts to rise, and although the ground is covered in dew drops and puddles, the air feels bland and dry. Tree branches and reddish brown leaves scatter the road along with some other random debris from backyards and open garage doors. I step out into the world and examine the damage at closer view. I sit down on the porch step and look up at the sky with tired eyes. The sky is clear and displays an angelic ombre of orange and pink and blue. I smile but feel no happiness as the weight of guilt and grief lays heavy on my heart. As I stare out into the street it comes to me how I’m going to be able to control this, and it’s by feeling nothing. If I remain empty and numb, then nothing bad can happen and I won’t be able to cause something like this ever again.

And that’s how I spend the next five days, going about my life with static singing in my head. I go to school and focus on everything but feeling, I do my work and mind my business, and nobody questions it because I already was the quiet girl with chronic resting bitch face. Friday morning buzzes with talk of Homecoming Part Two, which hopefully won’t be interrupted by a hurricane this time. Since my little mishap caused the first Homecoming to be stopped abruptly, they rescheduled for a week later, today. News has spread of James and I splitting, and I’ve already had a couple guys ask me if I plan on going to the second one and I continue to shut them down with a blunt, “No. I’m not.” Though I’m not sure if that’s even true. My mom has been on me about going, saying I should go with my friends and just have fun. She says it’s a blessing in disguise that James and I broke up and that the hurricane canceled the dance because now basically get a free redo, and although I’d beg to differ, I wouldn’t be totally against going again. It might be  good for me to just have some unrestricted fun for the first time in my life.

When I get home from school I go straight to my hamper and pull out the now wrinkled dress from the very bottom. I set it out and plug in my iron and while I wait for it to heat up I turn on music and get started on my makeup and hair. I draw dark bird wings on my eyelids long enough to fly me away and sharp enough to cut anyone who crosses me. I finish by coating my lips in a deep matte plum shade and move onto my hair. I brush it thoroughly as I think of what I want to do with it, I think of James and how he hated when I straightened it because he liked me to be “all natural”. I smirk and pull my straightener out of my drawer and plug it in, which reminds me, the iron. I jump up and run to the living room expecting it to be up in flames, but instead I see my mom carefully holding my dress against a towel and ironing it for me. She smiles up at me and I smile back before turning to my room. I take a deep breath and slowly straighten sections of my long light brown hair, letting them fall flat down and softly trace my hips. My mom comes in and hands me my dress that now looks brand new and leaves, closing the door behind her. I step into the dress and lace up the back by myself, and step into the silver shoes that add inches to my height. I wipe my hands down the sides of my dress and nod at myself in the mirror. “Okay,” I say out loud, “let’s go.”

I drive myself to the school and this time I get there at the same time as everyone else. I walk to my friend Lilly’s car at the far end of the parking lot, she is still inside with two boys and another girl. I tap on the window and she unlocks the car for me. I sit down and sigh, “Alright, what we got this time, kids?” She smiles and reaches to the back seat, grabbing a cup from one of the boys in the back who is pouring something together for everyone in the car. She hands it to me and I swallow it back without thinking twice. We hang out in there for a few minutes, talking and drinking and passing around a vape that Lilly stole from her older brother, before heading inside. Crowds of couples, singles, and groups of friends squeeze in through the doors and down the hall. Music is already playing and people are already starting to dance. I awkwardly make my way to the center, hoping to God I don’t bump into James, and as more people fill in the air becomes thicker and thicker and begins to smell of sweat and alcohol. I dance to myself, softly swaying my hips and stepping to the beat until some guy comes up behind me and puts his hands around my waist. I turn to see who it is and it’s Andy, a 5’10” football player who although a grade below me, is my age. He’s kind of cute and he’s single, and I may be just a little buzzed, so I shrug and keep dancing.
We dance until sweat drips from the back of my neck and I forget all about last week and forget who’s even behind me. Soon enough, a slow song comes on and people start to shuffle from their spots. A handful of couples stay for the song, some friends get together and giggle as they dance together, but most of us who don’t have that luxury either leave for round two of drinking in parked cars, or stand awkwardly in the back as they wait for the real music to start up again. I groan watching the couples embrace and sing along to the cheesy lyrics and turn to the disgrace that they are trying to pull off as a snack bar. I grab a stale sugar cookie with too much neon blue frosting and too many gold sprinkles and shove it in my mouth. As I eat it I read the sign above the tray that says “HOMECOMING 2018” in big bubble letters, and someone taps on my shoulder.

I turn around, my mouth still full of cookie, and stare up at the tall boy in front of me. Even on my heels I have to tilt my head up to look into his eyes, his eyes are so blue they almost match the frosting on the cookie that is STILL sitting in my mouth. I swallow hardly and cough out, “sorry.” I move over and he smirks as he reaches for a cookie. I stand there staring at him as he takes a bite, he looks over at me and lifts his eyebrow. “Sorry.” I say again and go to walk away.

“Don’t be sorry, umm” he tilts his head waiting for me to answer him.

“Taliah.” I say shortly.

“Taliah,” he repeats, “that’s a pretty name.” I roll my eyes and he smiles, “Well, Taliah, you got a little bit of frosting right...well, everywhere.” I cover my mouth and turn back to the table to grab a golden napkin and wipe my face. I turn back to him and he just bursts out laughing.

“What? What’s so funny?” While still laughing he pulls out his phone and turns on the camera, taking a picture and handing it to me so I can look at myself. I got all of the frosting off, but now purple lipstick is smeared around my mouth and it looks like I got horribly botched lip fillers from some back alley next to a dumpster. “Jesus,” I mutter as I grab another napkin and wipe it off. “Is it gone?” I ask and he lifts his phone to take another picture. I pose, tilting my head and smiling sarcastically as he snaps a picture and turns it so I can see, I nod in approval noticing that it’s all gone and he turns it back to himself, smiling.

“Yup, all good.” He says, a smile still plastered across his face.

I furrow my eyebrows and study his smile, “Why are you so smiley?” I ask him.

“Oh, no reason...just making that adorable picture my lock screen.” He smirks and shoots his piercing gaze to meet my eyes. I feel my eyes roll to the back of my head and he pushes on my shoulder, “Hey now Miss Sassy. Aren’t you just a ball of sunshine?” I feel a smile grow on my face and hot pink flushes my cheeks. I laugh and bite my lip. F, I thought. I think I’m falling in love.

The rest of the night consists of us sitting at a table covered in blue plastic with golden confetti, exchanging names and phone numbers. He puts me in his contacts under “Taliah” with a lipstick and cookie emoji, and sets my picture to the one of my sassy smile. I say that it isn’t fair he has a picture of me but I don’t have one of him, so he allows me to take one and put it under his contact named “Christian” with a sunshine emoji. We eat more stale cookies and tell each other about our personal lives, but instead of feeling boring and forced, I feel genuinely interested in him and I can tell he is in me too.

We text each other most of the weekend, he tells me of all of the sports practices and volunteer work he’s been doing while I sit at home and eat pretzels with my cat. Monday morning I wake up with an odd feeling of sadness in the pit of my heart. It’s one of those moments when you aren’t sure why it’s there and aren’t sure how to fix it. I’ve been having an awful lot of these days since the night of the hurricane/homecoming/the breakup, but usually I’m pretty good at pushing it away. It’s as if forcing myself to feel so empty all the time is making the emotions I’ve been bottling up are trying to make themselves known by showing up full force first thing in the morning. I struggle to get out of bed before roughly running a brush through my hair when my phone lights up with my “Goodmorning 🌞” text that comes every day at 7:15 am. Christian asks me how I slept and if I had any dreams, he asks if I’ve eaten breakfast, what I’m doing after school, if I did all of my homework, if I plan on getting coffee this morning, he asks how my mom is and for an update on Maya who is always the same in every update, asleep. He takes interest in my life and I answer sincerely, asking him the same things back. I don’t tell him how I’m feeling because not only do I want to keep these things to myself, I don’t even want to acknowledge them in the first place. Talking to Christian about it will only cause them come forward more, and that could cause trouble.

I drive myself to school with my windows rolled down and music turned up, the cool autumn air whips around my hair and blows through my veins. I stop for an overpriced coffee before pulling into the school parking lot and walking to my first class. All weekend I thought about seeing Christian, searching for his copper blonde hair peeking over the crowd of people in the hallways, scanning the cafeteria for his dangerously deep blue eyes, but I don’t even think of him the entire day. I don’t even notice the texts from him that I accidently ignore when I pull my phone out to switch songs playing through my headphones. I don’t think of anything at all, really. I let the music feed into my ears and fill my brain with sounds that don’t come from my thoughts. I spend my final period skipping class, walking around outside and sitting in the garden where I asked Lucas if he knew where James was the night we broke up. Warm wind blows lightly in the cold and dry air and causes tangles in my hair. I pick at the flower bush beside me and close my eyes; I feel a fist full of sadness clenching in the pit of my stomach. My hands shake as my eyes turn red, the bell rings and people flood out of the school with a roar of conversation and footsteps. I bite down on my lip and stand, wiping my hands down the side of my jeans, and walk intently to my car.

I sit down and go to start the car, but the car has different ideas. It sputters out horrifying sounds as it struggles to come to life. It doesn’t take long before it completely fails and gives up; I punch my steering wheel and mutter, “Well, shit.”

I hear something hit the roof and see Christians face swing down to my window, “Well, that doesn’t sound too cheerful.” He smiles but I roll my eyes and turn away from him. “There’s that sass again,” he pauses and sighs when he notices that I remain completely unamused, “open the door.” I open it and turn my body to face him, I lift my head and look into his eyes. His eyes are cautious and caring, and a lighthearted yet concerned smile is showing on his face.

I sigh and turn away from him again as I feel my throat become tight, “Sorry, just, my car. Now I don’t have a way home.” Out of the corner of my eye I see him nod silently. He clears his throat and stretches his hand out to me, I turn and look down at his open palm and then look back up at him.

“Come on,” he says, motioning for me to grab his hand and follow him, “I’ll walk you home.” Without seeing any other immediate option, I comply. He entwines his fingers with mine and pulls me up from my seat, closing my door behind me.

“My house isn’t that far, probably like a 15 minute walk, I can go myself.” He doesn’t respond, just continues to walk silently beside me. I look down at my feet and chew on the inside of my lip, I zone out as I watch the ground move beneath me until I glance over and realize we are still holding hands. Warmth floods my face and I pull my hand away and pull the sleeve of my bleach stained burgundy hoodie over my fingers. I feel his eyes shift onto me and I hold my breath as I try to shove the feelings that are creeping up the back of my throat back down. He stops and turns toward me, shifting so his body faces mine and I glare up towards him. I notice fuzzy grey clouds forming above his head and turn away. He grabs my arm and pulls me back towards him in a sharp yet gentle manner and touches my chin with the tip of his finger to make me look up at him.

“What’s wrong, Taliah?” He asks me softly. Isn’t it funny how that simple question can cause waterworks you didn’t even know where backed up inside of you?

My chest feels heavy and all I want to do is run away, I can almost see my house at the end of this street and I just want to run to it and hide. Hide away from the world and from Christian and hide from myself; just hide forever. I look into his eyes that are staring right into mine, they’re filled with worry and love. He tilts his head and I watch his lip tremble as he contemplates asking again, I shake my head as my vision starts to blur and tiny droplets of water slowly start to trickle from the clouds overhead. “I don’t know,” I exhale deeply, “it’s just, the past couple of weeks has been really, really rough, you know? And I don’t really want to get into it but I just,” I shake my head and wipe my cold, runny nose on my sleeve as the tears start to trickle down my rosey cheeks, “I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

Rain starts to fall and makes everything look and feel grey, I think about running away again. I take a step back and prepare for my escape but before I can Christian stretches his hand out to me. “Dance with me,” he says.

“What?” I croak.

“Dance with me.”

I hesitantly place my hand in his, palm in palm our chests hit together and I lift my head up to look at him. He smiles down at me and pulls his arm out as I spin away and twirl under his arm. A small laugh forces its way out of me as we dance under the rain, we splash around in puddles and hold each other close as we graciously allow ourselves to become absolutely soaking wet. He wraps his arms around me and we look up at the sky together, the clouds are grey and it is still raining, but the sun is still shining proudly behind them. I feel the rain on my face but at the same time I still feel the warmth of the sun. “There’s that sunshine I missed,” Christian says. I think he is talking about the sun peaking out above us but when I look at him he’s already looking at me, he is talking about my smile. I roll my eyes and he pushes on my shoulder. “Sassy,” he coughs under his breath and I laugh.

The rain continues to pour down on us the rest of the walk home. He holds my hand the entire way and we don’t speak another word until he drops me off at my backdoor, “See you tomorrow, sunshine.” He says before kissing me softly on the top of my head and walking away. Looking up at the sky and I take a deep breath, and smile.