“Tell me why you are here.” said the therapist.

“Where should I start?” I said.

“Just tell me what you are thinking now, tell me a little about your life.”

“Well, imagine yourself having an older sister that was your idol, a person you looked up to, a beautiful and intelligent girl, and your hero. Imagine yourself having that older sister who almost died from anorexia nervosa, and having to quit college because of her disorder. Imagine yourself having to go through the pain and tears you had when you almost saw your sister die, and then coming home one day and seeing her leaning over the toilet, vomiting. Yes, that is my older sister.” I said, feeling like I am running on.

“So, I see your big sister really affected your life today?”

“Yes, she effected my teen years tremendously, but there are other reasons why I am here today too.”

“Well, let’s share a little more about yourself then.” the therapist said, now knowing she wants to learn about me.

“As you know, every child is known to be the chubby kid once throughout there life, right?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Well, not caring about my appearance, my chubby faze started in the fifth grade. You know, not caring about what people thought and well, your appearance, I was safe to say that I loved food. Every morning before school, my dad would have to shove a pillow in my jeans and then I would in all reality do ten squats to make my jeans fit. As you can see, I had a little trouble with my chubbiness. I got through fifth, sixth, and seventh grade eating whatever I wanted. And, let me tell you something, that was the best years of my life. Eating whatever the hell I wanted and not caring about anything, some days I would like to go back. Eighth grade came along, and that is when all hell broke loose.”

“What happened? Mind telling me more?”

“Eighth grade is when I noticed my sister’s dieting. You know, at first I thought it was stupid, because I thought she was beautiful and at a perfect size. But, then I realized how she felt.”

“How did you feel?” she said.

“Well, I’ll get there eventually. I then started to really notice my body, therefore I started skipping lunch at school, that is when it all began. High school came along, and I would watch my sister eat and exercise. I started to learn everything from my sister, to consuming less and less calories, exercising a lot, skipping meals, and eating my meals really slow. Ninth and tenth grade in school were extremely difficult for me.”

“Care to explain what happened during these times?”

“Well, freshmen year I started doing horrible in school, I started drinking a lot of alcohol, messing around with lots of boys, and getting into a lot of trouble. Sophomore year I was still doing bad in school, dieting a lot, my mother was threatening with AA counseling for drinking, but I also started getting really depressed. I started to think everything was my fault, parents were fighting extremely, my sister was still struggling, and to top it all off, I started getting bullied at school. The end of sophomore year, I went to the doctors and I was diagnosed with depression, body dysmorphic image, anxiety, and the doctors said I need to slow down on the drinking. Junior year was when my eating disorder started to get bad. I was still really depressed from everything, I worked out a lot, and the little food I did eat, I would throw up.”

“Do you still throw up?”

“Yes, unfortunately.” I said, dazing off out the window.

“Why unfortunately?”

“It’s like I know I am seriously hurting my body, I do not want to throw up anymore, but I just do. It’s the same way I felt with alcohol, it’s like I am addicted.”

“How do you feel when you throw up?”

“I feel like I have control of something in my life, of my body, of everything. I feel good to see pounds melt away from my body. But, it is hard.”

“What do you mean hard?” the therapist looked at me, confused.

“Well now, the dinner table is a battle with everyone. Mom and dad staring at you the whole time to see what you consume for calories, if I spit it out in my napkin, or if I go to the bathroom after I eat.”

“Well, how are you doing now with everything?”

“From experiencing eating disorders at such a young age, not only did I mentally and physically mess my body up, but I learned a lot of importance about myself, it made me who I am today, even though I am still struggling with my eating disorder.”

“It is now time to leave, but thank you for sharing with me about your life story. You have been through a lot already at such a young age, but next time we will discuss more and try to help you with your disorder. Thank you.”

“No, thank you for listening.” I said, with a smile, while shaking her hand.