I hate feeling this way, and I'm sure everyone else hates it as well. The feeling of wanting to help and the feeling of not knowing what you can do. Feeling sorry, feeling confused, feeling upset and I felt all these feelings nearly a week ago. I was sitting in my school cafeteria when all of a sudden I see a young boy, probably a freshman crying. I felt sorry, confused, and upset and all these feelings came to me nearly a week ago.

It was a Wednesday and there he was sitting at a table. I’ve never seemed to notice him before, he may have looked older than his actual age but I could tell by his appearance he lacked maturity.  He was sitting at a table in an area surrounded by freshman, he was extremely tall, probably 6’ 3,  and he wore big glasses that frame his face like Harry Potter. It was my friend and I who first noticed him. This boy was sitting all alone and he was crying. This wasn't just any tear or two, he was crying and crying a lot. My attention was directed completely towards him. My friend was telling me to look away.

“Stop staring!” she would say.

“I can't, I need to know what is wrong” I responded.

His face was flush red, he had puffy eyes and tears were pouring out of them. I rarely see boys cry but I can assure you, I've never seen anyone cry quite like him. I needed to help, but how?

Thoughts were running through my mind.

What should I do?

What would I ask him?

  Can I help?

Does he need Help?

Most importantly, Why is he upset?

All I could think about was;  Why is he crying? Is he being bullied? Does he feel alone? Did something at home? Or all at school? Does he need a friends? How can I be that friend of his?

I really felt like I needed to do something. I’ve always had the urge to help everyone in every way possible, to be the person that may have changed someone's life or at least brighten their day.

I was just about to be the bigger person and go and help until a cute little brunette freshman came to the rescue. She had a sweet face and was wearing just a sweatshirt and yoga pants. Yet there was something special about her, I cannot put my finger on what but she just seemed like a very inviting and friendly person. She went to see if he was alright. She placed her hand on his and I am assuming she followed with,
“Are you alright?”

He looked up frantically and nodded his head responding to the girl and quickly grabbed his belongings and left.

At first when I saw the girl come up and ask if he was alright it was a sigh of relief. Only for a few minutes.
My friend was attempting to comfort me by saying, “see it's okay someone else went over to him, it is now out of our hands!” My friend, Jackie, may have left it at that but those words surely did not leave my mind. I didn’t want it to be out of my hands, I wanted to to help in any way possible. Sure, it was out of my hands, but I felt more guilty than ever. I have never noticed the boy or girl ever before. Those were the words I thought I wanted to hear, but the truth is those words were some of the most uncomfortable words that are constantly running through my head. I was the one who wanted to go and help but I didn't. I had the choice to comfort him, or the choice to ignore the situation. I don't like thinking I was ignoring this boy, but in all reality I was. I made the wrong choice.  I have never noticed the boy or girl ever before. Now I am constantly seeing both of them in the school hallways, in the cafeteria, or passing by and seeing them in a classroom. It’s so bizarre how people meant nothing to your life before, and now they are a const and reminder of where you had gone wrong.

He was hurting. Now I think if I were in that situation and an upperclassman came to help me I would have never thought it was weird or felt extremely uncomfortable. I would feel grateful someone is helping me, going out of their way to make sure I am okay, but I was not that upperclassman who helped. I was not the upperclassman who went out of their way to make sure someone else was okay. I was the bystander. This may or may not have been a case of bullying, but I know that I have learned time and time again no matter what  be the person to help, do not stand back and watch. The boy did not know that I was considering helping, but I knew. I may not let him down. I let myself down.