“Life is not about searching for the things that could be



found… It’s about telling the unexpected happen and finding



things you never searched for.”



----------------------------------------------------------------






I am just a simple girl; a girl who thought of my life a



meaningless one ‘till he just step into my life. I am



Christine Jane L. Paler. The girl who thought of herself as a



big NOTHING!






“I will not really have a crush anymore! Nor will I have a



boyfriend! Hassle. And in the end, you’ll just get hurt.” I



told myself. That was when I get hurt because of my crush who



didn’t care even a little to what I feel for him. He’s just



going near me to be near to my friend. He’s just making me as



his bridge to my friend. My crush, and my friend, they’re



already boyfriend – girlfriend. I was hurt. Because my friend,



or shall I say the one I treated as a friend, she know that



Mark’s really my crush since were kinder. She knew what I



truly feel for Mark. Hmmmp. By the way, Mark is the name of my



childhood crush. His full name is Mark Jay Sorela Apac. Haaay.



I was really hurt that time. That one day, when I opened my



eyes, I just know that they’re already boyfriend-girlfriend. I



didn’t even know that Mark’s courting her. Is that how good



she is in hiding things to me? She’s not a true friend! She’s



fake! As fake as Chinese products! Haha. J Just kidding. Is



she really in love with Mark? Or is she just doing this for me



to get hurt? Haays. But, thanks to her because it make me find



someone better than Mark. Ooops, shall I say someone the best



for me. J Oh well, enough for that flashback thing. Here, let



me start my story.






It happened last September. I can’t remember what date was



that. Sorry. J I was texting with my friends when…






*bzzzzzzzt*




Calling…





+63910691****






My phone vibrated and its light blinked. I was about to



answer the call but, he just end it. I was curious ‘who was



calling me?’ It was an unknown number. It wasn’t saved in my



phonebook. So, I texted him,








“Who’s this?”






“Shandy. You?” The curiosity in my head was increasing. I



was really confused and curious who was this person? I don’t



know anyone named Shandy. Who was this? Aah. Maybe this is



just one of my classmates.






“Christine Jane. Uhm, where are you from?” I asked him. I



just want to make sure that this is not my classmate. Maybe



they just wanted to victim me.






“I’m from Surigao but I’m staying in Bukidnon now because



I’m studying here.” Bukidnon? Is he just okay? Isn’t he sick



or something? Bukidnon is too far from here! How did my



number gone that far?






“Are you serious? That place is too far from my place.



Where did you get my number by the way?” Sorry for asking



lots of questions. I just want to make sure. J






“Where are you from by the way? I just dialed your number



and luckily you replied.” Just dialed it? Owz? Really? That



was an old style! HAHA. Maybe he’s just making me look like a



stupid to believe what he’s talking about here. Is he just



fooling me? Hmp! I don’t know. HAHA. :D








“Owz? Really?” I wasn’t sure to what he’s talking about



that’s why I texted him that way.







“Yes. I just dialed it. Promise.” Hmp! Think! Think! Think



Christine! It’s seems that he’s telling the truth. I hope so.



I really hope so. Ok. I’m going to trust him. I hope he will



not break the trust I’ve given to him.






“Ok. Hmp? What was your real name by the way?”






“Shaun Brent del Castillo. But my friends call me Shandy.”



Wow! What a nice name! HAHA :D P’shone – Shaun. HAHA. Almost



the same! I love it! :D






“By the way, how old are you?”






“17. Running 18 this October 25. How about you?” 17?



Running 18? Ah. So, he’s 2 years older than me. Right? What if



I’ll say I’m also 17? HAHA. But, I won’t. That’s bad. Maybe my



sin list will be added. :D








“I’m still 15.” Oh? See? I didn’t lie. I’m not a liar.



Hihi. J








“Ahh. Sorry I lied. I’m still 15 too running 16 this



October 25. Sorry. L” Haay. I just said earlier that I hope



he’ll not break my trust but, what has he has done? He just



lied to me. Urgh. It’s giving me a headache! But, I don’t know



how to be angry. Sorry. HAHA. Do you know how? Can you teach



me? LOL. :D








“Ah. It’s okay. At least, in the end you just tell the



truth.” Ha? What? That was just okay? Was it just okay for me



that someone just lied to me? No! No way! HAHA :D What



happened to me? Angry? Angry? HAHA :D






“Thanks. J”




“Oh. It’s okay.”

“Things happen for a reason… No one knows what reason… But hey,



if you think the reason’s good, then it’s good.”



----------------------------------------------------------------






Those were our first communications; our first dialog. It



seems that he’s nice. He can be a friend. J But, I hope he’ll



not lie to me again. Then, I saved his number on my phonebook



since I have known his name already. >shandy. That’s what I



saved in my phonebook because he said that his friends call him



Shandy, right? And now that we’re friends, I call him Shandy



too. But, that name sounds so gay. HAHA :D





-IN THE TEXT-




“Do you have a boyfriend?” What? Did I just read it right?



I opened my eyes widely and read it again. ‘Do you have a



boyfriend?’ It was really that! My eyes don’t have any defect



yet!






“I don’t have! Why were you asking?”





“Really? Ever since?” Argh. What kind of question was that?



Why is he asking that kind of questions? And, besides, I really



don’t have a boyfriend ever since. Was it unbelievable? I don’t



think so. HAHA :D





“Yes. Ever since. But, I have fallen in love twice with



that same person.” ‘Oy Christine, why did you say such? Was



it true that you fell in love with him? Are you sure it was



really love? It was just a crush! But, a crush who stayed in my



heart for a long time. You’re too exaggerated Christine! HAHA



:D’ I told myself and laughed to that thought.





“Really? Sounds interesting. How did it happen?” This was



I’m talking about! I know he’ll ask about it. He’s just



reminding me of my ex crush! He’s just reminding me of the past.



Huhu L I don’t want to have that topic but, I started it, so, I



just have to finish it so that I’ll not leave him hanging. I can



do this! Aja! [go!]





“Hmmp. Because it was like this. He was my crush since



we’re still kinder and then, we separated our ways then, when I



saw him once again, I just fall in love twice. Hays :|” Talking



about that love thing again? Argh. It was too much! I’m really



exaggerating! HAHA :D





“Ah. Is that so?” I just continued my story since I have



started it. I don’t care what will happen next! I will just go



on will this…





“Yes. That’s it. That was really is it. He courted me but I



didn’t say ‘yes’ because I know from the start that he don’t



love me. That’s why I wanted to move on and I have moved on.

Maybe I can find someone better than him.” Waaaahh xD





“And maybe that someone is me.” What does he just say? HAHA



:D Hmp! It could be. Waaah! Am I going to be crazy? Could



someone bring me to the mental hospital to check if my brain’s



still functioning well? HAHA :D





“Haha. Are you okay? Are you sick or something?”





“No. I’m not sick. I’m okay. J”





“Ah okay. You, do you have a girlfriend?” Ha? Why did I ask



that question? Maybe he’ll just say I’m very interested with



him. HAHA :D I’m not nuh? Haleeer!





“I don’t also have one.”





“Uhmmm. But, do you ever have a girlfriend?”





“Yes. I have but we broke up.” Ahh. Is that so? So, there’s



still a chance that it could be ‘US’? Hahaha :D What was



happening to me? What am I talking about?





“Ah okay.” Of course! I didn’t say that to him nuh. I’m



shy! Haha. Maybe he’ll just say that I have a thick face!



Wahaha. :D That I’m very ambitious! I don’t want that to happen.



Hmmp. Who also want that, right? Who wanted to embarrass



herself/himself? No one, right? Hmmp. Only abnormal want that to

happen. You, are you one of those? Because me? I’m not! :D





*bzzzzzzzt*



Calling…




+63948745****





Another unknown number. Who’s this again? What do this



person want? Why did he/she just call me? Can he/she just text?



Haaay. I didn’t answer the call. I just rejected it because I



don’t know who this is. Sorry for him/her. I don’t talk to



strangers. :D





I was thinking who it could be. Maybe somebody needs my



help again. Maybe one of my classmates; maybe they wanted me to



make their project again? Hmmp. It could be. Maybe.





While I was thinking who it could be, someone texted me



because my phone just vibrated. I picked my phone up and opened



the text message.





“Answer it! I’ll call you again. I just use my friend’s



phone.” It was him? It was only him? Haaay! I almost loss my



head because of thinking who it was and now, it was just him? He



didn’t even give me a sign that he’ll call. I mean, he didn’t



even text me first. I can’t also answer his call because my



parents are strict. Yes, they’re really very strict to us. They



were overprotective! It’s okay to be protective ‘coz that’s what



parents are but, can they just erase the word ‘over’? But, what



can I do? They’re like that! All I can do is to understand. I



was the eldest in our family. I must be the model to my younger



sister and brothers. I must obey my parents so that they’ll obey



too.





“Sorry. I cannot answer your call. It can’t be – I can’t do



so. My parents are here. If you want to call, just call me back



tomorrow.” That was all I told him.





“Ah ok. I understand.” Oh my gosh! He understands me; he



understands my situation. If he’s always like that, I will



really fall in love with him to the highest level. HAHA :D Why?



Am I in love? No! It can’t be! I just moved on and here he comes



again? For what? To break my heart into pieces again? I’ve been



so tired of picking those broken pieces and now that I have



fixed my heart, here he comes again! Haaay. LOVE, go away from



me, please?





“Uhmm. Why do you want to call me? You have a crush on me



nuh? Ayeeee.. HAHA :D” That was just a pure joke but I was



shocked with his reply.





“More than that.”





“Huh? What is more than a crush? What do you call that



feeling?” I tried to be blind. I tried to act like I don’t know.





“Secret. But, it’s really more than a crush.” I can feel my



cheeks turn red. Oh my gosh! I was blushing! :”3

# To love is something I was afraid to do…



But there’s something different about you…



You made me do something I swore not to do…



You made me fall in love with you…






It was Sunday! It’s time to go to church. I’m nervous



again. We’ll have to dance, that’s why. Oh, I forgot to tell



you. I’m a tambourine dancer in our church and, at the same



time, I’m a back-up singer. As of now, I’ll dance, next Sunday,



I’ll sing, next dance again and then sing. That’s my Sunday



routine. I’m a member of the music team in our church so does my



father and my sister. My father plays guitar sometimes but



oftentimes, he plays keyboard. My sister is also a tambourine



dancer like me. Hehe J She’s trying to imitate what I’m doing,



that’s why. HAHA :D Just kidding. J My mother is a Pastora. She



preaches the word of God. We can build our own church already!



Hahaha. Joke!!! J






The service started already and we’re done dancing. And



now, I’m doing another task. I have to teach the children during



the Sunday school. I was just assigned to do so. So, I can’t do



anything but to obey. I can’t refuse. I teach them about Jesus’



parables in the book of Matthew. I was just a real teacher that



time. J Yes, I want to become a teacher someday and, at the same



time, I also want to be the writer of the world’s bestselling



books in the world! HAHA :D Oh? See? Can you reach it? :D The



soon to be a teacher thing, I can reach that but, to be the



author of the world’s bestselling books? Argh. I can’t reach it



on my own but, I will reach that with the help of God. Those



were only my ambitions. If it will happen just as I wanted it to



be, then I’m blessed. If it will not happen just as I want it to



be, I’m more blessed because God’s plan for me will be



fulfilled. He’ll open new gates for me; better than I wish for;



better than my hopes and my dreams. Whatever be the calling of



God in my life, I will not hesitate to obey and answer his



calling. He has a bright plan for my future. I know and believe



that.






I was done teaching. We only talk with the children there.



They were too noisy! Haay. That’s what really kids are. Then,



after a while, my phone suddenly vibrated inside my pocket. I



get it and saw someone’s calling me! It was the same number



Shandy used the first time he called me. So, I suppose it was



him. I go out of the children’s room and go on my way to the CR.



That’s the only place I find that the noise is less but, the



noise can still be heard a little. Not as noisy as that when I’m



in the children’s room. When I arrive at the Cr, I pressed the



answer button.







-CALL-




“Hello? Who’s this?”






“Michael. You?”






“Christine.” I can’t fully remember all that he had said –



all that he had told me. But, I remembered he asked me,





“You have a crush on Shandy?” Ha? Crush? More than that



too. HAHA :D






“Ha? No! He’s not my crush!” I just said. I was too shy to



say ‘yes’ nuh. I just known him for a few days then I would say



he’s my crush? Haaay. What was that? Could that be possible? And



to think, I don’t see him yet. HAHA :D My heart’s starting to



dig deeper the feelings I have for him. Why such? I was too



confused.






It was too noisy in the other line. It seems that there



were many of them there.






“You want to talk to Shandy?” I was speechless! It made me



stun. It take me how many seconds to say my answer. I really



want to but, I’m shy. I’m really a shy type of girl. I don’t



know why I’m like this! Haha :D






“A-a-ah. Just ask him if he wants to talk to me.” Oh my



gosh! I was stammering! That’s what I said. It’s just right,



right? What if I wants to talk to him? Not knowing he don’t want



to talk to me? Right?






They were too noisy there! And my surrounding’s noisy too.



I can’t understand what he’s talking about. Then, the phone call



just ends.






After that, I go back to the children’s room and asked the



children to zip their mouths. Because they were too noisy and



it’s irritating me!






After the service in our church, we go back home. My



mother, she’s sleeping. She’s tired, maybe. J My father, he was



playingNeed for Speed. HAHA :D yeah. You Read it right. It’s



true! My father’s still playing that game but, not all the time.



Just sometimes. I asked him why he’s playing and he just told me



“to lessen the stress”. Aah. Can playing Need for Speed relieve



stress? HAHA :D Sounds weird.






He [Shandy] called me using that Michael’s number. I ran to



our kitchen to hid myself then there, I answered his call. They



were too busy in the sala. They can’t notice me here.






“Hello?”






“Hello? Who’s this?”





“You don’t know me? Guess who.” Ais. I hate guessing. I



know who he really is. I can feel it’s Shandy. I just chose to



pretend that I don’t know.





“Hmp? Who?”





“The one you’re texting with.” The one I’m texting with?



What kind of answer was that? I have lots of text mates. HAHA :D



Not really, only my classmates and my classmates in elementary.



Why can’t he just tell me who he is? Why do I have to guess?



It’s just too easy to say your name, right? He’s just making



everything slow.





“I asked, who?”





“Shandy.” There! That’s what I want. HAHA :D





“Ah. So, it’s you?”





“Yup. It’s me. Where are you from by the way?”





“From Prosperidad.”





“Where in the Philippines was that? What’s that? Was it a



baranggay?”

“Nope. It’s a municipality. It’s like this, Baranggay



Patin-ay, Municipality of Prosperidad, Province of Agusan del



Sur. Gets?”





“Ah. Ok. Yeah. Get it. Are you the eldest in your family?



Or what?”





“Yup. I’m the eldest. You?”





“We’re just the same. How many are you in the family?



Excluding your parents.”





“We’re five including me.”





“Ah..”





“We’re really six but my sister, the one next to me is



already dead.”





“Aww. Me too. My elder brother and my elder sister’s dead.”





“Hmmp? Why such?”





“Because my parents are both teachers. And, that time, my



mother was assigned in somewhat forest. HAHA :D And there, my



brother and my sister dodn’t hold properly. They just let go



that’s why they didn’t survive.”





“Ouch. How sad. Are they twins?”



“Nope. I was the only one who survived after them but



still, my left lung’s weak.”





“Oh. You have a weak lung?”





“Yes.”





“Since when?”





“Since the day I was born.”





“Aah.”



Our talk’s going to be long. He’s nice. I love it talking



to him. Then, it just gone to the point that he told me,





“Can you sing for me?” I already forgot how it comes to



that topic. I can’t fully recall all of those.





“Me? Going to sing for you? You only. You sing for me.



Hehe.” I giggled. My voice is nice nuh. He’ll going to be deaf



when he start to hear my voice. :D





We’ve been passing the sing thing to each other and,



finally, he gave up. Whooh! I won! Haha :D He then sing a song.





“Ikaw lamang ang aking minamahal



Ikaw lamang ang tangi kong inaasam



Makapiling ka, habambuhay, ikaw lamang sinta..

Wala na ‘kong hihingin pa. wala na…



Ohhh.. ohhhhhh…”





He sang that song. He told me it was his favorite song and



said it was an old song but, it was the first time I heard that



song. Ikaw Lamang by Silent Sanctuary. In fairness, he has a



nice voice. It can really make you fall in love if you hear his



voice. It was euphonical! That was the first time I heard of



that song and I would never forget that because I heard it first



from the person I love. Ok. I admit. I already have feelings for



him. But, still not real sure to myself how I get this feeling



for him. I feel that, I just known him for days but, why is it



that I can feel it that he’s already close to my heart? That



feeling of being close that I can feel that… it seems that I



have known him for years. That’s what I feel. Why is it like



that? Why is it that I’m feeling this way? This is the first



time I feel this way. Am I in love or something? Is this what



you call LOVE? Or was this what you call INFATUATION? Am I just



exaggerating my feelings? What is really is it? Could someone



tell me what is this feeling I have for him? I enjoyed a lot



texting and talking to him. I haven’t really feel this way



before. It was my FIRST TIME.






I enjoyed a lot talking to him when suddenly; my mother



opened the kitchen door. I was nervous. Maybe she’ll get mad at

me again. I don’t know that she woke up already! Argh.






“Christine! What are you doing here again? Texting again



huh?”






I didn’t end the phone call. He can hear everything that



I’m talking and maybe he can hear what my mother’s been talking



too.






“Me? Texting? I don’t even have a load. I’m just playing.”



Oh my gosh! Again, I lied! I’m just adding my sins! >.<





He heard what I said. I know. That made me shy of myself.



Maybe he’ll think I’m a big liar! No, I’m not! That was just a



white lie. Yeah. But still, it’s a lie. L I did that for my own



good so that my mother will not get mad at me. That was just



that! Nothing more, nothing less.






Then, there! We had a long talk then I asked him,






“Why are you always calling me?”






“I want to. Will I call again if I don’t?”






“Ah. Really? Why to me?”






“I want to call you eh.”






Ah. I asked why me? Can you just tell me you love me? HAHA

:D I really have a thick face. HAHAHA :D




Then, he asked me one question,






“How can you put the giraffe inside the refrigerator? In 3



steps.”






“Ha? Giraffe can’t fit inside the refrigerator.”






“Nooo. Just imagine that the giraffe can fit.”






It made me think of it. Hmmp. How can you put a giraffe



inside the refrigerator? It can’t really fit! I can’t imagine.






“Ha? How?”




“Just imagine that there’s a new invention of refrigerator.



That big one that a giraffe can fit perfectly.”






“Haaay. I don’t know!”






“Go on! Just try. I know you have an answer. Go!”






“I really don’t know! How?”






“Haay. Ok. I’m the one who asked and I’ll be the one to



answer it. HAHA. :D First, you’ll open the refrigerator. Second,



you’ll place the giraffe inside. Third, you’ll close it. There!



HAHA. You have placed the giraffe in already. HAHA :D” He



laughs. Argh. I laugh the way he laughs. It can make me smile



too.






“HAHAHA. The answer’s very easy! Haha. I wasn’t thinking of



that! I was thinking of a deeper answer for I thought it was



that serious. Haha.”






“hahaha.” He laughs again! OMG! He’s cute when he laughs.



Hehe.






“You really is a joker. Haha.”






“Me?”






“Yeah. You.”






“Me? You? You’re mine. HAHA”






“eh? HAHAHA”






Long talk! I enjoyed talking to him. It would be too long



if I’ll write it all. I will just write ‘till here. J






Then, after the calls, we’re back to texting again.






“Do you have a facebook account?”






“I have but I can’t open it already. It was hacked. But, I



will just make a 2nd account.”






“When?”


“I don’t know. If I have time.”






“Make it as soon as you can hap? Then, add me on my



account. Just search my name, Christine Jane Paler and it’ll



just appear there.”






“Ok J”






“You put some of your photos on you facebook account so



that I can see your pictures.”






“Ok. I will. J”






“Ok. I’ll wait for a friend request from you.”

# Decisions shape your destiny, it is in the moments of



indecision that fate takes over.



# Do not find love, let love find you.



That is why it’s called falling in love,



Because you don’t force yourself to fall, you just fall.



----------------------------------------------------------------





After how many days passed, hmmp… I don’t remember how many



days was that. I already knew brief details about him. He’s



Shaun Brent del Castillo. He’s from Surigao. He’s studying at



Central Mindanao University also known as CMU. He’s an AB



Psychology student of that school; 1st year college. He’s still



15. Running 16 this October 25. He said he’s accelerated that’s



why he go to college at an early age. He told me he has a weak



lung since birth. I didn’t make any reaction to it because I



don’t know about that kind of illness. For me that time, it



wasn’t a big deal. He’s kind. I can feel that. I love his



personality. I love everything about him. I love him just the



way he really is.






He courted me one day. I can’t fully remember what was his



first words. I have forgotten about it already. But I remembered



I texted him this:






“When I turn 16.”






I really want to. I’m just waiting for him to tell me



“would you be my girlfriend?” Something like that. Not that



telling me words that I can’t feel that it was already that! Can

he just say it to me direct to the point? But, I’m afraid! I’m



afraid that maybe, he’s just fooling me around. That type of



thing I used to see on TV’s. That you’re betting to your friends



and if you can let that girl say ‘yes’ to your courtship, you



then win the game. Hmmp. I was thinking of that. And that



thought made me so afraid. And, what if he’ll just come and



break my heart into pieces again? And what if what I truly feel



for him is not really LOVE? What if it was just an infatuation?






There were lots of things running into my mind that time.



My heart says “yes” but my mind keeps on contradicting my heart.



Which among the two of them will I choose to follow? My heart or



my mind? That makes me confused too.






“When will you turn 16?” he replied.






“This coming January 7.”





“Argh. That was still too far.” Yes. I know. It was still



to far. :|





“It can’t really be as of now. Sorry. K”





I followed what my mind’s telling me. But, I was wrong. I



hurt him. I hurt his feelings. I know he became mad at me. I



kept on saying sorry but he’s not even making his effort to



reply. He’s really mad at me. I know. Then, after a while, he

replied,





“Why are you still texting me? I don’t have use to you,



right? I’m not even your boyfriend.” Ouch! It hurts! I really



hurt him. I know and I can feel that. Why is it that I wasn’t



true to what I truly feel? I love him, right? I love him! Don’t



you know that? I don’t know what to reply. I just follow what my



heart told me.






“Yes. You weren’t my boyfriend but you mean everything to



me.” That was from my heart! It made me cry that time. I hurt



him, right? But why is it that I’m hurting myself more? My heart



really hurts. Tears started falling from my eyes but, I



immediately wipe those tears. I’m trying to stop the tears from



falling but I just can’t. And it hurts more when I received his



reply.





“What’s that? You’re just like eating a fried soup.”



It hurts! Ouch! It really hurts! I locked myself inside my



room and there, I cried. And, I was evaluating my feelings for



him. I keep on asking my heart “do I really love him?” I



listened to my heartbeat. My heart really beats fast like dugdug



dugdug. I was thinking “what will I do?” I can’t handle this



feeling if it will take long. I was just hurting myself. While



I’m crying, covering my face with my pillow. I feel my phone



vibrating. I wipe my tears and pick it up. There’s a message



from him!






“You managed to make me feel like a stupid piece of s***.



Would you like an award for that?



-------



Damn day! I really hate it. It hurts me a lot. :’(



**GM (If only you knew)”






Tears continued falling. I cried. But I didn’t tell him. I



was trying to be strong even when I’m starting to be broken



inside. I can’t tell him that I’m hurting too. ‘if only you also



knew what I feel for you. And you think you’re the only one



who’s hurt? I’m also hurt! More than the hurt you feel. Don’t



you know that? Ha?’ I wanted to tell him that but I didn’t able



to tell him. I really think of my next move; my next decision.



Will I say ‘yes’ or ‘no’?






Then, after that, after my emote business, I decided to say



‘yes’ to him. I don’t want to hurt myself anymore. I was just



buying a gun loaded with unlimited bullets to shoot myself if I



continue that. I will say ‘yes’. That’s my final decision.






I texted him:






“Ok. We can be.”






“Huh? We can be?”






“We can be ‘US’”






“really? I was just waiting for you to say that.”






“I was also waiting for you to say the words “would you be



my girlfriend?” I really wanted to say ‘yes’ from the start.”






“Jane, would you be my girlfriend?”






“Yes. I just said yes earlier. Right?”






Then, after that, I feel free. I was relieved and it makes



my heart smile. J






“Ms. Christine Jane Paler – del Castillo. Oh. It’s nice.”






“HAHAHA :D” I just laughed.






I can’t really forget that day. It was September 18, 2011.



The day I told him ‘yes.’ The day that ‘me’ just turned into



‘us.’ There were lots of first times that happened to me that



day. First time I cried because of love. Yes, I’ve been hurt



before but it didn’t come to the point that I cried. Cupid



really hit me so hard. First time to say ‘yes’ to one of my



suitors. I have lots of suitors around me; the one I can only



see every day but, why did I choose him? Why Shaun Brent Chiong

del Castillo? I didn’t even saw him yet. But, so what? My heart



is the one who feel the love and not my eyes. And, that was the



first time I told myself ‘I have been in love.’ Yes. I’m in love



with this text mate. But now, he’s not just a text mate to me.



He’s my boyfriend! And that is also the most shocking first time



that happened to me this day. First time of having a boyfriend.



I was happy that time. I really can’t forget that day. No words



can ever describe how happy I am in that day.






But, behind this happiness, I’m still hurt and I feel



disappointed to myself. Because, my friends and I always sing



‘true love waits.’ We believe that true love waits. By the way,



the chorus of the song goes like this:






♪♫ True love waits don’t let anyone change your ways




Look ‘em all straight in the face and tell ‘em no matter





what I remains the same.




Don’t want to be deceived. See, I found the key.




Can’t you see that I believe, I believe that true love




waits for me. Waits for me. ♫♪





I feel guilty to them. I’m the one who let them know that



song and now I’m the one who breaks the motto “True Love Waits.”



Was it my fault to fall in love with him? I didn’t expect that



to happen too. It just came and happened to me. I was also



afraid that maybe, my parents would know about ‘us.’ But, I can



take all the risks for him. ‘Love conquers all especially fears’



That’s what P’Shone said in the movie “Crazy Little Thing Called



Love.” I’m not yet allowed by my parents to enter relationships



like this. I don’t know the reason why. I totally know it was



forbidden but I’m still taking the risks.

#Denying someone to other people can hurt that someone’s



feelings.



----------------------------------------------------------------





In that day I haven’t done a thing. I’m just thinking of



him.






It was Monday! I go to school. But, since we don’t have



regular class that day, due to the preparation for the incoming



intramurals, I’m just texting him if our teacher will not come



and have a class. I didn’t tell my friends about me and Shaun



yet. I just keep it as a secret but I’m planning to tell them at



the right time.






My day was very fast! I can’t even recall the things I’ve



done earlier. I was just shocked when I noticed that it was



already time to go home. The time’s running too fast! The



happenings were happening too fast. I still can’t believe that I



already have a boyfriend.






When I got home, I changed my clothes. We’re texting and I



haven’t replied to him on time.






“Hey, sorry late reply. Just done changing my clothes.”






“Why you didn’t text me?”






“A-aah. I’m sorry. I’m still adjusting myself that I



already have someone to text whenever I’m doing something.”






“You must do it. Because I’m already your boyfriend.”






I’m still in the process of adjusting. I’m not really used



to it but now, I have to. But, the nicest thing in having a



boyfriend is that, there’ll always be someone who’ll care for



you. When it’s already time to eat, someone will text you, “Eat



you meal already! Eat well! J” There were lots of people saying



that to me but, I can’t feel the care that flows with it. Only



to him I feel the care I’m looking for. J






Days had passed by, I still didn’t tell my friends yet. I



didn’t tell them about ‘us’ I was too afraid. I’m afraid to the



possible happenings if I do so. Maybe they’ll be disappointed to



me and will not treat me as their friend anymore. I really



treasure our friendship because they were my real friends in the



classroom. Me, Keren, Sherramel, Catherine, Richelle,



Marichelle, and Ritchelle Vera.






Keren C. Peñalver, she’s the most artistic lady among the



seven of us. She has a very high standards when it comes to



fashion.






Sherramel M. Mabras, she’s a silent type of girl but she’s



smart! She loves eating! HAHA :D






Catherine G. Capa, like Sherramel, she also loves eating.



:D She loves reading books. She wants to be the first Filipina



astronomer someday. She also wants to be a private investigator



too. It’s just okay for her to make her life short as long as



she enjoyed living it. That’s what she believe in.






Richelle R. Cineza, she’s the type of girl who really love



watching movies but, she love to read too. She’s beautiful! Her



beauty is somewhat like Indian. She have lots of look – alike in



the celebrities like Iza Calsado and Queenie Padilla. J She also



look like Bella Swan in the movie Breaking Dawn. :D






Marichelle L. Jugarap, she’s the very childish one among



us. She’s really like a kid. Her height, the way she talks and



the way she act. She also loves to read.






Ritchelle Vera A. Lalisan, she’s a shy and silent type of



girl but, she’s really talkative and loves to tell jokes if only



you know her well.






That was brief descriptions about my friends. I love them!






That day, Shaun called me. Of course, I answered it. We



talked and talked then he asked me,






“Your friends didn’t know about us yet?”






“h-h-ha?” I pretended that I didn’t hear. I heard it



clearly but I just choose to pretend. But, I also can’t hear



sometimes. But, that was just SOMETIMES. Hahaha :D






“Your friends didn’t know about us yet?” He asked the same



question once again. That time, I already answered his question.



I told him the truth.






“Not yet. Why?”






“Why you didn’t tell them?”






“I will just tell it to them. At the right time. It’s too



complicated if I’ll tell it now.”






“Can you just tell them? It hurts in my part that you’re



denying me especially to your friends. Why should you wait for



the right time? And, how will you know if that right time has



come?”






OMG! It was just like I’ve been slapped on my face left and



right because of the things he just said. But, he’s right. It



also hurts in his part to be denied. And, how will I also know



when that right time that I’m talking about comes? I don’t know



what to say. I don’t know what will I answer to his questions.



Confusions came into my mind.






“Leave it to me. I will just tell them. Don’t worry.” I



ignored his questions.






After the phone call, I was thinking about what he said. I



need to tell it to them. I don’t want to hurt him long – I love



him and I don’t want him to get hurt. Especially if that’s



because of me. There! I told my friends. They weren’t mad at me.



And I was thankful.






It was October 6. Krizza’s birthday. We go to their house.



All of us except to those who are absent that day. We enjoyed



there! Bonding with the 4th year Hertz. Picture taking! J






“What are you doing?” he asked me.



“Watching my classmates while they’re having their picture



taking.”



“You join them. Then, upload it on facebook. I want to see



your recent photos.”






“Argh. I don’t want to join. I’m a camera shy. I don’t like



picture – picture. HAHA :D”






“Please?”




“Naah. I really don’t want to. Okay. Next time. If I feel



like taking a picture.”




“Ok. But, you must upload 50 pictures as of this week.”



“What? 50 pictures? I can’t do that. You know, I really



hate taking pictures of myself.”






“Ok. Just make it 30.”



“Haays. Ok. I’ll try.”






“By the way Jane, I’m already done making my facebook. I



already added you as my friend. Just confirm my request.”






“Ok. I will. J”




Then, when I already at home, we were still texting.






“You also put a whole body picture ha?”






“Whole body? Urgh.”






“Yes. Whole body.”






“Ok. But not all. Ok?”



“Ok.”



That night, I opened my facebook account. There, I saw a



friend request from Shaun Brent del Castillo. I confirmed it. I



watch his photos. Hmmp. He look like a little bit gay. HAHA :D



But, my feelings for him didn’t change. I still love the way he



is.

#Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.





----------------------------------------------------------------







It was Saturday! My mother, father, my sister and brothers



go with my cousins and our other relatives to the beach. They’ll



go out swimming. I didn’t go with them for 3 reasons:



1.I’m not feeling well.



2.I’m not in the mood to go out swimming.



3.So that I’ll be free to call him because I’m the only one



in the house. No one will get mad at me. :D





When they leave the house, a big smile was painted on my



face. J I smiled even though my head aches. I texted him:





“Ouch! My head aches. I’m not feeling well.”





“Ha? You take medicine to make you feel better.”





“No need. I can handle myself.”





“Don’t be like that! Just take medicine. Ok?”





“Ok. I’ll take medicine. As you wish. J”





“Good. J”





I followed what he had told me. I took my medicine and



Called him after.





“Hello?”





“Hello. Jane, are you okay?”





“Not so.” I made a frown.





“Did you take medicine already?”





“Yes.”





“Good. What do you feel?”





“My head aches.”





“Maybe you wanted to take a rest first.”





“A-a-ah. It’s okay.”





“Ok. As you say.”





I was speechless. I wanted to talk to him more but, I ran



out of words to say. I don’t know why my heart beats fast every



time I talk to him. What’s with him that captivated my heart?






“Jane?”






“Yes? What?”






“Nothing. I just called your name.”






“Aah. Ok.”






Every time he calls me Jane, it makes my heart skip a beat.



OMG! I don’t know why I really feel this way.






When the phone call ends, I can’t help myself to stop



thinking of him. Since the day we become ‘us’, he’s always been



in my mind every now and then. I just can’t get him out of my



heart and my mind.






That night, on that same day, I opened my facebook account



and saw in my notifications that Shaun Brent del Castillo posted



in my wall. I clicked it and saw:






“Whenever you’re having a bad day, remember this:





I LOVE YOU!”





I can’t stop myself to smile while reading that. It really



touched my heart – the very deepest part of my heart. I know I



love him. I really can’t deny that I do.





I opened new tab. Typed youtube and search for the song



“God Gave me You.” I copied the link and messaged it to him. I



really mean it. I love the lyrics of the song.





♪♫ God gave me you to show me what’s real



That there’s more to life than just how I feel



And all that I’m worth, is right before my eyes.



And all that I live for though I didn’t know why..



Now I do… Coz God gave me you… ♫♪





Truly, God gave me Shaun to show me what’s real. He showed



me the real meaning of life. He prove me wrong when I say ‘no



one loves me’ He showed me the reality that there are lots of



people loving me. I just can’t feel it. And, he’s the top one on



my list of people who loves me. J All that I live for, though I



didn’t know why. Now I do ‘coz God give me the privilege of



knowing Shaun who adds meaning to my meaningless life. He step



into my dark world and brought brightness and enlightened my



life. That’s why he’s everything to me. J I’ve been very



thankful to God for giving me the privilege of knowing someone



like Shaun. Someone who made my life complete.





After all those days that it’s been ‘us’, I love him even



more in each passing days. And, I have swore to myself that



he’ll be my first and my last love. I’m hoping that he’ll be my



groom in my upcoming wedding day. I want to grow old with him



and I want to be with him ‘till I die. I hope he’s already the



one for me. Lord, could it be?





One day, he go online. He texted me and told me to go



online too. So, I did. I go online and we chat.





“I have messaged a link to you. Did you saw it already?”





“Huh? I didn’t receive any.”





“Argh. Ok. I’ll message it to you again.”





“Ok. I’ll wait.”





Then, I copied the link again and messaged it to him the



second time around.





“oh. You saw it already?”





“Yes. But, I didn’t open it yet. God gave me you! <3”





“Hehe. You open it.”





“Of course. I will.”





Then, after a few minutes, I asked him,





“Heard it already?”





“Yes. But not yet in the end. It’s still loading.”





“Ah. Okay.”





I also opened and listened that song in that very moment.





“Hey. I’ll be out already. My father will use the



computer.”





“Naah. Okay. L”





“Bye.”





“Ok. I will just text you when I got back to the boarding



house.”





“Ok.”





“:*”





And there, I logged out my facebook account. I waited a



Text from him while I’m writing a poem. That’s what I usually do



when I’m bored or when I’m inspired to write. This time, I was



really inspired to write. J While I’m writing, my phone suddenly



vibrated. He already texted me. J






“Jane…”





“Yes?”





“Just got back here in the boarding house. What are you



doing there now?”






“Writing.”





“Writing what?”



“Writing a poem.”



“Wow! Nice. About what?”



“Secret. HAHA :D”



“Ai. Just tell me, please?”



“Ais. Okay okay. It’s about love.”



“Can I read it?”



“huh? How?”



“You message it in my facebook.”



“Hmmp. Okay. If I’m already done. But, not now.”



“Ok. When?”



“Tomorrow.”



“Ok. Promise?”



“Yeah. J”





After that, we eat our dinner. I texted him first before I



Go to the kitchen.



“I’ll eat my dinner first. Text you later. J”



“Ok. Eat well! I love you! J”





That’s what I love about him because he’s really very



sweet. He’s also very caring and I love the way it is.

# True love never dies for it is lust that fades away.



Love bonds for a lifetime but lust pushes away.





----------------------------------------------------------------






The next day, that night, I opened my facebook account



because I promised him that I’ll message the poem that I made to



him. Luckily, he’s online too.






“Where’s the poem?” he chatted me.




“Ai. I’m shy.”




“You promised me last night.”




“Ok. I will but wait, I will still encode it.”




“Okay. I’ll wait for it.”




“Don’t tease me ha? It’s very ugly! Swear! Don’t expect too



much because I’m not a professional poet. It’s just a free



verse.”




“Ok. I won’t.”




Then, I encoded the poem. It took me a long time to encode



it due to some instances.




“Where is it?”




“Just a moment.”



“Okay.”



I continue encoding it. And finally, I’m done.



“I’m done!”



“Where is it?”



“Here. Love Conquers All Especially Fears. That’s it.”



“Urgh. You’ve promised me last night.”



“Yeah. That was just the title. Ok here it goes…



LOVE CONQUERS ALL ESPECIALLY FEARS



Before, I was afraid to fall in love,



I’m afraid that when I fall,



Nobody would be there to catch me.





I’m afraid to be rejected,



I’m afraid to be heartbroken,



That’s why I’m afraid to try.





I’m afraid to be hurt



And I don’t want to cry



For the person who might not deserve my tears.





But when you step into my life,



My thoughts about love have changed



I’ve understand love after all.





There are times that you’ll get hurt



But, it’s just a challenge



For you to learn and to improve next time.





You might not get everything you want,



But as time goes by,



You’ll see that you’re having the best!





That’s why when I knew you,



I fully realized that love conquers all



Especially fears.”



“Don’t tease me ha?”



“Thumbs up! J”



“wee? It isn’t nice.”



“It is. J”



“I don’t believe you. Goodbye. Got to log out my



facebook now.”



The next day, we don’t have class so, I’m just staying



In our house. Since I have nothing to do, I ask my father to



allow me to turn on our computer, lucky of me because he allowed



me. J All I just do is open my facebook. I watch everything in



Shaun’s facebook. Then, I saw that Sean Clint Tingson’s photos



and Shaun Brent del Castillo’s photos are the same! Are they



just one? Or, who among the two of them uses one’s photos? I was



really confused. Then, I texted him.






“Shandy…” he didn’t reply.




“Sean…” I texted him again.




“Sean?” he replied.




“Yes. Sean. You’re Sean, right?”




“huh?”




“Who really are you?”




“Why? Who do you think I am?”




“It’s who are, and you don’t know?”




“I don’t understand you.”




“You’re Sean Clint Tingson, right?”




“No. I’m really Shaun Brent del Castillo. How did you know



about Sean?”




“I saw it on facebook.”




“How? He’s not even my friend on facebook.”




“It’s just a long story.”




“Sorry. It wasn’t me. That pictures are really Sean’s



pictures.”




Again, for the second time, he lied to me but I just can’t



get mad at him.




“Why did you do that?”




“Sorry Jane. I’m really sorry.”




“It’s okay. I wasn’t also in love with you because of those



photos. I love you for being the real you.”




“You made me cry. :’(”




“Don’t cry. You’ll look like a gay if you do so.”




“I can’t help it.”




“Urgh. You’ll really look like a gay. J”




“It’s okay because you’re also the reason why I cry.”




“Ais. Ok. It’s all up to you.”




I’ve forgiven him already. No feeling of being angry in my



heart. Still, nothing changed. I still love him.

# Love. All my life I have read about it, dreamt of it, waited




for it, cried or it, needed it.



Now with you, I have found it.





----------------------------------------------------------------





We were so happy back then but happiness suddenly turns



into sadness the moment he told me about his illness. His right



lung is weak now. Both his left and his right lungs were already



weak. The thing I thought not a big deal is also the thing that



made me think it was really a big deal. He told me he’s dying.



It hurts me and it seems that my heart is torn into pieces. I’m



really very sad for him.






“Jane, take care of yourself ha ‘coz anytime I can’t be



here for you.” He texted me. I was so sad because it seems that



he’s already saying goodbye to me.






“Hmp? We’ll still have our wedding, right?”




“Yes. If I can survive, I will marry you. But, promise me



that if I can’t survive, you’ll find someone to be with you



instead of me.” That time, tears started to fall. His text



messages really hits my heart. Every messages from him that time



makes my heart bleed.






“No. I won’t.”




“Please Jane. Just do it for me.”




“What can the doctors do to cure that?”




“Nothing Jane. There’s no cure for this.”




“Haay. Don’t worry I will be a doctor someday. I’ll invent



medicine that can cure you.”




“No Jane, be an educator. That’s what you want. And, if



ever you can invent, I can’t reach that already.”




“:’( You made me cry.”




“Jane, stop it. Be strong for me.”




“I just can’t help the tears from falling.”




“I just said be strong.”




“Ok. I will. For you.”




“Thanks Jane.”




“You’re welcome. 10 years from now ha? hehe”




“Ok. I hope I can survive.”




“Just do everything to survive. Ok? Promise me.”




“I can’t promise you because maybe I can’t survive. But I



will do everything to survive for you, Jane.”




“:’(”


“Hays. Don’t forget me ha?”




“Of course! I won’t forget you. Can I forget my first love?



Even if I’m not your first love, you’re still my first love.”




“But you will also be my last. That’s the important thing

there, not my first love.”




“Last? Really? You won’t find another girl except me?”




“Yes. I won’t.”




“Really huh?” It makes me smile the moment he told me that.



It made me feel confident that he’ll always be mine.




“What’s the feeling if you have weak lungs?”




“Why? You don’t believe that you’ll be my last?”




“Feeling of having a weak lungs? Hmmp. I can’t properly



breathe.”




“It’s not that I don’t believe. J”




“I really love you Jane especially when you’re a little bit



strict.”




“Strict? When did I do that to you?”




“hehe. Maybe you just didn’t notice it or maybe for me it’s



already strict but for you, it’s not yet. J”




“HAHA :D Maybe I just didn’t notice it. Aren’t you sleepy



yet?”




“I still don’t want to sleep maybe I can’t wake up the next



day. And, I want to spend more time with you. You, ma, aren’t



you sleepy?”




“Not yet. I can’t sleep.”




“Ma? Why ma?”




“Why? Hmmp. Ma because mama ko. J”




“Hahaha. Why is it that among all those you can call me,

why ma?”




“hmmp. I can’t sleep because of you.”



“I just want to make you smile. J”




“Why? Why is it because of me?”



“Because you’re always running in my mind that’s why I



can’t sleep.”




“HAHAHA :D”




“Are you going out of your house every night? Don’t go out



this time ha? Because you’re always going out that’s why I can



always see you in my dreams. J”




“Hahaha. :D Ahlaveet. You ma ha? You’re leveling up. :D”




“Hahaha :D”




“You make me smile. J”




“Yehey! I made you smile. J Mission accomplished. Haha :D”




“I will miss this. K”




“Hays. There you are again.”




“Ay. Sorry ma.”




“It’s okay. J”




“Ma, aren’t you going to sleep yet?” It was already around



12 o’clock and we’re still texting. HAHA :D




“You, are you sleepy already? Just sleep if you’re already



sleepy.” He didn’t reply after that. Maybe he fell asleep. And



me, I can’t sleep because I keep on thinking of him. Even until



I fall asleep, he’s still on my mind.




When I woke up that morning, I fix my bed. There’s no class



because it’s Saturday. I texted him.




“Good morning!” he didn’t reply maybe he’s still asleep.




“Just text me if you’re already awake ha?” I texted him



again.




And since he didn’t reply yet, I do the laundry first so



that if he’ll reply, I will not be busy anymore. I’ll be done



with my obligations in the house.






When I’m done, I go to my room, get my phone but still,



there’s no text messages from him. I rest for a while. I lay on



my bed. It’s already almost 10 o’clock. After a while, my phone



beeped. I was expecting it was him because I have always been



waiting for a text message from him. I picked my phone and



opened the message.






“Hi miss, are you from FEU?”




“huh?” I was confused.




“Because TAMARAW that I love you. J”




“hahaha. Just woke up?”




“Yes. Sorry mama Jane. L”




“It’s okay. You really have a deep sleep huh because you



woke up very late. J”




“I’m glad I still woke up.”




“Hays. You can really woke up. Just don’t forget to



breathe. Inhale… Exhale… hehe J”




“Ma, are you done eating?”




“yes. Just done eating. You?”




“Not yet. I’m not yet hungry.”




“Really? Are you sure? Don’t skip your meal.”




“Ok ma. Ayy. I’ll eat first. Text you later mama ko.”




“Ok. Eat well. J” I didn’t text him after that because I



don’t want to disturb him while he’s eating. But, it took him so



long so I texted him.




“Done eating?” he didn’t reply.




“Done eating! Burp! J” finally, he replied.




“Good for you. What are you doing there now?”




“Playing guitar. You want to listen?”




“Hmmp. I want to but, how?”




“Call me. Please ma?”




“I don’t have extra load. And, I can’t call you now because



my parents are here.”




“Ma, please…” He’s begging me and it makes me feel pity to



him. But, I just make it as a joke.




“Haha. What’s that? Begging me to do so?”




“Yes. Because maybe this would be the last time I can do



this to you. Maybe I can’t do this to you next time.”




“huh? Why not?”


“Who knows this would my last day, right? So, call me ma,



please?”




“Okay. But, I’ll call you later. Ok?”




“Ai. Maybe we’ll go somewhere with my mother later.”




“Where will you go?”




“ma, can you call me now? Please?”




“Yes. I will. Later.”




“ais. L” I know I hurt him once again and he get mad at me.



He didn’t reply after that. It make me realize that it was just



a very simple favor from him but, why is that I can’t give it to



him? He just want me to call him. A very simple favor but it was



so hard for me to do so. I hope he’ll understand me – he’ll



understand my situation.






I keep myself busy that day. We’re not texting anymore. He



didn’t text me and I’ve been so tired of always staring at my



phone; waiting for a text message from him. But, he didn’t text



me anymore that’s why I do something else to make me busy. I



cleaned our house; I do some of the household chores. It was



already around 7pm when I received a text message from him but,



it was just a group message.






“Just got home. It makes my day bad earlier there at the



market. >.< And it’s brownout!



‘eb. SURNECO: Please turn on the electricity before 9:15. I

will still watch PBB!



**GM”



“You’re watching PBB too?” I replied.



“Who you?” huh? Is that it? He’ll just forget me? He just



told me last night that I won’t forget him but see? He’s the one



who forgets.



“Ah. You will just forget me now huh?”



“This is not Shaun. This is Shandy. Who are you?” Aah.



That’s why. I thought it was Shaun. By the way, Shandy is



Shaun’s ex girlfriend. And, that is why Shaun’s friends call him



Shandy because it was like they’re teasing him. And, Shaun don’t



want me to call him Shandy anymore. He just want me to call him



Shaun, Brent, or Shaun Brent. Shandy, Shaun’s ex girlfriend is a



ramp model of the Sophie Company. When I knew about that, it



made me think, ‘his ex girlfriend’ is a ramp model? Then he



choose me to replace Shandy’s place? Why such?’





“Ah. I see. I’m Christine Jane. You can call me Christine



for short. Where’s Shaun by the way?”



“He’s with me but busy playing with my dog. How are you



related to each other?”




“Aah. Ok. I’m his girlfriend. Why?”




“Oh. I see. Nothing.”




“is he still busy? Was it you who send that GM or was it



Shaun?”






“It’s him. Yes. He’s still busy. I was also shocked. He



didn’t even told me that he’ll go here in our house.” Go? In



their house? Did I ask? I didn’t even Ask her. Is she trying top



make me jealous? Duh. Oh well, I don’t have that in my



vocabulary. :D






After that, I didn’t receive a text from him already. Maybe



he’s really busy. I keep on texting him but he won’t reply so, I



just stopped bothering him.

# Life’s full of challenges, not all the time we get what we



want.





# If love is music in it’s purest form, then you are the notes



on the page and the melody in my heart.





----------------------------------------------------------------






The next day, when I’m at school, still, we’re texting.



Because we still don’t have regular class because they’re busy



practicing for the intramurals.






“mama Jane…” he texted me.




“oh?” I replied.




“I love you!” hays. He’s always telling me he loves me and



if I will tell him ‘why you’re always repeating that? I already



knew that you love me.’ He will just tell me, ‘because maybe



you’ll forget. I just want to remind you always.’






“I love you too!” I replied.



“I love you more.”



“I love you even more.” Hahaha :D we’re just like competing



about who’s more in love between the two of us. :D




“I have loved and will love you even more in each passing



days that were together mama Jane ko. Always bear it in your



mind. Muaah. :*”






“J” ‘Yes. I will always bear that in my mind and in my



heart. I hope you will keep on loving me always.’ I wanted to



say that but, I didn’t. I just smiled to him.






That afternoon, I go back home because it’s very boring to



stay in the classroom with nothing to do. We don’t have class,



that’s why. Because I’m bored, I do my hobby. I write a poem. It



was just a short one so, I send it as a group message.






“FORBIDDEN LOVE





When I knew you,



The journey of my love story began.



Yes, it was a happy ride



I enjoyed those happy moments with you.





But, behind all those happiness,



I still have this fear



That this would be known to everybody



Especially to my dearest parents.





I totally know that this love is forbidden



But I have loved you unexpectedly



I didn’t look for love



But it just came to me.





I didn’t expect to know someone



Who can soften my solid heart



Now if loving you is a crime,



Then I would be the most wanted criminal ever.



#with the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.



**GM”





I send it to many. Many reacted to that. They can’t believe



I can write a poem like that. They were teasing me that truly,



I’m in love. :D






Me and Shaun were not texting that time. Maybe he’s busy



because he didn’t text me. But, that afternoon, I called him. It



was about 5pm something. He answered the call.






“Hello?” we both said.




“Why’d you call?”




“Nothing.” It was noisy in his line. After I say nothing,




he ended the call. I don’t know why. I dialed his number again



and he answered it. He didn’t talk to me. He’s just singing with



someone. It was a voice of a girl. I don’t know who’s that. I



just listened to them singing. I didn’t talk too.






“♪♫ Because of you, my life has changed



Thank you for the love and the joy you bring



Because of you, I feel no shame



I tell the world it’s because of you… ♫♪”





“♪♫ Someday, someone’s gonna love me



The way I wanted you to need me



Someday, someone’s gonna take your place



Someday, I’ll forget about you



You’ll see I won’t even miss you..



Someday, someday………… ♫♪”







“♪♫ The smile on your face lets me know that you need me



There’s a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me



The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me whenever I




fall



You say it best when you say nothing at all… ♫♪”





He sang lots of songs. I wanted to hear it all. They were



laughing with that girl. They we’re really happy. I was jealous



because I can’t make him laugh like that. And, I wanted to be



with them there. I wanted to be with him every time but, it



won’t happen now. I continue calling him. They’re still singing



but most of the times, it was Shaun singing.





“♪♫ Wherever you go, whatever you do



I will be right here waiting for you.



Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks



I will be right here waiting for you. ♫♪”







I just wrote the Chorus of the songs because it’ll be long



if I write it all.





“♪♫ You were just a dream that I once knew



I never thought I would be right for you



I just can’t compare you with anything in this world



You’re all I need to be with me forevermore… ♫♪”





While he’s singing, I’m also singing in the other line if I



know the song.





“♪♫ Take a little time baby,




See the butterflies’ colors



Listen to the birds that were sent to sing for me and you



Can you feel me?



This is such a wonderful place to be. ♫♪”





He continued singing and laughing with that girl. They sang



more songs and I texted him:





“Hope I’m there.” He didn’t reply. I called him again. That



time, he talked to me.





“Hello? Jane.”



“Yes?”



“My phone’s already low bat. Just call me later if I’m done



charging. I’ll just text you.”





“Ok.”



I ended the call after that and stopped calling him. I just



lay on my bed since I’ve done the household chores already.



While lying down on my bed, I fell asleep.





When I woke up, I checked my phone. No texts from him. I



put it back under my pillow. That is where I usually put my



phone. That’s why when I sleep, I can feel it if someone will



text because it will vibrate except at times I will off the



vibration. It’s already night when I woke up. They’re done



eating their dinner except me so, I go directly to the kitchen



because I feel hungry. J And then I eat.





-Eat. Eat. Eat. –






After eating, I wash the dishes and then watch TV in our



sala while my sister and brother were playing and opening their



facebook in the computer. Even though we have computer; we have



internet, still, I can’t use it as often as I could because I



have lots of brothers and 1 sister. I have lots of rival in



using our computers. And, since I’m the eldest sister, I can’t



so anything but lower my pride. That’s what eldest do. And, I



love them that’s why I don’t want them to get mad at me. I just



watched TV and mama, papa, and my two brothers sleep already.



And, only the three of us are left in the sala.






“Jane…”




“yes?”




“Sorry I just text you now. Just done charging my phone.”




“It’s okay.”




“You’re always calling me that’s why the battery of my



become low.”




“ooops. Sorry. K”




“It’s okay. We played videoke with my best friend earlier.



Sorry I didn’t talk to you because I’m very busy singing. HAHA



:D”




“It’s okay. I understand.”




“My best friend will just visit here sometimes that’s why I



spend my time with her. But those songs were for you ma. J”




“owz?”




“Yes. Really. I dedicate those to you. Do you know that



song Rainbow? by Southboarder? ”




“A little bit. Just in the chorus but I didn’t memorize the



lyrics. I just knew the tune. :D”




“You search for it ma.”




“Okay. I’ll search for the lyrics.”




“Okay ma. You also send the lyrics to me ma. J”




“Okay. J”






My brother surrendered facing the computer. Haha :D He



already gets tired of playing so he told me,




“Te, you want?” He pointed on the computer while he’s



starting to stand from his long sit. I smiled and then I use the



computer. I search for the lyrics of that ‘Rainbow’ and printed



it. I opened my facebook for a while and then shut down the



computer after because it’s already late.






“papa Shaun, I’m done searching for the lyrics.”




“you send it to me ma. J”




“Ok. Wait.”




“Thanks. J”




“Fallin out, fallin in



Nothin's sure in this world, no no


Breakin out, breakin in


Never knowin what lies ahead


We can really never tell it all



Say goodbye, say hello to a lover or friend


Sometimes we never could understand


Why some things begin then just end


We can really never tell it all”





“Refrain:



But oh, can't you see


That no matter what happens


Life goes on and on


So baby just smile


Coz I'm always around you


And I'll make you see


How beautiful life is for you and me”





“Take a little time baby


See the butterflies' colors


Listen to the birds that were sent


To sing for me and you


Can you feel me


This is such a wonderful place to be



Even if there is pain now


Everything will be alright


For as long as the world still turns


There will be night and day


Can you hear me


There's a rainbow always after the rain”





“Hittin high, hittin low


Win or lose you should go, yeah yeah


Gettin warm, gettin cold


Weather could be so good or bad


But baby this is life


Now don't get mad



#after that, you repeat refrain then Chorus.”






“Bridge:



Life's full of challenges


Not all the time we get what we want


But don't despair my dear


(and I know that) you'll take each trial


And you'll make it through the storm coz you're strong


My faith in you is clear


So I'll say once again this world's wonderful


And let us celebrate life that's so beautiful,


So beautiful



#repeat chorus again then, that’s it! It’s already



done.”




“Thank you! J”




“You’re welcome. J”




“You know the tune in the first stanza? Because I don’t



know the tune in that part and in the bridge.”


“Yes, I know but in the bridge, just a little. Don’t worry.



I will just teach you.”



“Ok. Thank you!”



“papa Shaun, it’s already late. I’m already going to sleep.



J Good night!”



“Ok. I will sleep too. Good night my angel. J” My angel?



Oh my! He said I’m his angel? Hahaha. Crazy me. xD






Sunlight brought brightness into my face. The beauty of



feeling the air’s cool breeze. New day, new challenges awaits us



but in every challenges, in every trials of life, don’t forget



to hold on to God in every moment of your life.






As the eldest sister, I’m the one who cook and prepared our



breakfast. It’s hard to be the eldest in the family because



you’ll be the one to stand if your parents aren’t around. But,



no matter how hard it is, being the eldest is still the best!



Because, all the birth rights will be given to you. All the



blessings for your family and for your descendants will all be



yours but, that is when you do good always and be holy before



God. Just like Esau and Jacob in the Bible, in the book of



Genesis chapter 25-27, Esau is the eldest and he is the one who



can get the birth right but he despised it. He despised the



blessings for him that’s why, Jacob, his twin brother is the one



who got the birth right.




After all the preparations for school, we now go on our way



to school. Me and my sister Hallejah go to school together



because were studying in the same school. She’s 1st year high



school. She’s smarter than I am but, I’m more beautiful than



her. Hahaha. :D just kidding.






When I arrived at the classroom, everyone’s busy doing



their chit – chatting because our teacher for the first period



is not around yet. The boys keep on talking about Dota, Tetris,



and whatsoever. And me, when I arrived there, I immediately go



to my chair, put my bag down and I put my thongs in my desk. I



go near my friend Catherine because she’s the nearest to me.



She’s just at the back of my seat. My other friends were far



from me that’s why I can’t go near them as often as I could



because I don’t want to go far from my chair. HAHA :D That’s me!






I go near her. She’s reading because as described, she



really loves reading. I started the conversation.






“Capa, you know the song ‘Rainbow?’” that’s her surname. We



call our classmates by surname but, sometimes, we call them by



their real names. When I asked her that, she stops reading and



she faced me.






“huh? Rainbow? Roy-G-Biv?” she said with her eyebrows met



and she seemed serious. I slap her in her shoulder but it wasn’t



painful because it was just a soft slap.






“Hahaha. What are you talking about? Roy-G-Biv? That’s the



colors of the rainbow! I’m asking if you know the song! What a!



hahaha.” I laugh because that’s not what I mean and she laughs



with me.





“You sing it so that I’ll know if I know the song or not



Because I’m not really familiar with the title.”



“Ai. I don’t know the tune in the first stanza. I just know



the tune in the Chorus. That’s why I ask you because I want you



to teach me if you know.”






“Try to sing the chorus for me.”




“Ok.” I sing the Chorus. When I’m done singing…




“Aah. I know that! But, not so. The title of that is



‘Rainbow?’ hahaha. I thought the title of that is ‘There’s a



Rainbow Always After the Rain.’ Now I know. Hahaha. You have



lyrics of that song?” she told me that while she’s laughing.





“Yes. I have.”



“Where is it now?”



“There in my clear book.”



“You get it. We’ll try to tune it out.”



“Ok.” I get my clear book there in my desk. I turn the



pages looking for the lyrics and when I finally found it, I



handed the clear book to her.






“Here.” She get it and she stares at it. She try to tune it



out when suddenly…




“What’s that?” Marichelle asked while she looks confusedly



to what Catherine is holding. Catherine and I just ignored her



question because Catherine’s busy tuning the lyrics out and I’m



also busy listening to her and texting with my papa Shaun.



Hahaha. Weird! That’s what we call each other. He calls me mama



Jane and I call him papa Shaun. When my friends knew about that,



they said that we can build a map already. Ahaha. Because of ma



– pa. :D :D






“Ah! Rainbow? That’s your theme song?” Marichelle asked me



while she’s smiling. Her smile, it seems that she’s teasing me!



:D






“Not oooy! He just let me search for the lyrics of that and



I also want to learn that song that’s why I let Capa teach me.”






“Eeeh?” she’s still smiling while she say that! After that,



she join Catherine in singing that while I’m listening to them.






“Halaa! I love this song!” Marichelle said when they



already reached the Chorus of the song. I joined them singing



the Chorus because I already knew the tune in that part. We



enjoy singing there but, we didn’t make our voices loud. We just



lessen our voices because we are not blessed to have golden



voices. Hahaha :D And, maybe if we will make our voices loud,



maybe the clouds will hear us and give us heavy rain! Haha :D






When I get tired of singing, I go back to my seat while



Catherine and Marichelle were left there still singing. I can



still hear their voices since they’re just at my back.






It’s already time but Sir Peligro’s not yet around. He’s



our teacher in the first period. He teach us Calculus II. We’re



already waiting for our next teacher. MArichelle and Catherine



are still singing. They don’t get tired of singing that! Hahaha.






A few minutes later…




“Good morning class!” Ma’am Sansait greeted us. She’s our



teacher in Advanced Chemistry. Hearing Ma’am Sansait’s voice



make the two stop their singing business. Marichelle hurriedly



go back to her chair. She sits in the front because she’s small.



Haha :D






“I’ll borrow it later.” She returned my clear book to me. I



smiled as a response. Everyone go back to their proper seat



arrangement and when all was fixed,






“Good morning Ma’am Sansait!” we greeted back.






“Take your seat.”






“Thank you Ma’am Sansait.” We sit down after saying that.



Ma’am Sansait start her discussions while we listened. After 1



hour of discussing…





“So good so far.” She say that. Hmp? Actually, she keeps on



saying that before she’ll dismiss us. That’s her line. :D






“So far so good.” We exclaimed.




“Goodbye class!”




“Goodbye and thank you Ma’am Sansait!”






After the goodbye’s, my classmates go out of the classroom



because it’s already recess! The favorite subject of everybody!



Haha. But, me and my friends are still in the classroom together



with our classmates who didn’t go to the canteen yet.






“Paler!” Catherine called me.




“Oh? What?”




“I will borrow the lyrics. Can I?”




“Sure. Here.” I handed it to her. They didn’t go to canteen



because of that. Keren and I go to the canteen because Keren ak



for my accompaniment and I go with her there. I really don’t



have plan to buy but, temptations are there. Haha :D






“Still singing?” I said when I enter the classroom and saw



them singing. This time, they were already three – Marichelle,



Catherine and Richelle. They turn their heads to me and they



smiled. I walk to my chair and take my seat.






*bzzzzzzt*




Calling….





>shaun brent






My phone vibrated. He’s calling me! Ohmygosh! That’s his



name in my phone. So that if my father or mother will borrow my



phone, they’ll not know that he’s my boyfriend. Haha. To be



safe! xD I go out of the classroom because the room’s very



noisy! When I go out, still, the boys are there dancing that



‘teach me how to dougie.’ I have no choice. I just go inside the



CR and answer the call there.






“Hello?”




“Jane…”




“Oh? Why’d you call?”




“Am I not allowed to do so? Am I not allowed to call my



girlfriend?”






“A-a-a-ah. You’re allowed. Hehe.” I laugh a little.




“Jane, my unli’s expire already. This is just my extra



load.”




“Ah. Ok.”




“Oh. Do you want me to teach you the tune of ‘Rainbow?’”




“Yeah. I want to. Hehe. Speaking of Rainbow, my friend



asked me if was it our theme song? Ahahaha :D” I laughed. I



don’t know why. :D






“Hmp. It can be. You like it?”




“Yeah. Hehe. You?”




“I like it too. I like the melody and the lyrics of the



song. The meaning is nice.”




“Yeah.”




“And the lyrics really suit to our situation.”




“Eh?”




“Yes. You read the lyrics and you’ll see.”




“Okay.”




“Then, it’s our theme song.”




“Hahaha. Okay. Okay.”




“Then? You want me to teach you or not?”




“Hehe” I giggled. Then, we talk and talk and the phone call



ends when it reach 5 minutes.




I go back to the classroom then I texted him.




“You call again and this time, you teach me ha?”




After a while, he call again and I answer it.




“Oh?”




“I’ll teach you already?”




“Yes. Yes. You sing it first and I’ll listen and I will



familiarize the tune.”




“What’s the lyrics in the first stanza? I forgot.”




“My copy is not with me. My friends borrowed it.”




“You get it.”




“Okay. Just a moment.” I go back to the classroom. Hmp?



Well, I’m outside the class room and I go back to get my copy. I



didn’t end the call. He didn’t end it too. The call just



continued.




“Capa, I’ll borrow the lyrics for a while.” I told



Catherine and she gave it to me.




“Thank you!” I go out of the classroom again and talk to



him [Shaun].




“Got my copy already.”




“Then? What’s the first line?”




“Fallin’ out, fallin’ in.”




“Ahh. Yes. Wait. I’ll look for your message last night.



That lyrics that you send to me.”




“Okay.” I waited and the phone’s still on my ear. I heard



something “toot. Toot. Toot.” Something like that. It’s really



obvious that he’s doing something with his phone.




“Ok. Here. I already saw it.”




“Good. Start singing.” I commanded him to do so. Haha :D




“Fallin’ out, fallin’ in.” he started singing.




“hehehe.” I laughed.




“Why are you laughing? You listen so that you’ll know.”




“Nothing. Ok. Continue.” He continued singing. Urgh. I



can’t really stop myself smiling every time I hear him sing. He



used to sing to me on phone and I love it. I’m already used to



it that when he calls me, or when I call him, he will really



sing. Sometimes, he’ll let me sing too. And, even if I will not



sing, he’ll force me to. So, in the end, I can still sing. J



After he sings the first stanza, he told me:






“Oh. Your turn. You sing it.”




“Huh? You finish it first.”




“Faster. You sing it. Remember, I’m not unli call.”




“Ah. Okay.” I just agreed.




“Fallin’ out, fallin’ in. Hahaha.” I started and laugh



because I’m not sure if the tune’s right.




“Go on. Continue.”




“My tune’s right?” I ask him to make sure.




“Yes. Continue.”




“naaah. I’m shy. hahaha”




“ais. Faster. It’s almost 5 minutes.”




“Don’t worry I already get it. What about in the second



stanza?”




“The tune’s just the same in the first stanza.”




“Ah. Ok.” After the conversation between me and my first



love, haha :D The phone call ends. He don’t have load already



that’s why we’re not texting anymore. I hate it if I can’t



receive a message from him because it makes me miss him a lot.



If we have free time, if our teacher will not be around, I’m



just singing there. It reminds me of him if I sing that.






A day without him, or shall I say, without a message from



him, it makes my day a senseless one because for me, he’s



everything that puts sense to my day and makes my day complete.








It’s almost 5pm. We’re busy fixing our things because we’re



already dismissed. Then, he call me. I answer it.






“Hello? What made you call me?”




“Nothing. I just want to.”




“Hehe. Okay.” I laughed




“Jane, I’ll just text you later if I’m unli already.”




“Okay.”




“Bye Jane, I love you.”




“oh.”




“I said, I love you.”




“oh.”




“Ais.”




“oh. Saranghaeyo.”




“I don’t like that. You translate it into English.”




“Eh. What can you do? I like it. Hahaha.” I just laughed. I



know he understand what’s the meaning of that Saranghaeyo. He’s



smart. I know that he know that. I’m not saying “I love you too”



every time he’ll tell me he loves me. I’ll just say “I love you



or I love you too” sometimes but, when I say that, I mean it



from my heart where he stays. J






I and my friends were on our way home> when we arrive the



highway, we separated our ways and I receive a text message from



him.






“ma…”




“oh?”




“What are you doing?”




“on my way home.”




“Ah. Take care always mama Jane. J”




“Yeah. I will. I still don’t want to die.”




“Yes because we’ll still have our wedding.”






When I got home, I immediately go to my room and changed my



clothes. I wash the dishes because they’re really waiting for me



because I’m the only one who can wash them. Hahaha. I cook rice



while I’m washing the dishes. I enjoy doing all those. I didn’t



able to text him. When I’m done doing those things, I get my



best friends. Haha. :D My best friends were my notebooks and my



ballpen. They were my best friends because, when I’m sad, when



I’m happy, when I’m disappointed, they’re always there. They’re



the one whom I can share my feelings with. Every secrets I have,



I tell it to my best friends. Ooops. Don’t think that I’m



writing a diary. It’s not a diary but, something like that. I’m



making it in a poetry form.






TEARS WITHIN ME




I still remember those moments



At the back of my mind



The time I used to woke up late



And you just don’t mind me.






The times I used to make you mad,




Oh, I regretted all of those




And, hoping, at the end of the rainbow,




I’ll found the pot of forgiveness from you.






The times I used to give you headaches,




I promise I won’t do it again.






The moments I used to ran away from you,




Afraid to be commanded or asked to do something.






But, behind all those negative memories,




I also have these happy memories in my mind




The time we used to laugh together




With those corny jokes we have shared to each other






I can never forget how smiles are painted on our faces




I hope it would happen again.




I kept on searching for shooting stars each night




Wishing on them to bring back the happiness in us.






I know it’s 50 percent possible and impossible




But, it’s free to dream dreams




It’s free to hope hopes




‘Till I can still breathe, I will still hope for that.









That’s one of the poems I made. I made that poem when I was



still 2nd year high school. The time I feel that my whole world



falls apart. I wanted to let my mother and father read that but



I don’t have the courage to do so. You may find me smiling and



laughing, but, it’s just my way of covering the tears inside of



me. I may be smiling in the outside but, deep inside, my heart’s



flooding with tears.






I go to our kitchen and placed my things in the table. Yes.



Kitchen is the place where I’m comfortable to write because in



my room, there’s light but, it’s not enough for me. And, if



you’ll look for me and can’t find me in my room, look for me in



the kitchen and I’m there. Haha. J






“papa Shaun, sorry late reply. I still wash the dishes.



Uhm. What are you doing there now?”






“It’s okay. Just texting with my girlfriend.”






“Ow? Really? Only me?”




“Of course! You? What are you doing?”




“Texting with my boyfriend while writing.”




“Writing what?”




“Story. J”




“What story?”




“Our story. Hehe J”




“Ha? Our story?”




“Yep.”




“You really write our story?”




“Of course. I really do.”




“Ais. Okay. Just let me read it after ha? You give me a




copy of that too.”




“Nyaaah! Why should I? I’m shy.”




“Urgh. You didn’t even ask permission to me that you will



write our story. So, that’s just my favor; you give me a copy of



it.”




“Ai. Okay. Okay. I’ll just post it on wattpad. Just read it



there.” (Actually, I start writing this story before Ma’am Asis



told us to make an autobiography that’s why it’s not so hard for



me to write my story. Wattpad is a website of teen authors and I



have my account there.)




“Just message it to me in my facebook account because I



don’t have wattpad.”




“Ah. Okay. When I’m done.”




“Okay.”




“You want me to change our names? Hmmp? What do you want?”




“I want you to be Clausyaa Nichole.”




“Clausyaa Nichole? And where in the world did you get that



name?”




“I just made that.”




“Ah. Okay. J And? What do you want to be your name there?”




“I don’t want to change my name because it’s already nice.



Haha.”




“Hmmp. If you don’t want to change your name, I will not




change mine too so that it would be fair. J”




“It’s up to you. You’re the writer, not me. Just save that



name for our daughter.”




‘save that name for our daughter.’




‘save that name for our daughter.’ It keeps on running on



my mind. I wrote it in my notebook because it’s where I keep



everything! The name’s unique! It was the first time I heard of



that name. He’s really smart!






“Hahaha. :D Okay.” I replied.






“You write it.”






“I already did. J”






I enjoy texting with him and it’s already late at night and



I didn’t notice that I slept. When I woke up the nest morning,



the first thing I did was to get my phone under my pillow. I



opened my inbox and saw messages from him. It says,






“Good night ma. Ooops. I mean, good morning. Hehe. I’m



going to sleep now. Hmp! You fell asleep again ma. >.< But, it’s



okay ma, maybe you’re really tired. I still want to hug you. J



hehe. I love you mama Jane ko. Muaah! :*





……there’s a rainbow always after the rain… J”






It made my day a beautiful one. It light up my day.