Have you ever lost someone? , and you miss them to the point where you'd do anything to bring them back, i know it's hard to lose someone, it's like nothing matters anymore.. but the funny thing is you'd never think that would be the very last time you even seen or spoke to them.

Sometimes you sit in your room and stay up all night, only to think about all of the memories and the very last moments you had with them. It hurts, it hurts really bad.. The fact that nothing in this world can ever bring them back is crucial, it's like your empty on the inside. 

Nobody understands though, nobody will every understand the pain, they NEVER will.. Even if they say they do, i know for a fact that they don't. I hate the way it feels without them here, i feel so lonely, i hate it, i hate it so much man..

I miss them more amd more each day. While noody can full fill the emptyness in the air. Man i swear I wish, I wish i could do something (anything) to bring them back..

I never go a day with out thinking about them. Sometimes I even think it's my fault that their gone, even if I wasn't there. 

But when people ask me what's wrong, I don't know how to explain, it's like everything is boring, no excitementin the air, nothing.. It's like where all living in a world where nobodies life matters anymore. It's honestly sad we have to say "Be careful", after every sentence we say to someone because thst could be the very last time you speak to them. But somehow, some-way i manage to go every day around people who show nothing but smiles and I can't, why can't I ?

Why can't I smile? Why can't I be happy anymore? Why does one thing affect me so much? I just don't understand, it feels like someone is ripping my heart out my chest and tearing it apart with a knife. I don't want to do this anymore, I honestly don't understand why this always hapens to me. I know death ins't the way to wash the pain away but sometimes i feel as if that's the only way out of it all.

I get chills just thinking about the past, man even the presence with out them here with me. The past where i was happy, happy all the time, nobody could bring me down. But now.. Im no where near that, nothing will be the same, and I guess I have to deal with the fact that I will NEVER have another REAL smile on my face, and that's the feeling when your missing someone.