It was a cold winter day, and I could hear the crunch of snow under my boots, and I could see my own breath in the air as I hurried along the train station. My father said everything would be okay when we saw the white cliffs of Dover. I had no idea what he meant. I could only smell the obnoxious fumes that the train was spewing as I clutched my parent’s hands as we walked through the din of the train station. As I waded through the throng of people at the platform, I saw a truck of German soldiers pull up. The Germans jumped out of the truck. Suddenly a deathly silence fell upon our section of train station. A young man who had been smoking and chatting to a young lady broke into a run. German soldiers shouted “Halt! Halt!” at him to stop. A soldier let go of a large German Shepherd dog which chased after the man. My mother tried to shield me and my brother Max’s eyes from the scene, but it was too late. We saw another soldier raise his rifle and take aim. The man slumped down in a pool of blood just as the dog leaped on his lifeless body with his teeth gnashing. The station was eerily silent except for the sound of the engines and the marching of German footsteps.

“Daddy, why was that man killed?” I cried.

My dad sighed as if a long-unspoken conversation had just arisen as people shoved past us in the station.

“There are a lot of bad people out in the world that just don’t like people like us.”

“What do you mean people like us” I asked whispering suddenly very scared.

“Jews” my dad said.

“Why?”

“Hatred. We have been persecuted for thousands of years.”

“Alon! Enough. Can’t you see the child is terrified!” My mom scolded. Max sniggered.

I clutched my mom’s hand. “Does that mean they will kill us?” I asked.

My mom shot Max a dirty look.

“No, sweetheart.” My mother soothingly reassured.

“After we flee the country today, you won’t ever need to worry about stuff like this again,” my dad chimed in.

My mom shushed him with an open hand.

For the past few months my parents where whispering about some sort of escape plan that was supposed to be top secret. I knew there was something up. There were lots of phone calls and goodbyes and my mom gave away a lot of gifts from our house to friends and families. When their friends came over there was a lot of hugging and crying between the woman and a lot of hushed conversations between the men.

Suddenly my mom gasped.

“What?” I asked.

“My bag!” My mom exclaimed.

My dad shouted at her in a way I had never seen before.

 “What is wrong with you. Now is not the time to be worrying about a bag?” he asked.

“It’s not the bag that’s important but what’s in it,” my mom said to my dad.

“And that is?”

“Our fake passports.” My mom said. Her whole body was shaking.

“The only fake passport I have on me is Josef’s and Max’s.”

“Oh my God,” my dad said.

“Amira, give Josef and Max their passports. I’ll run back and get it.”

“Alon. I am younger and faster. A woman is less likely to be stopped. I know where it is.”

My mom nodded and silently passed me and my brother our fake passports and walked off at a brisk pace careful not to draw the attention of the German soldiers who were now laughing and milling around.

My dad said to me, “Josef and Max, get on the train and whatever you do don’t get off. I will wait on the platform. You can see me from the window. But whatever happens do not get off the train. Max, take care of your younger brother until your mother gets back.”

I didn’t understand but I shook my head in agreement mutely.

I boarded the train and sat down in a train compartment. Dad stood outside. I waved to him and he waved back. My father looked at his watch.

Just then a fat man walked up to me.

“Excuse me young man but are those seats taken?” He asked.

“Yes, I’m saving these seats for my family,” I replied.

The man bristled as if he always got his way and this wasn’t one of those times.

“I don’t see your family,” he said pointedly.

I pointed at my father standing on the platform.

“They better stop standing around. The train will be leaving soon. The man walked away in a huff.

Two German soldiers came up to check IDs.

“Paperwork, young man?” The German soldier asked Max first.

Max handed over his paperwork.

Then the German soldier nodded.

“Paperwork, young man?” The German soldier asked in a question directed towards me.

I nodded and handed him my fake passport.

“Name?”

I hesitated.

“Thomas” That was the name of a friend of mine we had chosen for the fake passport. I held my breath.

After a few seconds of scrutiny, the soldier nodded and left the compartment.

“HEY wait.” The fat man said.

“Yes?” Asked a soldier.

“Kick him off the train.” The fat man said.

“Why?” asked the German soldier.

“Uh, well this compartment is the only empty one except for these two kids and he says that me and my family can’t sit here because he’s saving these seats for his family and he shouldn’t even be allowed on the train without a adult family member.” The fat man said.

The German soldier barked annoyedly, “Sit down. The boy is a German so I see no reason why we should kick him off the train.  Find a different compartment before I arrest you.”

The fat man glowered at me but reluctantly left. The soldiers jumped off the train and gave the conductor the go ahead to leave the station.

The train whistled. We were about to leave. I looked out of the window and saw my mom running down the platform with her bag. A German soldier shouted at her “Halt! It could have been the same soldier with the dog. She stopped in her track about 500 yards from our carriage.

My father tried to intervene.

“She is my wife. We are going to miss our train.”

The train rattled and a horn blew off steam. All the doors were closed, and the conductor told everyone to take their seats.

Out of the window I could see the soldiers inspecting my parent’s papers. I felt so helpless. There was a lot of shouting and a soldier grabbed my mother’s arm. My father stepped into defend her and a soldier rammed a rifle butt into my father’s face.

Just then Max bolted off the train to go to our parents.

Our parents tried to shoo him away, but he stood steadfast.

“Do you know this boy?” Asked the German soldier to my mom.

“I never saw him in my life” she lied.

“Go back to the train young man” said the soldier to Max.

“But these are my parents, and you have to let go of them so we can leave!” Said Max.

“Oh really, well I guess we’ll be taking you with us then.” The soldier said to Max.

My mother sobbed.

I picked up my bag and was determined to get off the train to save my parents. An old lady stopped me. “What do you think that you are doing young man?” She asked. She grabbed my arm.

“Let go of me!”

She had a surprisingly strong grip for an old lady.

“My parents need me!” I exclaimed!

“I’m sure that your parents wouldn’t want you to leave this train.”

Then I remembered my father’s last words to me.

I slumped down in my seat and as the train pulled away, I burst into tears.

Through my tears was the last time I ever saw my parents and my brother being led away.

The old lady held me tight and pulled me into her chest. I held her so tight and cried and cried.

“They would be proud of you.”

The old lady offered me her handkerchief.

I blew my nose and we sat in silence for an eternity.

“Jewish?”

I said nothing.  I had just watched a man being shot for being Jewish.

The lady looked at me long and hard.

“Good” She said. “Never. Not until you get to England.”

My dad told me before we left our house “don’t trust anyone.”

I don’t know why but something about the old lady made me decide I could trust her. Who else could I trust?

“Me and my family and trying to escape Austria and go to London,” I told her. I would have told her more, but she told me to keep quiet.

“I suppose that I could help you,” she spoke.

“Thanks” I said, “but why?” I asked.

“Well,” she sighed. “You remind me of my grandson.”

The old lady looked kindly at me and offered me a boiled sweet. I rested my head on her arm and nodded off to sleep. My dreams were not pleasant ones. I dreamed of my parents shouting out to me to save them. I suddenly jolted awake to a cold sweat.

The old lady eyed me warily. “Are you ok?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m ok,” I replied. I eyed the vast forests that seemed to rush past me. They looked so lush and alive compared to the small nondescript village where I was from. I looked on in amazement as I realized for the first time what the world outside my village was like.

“Not out much?” The lady asked.

“Yeah, I never really left my village and I never realized that this is what the world outside my village is like,” I said.

The lady smiled. “You’ll get used to it,” she said.

I pondered this for a while. Eventually the woods seemed to end and in the middle of what seemed a vast field, a small station came into view. On the platform I could see some German soldiers standing there – with dogs.

“Those soldiers are probably just there to switch with the soldiers currently onboard.” The lady said sensing my concern. “If they ask, you’re my nephew,” the lady said.

The train started to decrease its speed and eventually began to ease into the station. As we pulled up with the platform, the soldiers on board disembarked the train and the soldiers standing on the platform stepped onto the train.

The soldiers started checking papers compartment by compartment. As the soldiers neared my compartment, my heart rate elevated and finally after what seemed like forever the German soldier stepped into my compartment.

“Papers, please?” He asked. Me and the old lady wordlessly handed over our papers. The German soldier looked over our papers and nodded. Just as he handed over the papers, he noticed something on his finger. It was ink. The soldier narrowed his eyes at me and started to ominously walk towards me. “Forging papers is a capital crime,” he said. Just as he tried to grab me, I lunged out of the way. The soldier cursed and chased after me as I sprinted out of the compartment. As the soldier ran after me, he shouted to his fellow soldiers “get that boy!” As the soldiers chasing me got closer and closer, I ran out of the train and before anyone could see climbed to top of the train. As the soldiers ran to the door, the lead soldier looked out and cursed under his breath. “The kid got away” He hissed. He sighed and walked back into the train and made sure to lock the door behind him. I kept my head down as I could hear the sound of dogs being let go. They found nothing.

There goes my way to get back into the train, I thought. The train started moving again. I sighed in relief, phew that was a close one. As I looked ahead, my eyes widened in alarm. We were nearing the tunnel. At this speed, my head would get chopped clean off. My heart rate elevated into a tat, tat, tat, tat. At this rate, I would get cardiac arrest at such an early age. I gulped

I started searching for the train car that my compartment was in. As I crawled on the roof, I located my car. Then I started to search for the window that my compartment had. As soon as I located it, I inched my way over and dropped down and left my legs on the roof of the train, but my head bent down. I tried to knock on the window. The old lady looked outside and as soon as her gaze locked onto me, her eyes widened in alarm. She lunged over to the window and unlocked it just in time. I then swung myself in, collapsing in relief.

“Like a monkey,” she said.

I made a monkey sound. She smiled.

I sat down. Luckily my papers were still there. In his haste, the soldier left them there. But unfortunately, the part that the soldier touched was smudged.

“Are you ok?” The lady asked.

“Yeah, I’m ok but I probably won’t ride a train ever again.” I replied sarcastically.

The lady’s eyes wrinkled in amusement.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “but I don’t know your name. Oh, and by the way my real name is Josef.”

The lady smiled at me and said, “my name’s Agnes.”

As I sat in my seat in the compartment, for the first time I realized that I was actually scared of the outside world. I sighed. Only now did I realize that the world could be such a cruel place. I watched the flower filled fields pass outside of the window. Just watching all of those flowers rush past me felt me with such a feeling of pure relief but fear. I gazed outside my window and then realized why my parents wanted me to leave Austria so badly. So that me and my children wouldn’t have to grow up in an environment of hatred towards us.

Agnes said to me, “oh look sweetie, we’re crossing the border of France right now.”

I felt immediate relief flood over me. The worst was almost over I thought.

“Would you like a sandwich?” Agnes asked.

“Sure,” I replied. I was famished. “What kind of sandwiches are they?” I asked.

“Oh, they are ham sandwiches.” Agnes replied.

I cringed. “Jewish people aren’t allowed to eat ham,” I responded.

Agnes winced. “Oh, I’m so sorry dear,” she said.

I sighed, I guess my hungry stomach would just have to wait.

I stared outside the window. After what seemed like an eternity, my stomach won the ongoing battle between my mind and stomach.

“I’ll take a ham sandwich,” I said meekly.

“Of course, sweetie,” Agnes said passing me a sandwich that smelled so mouthwateringly good that I felt that I might drool.

As soon as I received the sandwich, I took out the ham and gave it back to Agnes.  I tore into the remaining bread and butter like a starved animal. I used my sleeve to clean my face when I finished eating. I winced, my mom would kill me if she saw me doing this.

As if Agnes could see my pain and sorrow in my eyes, she bent over to me and said, “there, there sweetie, there, there.”

I hunched up my shoulders and cried. Outside was all a strange bluish color I had never seen before. The whole world had turned blue.

I looked up from my sobbing and asked Agnes what flowers were in the fields that we were passing.

Agnes said to me, “oh look sweetie, that is Lavender. Doesn’t it look wonderful this time of year.”

She then beckoned me over to the window and opened it. An overpowering aroma of fresh lavender flooded my olfactory bulb.

This sight of relief came with a feeling of guilt and sadness that I might never see my parents again. Nowadays whenever I smell Lavender I think of that train and my parents, but that is in the future.

In the distance I could see a train station that we were headed towards.

“Sweetie, I’m afraid that this is where I will have to leave you.” Agnes said to me in a matter-of-fact voice.

“What?” I asked. I had just lost my parents and now I was losing Agnes too? This was almost too much to bear for me.

“I can help you by finding you transport to England.” She then lowered her voice and said, “I know someone in the kinder-transport who can help you get from Calais where we are now to England in a boat.”

“But you can’t leave!” I blurted out. “Who will take care of me with my parents gone?” I was on the verge of tears, but I didn’t care. Right now, the only thing that mattered to me was making sure that Agnes stayed with me.

Agnes sighed, “Sweetie, I’ll help you as much as I can, but I can’t stay with you because I have a family too that needs me in Calais.

I nodded. As much as I wanted to scream and beg her to stay, I knew that what she was saying was perfectly reasonable. If I was in her shoes, I probably would have made the same decision.

Before I could say anything else, I could hear brakes screeching as our train pulled up with Calais’ train station platform.

Agnes beckoned for me to come with her as we disembarked from the train with my luggage in my hands with Agnes’ luggage in hers.

We emerged into bustling train station. As we waded through the throng of people, we finally managed to exit the station and quickly hailed a taxi. Once we hailed taxi Agnes asked the cab driver to take us to Calais’ local synagogue. Once we arrived, Agnes stepped over to talk with a woman that was sitting on a pew. After a few hugs and some gossip between Agnes and the other lady it looked like the conversation turned serious. There was a bit of Agnes pointing towards me and both of them nodding and that was as much as I caught.

The woman stepped over to me and said, “hi, I’m Christie and I work with the Kindertransport. We’ll do our best to get you to England as soon as possible.” While giving me a warm motherly look.

As Agnes and Christie finished up, me and Christie left to the docks of Calais and she led me to a boat crammed full of kids. “Well, this is it,” Christie said to me.

I gasped and Christie misunderstood my gasping. “Well, this boat is all we could afford, I know it doesn’t look like much, but it serves its purpose.” With that she escorted me on the boat and left as promptly as she had come. As a matter of fact, the real reason that I was gasping was because I had never seen that much water in my life before.

Just then a weathered old man stepped out of a cabin and shouted, “all aboard who’s going aboard!” And then promptly chuckled to himself about the joke that he just made but no one seemed to get. He looked around at the blank faces and cleared his face into a more business-like face.

He coughed, “well anyways we’re going to England so if anyone decides that they don’t want to go, this is your last chance to leave the ship,” he stated.

Just then the boat undocked from the docks and for the first 5 minutes of sailing it felt wonderful. Then I spent the next 20 minutes throwing up my bowels. A boy sitting next to me snickered when I finished throwing up.

“Classic sea sickness,” he said. “Oh, by the way, I’m Thomas.” And then offered me his hand to shake. I hesitated for a second but then shook his hand. He smiled at me then settled back into his seat.

Then I promptly dozed out for the next hour of our trip. I woke up to the noise of excited chattering from the other children and Thomas shaking my shoulder.

“We’re here!” He exclaimed.

For a second, I didn’t understand what he meant but as soon as I looked in front of our little dingy, I understood.

“The cliffs of Dover,” Thomas exhaled.

As we sailed in front of the cliffs of Dover, I could hear seagulls squawking in their majestic beauty as they swooped down catching fish. I could see the white cliffs of Dover in all of its glory. The white cliffs looked like freedom and new life to my eyes. I could feel my eyes brimming up with tears, but I quickly blinked it away. The cliffs of Dover looked like starlight to my tired wary eyes after the entirety of my long journey. Now as I looked on at Dover, I realized that I was whole, that I was home, and most importantly, that I was safe. I knew that even though my parents couldn’t be here with me physically, they would be with me in my heart. Fifty years later, I returned to the white cliffs of Dover with my grandchildren and told them about my story and the train.

It was a cold winter day, and I could hear the crunch of snow under my boots, and I could see my own breath in the air as I hurried along the train station. My father said everything would be okay when we saw the white cliffs of Dover. Out of the window I could see the soldiers inspecting my parent’s papers. I felt so helpless. There was a lot of shouting and a soldier grabbed my mother’s arm. My father stepped into defend her and a soldier rammed a rifle butt into my father’s face.

I picked up my bag and was determined to get off the train to save my parents. An old lady stopped me. “What do you think that you are doing young man,” she asked? She grabbed my arm.

“Let go of me.”

She had a surprisingly strong grip for an old lady.

I struggled and eventually freed myself of the old lady’s clutches and jumped out of the train to be with my parents.

My mother and father cried as the train left the station leaving our family surrounded by German soldiers.

A train did eventually transport me and my family to another place where there were no white cliffs of Dover and no Lavender.