The pond was now in his sights and so was she. She was sitting on the stone bridge overlooking the scummy water. The pond was truly hideous but she made it beautiful. The sun shone on her hair and skin giving her an angelic appearance. She turned her head and caught his eye. She smiled and hopped off the bridge and ran to him. She ran into his open arms. Their hug lasted a while, filled with love. Both of them were reluctant to let go, to leave each other. They finally released one another and smile. “Let me see them”, Lilly said with tears in her eyes. “Well, just be warned, they are words… Sorry. ”, Ryan dropped his gaze. He rolled up his sleeve to reveal the bloody word. “Oh.” commented Lilly as a tear slid down her cheek. “I know”, Ryan said quietly. They walked hand in hand back to the bridge. She kissed him gently and tells him, “It’ll be okay, I’m here for you. You never have to worry bout being alone. I love you.” “I love you too Lilly.” She then proceeded to push up her own sleeves showing scars lining her arms. The year before, she had begun to cut to try to convert her unimaginable pain into something tangible, something controllable.
Her scars had faded somewhat from all the short-sleeved days in the blazing summer sun. She had been free from the urge to harm herself for a while but she had screwed up once or twice putting the words hated and unworthy on her leg. But that is in her past. And she’s living in the present. And Ryan is her future. They sat for a while watching the cars pass by, not talking. Lilly checked the clock on her cell phone; it’s five o’clock. “I’m so sorry, I have to go Ryan. My dad wants me home before dinner.” “Okay, bye Lilly. I love you.” “I love you too. Text me!” Lilly yelled as she hurried across the field across from the pond. Ryan watched her until she was out of sight before he headed for home. He passed Ellen Street where Lilly’s mother lives. Ryan hurried along the cracked sidewalk and the passing people seeing their smiles and hating them for that. Envying them for their happy lives as he sits in a pit of hell and despair. He sighed and kept moving. When he reached his house, he noticed that his parents still were not home. He was glad. They did not notice him anyways so he stopped caring about them years ago.

He climbed the stairs to his room and locked his door behind him. He contemplated life. He thought of all his mistakes and lost friends. His lip quivered and he began to cry. He looked up at his ceiling and cried, “Why God? Why do you taunt me with love and happiness but never let me truly experience either! I hate life. Can you just take me out already? I just can’t do this anymore…” he waited for an answer but there was none. “Answer me! Why! Why does my life have to be this bad! Why!” He put his face in his hands and sobbed. A wild look filled his eyes and he rushed out of his room down the staircase and into his living room. He walked with his vision blurred by tears. He opened the unlocked alcohol cabinet and grabbed the half full bottle of Tennessee Whisky. He opened it up and gulped down the booze. Quickly realizing what he had done he smashed the bottle down and stumbled back upstairs. He slammed the door.
The pain of life was eased by the buzz and Ryan tripped over his own feet, impaired by the alcohol and threw up. Feeling slightly better, he slumped down on the floor by his bed. He breathed deeply until he could think a little bit clearer. He slowly and calmly reached for the razor and he looked at it intensely. He put it down on the floor next to him and he took off his shirt. He then picked the blade back up and he closed his eyes. He blacked out. He dreamed of Lilly and the sweet bliss of death.

When he finally came to, it was early morning. He put his hand on his head feeling the unbearable throb of his first hangover. “Damn…” he said as he pushed back his hair. He slowly got up from the floor and carefully stepped to the window. He looked out to see that his parents were gone but he did not care. He walked to his bed, bent down and picked the blade up and put back into its hiding place. He then left his room and went outside where the clouds covered the sky. They promised rain.
Ryan was thankful for this day. He could have killed himself last night, in his drunken state. To kill himself, would be breaking his promise to Lilly. They had promised that as long as they were in each other’s lives, they would stay alive no matter how tough life became. He sighed, ashamed with himself. He climbed the oak and sat up in the highest branch that would support him. He stayed there for hours thinking over the night before. The rain began an hour into his sitting and he remained outside until three o’clock in the afternoon.
By then he had become soaked to the bone he went inside his house where it was sickly warm. He groaned and stuck his tongue out in disgust. Back to his room he went. Like an enraged teenage girl he slammed his face into his pillow and screamed with frustration. Ryan took the pillow away from his face as he flopped down on his mattress. He shut his eyes and fell asleep.
When he woke up the sky was dark and the clouds had dispersed revealing a diamond scattered sky. The moon was full and its light filled Ryan’s room with a silvery glow. He looked around. He focused on the picture of Lilly on his dresser. He grabbed it and clutched it to his chest and he whispered, ”I’m sorry.” He put it on the floor than sank down next to it. He slid his hand under is mattress and pulled out his notebook filled with poems and a pencil and his razor. The razor glittered in the moonlight. He took off his shirt. Held the razor gently and slowly split his skin listening to the tearing of the fibers. That night, he wrote his final poem.

The next morning was a sunny Saturday and his mother came up to wake him up for a pancake breakfast. She turned the knob and opened the door. She smiled and spoke in a cheery tone, “Ryan, its morning. Time to wake up! I’ve got pancakes waiting for you on the table downstairs.” When he did not even stir, she happily sighed with a quiet laugh and walked into his room.
She pulled the blanket off his body and she rolled him over. As he lay on his back chest facing his mother, she sank to her knees and screamed. Tears streamed down her face as she sobbed and yelled, “Ryan! Ryan! Oh dear Jesus, Ryan wake up! Please, you have to wake up. God don’t take my baby.” Her husband rushed up the stairs hearing her screams. He sprinted up the stairs and into his son’s room. He rushed to his wife’s side and looked down at his boy. His eyes welled up with tears as he looked at the gashes in the wrists of his only child. Ryan’s chest bared a bloody smiley face and his wrists were split so greatly that bone show through flesh. His father dropped to his knees beside his wife and he picked up the notebook next to Lilly’s picture. It was Ryan’s suicide note. It read:
I am so sorry for all the pain I have caused everyone throughout my life. The pain of this world has become too much to handle. Call me a coward, call me what you will, just know that my life was too painful for me to go on anymore. I chose the smiley face to show that happiness is twisted and painful. I found it ironic yet somehow poetic. Mother, I love you. Even though you don’t seem to love me. Dad, you are the only father I have ever known. Understand that I love you. This is not either of your faults. It’s my own problems. It’s my own demons. To Lilly, my love, I know I’ve broken my promise. Lay a rose on my grave. Please for me, go on. Don’t end it. Don’t end up like me. Goodbye my dear, forever I shall love you. Goodbye everyone that has ever cared for me. I am truly sorry. Goodbye world.
God forgive me.
-Ryan
Ryan’s parents were filled with shock and horror. They both cried in each other’s arms for hours by their son’s body. They knew there was no point of calling and ambulance to try to revive him. They knew from the way his eyes were open and blank that he was gone. They called an ambulance to take him away. Ryan’s father had to hold back his hysterical wife as the truck drove away.
His father went back to the room where his son took his won life and picked up his phone and called Lilly. *Ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* *ri-* ,”Hey Ryan!”, Lilly answered with joy in every word. “No, this is Ryan’s father. I know my son loved you with all of his heart, even if I didn’t know him at all.” He choked up. “Uh, why are you calling me? Can I speak to Ryan? And what do you mean ‘loved’?” Lilly asked franticly. “No. You can’t talk to Ryan. No one can anymore. Last night… Ryan committed suicide. I just thought you should know. I have to go now. Goodbye.” *click* “No! What? Hello? Hello!” Lilly was filled with confusion and she ran out of her house with her mother passed out on the couch. She ran and ran until she reached Ryan’s house. She found his mother crying in the front yard. “Where is he? Where is Ryan!” Lilly asked with panic. His mother looked up and spat, “He’s dead! ”NO! It can’t be true. No… No… No! ” Lilly screamed.
She stumbled down the walkway and as reality sank in, she fainted. She woke up minutes later and threw up. She sobbed and ran back to her mothers. She burst through the door and ran to her room locked the door and grabbed the razor she kept hidden in a locked box. She shut the curtains and put on her and Ryan’s song, ‘God Gave Me You’ by Blake Shelton. She grabbed the razor and gashed and slashed up her arms and wrists. The blood seeped from the wounds and she blacked out.
Her mother found her the next morning. Lilly never saw Ryan’s note. She never knew he did not want her to die. But alas she went the way her true love. Another tragic love story. Another innocent child bludgeoned by life. Beaten over the edge by love and pain. She left no note just the pools of blood and a horrific look in her eyes.
Three days later, Lilly and Ryan were buried together, hand in hand. Six feet under, their love was still strong. Roses were laid on their grave and tears were shed at the funeral. And on their headstone shaped like a heart read:
Your passing changed the lives of many and your love will be remembered
As this generations great tragedy of love.
R.I.P.
Ryan Morrison 1999-2012 & Lilly Brown 1997-2012
God Bless these innocent souls.
They shall never be forgotten.