Everyone has a fear that will stick with them forever. Mine is dogs. I can’t remember a time when I wasn't afraid of them. To me this fear is embarrassing to admit. It's not something I want everyone to know but facing my fear is the best way to try and overcome it. When I was younger I didn't care how I looked when a dog came near me I would cry and sometimes scream. My mom always told me that I should stay calm because dogs can sense fear, and it's true. I came to realize that I need to control myself, dogs are everywhere and overcoming my fear is the only way to fix my problem. I remember coming up with escape plans if a dog came near me, like maybe I could climb up on that table they can't get me there. I know that sounds stupid but the things you would do to escape your fear has endless possibilities. This fear is in fact a part of me and always will be even after i've overcome it.

I remember going to my aunts friends farm with my family. There were a lot of people there ranging from friends to family and lots of dogs.  To say I had a great time would be completely untrue. It was like they were trying to torment me. That day on the way to the farm all I could think about was, is there going to be dogs there? and how am I going to act? I knew I was going to completely embarrass myself but that was an everyday thing for me. I spent my car ride stressing over what was going to happen when I got there. When we pulled in, what I saw was not what I was hoping for. There were dogs running around and I did not want to get out of the car. I started whining “I don't want to get out.” “ I'm scared. ”And of course my parents told me that I would be fine and to get out of the car or I would have to walk up to the house alone. It took a lot but I did it. Walking up to the house was the worst part. I remember the feeling that I got when a dog would come near me. I couldn't control myself. I wanted to stay calm but I couldn't do it so instead I would freak out. So that's what I did. Walking up to the house I started to freak out. One of the dogs came up to greet us and that was it for me. I knew it was going to happen but I didn't want it to. You would have thought that someone was trying to kill me. I started crying and holding onto my dad. I couldn't help it I was scared and no one understood how I felt. When we got closer to the house there was a tractor parked with a trailer hooked to it set up for a hay ride later. Thats where I spent my day. I climbed up on the trailer and sat in the middle on a hay stack, where I thought the dogs couldn't get me. But little did I know that some of the bigger dogs could jump up there.

I sat up there while everyone was off having a blast. The parents were all socializing around a fire and all the kids were running around playing games with each other. I wanted more than anything to go and play with them. But I couldn't bring myself to it. I sat there and thought about how if I was like the other kids I wouldn’t have even been afraid in the first place. I felt like a red crayon in a box of all yellow crayons. My cousins would come up and ask me to come do things with them but my answer was always no. Sitting on this trailer was not fun at all I was so bored and I wanted someone to hang out with me, but no one wanted to they all wanted to go and play. Then when one of the dogs jumped up on the trailer, I was done. I started to freak out. I completely embarrassed myself. I knew there was no place I could get away from them now I would just have to deal with it even if I was afraid.

The only way to fix my problem was to face my fear, I told myself. There's a bunch of kids running around over there with those dogs. Those dogs come from families with little children and they wouldn't have brought them here if they thought that they were going to hurt someone.I heard my mom’s voice in my head telling me that dogs can sense fear and that I needed to stay calm. I sat there thinking to myself it’s going to be okay. “Madison come here” I called quietly. As she came over I continued to think do I actually want to do this? I had a mental battle and when she got to me I had my final decision I was going to get down. “What do you need?” Madison asked. “Will you stay by me when I get down? i'm still scared.” I was a little apprehensive as I got down but I just needed to warm up to them. I didn't freak out when a dog came near me I stayed calm and pretend it wasn't there. On the inside I was totally freaking out but I didn't show it. I wanted to play with the kids and that's what I was going to do.

That day was so much better after I got off of the trailer. I think that's the first time I realized that my fear was bringing me down and taking away from my life. I mean I had known that my fear was sometimes affecting my everyday life and bringing me down but this is the first time I realized that I need to face my fear. After that day I started to learn to control my fear. I still freaked out at other places after this but I was learning. When you learn something big it doesn't always come to you right away but eventually I got to the point where it wasn't embarrassing. I don't cry or scream when I go somewhere with a dog anymore. I may get nervous but I don't show it. I feel that I have come a long way in overcoming my fear, and realizing it that day on the farm was something that should have been done long before.