Dear Jessica,

I don't know where to start, but I have a lot to say. So I guess I will start at the way begging, when I first started falling for you. Those first weeks were great. i had a new friend that shared my craziness and maybe even surpassed it. Its funny how when we started talking, I saw beauty and strength even though you talked about your troubles. I saw how happiness looks on and i must say, it looks breathtaking. . Your gorgeous, vibrant, and zeal. It was simply amazing. Summer came and I waited. I waited for my reward, you and your heart. Band camp came and I was the happiest man too see you. You still look breathtaking even though you lost something that you can never get back. And I vowed to keep you happy at all cost. All cost… The band season was great. We were just two star-crossed lovers expressing ourselves in vast ways. When i was away from you, i was sad. What i was with you, all i wanted was to be closer. Its crazy how eight months feel like a lifetime when you are with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Those eight months were the best of my life. I loved you and you loved me. You were happy. There were some complications, but we pushed through it. We were trying hard to make the relationship go to the afterlife. But then it happened. You asked for something, that you said will strengthen us. I gave it to you. You asked for more, i hesitated then gave it to you. Then you asked for even more. I hesitated, you demanded, then I gave. Through all of this, you remained happy and beautiful.

I see you now, still vibrant and wonder, “At all cost must I make you happy, even at my own.” I see you today with your new hair cut and think “Oh how much I want you.” But I don't do anything. I don't do anything at the risk of failure. At the risk of trying to gain your love, but i fail and lose your friendship. I will always be there for you. Always. I want to try to win your heart back, but i cant. I can't because when ever i am around you, my heart stops and says “She is happy without you.” That scares me. That when we broke up, you didn't cry or morn. And that you just lost feelings and i there was nothing i could of done about it. I see you happy , so i guess you don't need me as a boyfriend, just as a friend. I don't know how i feel about you now. But I will make sure you're happy. I think to myself every day, “What if i wasn't so compassionate to give you a break, a break up, then some space, where would we be now?” I love mysteries. You are the greatest Mysteries I have ever seen and challenged.


Sincerely,

Your friend,

Shane