Love. Is it something you have? Something you lost? Love’s hard to find relationship wise it takes time. Time that not every one doesn’t have, so when someone makes time for you when you know they really don’t have any that’s when you know they care. Any type of relationship: friendship, lovers or parents/guardians takes work. The type of work that isn’t seen as work but seen as hanging out, dating or simply spending time together. People well most have friends some they’re close with but finding a lover it’s hard work. If it doesn’t work out you might never see them again which might be awesome or a stab to your heart, not so awesome. So why is it so hard that person you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with? I mean with the struggle of getting on by yourself when you’re around 18 with a job and an apartment (if you’re lucky enough to afford one), copped up with finding the love of your life (if you believe in that). Life’s a real struggle. It’s hard trying to get by yourself I mean trying to find a permanent job/apprenticeship so I can leave school along with GCSEs ,work experience so I can have a chance of getting a job along with trying to avoid being the loner girl. Not to mention going to a grammar school full of girls who plan education to university so the idea of leaving at 16 for a job is as ludicrous as getting a D in maths test along with honestly how is that even possible?? Well I don’t know trying to juggle getting work and learning a load of stuff I’ll never need in my life again to prove I’m smart. Which obviously I failed at because instead I write articles that never get published because they’re inappropriate and well I guess I have to wait to find the right place to let me publish my articles full of swear words. And the obvious I don’t study, I like to look at it like this if I get hit by a bus tomorrow am I really going to be thankful I learnt about completing the square in maths to pass a test that really in no way shows I’m capable of writing work that’s worthy of being award winning or on the other hand I could spend time on my future yeah maybe it’ll get rejected but like Miley Cyrus said it’s the climb(yeah, that’s right Hannah Montana the movie kinda inspired this). So I live for the whole live each day like it’s your last which is ironic because most of what I do is for my future not for the present. The thing is I like it weirdly enough I live for writing these articles even if no one might ever see them I like getting my thoughts out. I would rather spend my time doing something that makes me happy than some load of rubbish which means nothing to me. If people want to call me dumb or that then that’s fine because I may be nowhere near my goal now and I won’t lie I was a little naive at first. Expecting to get a paid job and getting my articles published easy then maybe go into getting paid for articles. I know I aimed high and I was clearly out of my mind expecting these to come to me like that considering I’ve emailed magazines for work experience and yet all I got was rejection, funnily enough I got used to it. It’s the waiting that annoys me I just want a job so bad even though I have no idea how I could handle it on top of the school work I have but I’m willing to take that risk for my future. I may not be where I want in life in fact the complete opposite of where I want to be. Completely clueless to where to start. All I know is this, writing articles which I get inspiration from my everyday life my articles aren’t something that I do daily there things I can only truly write when I find inspiration. So being told what to write on may not always be my cup of tea. So I guess in a way this is all I have to fall back on because this is my true work all me not anyone else.  It doesn’t make me sad or anything because I like it I feel like the Tori Kelly of writing, you know how her songs seem like raw and true in other words she’s not a fake person her music seems so like true to herself if you see what I’m getting at although obviously nowhere near as famous as Tori Kelly. The one weird thing with my writing is for me it’s cringey when people I know read them I don’t know why maybe I secretly feel like they’re judging my work but with random strangers reading this it feels better? I can’t explain it but some random stranger took time out of their lives to read my work? It just fascinates me even if it’s only one person reading this. This is what I love doing and its weird how I can open myself up in writing but it’s so hard for me to let people in. It offends people mostly because they think I don’t trust them and there’s no way to explain why I have these barriers it’s just who I am, I always fear something’s bad is going to happen and it’ll all end.  So I guess people I know reading this just makes me feel so much more vulnerable because my writing expresses who I really am so showing someone all my fears and doubts is something I could never do. Maybe one day I’ll show someone I care for this work but till that day this stays between us (random people I don’t know).

Love,Priya