I remember the day when my parents informed me that I would finally visit New Jersey after being captivated in Argentina for two and a half years. Just imagining about reuniting with my fellow friends and families filled my heart with delight. There were two individuals that interested me the most, and they were my grandparents. When I was young they were the ones who took care of me since my parents were at work, and the bond between us was boundless. However, my dad cautioned me that my grandparents weren’t the same as the last time I saw them. I was confused why he would say such thing, but after my visit I understood why he told that to me.
We finished eating lunch with my aunt, and drove to my grandparent’s apartment immediately after that. My anxiety grew as we got closer and closer to their apartment. They lived in a antiquated apartment which didn’t look attractive from the outside and inside. Once my aunt opened the door, light beamed out of the small room and there appeared my old, weak grandpa breaking down at the sight of my presence. Although he struggled to get up from the couch and come to me, his joy was seen from his vibrant smile. As he looked up at me, he kept on saying “Thank you God for letting me see my grandchild again!” and sang “Amazing Grace” repeatedly. Although he did age a lot, my grandpa seemed normal to me.


Later, a healthy yet frail-looking grandma appeared and seemed to be confused. As she quietly walked into the living room, she looked at me as if it was the first time she saw me. I already knew her condition and hugged my grandma instinctively. My aunt then told my grandma that I was her grandson. When my grandma heard this, her pupils glistened like stars in the dark sky, with a smile that spread out widely on her face. She then started to recall on the past moments she had with us. However, as I listened carefully to what my grandma said, there were parts that she mentioned that never occurred in real life. For instance she would continuously repeat that I started to talk in english fluently at the age of one. From that point I knew my grandma had Alzheimer's and forgot everything including me, her eldest grandson. In order to avoid any more of her made-up stories, I quickly turned on the T.V to watch videos of me as a baby. While watching the videos, my grandma automatically recognized the baby and kept talking to the T.V. believing that the baby on the screen could listen to what my grandma said. When I told her that the baby was me, she didn’t believe me and continued to watch the clip till the end. After four hours of being with my grandparents I finally left to my aunt’s house feeling a strange urge inside my heart.


As I departed the apartment, I felt a knife slightly cutting on the surface of my heart letting the good moments pour out leaving it with nothing than utter sadness. My grandma is the sweetest person I have ever met. Back then, when she took care of me and my brother, she did everything for us. She grew succulent vegetables in the lush-green garden she grew and made sure we were the first ones to have a bite, helped us with our supposedly “hard” math homework consisting of long multiplication and division, drove us to school, watched all of my orchestra rehearsals, and complimented me in the end for everything that I did. But all these sweet pure memories engraved in my mind were now gone into the void of nothing. Now, my grandma couldn’t recall any of these memories. It was as if I had a grandma yet at the same time I didn’t. From there on I didn’t want to see my grandparents at all. I knew it was selfish of me, but I couldn't help bear with the pain of losing someone as precious as my grandma. I kept this thought to myself fearing that my family would bicker at me for thinking in such an appalling way.


When I arrived back at my aunt’s house, I couldn’t stop thinking about my grandma’s condition. After my first ten years of my life living with my grandma, this kind of problem had to occur. I was confused why it was my grandma diagnosed with these problems. I was shocked myself that this incident would leave my heart broken and torn up. There on my views of my grandparents altered negatively.


For the next couple of weekends I visited my grandparents; however, I didn’t have the same desire in meeting my grandparents compared to the first time. All I wanted to do was to get out of the apartment fast and have fun at my aunt’s house. I did love my grandparents, but they were not as active as before, leaving my brother and I with nothing to do in the apartment. In addition, I couldn’t tolerate my grandma’s condition, before she was the greatest and healthiest person I knew. In addition she was energetic and was willing to do anything that she thought was best for the family. But now seeing and hearing my precious grandma making up stories and not being as active as before made me feel sick in the inside. With every story she made up, I just wanted to stand up, and slam the door while exiting out of the apartment. Every second, minute,and hour ticked continuously, and my patience was drifting away slowly. I longed to leave the cell-like apartment, but I had to wait longer. Once it was time for me to depart, I felt relieved yet at the same time guilty. No longer did I feel like a grandson, but a complete stranger to the family.

My visit to the states was almost coming to an closure. I decided to sleep the last night at my grandparent’s since it would take another year for me to visit them again. I knew that eventually I needed to try spend some quality time with my grandparents, since most of the times I just stayed with them for two hours. However, this time I had a completely different experience in the apartment. During my stay I noticed how live and thankful my grandparents were despite the many problems they encounter such as Alzheimer’s and limited movement. My grandpa was not only happy but satisfied that he finally got to meet us at last after years of not seeing us. For my grandma, I could tell that she was actually trying to tell stories that did make sense with the guidance of my grandpa.
From there I felt culpable that all this time I just needed to relinquish out all the negative feelings and see the light of true happiness that was right in front of me. It had been a long time that I felt like an actual grandson. Before I didn’t feel like a grandson partially due to the fact that I didn’t want to be with them, but eventually my mindset changed after this night. As the starry night passed, the morning sprung out of the clear blue sky. When I was preparing to go to the airport, both my grandma and grandpa were tearing up and didn’t want us to leave. Yet I had to leave. For that reason I said my goodbyes to them and told them assuringly to wait another year for my arrival. In the progress of departing from the apartment, I saw both of them gleefully waving a farewell anxiously waiting for another visit to occur.