I did as she directed me to and I went over to Joshua, scooped him up, and we started on our walk home. He giggled and laughed as I swayed him in my arms and he told me all about his stay with his mommy. His stories were short and dull. They were of him playing with his dinosaurs up in his room and him sitting on the front steps of his school waiting for his mommy to pick him up. His accounts from the last five months took him three minutes to share.
After his three minutes of storytelling session we both were silent. I was taking in the scenery that I had so dearly missed. There were white picket fences bordering each property with bottomless green grass. I saw hundreds of yellow and pink flowers arranged in front of each brightly colored house. Plus there were purple budded trees everywhere you looked; they brought the feeling of home in the neighborhood and made the walk a true delight. Joshua, on the other hand, was hard at work. He was contemplating whether or not to ask me a question.
“Daddy?” he said with a timid voice.
“What’s up?” I asked him redirecting my attention to him.
“I missed you, I missed you a whole lot” he blurted with watery eyes.
“I missed you too son, more then you will ever know” I said holding him just a little bit tighter now.
“I never want you to leave again!” He whispered in my ear as he squeezed my neck. “Do you promise never to leave again daddy? I don’t want you to leave, please promise.” I could feel his cool tears landing on my neck and streaming down my shirt. I wanted to say “yes,” I wanted to say “yes” urgently. If I were to say yes, I knew that I could not keep it; I would have break it because I’m a solider, and I’m at their command and not my own command. Yet, something in my heart wanted to burst out; I could feel it on my tongue creeping closer and closer, like a caterpillar inching towards the edge of a leaf. Then it happened, I went against every rule in the rule book. I blurted out the two words that would keep my mind in custody.
“I promise.” I said instantly retreating what I said. I wanted to take the words back, but they were already in the open air, waiting for any open ears to listen to them; including my six year old son. When the words soaked into his brain like a sponge soaking up spilt liquids, his face instantly brightened and his thin red lips transformed into an immense smile. His eyes lit up, bringing a sheer feeling of bliss inside his warmed heart. This was Joshua’s way of saying, “Thank you daddy!” and it was decent enough for me.
Our walk felt like it ended right when it started. I was home again for the first time in five immense moths in Afghanistan. I sat Joshua down and stepped up the three concrete steps leading up to the white door surrounded by a sea of yellow walls and blue window curtains. Then, I held the golden key as if I were excepting the key to the city, but my glory moment did not last long when I was interrupted by Joshua’s impatient whine to go inside. So I entered the key in the hole and turned it until I felt the signature click. When inside I filled my lungs up with the classic smell; the scent of clean laundry, with the exception of a few sweaty socks rushed passed my nostrils. Ah, I was home.
“Hurry up! Get your equipment! Let’s go!” Joshua instructed interrupting my meditation and delight.
“Okay, okay I’m hurrying!” I said with a grin on my face. I rushed off to my room to get changed out of my military uniform into something more casual. I threw my jacket on my neatly made bed and kicked my massive boots into my closet. Then I made a quick detour to my dresser and grabbed my baseball glove that looked like it had been through a couple wars of its own, and my tattered baseball. As I ran down the glossy wooden stairs I could hear Joshua anxiously kicking his feet up against the pure white door leaving little scuff marks from his dirtied tennis shoes. Each kick made my fists grip the ball a little tighter. Each newly added scuff mark made my teeth clench a little more. Joshua knew I was not in favor of him dirtying my door. I wanted to yell and tell him to clean it up immediately, but something held me back. Was it how his hair fell perfectly without him trying? Of maybe it was how his eyes twinkled when he saw me at the staircase. Well, whatever it was, it saved Joshua a trip to the sink to grab a washcloth to clean the door.
“Finally!” Joshua said sarcastically giving me a little wink that took his whole face’s participation to produce the closing of one eye. I winked back, tossing the worn baseball into his leather glove, and then we skipped out the door. We walked over to my old shabby car with no distinct color. Joshua hopped in the back and buckled himself in his booster seat covered in a dark blue camouflage print.
Where were we going with a baseball and some baseball mitts? You would think to a park right? Wrong. You see, our whole town consists of one park and that one park is the most abandoned, most frightening, and the most lackluster park you will ever see. The deprived park consists of one slide, one swing, a “dirt box,” as Joshua calls it, and hundreds of spider webs that cover every visible object; plus there is not one kid in sight! I don’t understand why the council does not vote to remove this rubbish pile of play equipment and bring in a finer, more kid friendly play park.
So, since the “park” option was off the plate, we resorted to a different option: make our own secret baseball field. The makeshift field consists of four hubcap bases, a dirt pile for the pitcher’s mound and a sawed down table for a bench. You may be thinking our secret baseball field is not much better than the chilling park, but keep in mind, I have not told you the best part; the scenery. The scenery was luscious with bright green grass, wildflowers bleeding out of the dense forest that surrounds our sacred meadow and stunning blue sky that always seemed to immerse the field like a blanket covering a resting child.
Our field was something Joshua and I treasured far more than pirates protecting their booty, because to us it was more than a meadow with hubcaps scattered about. To us it was a home away from home, a place where I could spend time with Joshua and he could have a grand time with me. To us, this park was truly a magical place were two hearts combined to make one, one indestructible, unobtainable, mighty heart. That is what made this seemingly ordinary meadow into something far beyond that; full of undying love.

When we came to a screeching halt in front of luscious dark green trees Joshua gave off a high pitched screech that made my eardrums throb in agony. I could feel part of me urging me to turn around and tell him to stop, but the dominating force overpowered; my heart. So I turned around with a big smile on my face and asked him if he was excited.
“Well duh! That’s a silly question to ask, of course I’m excited!” He said with a smile as big as his heart.
“I guess it was.” I agreed. “Well, are you ready to start our hike?”
“Yes! “ He said practically jumping out of the car and making a dash towards the trees that acted as a barrier between this world and a mystifying land that lies undiscovered.
“Wow now! Hold your horses. We go in together and out together. Okay?” Saying those words made me feel like the gate keeper in a movie I have wished upon thousands of stars to be in.
“Alright,” he said walking back to the car with his feet dragging in the dirt; no wonder his shoes were so dirty! Once we had everything we needed, we start our descent into the meadow. Our baseball field was located at the bottom of a bowl; metaphorically. The rim of the “bowl” was the dirt road that turned into a downhill slope full of hundreds of different specimens. This then, slowly but surely, turned into the meadow.
The walk was long and tiresome, but 100 percent worth it because when we took our first step back onto that playing field, a smile was put on both of our faces that could not be wiped off by anything, at that moment. We both took a couple seconds to take everything in. It looked exactly how we left it with the exception of some wild daisies scattered about in the slightly overgrown grass. Then, simultaneously, we both ran to our “designated” places. Mine was on the pitcher’s mound and Joshua’s was in the batter’s box.
We threw and caught the tattered ball while yelling baseball phrases until Joshua grew bored which was usually ten minutes into our rally. Then, Joshua ran off and found the sturdiest stick he could find, considering we don’t own a bat. Then he sprinted back to his base and acted like a professional baseball player; pounding the bat on the plate, creating foot holes in the grass, and preforming practice swings at the warm air.
“Hey batter, batter!” I yelled playing along with his fantasy game. Then I pitched the ball and Joshua swung with all his might and the ball went sailing on the white clouds in the sky blue ocean.
“Wow! Did you see that? Did you dad?” He said with his jaw dropped and his eyes wide open as if he opened a present and received that exact thing he put on his list.
“Run! Run! That’s a home run!” I yelled, still stuck in his imaginary world. With that, he was off. He threw his stick in the air and began dashing from base to base to base and he slid in at home plate. When he had come to a complete stop he looked up at me, waiting for me to say one word.
“Safe!”

The sun was nearing the horizon and our blue sky was dissipating in to a deep orange color; it was time for us to go. Of course, Joshua did not want to hear this news.

“Aw man! Do we have to dad?” He begged.

“Yes, we have to go home and eat. Aren’t you hungry from all that running?” I said trying to persuade him.

“Yes, I guess I am.” He said like he was surprised to find out that he really was hungry.

“Okay then, that’s start heading up.” I said knowing that we only had around thirty minutes before darkness struck. On the walk up, Joshua was talking up a storm. He was talking all about our day; but mostly about his home run. His voice brought joy to my heart and his high pitch giggle that echoed off the foliage brought a smile to my face.

When our journey back to the car was through and the sun was still slightly up, I felt relief; we made it. I put all our equipment in the trunk while Joshua struggled to buckle in the light that was almost non-existent now. I could hear him struggling when I sat in the car but after I heard a little click and a sigh of relief, I knew he had figured it out. We were off, yet again, on another long voyage home.

During the drive I could feel my eye lids begin to droop. Yes, it was only seven going on eight but, it felt like it was one in the morning! Maybe because I flew from Afghanistan, road a bus for hundreds of miles and on top of that played baseball with my son for four hours in just two days! So yes, I was exhausted. I could feel my muscles relax like a dogs ears; loose and floppy. And from time to time my vision would go blurry, and then black. I knew that this was not safe, but my brain was not functioning in order to tell me to pull over.

Before I know it I was swerving all over the road, eventually to find myself heading down a hill with rocks and trees scattered all over the hill like a minefield waiting to explode. My heart was leaping out of my chest and adrenalin was coursing through my veins. I was weaving all through the obstacles with the screams of my son throbbing in my head, but there was nothing else I could do. I felt the car bounce off of a bolder and go flying in the air. We were suspended for the a moment, and in that moment I turned around to see Joshua’s terrified face with tears streaming down his cheeks and crashing into his lap. I looked back at Joshua for what seemed like an eternity but, I turned back around to see we were nose-diving into a pool of more boulders and more trees. I brace for the hard impact to come by grabbing on everything I could and yelling at Joshua to do the same. When we made the crash landing I felt a snap in my back and my lungs froze. As hard as I tried I could not draw a breath. I was surrounded in blackness and gasping for air until I heard the faint cry from Joshua.

“Daddy?” He said in a strained voice. I toughened up, clenched my fists together for the last time to prepare for the pain and I turned around using all of my might. What I saw was horrifying. It was like I was watching a clip from a horror movie and that was on pause at the worst part. Joshua had a huge gash in the side of his neck and his face was invaded by a bruise that was already showing its true colors; blue and black.

“Yes baby?” I said as tears fell on his sneakers splashing away all the dirt still covering them.

“Daddy, please don’t leave me! You promised, remember?” He said panting after every word.

“I remember.” I said looking into his bright blue eyes that started turning into a dark gray color. Then I reached back and grabbed his cold bloody hand. When I came in contact with him he jumped a little but then relaxed and tried his hardest to give me a smile. Then a switch turned off, all his muscles tensed up then loosened. His eyes slowly closed and his once rosy cheeks were now ghostly white. My heart dropped and my body went numb. My brain was racing with thoughts and ideas and I was waiting to see what one triggered an action first as if each idea was a horse and I bet on the most approachable, sensible, and prompt horse.

I slowly turned back in my seat feeling my back pop and crack, the pain was agonizing. My muscles, bones, everything was tensing up and was unwilling to move. It was like everything in my body turned to concrete; heavy, hard, and immobile. I screamed! I screamed as loud as I could but it was useless.

“My cellphone!” I mumbled to myself. I gathered every last bit of strength I had in my motionless body to grab my cellphone out of my pocket and push three buttons; 9-1-1. I held the phone to my ear trembling like a minor earthquake was trapped in my right hand.

“911, what’s your emergency?” The operator said compassionately.

“We were in a car crash. My son is dead and I can barely move.” Tears came rushing from my face when I admitted the facts; Joshua was gone and I was injured beyond repair. “Please help!”

“Okay sir, do you know where you are?” For some reason this question angered me. Of course I don’t know where I am! I wanted to scream into the phone and hang up, but I did not have the energy and I knew this phone call was my only hope to getting help.

“I don’t know, somewhere off the road a couple of miles from the local national park.” I said trying to recall the exact street name.

“Okay, help is on its way. So how old is your son? Can you tell me about him? About his injuries?” She asked trying to draw information about our situation.

“His name is Joshua and he is six years old.” I could feel my head start to spin and throb. “He has a gash in his neck, a huge bruise that had now invaded most of his face, and he is rather pale.” My heart was pounding and my vision was beginning to blur. I dropped the phone. I dropped my life line. I dropped the only source of help.

“Sir are you still there?” I could hear a faint voice coming from the floor of the car. My head was swaying from side to side until I was out; out cold.

I opened my eyes to see a bright light shining into my eyes. It took a while for them to adjust but when they did I could see wondrous and extraordinary objects. I was in a different world; a better one. One with no pain and no worries; everything was so new. Well, except for one thing. I recognized a little boy, he had bright blue eyes that could penetrate into anything, he had brown sneakers that were once shinny white and he had a smile that could make any gray sky go away. It was Joshua!
Joshua was standing by a golden podium with a book as big as the empire state building. The glowing figure was floating behind it, flipping through each page trying to find one specific word. Once he found it he pointed and looked up at Joshua who had a smile on his face. The figure then read off some words, inaudible to me, to Joshua. Joshua then nodded and walked on a white trail which was made of fluffy clouds. At the end of the trail there was a huge golden gate that stood thousands upon thousands of feet tall and sparkled at every angle. I had to get his attention!
“Joshua!” I said jumping up and down, waving my arms every which way.
“Daddy? Is that you? It is! Daddy!” He said running into my arm just like he had upon my arrival from Afghanistan. “You’re here! I thought I was all alone!” I could feel my heart start to race.
“Yes, I would never leave you alone.” I could feel something was not right. I knew I was saying words but I could not comprehend what I was saying. My vision was beginning to get blurry again and my back began to ach.
“Daddy! What happened? You’re bleeding!” he exclaimed, pointing to my head. I reached up and touched my forehead, he was right. I was bleeding uncontrollably. I had to stay calm; for Joshua.
“Joshua, I don’t know if daddy can stay here for much longer, but don’t you worry; I will be back in no time at all.” I said reassuringly.
“No, you can’t go! You promised you would not leave me again!” He said as tears rolled down his glowing face.
“And I plan to keep that promise. You see, daddy just has to go get something’s, like our baseball and baseball mitts! But right when I find them I will come right back here with you. Okay?” My legs locked up and my eyes began to close. I was falling back, back into the open sky with clouds of terror and raindrops of fear.
“Daddy! Please don’t go! I love you!” Joshua screamed with all his might holding down his little hand as if he were going to catch me. I wanted to scream back but I couldn’t. I was frozen, falling, and I had lost all the hope that once filled me to the brim.
I closed my eyes and embraced the wind rushing past my back that made my lungs tense up. I could hear Joshua’s voice bouncing around in my head, “I love yoooo- Thump!” I landed and was barely able to push out a breath. I could hear a constant beep in the back ground, shuffling shoes on the cold linoleum floors and voices yelling out commands and long extensive words. I was back; back on planet earth.
I saw nurses and doctors poking me with needles, putting masks over my face and wrapping me with bandages; but strangely, I felt none of this. Everyone had a panicked expression on their faces.
I tried moving my arms, my hands, my fingers; but it was no use. I laid there, I watched them hook me up to endless machines and connect me with countless wires. I listened to constant beeps and buzzes until my hearing was used to it and it became just another sound in the background. I had bulky white casts on both of my legs and one on my left arm. I was covered in stiches and had an uncomfortable brace around my neck. Stickers covered me head to toe with a red wire attached to each one. A colossal tube came out of my mouth and connected to the biggest machine in the room. It had a silver plaque that read “life support.”
All throughout that week doctors and nurses cycled in and out. Changing bandages and poking more needles in my dead arms. Only one doctor remained constant. He was a big fellow; with a superior attitude and was always seen with a clip board. He would jot down notes while he walked around my bed as if he were judging me as a picture in a county fair. But one day, he did not bring in his clip board; instead he brought in two other doctors. He gave them a command but I could only make out two words; “unplug” and “support.”
“No! I’m right here! I’m still alive!” I screamed at them at the top of my lungs. The two doctors pulled out all the needles and tore off all my bloody bandages. “Please!” I felt like I was stuck in the middle of a horror movie; except I knew what was around the corner and I had no control over it.
He pulled the plug. He pulled the only thing keeping me alive. He pulled the one and only thing I could count on. He unplugged my life.
My eyes closed and my heart beat its last beat. The low continual beep from the monitor slowly echoed louder and louder in my head. I felt like I was sinking to the bottom of a pool; sounds recognizable but indistinguishable.
The darkness was unavoidable until a blinding flash of light immersed me. Blurred images became people, dull senses became sharp feelings, and sounds became words. As I stood in confusion, a recognizable figure came screaming and running in my direction.
“Daddy, you’re back!”