I’m not one for sentimental gifts. Actually, I’m really not one for sentimental anything. I mean, what’s the point of getting attached to things that will just end up bring taken away from you? I just don’t see the point.
Lying in front of me was a carefully wrapped gift that was bound to be some kind of expensive piece of jewelry. I nudged it aside and lay in child’s pose across the soft linen blankets. I stretched up, angry at the world as usual, and made my way towards the kitchen. I could feel my soon-to-be permanent frown lines drag my cheeks down. I could’ve taken notice, but it’s impossible to be the way I was before my whole world turned upside down.


Nathan White, my older brother, was everything to me. He was my best friend, my role model-whether that be a good or a bad thing-a shoulder to cry on, the one who taught me how to ride a bike, the one who told me to follow my dreams no matter who or what gets in the way. Nathan was also a drug dealer, and liar, a thief…but he was my brother. And no matter what crazy situations he or I got into, I knew he would always have my back. I was a kid full of sincere smiles and genuine laughter. I could find the fun in anything. For seventeen years, my life was close to perfect; despite the nights spent drunk in the depths of New York City and the ignorant parents. After I found out about the plane crash, I was shaken, like an earthquake. I fell apart like puzzle pieces, and could not be put back together. And now I am left with a broken heart and an unrepairable sadness.

“SPAIN?!” I shouted at my mother across the kitchen. I stood firmly with my arms crossed. “Sydney, I think it’ll be good for us. These past few months have been extremely difficult and I really think we need a distraction-“ “No. If you think I will step foot on a plane, let alone an airport, you must be out of your mind. Go without me. Just you and dad. Really, I’ll be fine.” I was desperate to get out of this trip. To travel by plane would be betraying Nathan, and I knew he would never do the same to me. I turned and pouted out the seventh story window overlooking my city of Manhattan. As I watched the taxis make their way down the street, I suddenly wished I was in one of them, traveling to somewhere unknown. My parents didn’t understand me; they never really did. Growing up as a rich city kid was more than easy. Though my jewelry covered mom and workaholic dad never paid much attention to me. That’s where Nathan came in.
I can remember when I was younger, maybe about seven or eight. It was a brisk fall morning. My parents had just bought me my first bicycle. It was gold, my mother’s favorite color, emitting a bright yellow on my pink walls. It lay face down in my room for hours, due to the fact that we lived in a city, which is not the best place for a little girl to learn how to ride a bike. Assuming it was just another wasted, expensive gift, I ignored the bike and went back to playing with my Barbie dolls. I glanced over at the picture sitting near me on the marble counter, showing me and Nathan posing together with the bike.
The day I received the bike was the day Nathan took it upon himself to overcome the obstacle of New York City and teach me how to ride. It was also the day I got the advice I would hold onto for the rest of my life. After scraping my knobby knees a few times and grazing sharp bushes on the narrow city sidewalks, I got the bike riding down. As we returned to our flat, Nathan turned to me, his strong hands on my shoulders and looked at me with intent. “Listen Syd, I don’t want you riding off without telling anyone, got it? Not yet.” I didn’t understand. Not yet? My thin brown hair brushed my frail shoulders as I looked up into my brother’s emerald eyes. I could tell he really wanted me to listen. “Syd…what I’m trying to say is this. You and I both know mom and dad are too busy with their own lives to worry about us. And it sucks. But no matter what, I will always be here to protect you. Got it?” I nodded my head, though I really didn’t understand where any of this was coming from. I stared up at the clear autumn sky, hoping it would give me a clue as to what my crazy big brother was trying to say. “Sydney,” he demanded my attention, “You can’t trust anyone.” Tears formed in my innocent eyes, though I wasn’t quite sure why. Embarrassed to show my emotions to the world, I turned towards Nathan and buried my face in his shirt. “You’ll understand someday,” he whispered.
Reminiscing was hard now, seeing as though Nathan had only passed away a few months ago. As I continued to watch the city streets, the salty tears blurred my vision and burned my eyes. I could still smell him; the mix of cigarette smoke, dirt, and a hint of some manly cologne. It was my only way to keep him in my senses. Forced to face reality again, I wiped my face and turned around to end this confrontation with my mother and father.
Convincing my parents to leave me alone for however long they would decide to extend their stay in Spain was not hard. They’d left me alone plenty of times when I was little. I felt victorious. Though for some reason as soon as they walked out that door, I looked around the furniture and various electronics that engulfed our apartment, and felt nothing but emptiness. There was only way to compromise.
I dove under my queen sized bed and found the alcohol I had stashed weeks ago. I stopped feeling guilty when I realized no one was really out to get me for it. Nobody knew, but more importantly, nobody cared. I sent a mass text to four of my best friends; Talia, Brooke, Lucas, and Steve: “Party at my house tonight, parents gone ‘til further notice.”
Immediately my troublemaker best friends responded, one by one.
Talia: “Be there in 20.”
Brooke: “I’ll invite everyone.”
Lucas: “I’m bringing the guys.”
Steve: “C U Soon.”
High school parties in New York City were not a rare occurrence. So when about a hundred people showed up to my apartment I was not surprised. The hours passed as quickly as my childhood, and with each hour my vision became slightly more blurred and hazy. Through my double vision I just barely caught a glimpse of the mahogany grandfather clock that read 12:36 AM. It was then that it occurred to me that I didn’t want to be in a room full of intoxicated lunatics who I wasn’t even friends with. Instead of getting Lucas to kick everyone out, I teetered to the front door past the gross couples and leather couches, and left.
My mind was in a different place than my feet as I stumbled down the sidewalk that lay in front of me. I didn’t know where I was going, and I also didn’t know what was going on. As I stared up at the clear night sky, I started to think about my life. What a strange thing to do while lost and drunk. I realized that I was alone in this world. Not even my best friends could fill the void in my heart where I needed a family, someone who truly loves and cares for me, only Nathan could-
SMACK.
I felt a pain in my side, but I wasn’t sure if that was my liver warning me not to take anymore shots, or if I had just gotten crushed. Through the fog in my tired eyes I could just barely make out a strong looking boy with golden hair and green eyes that shone in the moonlight. He had a worried look on his face and as he extended a shaking hand to me he said,” I’m so sorry, I just, it’s late so I figured no one would be on the streets and I know I was biking way to fast and-are you drunk?” It amazed me how easily he could tell. I glanced up at the fateful hero, and instead of accepting his muscular hand, I fell back and closed my eyes. I was done for the night, and no beautiful knight in shining armor could change that.

Dancing. Spinning around my room, my hands tightly gripped around Nathan’s. As we tornado in a never ending circle, the lullaby playing behind us gets louder and louder. Flashes of pink and purple walls blur my vision. Suddenly the two of us are no longer dancing; we’ve magically risen up, and now we’re flying. The colors of my room turn into bright blues of the sky that stimulate my brain and give me an unnerving feeling in my stomach. Yet I’m happy. Life is great.
Nathan’s grip starts to loosen up against my young skin. He’s slipping away from me, beginning to fade into the clouds and the vacant sky. I can’t lose him, not again. My empty hands flail around me and I’m catapulted into darkness. I start to yell, but no sound comes out. My throat is burning like a forest fire; continuous and painful as I spin faster and faster into pure darkness. “Nathan! Please, Nathan, I need you!”

My eyes burst open. I immediately took notice of the fact that I was not in my apartment. This is someone else’s home. As I propped myself up on the brown leather couch that replicated mine, a headache that felt like a bullet shot through my sweaty forehead overtook my skull. My eyes frantically scanned the room, observing the very few pieces of furniture that stood in various parts of the apartment: An old TV in front of me, a dusty coffee table at my feet, an empty bookshelf that instead held other random items. Next to the shelf was a balcony with the most beautiful view of New York City I had ever seen. The rays of the sunrise shone into the empty apartment. Outside, buildings upon buildings formed a valley of my perfect city view fantasy. It was the first time in a long time I felt a ping of bliss inside of me.
This rejuvenating feeling was short lived as I soon realized I still had no idea where I was with a raging hangover. Panic began to set in, and I became unsure of whether or not I should try to escape quietly or find out who’s home I unknowingly invaded. I stealthily peeled the fuzzy blanket off of me to discover I was still wearing my clothes from the party last night. Nathan’s words began to repeat in my head: “You can’t trust anyone.”
I went with my gut and decided to yell. Calling for whom, I did not know but for some reason when I opened my mouth, out came “Nathan! Nathan!” I stopped screaming for my deceased brother when it occurred to me that he could not save me. Tears formed in my swollen eyes when just then, I heard heavy footsteps coming my way.
I heard the sluggish stomping from behind me and I whipped my head around to discover a tall, blonde, muscular boy emerging from the narrow hallway. His eyes were tired but emerald and beautiful. His dirty blonde hair was just the right amount of shaggy. He stood in the entrance to the living room in boxers and a bare, muscular chest. He rubbed his eyes and smirked at me. “How ya feeling, drunky?” I was appalled yet intrigued by his confidence. All I could do was stare. “What, I’m only kidding…don’t look so excited to see me.” I felt a grin start to creep up on my cheekbones, but rejected it remembering that I did not know this boy. “Oh come on, don’t tell me you don’t remember any of it” he continued,” I accidentally pummeled you with my bike. You were conscious after you hit the ground, just a few bruises. But you were pretty far gone, so I brought you back to my place.” I didn’t know how to react; should I be angry? Thankful? Annoyed?

The only words that slipped out of my mouth were, “How far away from my place are we?”
“Not too far, just a few blocks. Turns out we live pretty close.”
I didn’t question his creepy knowledge of my address.
“How old are you?”
“Way too old for you, I’ll tell you that much. What are you, fifteen?”
My attitude started to creep in, and my eyes started to squint.
“Actually, I’m seventeen.” My young face compared with my age never ceased to amaze people.
His eyebrows raised ever so slightly. He used the scuffed white wall beside him to hold up his weight, with a smirk on his face. “Not as young as I thought. I’m twenty. College dropout. But I’m what you would call…a social worker.”
“What’s your name?”
“Derek. Listen, Sydney, I don’t mean to kick you out but-“
“How do you know my name?” I snapped. Planting my feet and hoisting my aching body up, I was now standing firmly on the wooden floorboard, I slowly started to make my way past the dirty coffee table to the boy called Derek.

“I did rescue you, didn’t I?” he retorted, offering no further explanation. At which point I turned on my heel and made my way to the white door covered in chains to lock the world out. The smell of alcohol seeped through my bloodstream, into my skin, past my clothes, and made its way to my nostrils. Before making my way out, I figured Derek deserved some sort of credit for saving the beautiful, wasted rich girl. “Thank you.”

Time is a strange concept. You can become a millionaire in an hour, then lose all the money within the next five minutes. One second you’re stumbling, block after bloc, under the pale moonlight, while the next you’re passed out in some random guy’s apartment. I wasn’t sure what to feel. Thoughts were running through my head a million miles per second. Between an unattended house and the hot sun beating on my neck, I came to the conclusion that all I needed was a long nap and time to think.

After about an hour of re-navigating myself, I began to see familiar stores and restaurants that indicated home was near. Finally reaching my building, I scurried past the doorman to avoid questions and noise complaints, and climbed inside the elevator. The familiar ping followed by the doors shifting open always reminded me of my childhood. I would sing along with it, and for two seconds, I felt elated. My heart ached as I exited the elevator, thinking about the simplicity of life I’ll never get back.

Hesitantly, I creaked open the door to my home, taking note of the fact that it was unlocked. I squeezed my eyes shut and stepped onto the tile. When my eyelids separated, I was beyond amazed to see a perfectly clean apartment. No sign of plastic cups, no trash on the ground, no vomit in the bathrooms. No one in my room, or my parent’s room. But more importantly, no one in Nathan’s room. I rummaged through my shorts pockets for my phone, but no such luck. I moved down to my laced combat boots to see if my drunk self had slipped it inside of them. Still nothing. Only one option left: Derek’s place.

Just as I turned on the shower, the landline began to ring. I answered, hearing a voice that sounded slightly familiar.
“Sydney, you left your cell at my place.”
“Derek?” I took a seat on the couch.
“Oh baby, you know me so well.”
“I only just talked to you about two hours ago. What’s your address? I’ll come pick it up after I shower.”
“Don’t worry about a thing, I’m coming over now to drop it off. See you soon baby girl.”
“Well okay, my address is-” he hung up.
Nathan’s voice began to play in my mind again. “You can’t trust anyone.” Ignoring it, I decided I liked Derek. He was the only person who showed real interest in me, possibly ever in my life. It was obvious he cared about me. Derek was going to go out of his way to see me, plain-Jane Sydney White, just to drop off a phone. Maybe he’s the one. Fate has brought us together. Feeling reassured, my bare feet glided across the brown tiles towards the shower.
Derek had the same move in his step as Nathan. Standing in front of the foyer, soaking wet wrapped in only a towel, I watched Derek enter through the door. He was dressed in jeans and white t-shirt, his muscular arms beautifully exposed. A smile was plastered across his perfectly structured face. “Hi.” He started to move towards me. “I’ll be right back.” I hurried to my room, threw on pants and a shirt, and rushed back into the main room. He was carefully inspecting some family photos placed on the shelves that surrounded the flat screen.
“Nice family.” He didn’t bother to turn around. His aura was intimidating. Should I offer him a drink? Lead him away from the expensive objects? Talk to him?
“Nathan must’ve been some kid…” his stare moved to the window. “How’d you know?” I asked. No reply. I decided to try again. “How did you know my brother died, Derek?” When he turned around, his eyebrows were slightly furrowed. “Everybody finds out sooner or later. Word gets around.” I nodded my head in agreement. Going for the kitchen, Derek casually brushed by me and made himself a glass of water. He waved me over to come sit with him at the wooden kitchen table. The kitchen table was a place I rarely sat. Funny how someone you barely know can have more of a place in your home than you do.
I began to admire Derek’s mysteriousness. It was like nothing I’d ever seen before. All of my ex-boyfriends were so boring and simple. Derek was different. He must’ve been able to see in my eyes that I liked him. The most ludicrous and sweetest words slipped from his mouth.
“I love you, Sydney White.”
I was flattered. It was then that I began to ignore Nathan’s advice, something I’d never done before. As I pushed the “You can’t trust anyone” out of my head, my heart took over.

“I love you too, Derek.”
I was still standing beside the kitchen table. He took my hand and dragged me down to sit next to him. Ignoring our encounter, he moved on with the conversation.

“So you’re family’s got a lot of money I hear? I’ve seen your names in the papers.” He shifted nervously.

“Yes…the papers. My parents make a good living. They can provide a nice house, but not a nice home.” Derek folded his hands. There was a sort of tension in the air, but I couldn’t sense where it was coming from.

“Do you do drugs, Sydney?”

“No. I drink excessively, but hey, don’t we all?” Silence.

“Nathan did drugs, didn’t he?”

“So what if he did?”

“He owes us a lot of money.”

“How would you know?” My throat began to feel tight. He got up and was beginning to open closet doors around the house.

“And are you ever going to tell me how you know me so well? My brother? My life?” I continued. He disappeared in the hallway that contained the bedrooms. Snapping back to my senses, I raced to his location.

“Derek, can you please tell me what you’re doing?”
He was in my room, lifting the heavy mattress, sliding purple curtains back and forth. Before I could stop him, he made his way to Nathan’s room. The illegal territory. I was now speed walking to catch up with his careless steps. It was then that I noticed my cell phone was firmly tucked beneath his fingers. I tried to grab it out of his hands and stopped in the middle of the hallway.

“You want to know who I am?” He didn’t bother to turn around. “I was the one who gave Nathan his precious drugs. How do you think I knew your address? There’s tons of papers he signed with your signature on it. Your mom’s signature, and don’t forget about dear old daddy.”

My heart was pounding faster than it ever had before. Derek. The name began to sound more and more familiar. Nathan had mentioned his buddy Derek only once, when he was talking about the business they would start together after he finished college. At the time he seemed so fond of Derek. That was only about a year ago. Now, the infamous Derek was looking for something, what it was I did not know, in Nathan’s room.

I followed him in, watching him strip the sheets and messing up old papers that belonged to him. I was panicking. “You need to leave.” I stood planted in the doorway. “I don’t know what you want or why you’re here, but you need to give me my phone back and leave.”

“If only it were that easy. Where’s the money?” Now standing over me, I could feel his hot breath on my forehead.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Instead of any further confrontation, he pushed me to the side and stormed into the living room. Suddenly, the front door swung open. Five men with work boots and wife beaters stood in the doorway holding large boxes. My eyes frantically observed the room. I wanted to scream, to call someone, but my body stayed frozen. I didn’t even question the boxes or the extra set of men. Without any warning, they began taking various glass ornaments, electronics, other expensive items. I sank to the floor, my knees too shaky to stand any longer. All I could do was watch.

“This, my dear, is called plan B.” Derek smirked at me. His beautiful, conniving smirk. Stealing from me was the only solution to Nathan’s unpaid drug bill. In, out, in, out. The house became more empty by the minute. Yet I did nothing.

Derek crouched next to me on the floor. “I cleaned up the house while you were asleep. Just for you, darling.” He grabbed my face and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away, but failed with his arms wrapped tightly around my body. I began to cry.

“Nathan always said his little sister was special. Now I get to have you all for myself.” He smelled like dirt. He also smelled like cigarette smoke. And a hint of cologne. He smelled like Nathan. But how could something that smells so familiar be so incredibly distant? I felt the hot tears stream past my freckled cheeks as I watched the men carry out my home. It was only a few hours before they finished. They managed to remove every item out of my house. I was now sitting on an empty tiled floor, with nothing but a window near me. I looked to the kitchen area where I would spend late nights talking with Nathan about what mess we had gotten into that time. The marble counter top was scarred with scuffmarks from the refrigerator attempting to be moved out.

I didn’t cry because the objects were gone. I cried because I was completely alone. After the evil men left, I could not move. Derek promised to come back for me. He was my only hope, my best friend, the only family I ever felt mattered. I didn’t run, I didn’t try to get help because I knew no one would help me. Derek was a terrible person, but he made a promise to me. He wanted me, unlike anyone else.
“You can’t trust anyone.”
The room was so empty I could practically hear my thoughts echoing off of the walls.

“You can’t trust anyone.”
I cupped my hands over my ears and began to cry even harder.
“I KNOW!” I shouted to the heavens.

The door opened. Derek was shining with sweat, a smile that now appeared as less beautiful, and creepier. He extended his grimy hand to mine, and I took it. My childhood rested in this apartment. But so did my lost thoughts, my wasted expensive gifts, my dead brother’s spirit. I know what Nathan would’ve told me at this point.

“You can’t trust anyone.”
I took one last look at the empty apartment, and stepped out, off to somewhere which I did not know of. I didn’t care. I was not alone anymore. My vision was blocked by the thick blindfold Derek placed over my eyes. He lifted me up and tightly held onto my hands, but I did not resist. I was ready to start my new life, whatever it might entail. As the blindfold turned my day to night, my wealth to poverty, I could only think, as Nathan’s voice echoed through my mind:

“You can’t trust anyone.”