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How To Be A Best Friend
Congratulations Newly Minted Best Friend,
Now you’ve been befriended! Now you have the opportunity to have someone that will be there for you for as long as your friend lives. And of course, that means you get to be a backstabbing jerk-wad! Ever since Cinderella ditched her mice to move to the palace, best friends have backstabbed each other like mass murderers on dark, stormy nights! And with my Bubbly Backstabbing Best Friends’ DVD Tutorial Set you can too! Here are 10 must do's to get you started!
1. Gossip, gossip, gossip! Make your best friend tell you everything he or she knows about EVERYONE! Then make sure you post it all on your gossip blog. Don’t forget to mention your source!
2. Ask out your BFF’s crush then laugh in his or her face when she or he says yes!
3. Learn all of your BFF’s secrets then tell someone your friend hates every last detail; with exaggerations.
4. Tell your BFF that you are a “loyal” friend, then the next week start ignoring your BFF.
5. Tell your best friend everything wrong with their other friends, you’re the only perfect one.
6. Start doing everything she or he is doing, but do it better (or at least say you are).
7. Try to make him or her jealous by posting pics about your besties, without them.
8. Steal your BFF’s clothes and when asked about it say that you just LOVE your friend’s style. Make sure that your BFF never finds proof of your crime.
9. Befriend your BFF’s parents so that when the going gets tough, the parents are on your side.
10. Play the victim always. Always. And I mean always. No matter what you did, it’s your BFF’s fault.
See, new BFF? You can be the best bestfriend ever! Just make sure you order my Bubbly Backstabbing Best Friends’ DVD Tutorial Set so that you can ruin your best friend’s life too! Call soon and we’ll send a new set of kitchen knives free of charge!
Signed,
Poe Gianata, Head of BBB
![](http://cdn.teenink.com/art/Dec09/Friends72.jpg)
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I originally wrote this as an assignment for school, based on a sour friendship that had recently ended. She has no idea I wrote an article on her, but I had loads of fun writing it.